by Bijou Hunter
“I don’t feel like I’m part of this club.”
“Do you want to be?”
Shrugging, I down more whiskey. “I ain’t looking to get screwed over by another club. I did right by the Skullz. That got me jack shit.”
“I can’t tell you one way or another on club stuff. What do I know? I’m new, and I’m sure I get special treatment because I’m tight with Max, Ramona, and Kelsi. My best friends are hooked up with the power in this chapter. So, yeah, I probably get treated with kid gloves. If you want to know how to get in good with the Reapers, why not ask Utah? They love his ass.”
“Not as much as you, though, right?”
“I’ve seen better,” he says and shrugs. “Now, his stomach is a work of art.”
This right here is why I like Hugh. I try to push his buttons, and he just tells me I’m working with the wrong control panel. He might be half my size and find male plumbing far more fucking interesting than I do, but we always get along. Right now, with no one else in my life, I’ll take any ally I can find.
THE WEIRDO
I have no idea how to tell Shane that I’m pregnant from my wild tryst with his giant club brother. My baby bruv will handle the news badly. He’s been on edge since I got plowed anyway, and he wants so badly to protect me. Knowing I’m linked to Goliath forever will only piss him off.
That’s why I get creative and buy a blank “congrats” card. Inside, I write, “Dear Daddy, I’m going to be a cousin. Love, Iggy.” Then I give it to my nephew and shepherd him toward his father in the kitchen. Of course, Shane is busy goofing around with River and doesn’t take the envelope until Iggy goes savage on it.
“Hurry, before your child eats my card,” I insist when Shane won’t stop trying to tear hair out of River’s big beautiful head.
“What’s this?”
“I know you’re literate. Open and read, baby bruv.”
After freeing the card from his son’s slobber-covered hands, Shane reads it with his wonderful brown eyes and then frowns with his lovely tanned forehead.
“I already knew this,” he says and picks up Iggy.
“Come again?”
“River’s having a kid. That’s why Max waddles now.”
“I’m kicking your ass,” River growls and flicks Shane in the ear.
“Pay attention to me,” I demand before they start fighting. “The card isn’t talking about Iggy’s kinda cousin, Lil Maxine. He means his blood cousin.”
Shane smiles as Iggy uses his shirt as a napkin. Then he frowns at River, who stares at me. I see the exact moment when my dear brother buys a clue.
“No,” he says and shakes his head.
“I’m vulnerable and require emotional support from my loved ones,” I say and try to force tears.
“Does Goliath know?” River asks.
“Does creating life cause all men to become fucking idiots or just you two?”
“How am I an idiot?” Shane asks. “I mean, River is obvious, but I’m a damn genius.”
Shane knows I must compliment him and put his sweet ego above all others. However, I refuse to do so until I get the emotional support I require.
“You two are the first people besides me and the ghosts to know about the baby. I missed my period, and you know that never happens. I took a test, and it was positive. Now support me emotionally, or I will tantrum all up inside this house.”
Rather than say something nice, Shane just mutters in shock, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell Taylor before us.”
“I knew she’d be supportive, and I wanted to get the worst responses over with first.”
“I’m very supportive,” River says, deliberately walking over and hugging me. “I always support you. Unlike some judgmental people.”
“Watch it, old-timer,” Shane says, marching over and shoving him out of the way.
“No wrestling with the baby in the mix,” I demand and reach for Iggy, who stops gnawing on his father’s shoulder long enough to climb into my arms. “Do you support me? It’s still early, and I could lose the baby, and I’ll cry so much. There will be nowhere in this world you can hide from my tears. Are you prepared for that?”
“Of course,” Shane says and kisses my head. “Your tears are my tears.”
“Your sadness is my sadness,” River says and kisses the other side of my head.
“Your words warm my heart.”
“Milk,” Iggy adds.
“He knows just what I needed to hear,” I say and nuzzle his soft hair.
Taylor walks into the house to find the men surrounding me while Iggy rubs slobber on my face. “What’s happening here?”
“Goliath’s giant dick squirted a bun into my lady oven, and now I’m baking a new human.”
“Is it weird how that was my exact guess on what was happening?” she asks while my brother shakes his head at my wording. River sees his chance to nail Shane in the ass with the heel of his foot.
“No fighting,” I order the men, and Iggy wags his fist at them. “You’re on daddy duty while Ramona’s at work.”
“Come back to Papa,” Shane says, and Iggy dives for him. “We’ll be out in the backyard if you need emotional support.”
“Are you okay?” I ask him. “I can’t have you harassing the sperm donor.”
“Stop protecting him and start protecting yourself,” Shane grumbles until Iggy rubs his slobber-covered hand over his mouth. “Yum.”
Once Shane bundles up his son and River grabs the baby monitor, they head out to the backyard where I’m sure the men will roughhouse.
“You’re really pregnant?” Taylor asks while we sit on the floor with the dogs. “It was only a few weeks ago.”
“It’s super early. I don’t want people knowing.”
“They’ll figure it out.”
“How?”
“Shane and River acted different as soon as Ramona and Max got pregnant. People notice those things.”
“Whatever.”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m worried pregnancy might give me migraines, and I’ll spend nine months in the dark.”
“We’ll look up ways to help you feel better if that happens.”
“Are you mad?” I ask, sliding her hair behind her ear.
“About what?”
“That you wanted a baby with Kelsi, and I got pregnant. Do you think I’m copying you?”
“Is that a real fucking question?”
“Yeah. I mean, you’re notoriously insecure.”
Taylor grins at my bullshit. “Are you going to tell the giant?”
“Not for a while. I can’t have him giving me attitude until I know the pregnancy will stick. Can you imagine him making a scene, and then I lose it?”
“Miscarriages happen, but you seem overly worried.”
“I thought Goliath was my guy. I felt it in my gut. I still feel it, but he didn’t warm up to me after sex. He remained an asshole because I’m not special to him. I’ve been so wrong about stuff that I’m certain the baby thing will be a bust too. I’m trying not to get my hopes up.”
“You’re still into him?” Taylor asks, barely hiding her horror.
Nodding, I admit to Taylor what I don’t have the courage to tell Shane and River. “I think of him all the time. I replay our time together. I wish I could have hung out with him and talked. Except whenever we try to have a conversation, he acts as if I’m a big annoyance. Still, in my head, I imagine how things could have gone.”
Taylor frowns as if I’m a dingbat. “Well, you know, I had a thing for Kelsi since the first time I saw her. That was back before Shane and Ramona met. I thought Kelsi was beautiful, and I loved her smile. Except she was fucking and sucking off bikers, including my friends. I figured it wasn’t going to happen. She liked guys, and I wasn’t growing a dick for anyone.”
“I’ve always supported your strong stance on that issue.”
Snuggling next to me, Taylor sighs. “Remember how put out River was ab
out waiting a year for Max? Well, I waited even longer for Kelsi, all while she was getting busy with guys. Then one day, I saw my shot, and I took it. I figured it would be a bust, but she was receptive. I still worried. She was slutty. I was slutty too. Could two sluts find love? Spoiler alert, they can.”
Taylor doesn’t want to say the next part, but she forces herself. She loves me just that much.
“So, if you still feel like Goliath is the guy for you, don’t give up. He only got out of prison four months ago. He’s still learning how to be free. Fucking is what he wants, not a girlfriend. In time, he could soften up. I know he likes you. At the Saloon, he’s always got an eye on you.”
“So do lots of guys, Taylor,” I say, sighing dramatically. “I’ve got it going on in all the right ways.”
Taylor grins. “I know your feelings were hurt with Goliath, but you’re strong. You have your friends and family. You have your detective work. You have the dogs. You can handle whatever happens.”
Resting my head on her shoulder, I whisper, “I love your pep talks.”
“Anytime.”
“I didn’t think Shane would handle it so well.”
“I think he likes the idea of you having a kid solo. You’ll have a baby of your own and stop stealing his. Plus, he probably figures being a single mom will keep you from hooking up with another man. It’s the best solution for a guy who doesn’t want to share you.”
“He does love his big sis.”
“We all love you.” Taylor takes my hand and gives me a soft smile. “I’m proud of you for having sex even if it didn’t work out.”
“The sex part was good, but it felt sort of empty too. Goliath is a stranger. Still, I had orgasms, and that’s probably the only thing that really matters. It’s like a football game. Sure, the teams might run back and forth and tackle each other and throw beautiful spirals, but without the touchdowns, would anyone care?”
“Sex without orgasms is just work. Well, maybe not with someone you love. But, otherwise, it’s a fucking job with no paycheck.”
“Fuck that shit,” I say and tap Hansel’s nose. “Orgasms rule, but I can give them to myself. I’ll just use a naked Goliath as fantasy fodder.”
Before Taylor and I can talk more about how fun masturbation can be, I hear Desi’s voice at the front door. The chatterbug rattles off the many boring details from her day. She learned stuff. People did stuff. She ate stuff. People played stuff. A kid sneezed a lot. More boring crap.
Bouncing into the kitchen, the eight-year-old smiles at Taylor and me on the kitchen floor. Max waddles into the house, having picked up her niece from school.
“I did the worst on my spelling test,” Desi announces, wearing a big smile. “The teacher says I might need extra help at school.”
“Is extra help good?” I ask.
“Yeah, I get to leave class and go with a lady to another room. Then the kids like me get to learn different. It’s cool.”
I smile at Max, who shrugs. “Different is cool.”
“Hell yeah,” I say and high-five Desi.
“I’m going upstairs to tell my mom the news.”
Bouncing again, she heads for the stairs. I watch her go and smile at Taylor. “I could be a boring wiener like Max and River or Shane and Ramona or—”
“Wait, what?” Max asks, having walked to the fridge. “Why am I a boring wiener now?”
“Best not to think about it,” Taylor says and then gestures for me to continue.
“Or I can be different by having my baby alone. And instead of living with a man I love, I’ll masturbate to thoughts of my baby daddy. Yes, I will be different rather than a boring wiener. You know, like Max.”
Taylor and I laugh at Max’s expression. She always experiences a moment of genuine horror before realizing people are messing with her. Then she smiles and gives me an awkward middle finger.
“She’s adorable,” I say while Max walks outside to look for her man. “I figure she’ll return when she realizes I’m pregnant.”
“Until then, you and I can pry our asses off the floor and get comfortable on the couch.”
“You’re probably just tired from all the sex you committed people to enjoy.”
Taylor grins as we gently shove the dogs off our laps and head to the TV room. Soon, we’ll be joined by kids and pregnant women. To prepare to be on our best behaviors, we take turns insulting each other. By the time she calls me a wet pussy fart, I’m okay with that whole different thing that I’m pretending to be okay with.
THE GOLIATH
Dione has a thing for me. The sweet butt isn’t in love or even interested in commitment, but she doesn’t like getting told no. She’s young and sexy and always smiling. My club brothers like her. I’ve seen guys sitting with one sweet butt—maybe even a chick they’ve been “loyal” to for years—only to walk off with Dione. She has a quality that men like—good girl gone bad.
I liked her in the beginning. She wasn’t my favorite. I never had one sweet butt that I fucked more than the others. Even when I was with Becklyn and then Jaymes, I didn’t care where I stuck my dick as long as I got off.
These days, I don’t want Dione. Or the other sweet butts. They seem beneath me. I don’t care if that’s a fucked-up way of thinking. I might be scum, and they might be scum, but that don’t mean I can’t think I’m better scum. Besides, closing my eyes during a blowjob from Dione won’t convince me that she’s Shelby Campbell. I haven’t got that good of an imagination.
Tonight, like most nights, I’m at the Saloon, drinking too much. As usual, Dione lingers near my booth. Though she flirts with other guys, whenever I’m around, she wants me. Mostly because I don’t want her now. It’s personal, and she’s stubborn. I don’t give a damn how Dione feels. If I can’t muster up any heartfelt shit for Shelby, there’s no way I’m doing that for a sweet butt.
Finally, Dione sits across from me in my booth and smiles shyly. I fell for that look when I was first paroled. I often wondered why she was hanging around the Saloon if she was so innocent. Did the Reapers make her come here? Did she owe them? She seemed too naive to be choosing this lifestyle.
Now I know that’s just her face. Like how Shelby wears a mildly pissed expression most of the time, Dione looks innocent. I remember Becklyn always seemed scolded, and Jaymes looked tired. It’s just how their faces work. I wonder what mine is doing as I stare at Dione.
“So, you don’t like me anymore?” she asks in a pouty, obviously teasing voice as she fiddles with the rope bracelets that a lot of the sweet butts wear.
If a club guy likes a girl or wants to reward a chick for a blowjob well done, he’ll give her one of those colored bracelets. Each guy has a design. I never gave any away. The only sweet butt I considered throwing a bone to was one of Fuse’s side pieces. Rebekka was a messed-up chick. I liked it when she seemed relieved to see me as if I actually mattered to her. Maybe that was a con like with Dione’s innocence. I never found out. Giving her a bracelet was suicide, and I figured I was too smart to get fucked by Fuse. Turns out, I wasn’t smart at all.
Rebekka ain’t around anymore. I heard Fuse’s old lady offed the sweet butt after he died. Coterie ain’t around either. After Cum Shot got killed at her house and the place burned down, she took her bitch daughters to a town even smaller and shittier than Shasta. They’re living in a trailer park now, probably giving handjobs for a twenty spot.
That thought worsens my already shitty mood. Everything changed when I was gone. Even my mom started wearing a new wig while I was locked up. Nothing about Shasta is how I remember it. I lived in this place for most of my life, but I feel like a stranger.
“I guess I get why you don’t want me anymore,” Dione says, flashing her smile. “Things must be getting serious with Shelby. You know, with the baby and all.”
Her words don’t register. I’m too busy thinking about River Majors showing up in Shasta years ago. I heard he took on most of the club in the parking lot of this clubhouse.
I can imagine Fuse lowering his guard. River looks like a pretty boy pussy. Fuse thought he had the younger man figured out.
But once the old man went down, the other guys knew shit was real. I’ve seen those men fight. They don’t pull their punches. There’s none of that one-at-a-time bullshit either. They’d have attacked the blond shithead from Ellsberg. It wasn’t enough, though.
I can’t help wondering if things would have gone different if Swamp Thing, Grabby, and I weren’t locked away. Fuse fucked himself setting us up. He wanted to stay in power, and we were threats. Fuse was always looking north to the Elko Executioners as his possible downfall. In the end, trouble came from the south with a hippie bitch who knew kung fu.
“What baby?” I finally ask after Dione doesn’t go away.
“Rumor has it that Shelby is pregnant.”
“Rumor, huh? Who told you this rumor?”
“I heard it from a girl who heard from Kelsi. She used to be a sweet butt and still talks to the girls.”
Dione clearly pulled that explanation out of her tight little ass. Kelsi is part of Shelby’s circle. I don’t see her sharing private shit with people who ain’t keeping it private.
“Well, why are you telling me?” I ask, finishing my mug of beer and ordering another.
“Shelby’s been drooling all over the place since the day you walked into the Saloon. She hasn’t drooled over anyone else. When she turned up preggers, we did the math.”
“I ain’t your girlfriend, and I don’t care about rumors.”
Realizing her little game isn’t working, Dione changes tactics. “Fine, Shane was acting different around her last night. Protective like he did whenever his woman came into the Saloon. Then we noticed Shelby didn’t order booze, and she always does.”
“That’s it?”
Nervous now, Dione shrugs. “Fine, I guess the rumor was wrong.”
“The rumor you started.”
“Are you going to spank me for being wrong?” she asks, batting her eyelashes.
“No, but I might tell Shelby and Taylor how you’re talking shit about them. I heard they beat up bitches they don’t like.”