by Mary Calmes
The look I shot him made him laugh, as did my comment that I was in real pain.
“Drink the coffee, and I’ll make you some breakfast. You can come down to the barn with me and watch Chase and Pete help deliver a calf. You ever seen a cow get born?”
“No sir.” I shook my head, not sure if it was something I wanted to see after all.
“Well, come on then, it ain’t somethin’ you’ll wanna miss.”
Walking in my jeans and T-shirt beside the older man, listening to him talk, shivering in the early morning air and wishing the whole time that I hadn’t ditched my dress shirt, I felt better. Just moving was uncurling my spine, and I found the fact that I was not expected to speak comforting.
No one had come looking for me. Charlotte had forgone the traditional separation between bride and groom the night before the wedding, and she and Ben had stayed up late talking. I went up once to see if he had left but heard whispered voices through the door. I didn’t want to intrude.
Rand was gone. He wasn’t in his bedroom, the house, or anywhere I could find. Worst of all was that he obviously hadn’t needed me. It was sobering. Hot sweaty sex on a major appliance had not translated to Rand wanting me spooned around him in the night. I was hoping for the caveman scene, the one where he came and found me, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me upstairs to his bed. That I had been seemingly forgotten was devastating. I wanted to run away instead of facing him, embarrassed about being so needy.
The iron grip on my bicep brought me from my thoughts.
“You all right there?”
“Yes, sir.” I smiled at him.
As I followed the older man, I looked around at the ranch. The two-story house we had just come from really was beautiful, and even the stables and the bunkhouse where the ranch hands ate and slept had a homey appeal. Veering left toward the barn, I was stopped instantly with a hand clamped down on my shoulder.
“Where are you goin’?” the older man asked me.
I tipped my head toward the wooden structure. “To the barn.”
“Nothin’ in there that’ll give birth. That’s where we keep the tractor and such.”
The man enjoyed teasing me, and so I fell back into step beside him, realizing as we walked that his hand was still on my shoulder. It was nice, and I felt the tension that had been hanging on from the night before start to drain away.
I WAS dozing when I heard my name. Lifting my head, I saw Rand standing at the edge of the porch scowling at me. I just waited.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
No greeting, just straight to the inquisition. “Nice,” I muttered, closing my eyes.
“Stef!” he barked at me.
“Resting,” I said, since it should have been very obvious that I was well on my way to drifting off into a coma.
“Charlotte’s been lookin’ for you for hours.”
I grunted, letting my head fall back.
“Goddammit, Stef, what—”
“Why are you yellin’?” I heard Uncle Tyler yell himself from the house, followed by the harsh, protesting squeak of the screen door as it was opened. “That boy done real well this mornin’. You got no cause to be fussin’ at him, Rand Holloway.”
“Why is he wet?”
“I hadda hose him off ’fore I let him walk up here to the house. He was a mess.”
“Why?” Rand asked, and I heard him cross the porch, the sharp strike of his boots on the wood.
“Well, I went down to the barn this mornin’ ’cause Chase called and said that we was due for a calf and—”
“Yeah, I know, that’s why I told Pete to—”
“Pete never showed.”
The silence stretched so long my body started to get heavy.
“What?” Rand finally said, his voice low and ominous.
“That’s right, bossman; Pete forgot to show up again. I already done called Mac, and even though it ain’t my place no more—I ain’t foreman—Mac did exactly what I woulda and fired that useless boy the second he got back from his whorin’ around.”
“Shit,” Rand groaned.
“Shit is right; you’re a terrible judge of men, Rand Holloway. Let Mac do the hirin’ from now on.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
“Well of course I’m right. I’m always right, but that don’t make no never mind. Pete’s gone, but Chase says he’s got himself a cousin needs a job, so—”
“What does any of this have to do with Stef?”
I didn’t mind him talking about me like I wasn’t there since I didn’t want to talk to him anyway. I was nothing to him, after all; he hadn’t even bothered to look for me when he went to bed. I was of no consequence to him.
“Well, once I got to the barn and found out it was just me and Chase, I needed Stef to help. I ain’t a young man no more, Rand, I can’t pull no calf, I ain’t got the back.”
“Shit, why didn’t someone call me?”
“Like I was sayin’, there weren’t no time, that calf was comin’, and when we realized that it needed to be turned and… well, you know how it goes.”
“And?”
“And Stef did real fine, and both mama and baby are doin’ real good.”
“You saved them both?”
“Yessir we did, just an old man and a green cowboy and… what is it again, Stef?”
“An acquisitions manager.”
“What he said.”
“So Stef did what, the pulling?”
“Yes, he did.”
The hand on my shoulder made me open my eyes and look up. I was rewarded with a smile on the face of the man staring down at me.
Crap. Just looking up at Rand Holloway made my stomach twist into a knot. Whatever I told myself, the truth was that I wanted him to care because I wanted to matter to him. I needed to know that he had missed having me beside him, close to his heart.
“Got covered in blood and all kinds of shit, didn’t you?”
I groaned. The miracle of life was beautiful and disgusting all at the same time. “He’s really cute, Rand,” I told him, smiling slightly. “You should go see him. I named him Phil.”
He looked pained. “I’m sorry?”
“He looked like a Phil.”
Rand looked over his shoulder at his uncle Tyler. “Is he kidding?”
I looked over at him, too, and saw him shrug. “What’s the problem? The boy bein’ there saved the cow and her calf. If he wants to name the damn thing, I say g’head.”
Rand made a noise in the back of his throat before he turned back to look down at me. “You look like shit.”
I had no doubt. I had been hosed off, but there was still some sticky stuff dried in my hair, and I smelled really bad. My T-shirt, which had started off-white, was brown and red and just needed to be tossed. The jeans needed to be washed several times, and as for my hiking boots, I had already thrown them out.
“So Mac fired Pete?” he asked the older man.
“Yessir he did, and it’s about time, if you ask me. Everett and Jackson took him off the ranch an hour ago.”
“Did Mac pay him out?” Rand asked, turning his head to look at him.
“I’m sure he did, but you should be askin’ Mac about that, not me.”
“And so you and your buddy Stef are going to do what now?”
“You ain’t got no cause to be givin’ us none of your—”
“Sorry.” Rand sighed. “I didn’t mean nothin’.”
“And for your information, your mama’s bringin’ Stef and me some lunch and we’re havin’ us a beer.”
Rand squatted down beside my chair as I lifted my hand for the Budweiser his uncle passed me.
“I’ll be right back with the salsa, Stef. Little girl I know in Guthrie makes it for me. It’s real good.”
“It’s real hot is what it is,” Rand mumbled under his breath.
“What’s that, boy?”
Rand shook his head, and I watched the screen door bang shut behind
the old man, who was in a lot better shape than I was.
“Hey.”
I turned my head to look at Rand.
“So you helped a cow give birth this morning. How do you feel?”
“Like I need to sleep.” I yawned. “But sitting with your uncle and your mom is gonna be just as good.”
“Why don’t you come back up to the big house with me?”
“You mean your house.”
“My house, big house, since when does—”
“Never mind.”
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Listen, Charlotte needs—”
“Charlotte has her bridesmaids and Ben. She doesn’t need me.”
“Little dramatic, ain’t it?”
I took a long swallow of my beer and let my head fall back and my eyes close. I was ready to stretch out and go to sleep.
“She needs you, you jackass. She’s gonna fall apart without ya.”
She was a rock now. She had unburdened her soul. There would be no more crying over wedding programs or wedding dresses or wedding flowers. She was woman; hear her roar.
“I seriously doubt that.”
“Where were you last night?”
“In the den.”
“Why didn’t you come to my room? I waited up, but I must’ve fallen asleep.”
My eyes flicked open as I looked at him. “I checked your room, you weren’t there.”
“When?”
“I dunno, little after one.”
“I was bringin’ in the dogs and checkin’ on things. You shoulda come on back, ’cause I was there.”
“Why didn’t you look for me?”
“Because you were supposed to come to me.”
“Yeah, but—”
“You was the one wantin’ to be in my bed. Why would I go lookin’ for you?”
“Why would you think I wanted to be in your bed?”
His smile was wicked. “Oh, I dunno, maybe ’cause I fucked you on my back porch and I figured maybe you’d like it better in bed.”
“Really? Is that what you thought?” Again he was taking me for granted, and I hated it.
He snorted out a laugh. “Damn, you are a touchy thing, ain’t cha?”
“Go away,” I grumbled, suddenly tired and much too edgy to banter with him. I looked out toward his house to where I hoped to see his mother coming from the back porch.
“And cold as ice and stubborn,” he said, hand on my chin, bringing my eyes back to him. “You are the most stubborn man I have ever met.”
I had no doubt that was true.
“Jesus, Stef, I promise not to think I own you if you confess to likin’ me just a little.”
I stared into the electric blue eyes.
His fingers slid over my jawline, stroked down my throat, and then made the return trip to my lips. “Tonight, after the wedding, when everybody’s gone, I’m gonna bring you back out here to the ranch and put you in my bed.”
I sighed deeply. “That sounds real nice.”
His eyes sparkled. “Does it? Real nice?”
I grunted.
“Sounds like some Texas creepin’ in there to me, Stefan Joss.”
“Oh my word,” Rand’s mother said from behind him. “Stefan Joss, what did my brother-in-law let you get yourself into?”
“He’s covered in blood an’ shit, Mama.” Rand laughed, rising to his feet. “And he looks damn fine.”
“Well, yes, but… Tyler!” she yelled toward the house, carrying a tray by me. “Rand, open this door for me—Tyler!”
I was smiling as Rand moved fast to hold the screen door open for her.
“Tyler, what did I tell you about Stefan? He doesn’t belong to you, he belongs to Charlotte! You have no right to….”
Her voice trailed off as she went deeper into the house.
Rand was smiling as he walked to the edge of the wraparound porch at his uncle’s home. “I won’t tell Char that you’re down here at Tyler’s, but you need to get on up to my house as soon as you’re done with lunch, you understand? They’ll be leavin’ soon, and you need to go with them.”
“Sure,” I lied to him.
He pointed at me. “Knock it off and quit bein’ such a prick. This here day ain’t about you, Stefan Joss. It’s about her, and you’re here for her, just like the rest of us. Don’t be a selfish bastard, or you’ll never forgive yourself.”
I sat up fast. “Listen—”
He cut me off. “No, you listen. You’re right, Charlotte don’t need you the same no more. You and her… there are things she’s gonna share with Ben that you ain’t never—”
“I know that,” I snapped at him. “Don’t you think I—”
“Lemme finish.”
I knew that my relationship with Charlotte would never be the same; he didn’t need to reiterate the point for me.
“But just because you don’t belong to her no more don’t mean you should worry that you got no home,” he said, stepping off the porch. “’Cause my mama’s wrong.”
“What?” I asked, standing up to go to the edge of the porch so I could look down at him. “Rand?”
He stopped and looked up at me. “What she said to Tyler ain’t right.”
“Oh,” I said, something about the look in his eyes making my legs go weak.
“You don’t belong to Charlotte. You belong to me.”
I swallowed hard, my mouth dry, my throat tight. “You shouldn’t just—”
“Eat and then get your ass back up to the house right quick. Don’t mess with a woman that’s about to be married. Her sense of humor is all gone.”
I would have said something else, but he was walking away too fast, whistling for his dogs, all of which came charging across the paddock to reach him. Watching him kneel and pet them, seeing their absolute joy at his attention, I realized that if I had a tail, I would have wagged it every time the man got near me too.
“Stef, honey, come eat.”
I practically bolted into Uncle Tyler’s house.
TO ME, it was nice that the whole Holloway family had lived on the ranch all together at one time. Charlotte’s father had owned the ranch, and his brother Tyler had been ranch foreman and lived in the house that was still his. When Tyler had retired as foreman, Rand should have let Mac Gentry move into Uncle Tyler’s house, but instead, Rand had built another house for his new foreman and allowed Tyler to remain on the land. He had not wanted to pressure the older man into moving in with him, and it turned out that his uncle liked living alone. Currently, he was courting a widow from Dumont, and not sharing space with Rand was a good thing. The older man didn’t want Rand cramping his style. Rand, he said, was much too much of a homebody to live with. The man never left the ranch and as such was always underfoot.
“He don’t do nothin’ or go nowhere,” Tyler told Charlotte’s mother and me over lunch. “I tell you what, May, that boy of yours needs a good woman.”
“He needs someone, yes,” she said, nodding, “but we thought Jenny was the woman for him, and look how that turned out.”
Tyler scratched his head. “Y’know, I reckon I still don’t know what happened there. She was the perfect gal for him. She taught school, she was a homemaker, her family was ranch folks… but something wasn’t right, and I still don’t know what.”
“Don’t you remember?” Charlotte’s mother said gently. “It was the way he looked at her. From the beginning, he liked her just fine, he would smile whenever she looked at him, but the problem was that when she wasn’t, he never smiled.”
“What are you goin’ on about?”
“She means like Ben,” I clarified for Tyler. “Whenever you catch him looking at Charlotte, even when she doesn’t notice him… he’s smiling or just looking at her with that goofy, lovesick face of his. You know he’s crazy about her.”
“Exactly,” she agreed. “That’s what I mean.”
Tyler rolled his eyes. “Well, I don’t rightly know what y
ou two see that I don’t, but mostly it has to be sex.”
“Ty!” May Holloway yelled, as I choked on my ice tea.
“The man didn’t enjoy sleepin’ with his own wife—I know, she told people, and it got around. She wanted him and he didn’t want her, can’t get no plainer’n that.”
“Tyler Wade Holloway!”
He threw up his hands as I started laughing.
“I’m just sayin’, might been she weren’t his type. She was a bit small-chested for a woman, and maybe he needed a little more to hold.”
I was laughing so hard, and watching May beat Tyler with her napkin wasn’t helping me regain my composure.
After lunch, I offered to do the dishes but was turned down twice, so instead of being at the sink, I was sitting with Tyler on the porch when Ben came walking down to the house with Nick in tow.
Tyler and I both waved with our beer bottles. It was a nice day, now close to one, the morning having been spent birthing cows and the early afternoon eating, drinking, and talking with two of my favorite people in the world. Funny that Charlotte’s mother, the mother of the bride, had opted to spend a little over an hour of her time with me instead of up at the house with her daughter. Maybe she was feeling a little useless as well.
“What the hell are you doing?” Ben yelled at me as he came up the three stairs to the porch. “Have you lost your goddamn mind?”
I just looked at him.
“Stef, get your ass off this porch and come with us. Nick and I are leaving now, and you know we got an hour drive in front of us back to the B and B. We all need to start gettin’ ready.”
“The wedding ain’t ’til six o’clock at night.” Tyler yawned. “What on earth could Charlotte need so long for? I tell you, a nice shot of tequila will calm her down some.”
I nodded my agreement.
Ben pointed at me. “You’re bein’ an ass, and I don’t know why, but y’are.”
“I just… don’t all the girls have to go to the salon and get their hair done and their nails and all that? I mean, why would I need to be involved?”
“I thought you guys enjoyed gettin’ groomed.”
I didn’t even dignify the comment with a response; instead, I just looked back out across the ranch at the sky and the sea of clouds.