“I have a shower wheelchair and a roll in shower. I’ll be sitting in a chair with arms, so even if I get dizzy, I won’t tip out. I don’t want to take the boot off in the shower though, just in case. Maybe we should put a garbage bag over it and rubber band it at the top. No water will get in, and I won’t hurt it by accident.”
I kissed the palm of her hand. “It sounds like you’ve done this a time or two before.”
She smiled and I loved how relaxed it was, instead of forced. Love. My feelings toward her were definitely love. Every emotion I’ve had for the last eight hours have all revolved around love. The most important part is when she touches me, I feel the same emotion from her. When her hands were on my face, she transferred her love to me.
Looking back, I could see all the things I’ve done since I picked her up at the gallery as the things you do for someone you love. I bought her favorite wine and pain relievers for her back. I bought condoms to protect her, if we decide to be intimate, and then when she felt vulnerable and scared I held her hand. This woman grabbed my heart and won’t let go. Considering we only reconnected a week ago, there was no doubt I’d been struck with the love at first sight bug. Though something told me it would be harder to convince her, and my family, of that.
She laughed, dragging me back to reality. “I broke my leg when I was nine. It was long before they had special cast covers for showering. A garbage bag and a couple rubber bands do the trick.”
“Okay, would it be more helpful if I got the bathroom ready and then carried you in?”
“If you want to carry me in there and set me in the wheelchair, I could undress while you find a bag and rubber bands.”
I took in a breath and steeled myself to see her naked in the next few minutes. I had to hold tight to my self-control since neither of us were in the shape to do anything but sleep. I scooped her up and held her close to me. She laid her head on my shoulder, in the perfect position to kiss and I leaned down laying my lips on hers for only a heartbeat. We needed each other, and I needed to connect with her warmth, and taste the essence of her.
I opened the bathroom door and entered carefully, so I didn’t smack her leg on the door. The shower chair sat inside the tiled enclosure. It resembled a regular wheelchair except the seat had more of a toilet seat shape and the back was made of mesh. Like a regular wheelchair, she could push the back wheels and there were two footrests.
I checked the chair out. “Why is the seat like a toilet seat? Does it let the water clear it easier?”
“It does, but it’s not the purpose,” she answered, and I noticed she seemed embarrassed to talk about it.
“You can tell me,” I said encouragingly. “I want to learn about how you do things, and the equipment you use to stay independent.”
She sighed, but kept her head on my shoulder. “The seat is shaped so it can be rolled over a toilet and used as a commode. Say you have difficulty transferring to a toilet because of height, or you need the arms of the chair for stability, with the shower chair, you only need one piece of equipment. Most people just leave the chair over the toilet and only move it if they’re going to shower.”
I noticed her toilet had a full set of bars around it almost as if you were in a cage. “But you have the bars.”
She nodded. “I made sure to install a toilet at the right height for my wheelchair, so I can transfer easily. The bar flips out and then I can flip it back once I’ve transferred. I have good stability in my upper body, so it’s okay for me to be more independent. For some paralyzed people, it’s not safe to leave them without back support.”
“Thanks for explaining things for me; it makes total sense,” I agreed, setting her down in the chair and making sure each foot rested on a footrest. “I’ll go dig up the cast covering while you undress.”
She kept her gaze downcast, but pointed at the rack behind me. “Would you hand me the towel from over there?”
I yanked the pink and white striped towel down off the bar and thrust it at her behind the curtain. “Do you need anything else?”
She whispered no, so I took my leave, since she had stopped making eye contact with me as soon as we got in the bathroom. I trudged to the kitchen, my fingers going to the back of my neck. I had a knot the size of a golf ball and it hurt to put any pressure on it at all. Once I had the x-ray and passed the concussion test, they let me stay with Cat. When the results of the skull x-rays came back with no fractures and only soft tissue swelling, the doctor ordered Advil, ice, and no dangerous activities for forty-eight hours. He said if I didn’t feel better by then I should see my regular doctor.
I opened several cupboards in my search, to no avail. I put my hands on my hips, ready to go back and ask her where they were, when I decided to search under the sink. Sure enough, a box of garbage bags sat there. I unrolled one and searched around for rubber bands. There weren’t any, so I closed the cupboard and started yanking open drawers. I know Maḿa uses rubber bands to close half-empty bags of fries and vegetables in the freezer. She always kept a container of them in the bag drawer. I pulled out the last drawer and eureka!
I grabbed two and the bag and jogged back to the bathroom. I knocked on the door and called out. “Can I come in?”
“Yes,” she called softly.
I stepped through the door and she was sitting with the towel covering her upper body. For the first time I saw her legs since they weren’t hidden by pants or a dress. They were nothing but bones, the muscle having wasted away. She refused to make eye contact with me while I put the garbage bag over her boot and secured it with the rubber bands.
When I finished, I ran my hands under her hair, tucking it back away from her cheek. A nasty bruise had formed, and her forehead had scrapes and bruises. Her right arm was practically one long scrape, most of the flesh having been scraped off on the wood when she fell from the chair. She had a lump on the back of her head too, but it was much smaller than mine. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I don’t know what happened or why, but you didn’t deserve this. Let’s get you showered so you can get some sleep.”
She looked up at me finally and I smiled, hoping she would see I only want good things for her. “I’ll close the curtain and then you can hand me the towel.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” she said reaching for the shower sprayer as I closed the curtain, “you’ve seen the worst of me already.”
Her voice was soft and low, but also sad and accepting. For whatever reason, she believed I wouldn’t accept her after I saw her legs. I still had no idea what transverse myelitis was, but I didn’t think it would be a good idea to mention it now.
“You’re beautiful, Cat. You take my breath away,” I told her, accepting the towel she held through the curtain. “It’s all I can do not to come in there and wash every inch of you myself. The only reason I’m not doing it is because you’re injured. You might as well know I’m completely smitten with you.”
There was silence and then the water drowned out any chance of discussion, so I let her take care of showering while I held her towel. She must have decided not to wash her long hair, because the water cut off after less than five minutes and she held her hand outside the curtain for the towel. I put it in her hand and waited while she dried off.
“Will you go get my wheelchair?” she called from behind the curtain. “This one is too wet to take to my room.”
“I need to help you get the bag off the splint, right?” I asked her. The curtain opened and the towel covered her again. There were goosebumps on her skin from the cool night air, but the bag was still on her leg. I took a hand towel from the sink and dried the bag off the best I could, so I didn’t splatter water on the boot. Once I had the bag off, I hung it on the back of the chair to dry.
“How about if I carry you to bed? You can get dressed while I get your chair and then I’ll get you an icepack for your ankle and help you get adjusted in bed.”
She grabbed my wrist, her grip surprisingly strong. “You’re not leavi
ng, right?”
I kissed her as an answer, my tongue forcing open her lips and drinking from the sweet nectar which was undeniably her. I ended the kiss, but kept my lips near hers. “Not for a moment, honey.”
I bent down and lifted her from the chair, noting her back dripped water onto my bare arm. I carried her into the bedroom, forcing myself not to think about how soft her skin was on my hands. I set her on the edge of the mattress, leaning her forward onto me. “I’m going to take the towel off and dry your back, so you don’t have to lie in wet sheets. I promise to put the towel on you again before I lay you back.”
She shook her head no and grasped the towel tighter. “No, I’m not wet,” she said, holding firmly to the towel.
I could sense she wasn’t going to let me see her naked, so I grabbed a t-shirt at the end of the bed and dried her back. “There, now you can rest well,” I said. Before I could help her lie back, she put her hands on the bed and leaned backward, taking the towel with her. I instinctively grabbed her legs and settled them carefully over the pillow she put under her knees. She was gloriously naked under the towel and the sliver of curls peeking out from under it nearly drove me to my knees. It took every ounce of willpower I had to keep my gaze cast away from her body until I could draw the comforter over her. I tucked it in around her a little bit and made eye contact.
“Where do I find your pajamas?” I asked, leaning on the side of the bed to talk. My face was close to hers and she looped her hands behind my neck tugging me to her. She didn’t want a kiss, only reassurance. She wanted trust. She wanted someone to care about her. I could feel how much she needed those things and I silently promised to be the one to offer it. I held her, trying not to think about her bare breasts trapped against my chest.
I slid my hand under her curly hair and ran it up and down her back. “You’re going to be okay, Cat. I won’t stop until we find out who did this.”
She didn’t sit back, but I felt her warm breath on my cheek when she exhaled. “I already know who did it. Xavier. Who else would do something like this? He’s obsessed.”
I kissed her cheek and leaned back. “You don’t know for sure. Don’t borrow trouble until we do.”
She released me and leaned back against the pillow, the towel having fallen to below her breasts, revealing their fullness. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t tear my eyes away from them. Her mounds were tanned, firm and drew me in, each with a perfectly round dark nipple begging for my touch. I closed my eyes and half laughed, half moaned. “You’re killing me, Cat.”
She slipped her hand in mine and I opened my eyes, thinking she had covered herself, but she hadn’t. “I want to know how you feel about my body, Ren. You’ve seen my legs; how bony and useless they are. What about the rest of me? Are my breasts nice? Does any part of me turn you on? I need to know before I let myself fall in love with you. I’m not a normal woman. In fact, I’m probably the least normal woman you’ve ever dated.”
I sat on the edge of the bed and ran my hand up and down her rib cage. My fingers ached to stray to her breasts, but I kept them on the edge of them, forcing myself to behave. Her skin was cool to the touch after spending so much time in the cold air, but my hand burned to think it was only inches away from my desires and I couldn’t touch them.
“I’m not looking for a normal woman to date, Cat. I’m looking for an extraordinary woman to date. Do you turn me on? I’ll be perfectly honest with you. Right now, it’s taking every ounce of willpower I have not to slide my hand to your breasts and lower my lips to one of your perfect nipples. Do you turn me on? Oh, you have no idea, baby. When you invited me back to your house for wine tonight, the first thing I did when I was alone was check my wallet for a condom. I remembered I don’t carry condoms in my wallet and disappointment flowed through me. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to stoke anything between us. Then, you wanted wine, and I stopped at the liquor store. While I checked out, I noticed condoms with the Advil and Tylenol, so I bought a box. I had no intention of making love to you tonight, but I did want to make sure if the moment arose over the next few months, I could protect you.”
She lifted my hand from her side and slid it onto her breast. I closed my eyes and sucked in a breath as my hand cupped her. “You’re so soft,” I whispered, rubbing my hand over her skin. “This is a dangerous game we’re playing, Cat.” I opened my eyes and drank her in. “You’re incredible. Your beauty is exotic and my groin reacts every time I think about being intimate with you. You certainly have my attention right now, in more ways than one.”
“Do you think my body is okay?” she asked, her eyes searching mine.
As hard as it was to do, I removed my hand from her chest and covered her with the blanket. I strode to her dresser before I lost my nerve and opened drawers until I found what I was searching for. I took out a long t-shirt and a pair of shorts, carrying them back to the bed. I bunched the t-shirt up, being careful of the knot on her head as I lowered it over her shoulders. She slipped her arms through the holes and I lowered the head of the bed downward, pulling the shirt down to the level of the blanket. I handed her the shorts, knowing she wouldn’t want me to put them on her, and she accepted them. “Do I think your body is okay? No, I think your body is amazing and my self-control is slowly dissipating. Please put the shorts on before I do something I shouldn’t.”
I turned my back to her and closed my eyes while I heard her rustling on the bed. When it was silent again, I sat back on the bed and took her hand in mine. Her eyes were sleepy, but I also noticed a hint of shame hiding in the depths of the darkness. I tipped her chin up with my index finger. “I want you to understand something, Cat. Right now, if I could, I would lie down on this bed and kiss every bit of bare skin on your body. I can’t, though, because neither of us are in the shape to make decisions tonight we’ll be forced to live with the consequences of tomorrow. You’re injured and need to rest and heal. I have a splitting headache and need to lie down—”
“Oh, I see, you have a headache,” she said, turning away from me and toward the wall.
I tipped her face back to me. “I really do have a headache, and I know you do, too. When I make love to you, I want you to enjoy every second of my hands and lips on your body pleasuring you. I don’t want to feel like my head is splitting open every time I turn it. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us. When we come together I want to be able to remember it, forever.”
She bit her lower lip and nodded, her body limp from the medications they gave her at the hospital, and her eyes nearly closed. I leaned down and gathered her in my arms. “Your body is perfect,” I said, and she snorted sarcastically against my shoulder. I kissed her neck and worked my way up toward her earlobe where I sucked tenderly for only a second. “Let me finish. Your body is perfect, for me. Maybe not for other men, but you must be doing something right if Xavier has carried a flame for you this long. I’ve had a front row seat to women feeling unattractive because of a condition they carry. I don’t know what yours is, Cat,” I paused. “Let me correct myself, I know what caused your legs to stop working, but I don’t know how what happened affected your soul. The doctor gave me a medical answer, but he couldn’t give me an emotional answer. I have a lot to learn about you, your hopes, and your dreams. It will be up to you to share with me the rest of the information, if you want me to know.”
“I told him you were my brother,” she said, shame filling her voice again.
I chuckled softly into the night. “You must be a terrible liar then because he knew I wasn’t your brother.”
Her shoulders sank even deeper into the bed after I laid her back against the mattress. “I wanted him to tell you because I don’t know how.”
I ran my thumb down her face and smiled. “He told me about your medical condition in relation to the fall you took from the wheelchair, but I haven’t had time to Google any of the fancy words he used.” I winked and she laughed, which offered my heart a small amount of relief. At least she could stil
l joke about it. “While he may not have told me everything, I feel empowered now. I can ask the right questions and learn about you and your life. I want you to know I do understand how you’re feeling. Cinn once told me dating felt like a minefield. She didn’t know when to mention her disease, how to mention it, or if she should mention it. More often than not, no matter what she did, she lost the person she cared about because of her disease. I’ve seen the toll it takes and I’ve held her while she cried. I wouldn’t be here right now if I didn’t think you were the right woman for me. Note I said ‘woman’ and not ‘body’. You’re more than the physical body the world sees. The depth of your soul far and wide exceeds the extent of your physical abilities, Cat. I’m not going to sit here and say I’m not scared, because I am.”
She had settled back into the bed and relaxed as I spoke. She held the button of my shirt and worried it back and forth. “What are you scared of?”
I sighed. “I’m scared of how I feel about you. I’m scared I won’t be enough for you. I’m scared you’ll decide I’m not your type. I guess I’m probably as scared about being in a relationship as you are. Not because you’re not good enough for me, but because I’m not worthy of your love. I want to try, though, Cat. I want to be here when you need me.”
“You’re doing a great job of it so far,” she whispered. I could tell the pain medication and muscle relaxers they gave her at the hospital were hitting her hard and she couldn’t keep her eyes open. I leaned forward, caressing her cheek as she started to drift off.
“You can sleep now. I’ll wake you up like the doctor said every few hours, and I won’t go anywhere.”
She nodded her head and a small smile formed on her lips. After a few moments of me rubbing her cheek she snored softly, finally giving in to the fatigue and stress of the day. I kissed her hand and left the room to find an icepack for her leg.
Inherited Light_A Small-Town, California Romance Filled with Dogs, Deception, and Finding True Love Despite Our Imperfections Page 15