“I had to. If I hadn’t you would always have wondered about him, always hankered after him, wondering ‘what if’. It was the best thing I ever did. It really was. I couldn’t lose really could I?”
“How do you mean?”
“If you were happy with Carl I would be happy because you were happy. If you discovered that Carl was not for you after all then I would have another opportunity, someday. Without your discovering that you weren’t going to find lasting happiness with Carl I would never have had that chance.”
I had to think about that. Could I care about anyone enough to ever have been that patient, that selfless? “I was pretty single minded about him wasn’t I?”
“Completely. Remember the morning your mother died? You read your step-mother’s obituary and your thoughts were only for Carl. You didn’t care how your mother felt, there was only excitement that you knew how to contact Carl. I remembered that when we were drinking champagne at your graduation party five years later.”
“It was Carl or nothing. I had always wanted to be with him. I never looked at anyone else, I never even thought about anybody else.”
“You were both young. I watched you go away and I watched your obsession with him.”
Ted held out his hand towards me but I couldn’t take it. He put it back on his lap, finishing in a resigned voice, “I have known how I felt ever since your graduation party. I haven’t changed. I won’t change whatever you think of me.”
I didn’t know whether I was disappointed or not. Some part of me wanted Ted to have known he loved me all my life but even I realised that would not only have been ridiculous it would have been dangerous. He was 26 years older than I was. He would have been 36 when I was 10, 42 before I was 16. It would have been obscene if he had seen me in any other way than as a caring adult for a child.
“So it wasn’t until my graduation party?”
“No.”
“Why didn’t you say anything then?”
“Would I have got anywhere? Would you have even thought twice about me as anyone other than your old Uncle Ted?”
“So four days later you called Carl to come and be with me, and you watched all summer as we grew closer and then you watched as we drove to Cambridge sure that this was what was meant to be.”
“I couldn’t stop you going with Carl. I knew it was wrong, it would be too much for you, learning to live with Carl and learning to look after the children at the same time. I thought you should have done one thing or the other, not both.”
“I thought it would all be OK. I had always thought that getting together with Carl would make everything right.”
“I did talk to Carl, before you left. I told him to take care of you, never hurt you, look after you because you were more vulnerable, less hard-skinned than anyone thought. I gave him a bit of a lecture really and he didn’t take it very well.”
“I can imagine.”
“He told me to mind my own business, though not quite as politely as that. Charles argued with him as well, saying he should let you have some time to get to know the children before foisting a step-father on them. That was when Charles and I became really worried because…” Ted stopped talking in mid sentence as if he decided against saying what he had been about to say, so I finished his sentence for him.
“… you both knew he had no intention of marrying me.”
“That certainly, but more importantly we knew he was incapable of being faithful. It is a trait he inherited from his father that both Charles and I knew would hurt you desperately. Through that summer I felt responsible, I had brought you to Carl and I wondered if I hadn’t done it for selfish reasons. Perhaps I had offered you up for years of unhappiness simply so you would come to me in the end. Perhaps my motives were very, very suspect. On the one hand I desperately wanted you to be happy, but on the other I wanted you to be happy with me. I made it my business to find out a little more about what he had been up to in the years we had had little contact with him. What I found out I didn’t like.”
The perfunctory knock on the door was followed by the bearer with breakfast and the moment was broken.
“I’d better get to work. I’ve got to…” I nodded towards the computer and the black sack filled with Maureen’s diaries.
“Are you sure you want me to go?”
He sounded so resigned.
I knew I didn’t want him to go but wasn’t sure how to ask him to stay.
“I could sleep on the settee, it was very comfortable actually, and I don’t like the idea of leaving you alone here. I don’t need to know what you’re up to, but I could be here when you need company.”
We slipped into an easy routine. I would work through the diaries during the day while Ted sat on the balcony listening to the cricket on the radio. Together we ate the meals which were wheeled into the suite three times a day and whenever I needed a break we would sit on the balcony and look out over the idyllic beach. It was only as the evenings came to an end that there was any awkwardness, as I retreated to the large bed and Ted settled down on the settee.
“You must be very tired.” He said after the end of the fourth day. We talked generally about what I was doing, never straying onto what we probably both recognised was dangerous territory. “But I think I’m getting somewhere.” I noticed his sharp glance of relief.
By the fourteenth book I had built up a picture of layers of betrayal and fear between every surviving member of the Fishermen section.
An hour later I was reading through one of the many brown books filled with Maureen’s closely written script. With Ted sitting on the balcony I was happy. It was an unusual feeling and it made the reading more poignant. I didn’t skip a word as I tried to find out everything Maureen could so easily have told me, if she had wanted to. I was able to fill in so many of the gaps David and Max had left in what they had told me. I read on, lunch was bought on a trolley, I carried on reading. Ted was silent, letting me concentrate on what I had to do.
As I read I put markers in the diary at every reference I could find to Vijay, noting on a computer spreadsheet the book number, page number and short description. The methodology acquired over the past twenty years had not, after all, been wasted.
It was a curious and novel intimacy. We were using the same bathroom, we were aware of each others presence by swift glances but we avoided any contact that was not strictly necessary. The suite was a large one, it was almost as if, when Sandeep had moved me from the room below, he had known I would have company. I just couldn’t help the feeling that we were in a luxurious kind of detention, and that there would be no opportunity to leave until I found what Vijay and Sandeep needed.
On the evening of the fifth day we were eating our dinner, reading the UK papers that we were being supplied with. England seemed so far away as I turned the flimsy airmail paper.
“The Schiele.”
“Sorry?” I hadn’t been concentrating and wasn’t sure I had heard Ted.
“Max’s Schiele. Annie…”
As I always did, I interrupted. “It’s a long story, Ramesh arranged for them to be stolen from Max. Graham and Sandeep were involved…”
“But Annie,” For once Ted interrupted me.
“Two of those Schieles are not Max’s. I’ve never seen them before.”
“But that’s impossible! Unless…”
“Yes?”
“I’ve got to get back to work!” With renewed energy and a sudden sense of purpose I looked back through my files. I looked back through Maureen’s diaries and, as it was beginning to get dark on the evening of the sixth day I shouted out in triumph “I’ve found it!”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
“What?” Ted had been dozing.
“She had it all along.”
“What?”
“The proof!” I started talking fast and furiously, pointing to pages in the diaries, picking up other volumes, half showing him the words on the pages. “Maureen was devastated when he told her he would b
e leaving for India without her. She told David of Vijay’s plans. David wanted to confiscate everything but she persuaded him not to, they arranged to allow him most of what he had. But Max thought that David had betrayed Vijay and would do the same to him. It’s all here.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“We need to see Vijay and Sandeep. I’ve got what they need to control Ramesh.” I waved one of Maureen’s diaries triumphantly at Ted. “It’s all here!” I rushed over to him, just remembering to stop before getting too close.
“Don’t call them straight away, Annie, get it all together, organise it properly. Don’t rush.”
“But we can go home. They can’t keep us…” I started excitedly, but as I saw the look on Ted’s face I tailed off weakly. “… here any more.”
“What will we do then Annie? What will we do when we go home? These few days have been so good.”
“You’ll be able to sleep in a proper bed.” I tried to joke but it wasn’t the right moment.
Ted gently took the diary out of my grasp and put it on the desk. Slowly and deliberately he took my hands, holding them tightly, not letting me get remove them from his grasp.
“Annie. We’ve got to stay together. Do you think you would ever want to marry me?”
“But…” I started, but not being able to think of anything sensible, said nothing more.
Ted seemed to be encouraged that I hadn’t looked completely horrified at his proposal and continued. “I’ve loved these days, being here together. But I’ve hated every night, you have been so close and I couldn’t touch you.”
“Oh shit.”
He was quiet then spoke gently “Is it that such an awful thought?”
There was so much history between us, I had loved this man for many years in a very different way from the way he was now asking me to feel. We had avoided facing this for the past week. It could be avoided no longer.
“You love me?”
“I’m very much afraid I do.”
“Properly?”
“Whatever that means. I want to touch you, to kiss you, to make love to you.”
Part of me wanted to say no. But I looked at him. I really looked at him. He was an attractive man. He was kind, generous, loving, thoughtful, generous, honest, reliable, steadfast.
What was there not to love?
“Annie! Say something!”
“Shall we just try one kiss? See how that goes?”
He leant towards me, awkwardly, and I let him put his arms around me. I hadn’t realised how much taller he was than me. His neck bent as he lent his face down towards mine. I had only a short sight of the hair behind his ear as his lips met mine.
It was a long time since I had kissed anyone properly.
Gentleness became urgency, his hand placed protectively on the back of my neck began to press more forcefully. I was more than aware of every inch of his body as it pressed against mine. Very gently, very deliberately he pulled away from me.
“That went well didn’t it?” He asked knowing the answer.
I think I smiled.
“Annie you know that we will have to live with what we do now for the rest of our lives.”
I leant up and kissed him. More than I had wanted anything, ever, I wanted this man to make love to me.
“Are you sure?”
I kissed him again.
“Are you absolutely certain?”
Finally he kissed me back.
I’d made love with a few men but never like this. It was comfortable, emotional, satisfying, and completely right. He was gentle, urgent, encouraging, patient, demanding, traditional and adventurous. Nothing had ever felt so right in all my life. Afterwards we lay on the bed, wrapped up in each other, our bodies lying perfectly against the other. I breathed in when he breathed out, and out when he breathed in.
I could just see his face. He was smiling as he traced his finger along my arm.
“Can you face it?” He asked as he turned me over and folded me in his arms.
“What?”
“The world?”
“What?”
“I don’t know about you, Annie darling, but that, for me, was a statement of intent.”
“What?” I knew I was sounding idiotic.
“I want us to be together. Not furtive, not hiding, not surreptitious, not frightened of what people will say. I want to go back to England hand in hand saying that we are going to live together, that we are going to be together. That we are a couple, that you might, one day, actually want to be my wife.”
He realised then he had gone too far.
“I can’t…I don’t …. Please….” Was all I could say as I pushed him away.
“One thing at a time then. Will you come back to live with me but properly live with me, not separate rooms at opposite ends of the landing?”
“I will never get married again.” I was sitting up, my knees drawn up to my chest, my arms around my legs. “At least not for a while.”
“I’m sorry, I got carried away.”
I couldn’t bear the pain in his voice.
“But I rather like the idea of trying living together.” I felt suddenly shy. “Will people understand?”
“Who’s ‘people’?”
“The children, Charles, Linda.”
“They will be happy for you, for us. They are very fond of you, you know. Linda has done a fabulous job, she has never tried to take over your position as their mother, she has always made them send you cards and letters at Christmas and birthdays and when Bill did something particularly brilliant with his arrows. They care about you far more than you could imagine. In those few weeks after your accident and especially that day after the hurricane they realised they quite liked you as well.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
An hour later we were being driven through the gates of the Thakersey compound. We were shown into what must have been a main drawing room. I looked around me, expecting to recognise many of the items I had looked for over the years.
“You won’t find them, my dear Susannah Donaldson.” An old man sat in a deep winged armchair, similar to the ones in Max’s study. “You won’t find any of Max’s inventory here.”
“Vijay?”
“Indeed and how do you do Mr Mottram?”
Ted and I sat on the sofa opposite him and I was able to see Vijay properly for the first time.
“We are greatly in your debt if you have, as you say, found proof that will persuade young Ramesh of the error of his ways. When I was a young man I would have believed what my elders told me but Ramesh is a different generation. It has hurt me greatly that he refused to accept my word. He has been seduced by the more freethinking ways of the west. Will you show me what you have found?”
I knelt next to Vijay and showed him pages from Maureen’s diaries. He showed no emotion as he read the words that showed how much she had loved him.
“You understand why I couldn’t go back?” He asked rhetorically at one point. “If I had gone back we would have been unhappy together. It was better she remembered me as I had been.”
I picked out the relevant volumes and showed him the pages marked with scraps of yellow paper. He read slowly, nodding occasionally and whispering ‘yes, yes, that was so.’
“There was no theft, no fraud, this lady’s family helped me. They did not steal from me. Everything you have done has been wrong.”
Vijay was standing, talking angrily. I hadn’t noticed Ramesh and Sandeep entering the room.
“Will you now believe your uncle that we were not wronged by this family? Will you now stop all your stupidity?”
Ramesh snatched the diary from his uncle’s hand and appeared to read the pages before turning to Sandeep and arguing in their own language. They spoke loudly and quickly with a great deal of animated gesticulation before Ramesh handed the diary back to his cousin. There was further urgent conversation between them which Ted and I could not hope to interpret let alone understand
until Ramesh turned, somewhat reluctantly, towards me.
He gave a petulant apology before leaving the room.
“I must apologise for my nephew.” As Vijay spoke I was struck again by his similarity to Max. “I can assure you he will be dealt with. He will not be in a position to return to your country, he will not be able to harass or threaten any of your family again. Maximilian is not the only man who can arrange such things. But I am in your debt.”
I muttered something to the effect that simply not to have to worry about our family would be reward enough.
“Nonsense! Firstly I want you to accept a gift.”
We were intrigued as a servant handed Ted a box which he opened to reveal pictures which he carefully removed to show me. I recognised them all. There were three by Gustav Klimt, two were Pablo Picasso and the final one was of a young man in shirtsleeves with a blue tie his hands held awkwardly in the air.
Vijay gave us no time to react. “You are to enjoy the contents for the rest of your lives which I trust you will spend happily together. You will never sell them because you will never be able to establish their provenance, but in many years time perhaps people will have forgotten and your children will display them for all to see.”
“They’re beautiful.” I’m sure it was an inadequate response to a gift worth many millions of pounds but worth nothing. I understood his reasons and accepted them with, I hope, appropriate grace.
Vijay waved his hands dismissively and continued “You will please accept the use of my personal plane to return you to the UK. It may, perhaps, make it easier to carry these into your country. ” He smiled mischievously as he indicated the pictures, then grinning broadly he added “Also you may like to spend some time in private to adjust to your new futures.”
I had spent years hating and fearing Vijay Thakersey. I had been so wrong about him, as I had been so wrong about so many things.
“But these are practical things.” Vijay stood up and held out his hand towards me. He spoke formally, as if the words were immensely difficult and painful to him.
“Most importantly I offer you my sincere apologies for the pain you have suffered at the hands of my family.”
Runaways Page 37