by Croix, J. H.
“I’m fine. I haven’t had a chance to tell you much about my family. I’m very close to my mother and her family. So close that I talk to my mother every day no matter where I am. But it wasn’t like that with my father. I hardly knew him, and he broke my mother’s heart a few too many times when I was younger.”
It was almost as if she’d looked into my mind and sensed my curiosity. I absorbed those details and replied carefully, “You hadn’t mentioned much about your father, and I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t thinking about how you were doing.”
“Don’t get me wrong, his death has stirred some deep waters, but I’m okay. I appreciate you asking.”
I wished she were here, so I could see her expression and know how to reply. It wasn’t simply her lack of expression that had me proceeding with caution. I didn’t really know how to do anything resembling a relationship. In my entire life, my closest relationship had been with my brother, and he was gone. The friendships I had now were all with people I’d known for years. Stepping into something new and so unexpected left me feeling uncertain.
“You don’t have to pick me up,” she added.
“I’m picking you up, and I’m not arguing about it. Barnable will be disappointed if I don’t. We’ll have him in the car,” I offered, knowing it would probably persuade her.
She laughed softly. “I’ll meet you right outside baggage claim and text you when I land.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Addie
My mother squeezed me tightly, wrapping me in one of her enveloping hugs. I took a deep breath and squeezed her back before we stepped apart. I let my eyes drift over her familiar face. Her dark hair was streaked with silver and spun into a loose knot, which she held in place with a pencil stabbed through it.
Her dark brown eyes crinkled at the corners when she smiled and lifted her hand to cup my cheek. “I’m so glad you were able to come down for this, dear.”
“I wouldn’t miss his funeral.”
My mother’s hand fell away as she turned and lifted a cup of coffee off the kitchen counter. It was early in the morning, and I’d gotten up to enjoy breakfast with her before she took me to the airport. I scanned the familiar kitchen. This was the house where I’d grown up. It was a lovely house tucked in the outskirts of New Orleans.
My mother’s kitchen had worn hardwood floors and tall ceilings. A wide window looked out over her backyard, which was in darkness now. I rested my hips against the counter as I sipped my own coffee and waited. Because I knew my mother had something else to say.
My mother curled her hands around her coffee mug and cocked her head to the side. “I didn’t assume you would come home for this. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d chosen not to. You weren’t close to your father, and that was entirely his responsibility.” My mother’s mouth twisted slightly, and bitterness flashed in her eyes.
“It took me a long time to stop hoping for more with him, and I’m sorry for the way it affected you.”
My throat tightened with emotion, and I took a swallow of my coffee to move through it. “It’s okay. It took me a while to come to terms with the kind of father he was. I’m lucky.”
My mother’s brows hitched up. “How so?”
“Yes. I have you and our whole family. Not many people can expect to get smothered in love the way I do.”
My mother smiled with a soft laugh following. “Smothered might be the way to describe it. You’re the best daughter I could’ve ever imagined, and I’m so proud of you for taking the leap and going to New York City.”
Of the many things I loved about my mother, I could add acceptance to that list. Close as she and I were, she fully supported me moving away from New Orleans. She thought it was meant to be that Aunt Eleanor left me her brownstone.
“We’ll see how it goes, but I’m glad I’m there,” I added with a slight shrug.
“Tell me about this man,” my mother commented, her eyes taking on a subtle gleam.
“What man?” I countered quickly, feeling my cheeks heat a bit.
“The one taking care of Barnable for you. You must trust him, or you wouldn’t leave your best friend with him,” my mother teased.
I took a gulp of my coffee for some fortitude. “I’m not sure. His name is Ryan Blake, and you know how we met.”
“How could I forget Barnable’s adventure? Well, I sense you like Ryan. I hope you might give him a chance.”
“Mama, of course I will,” I protested, a sense of defensiveness flaring inside.
One dark brow arched high, and she pursed her lips. “Perhaps, but I worry with you. The one thing that eventually got me to come to my senses about your father was realizing I was unintentionally teaching you the wrong lesson.”
“What’s that?”
“That not everyone can be trusted. Which is, of course, true. But it’s no way to go about approaching romance.”
Hours and hours later, my mother’s words tumbled through my thoughts as I stepped out of the airport doors into the bracing cold evening in New York City. A light mist was falling from the sky. The lights of the city glittered in the rainy darkness.
Ryan had texted me that his driver would be right at the curb. Of course, there were cars everywhere. As my eyes scanned around, I heard my name. Following the sound, I saw Ryan approaching me.
My heart gave a funny little tumble in my chest. I didn’t trust how strongly I reacted to him. All he was doing was walking through the crowd, with confidence and purpose, the way he did basically everything. That was all my body needed to get a little breathless, and for my pulse to take off at a fast gallop.
Ryan stopped in front of me, his eyes sweeping over my face as he reached for my wheeled suitcase at my side.
“Hi. You look like you’re freezing.” He took my suitcase from me and slid an arm over my shoulders to pull me close.
I instantly wanted to burrow into him. Even through the jacket he wore over what I expected to be a suit, I could feel his heat wrapping itself around me.
Within moments, I was climbing in the backseat of the car and was delighted to find Barnable waiting. Barnable clambered onto my lap and licked my chin. I laughed as I pulled him into my arms and scratched behind his ears the way he liked. “I missed you,” I murmured with a kiss on top of his head.
The door on the opposite side opened and closed quickly as Ryan settled in.
“Thank you for bringing Barnable,” I said as I smiled over at him.
Ryan’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled at me. “Of course. I knew you’d want to see him right away.”
Smitty’s voice interjected. “Back to your place, or to Miss Castille’s place?”
Ryan looked to me, a question in his eyes.
“Your place if that’s okay. I’m not sure if I remembered to turn the heat up, and I’m freezing.”
My heart bumped against my ribs as my belly spun in flips. It was a leap for me to state my wish out loud. I wanted to spend the night with Ryan. Emotions had been tumbling through me ever since I’d learned of my father’s death. I was craving the closeness, the burn of lust to somehow help me forget.
“My place, Smitty,” Ryan replied without ever taking his eyes from mine.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Addie
I was still shivering a little from the damp cold. With my arms crossed, I rubbed my palms up and down while Ryan fed Barnable. A smile curled at the corners of my lips.
“I’m just standing here while you’re feeding him. I’m being lazy.”
Barnable buried his nose in his food bowl as Ryan straightened and tossed the small plastic measuring cup in Barnable’s food bin before snapping the lid over it. Ryan rested his hand on the counter as he looked over at me.
“I wouldn’t call it lazy. You just got back from a long flight and…” His words faded as his gaze sobered, and his eyes searched my face. For a moment, I was confused, but then my brain clicked into gear.
“It’s okay. You ca
n say it. I wasn’t exactly traveling for fun,” I offered with a light shrug.
My thoughts had run in circles on the tracks dedicated to my father for the last few days. In many ways, I’d grieved him long ago. Yet, now I had to completely let go. There was no point in wondering if my father would ever regret his almost complete neglect of me beyond anything other than money.
Ryan was quiet for several beats as he studied me before adding, “Yeah, something like that. How are you?”
Such a simple question, yet I wasn’t entirely sure of the answer. I was grappling with a sense of finality. I’d also had moments while I was away when I missed Ryan. I didn’t know what to make of that. I’d never missed a man in any romantic sense. I missed family and friends but not a man.
My body was reverberating from the little shockwaves of sensation and emotion that Ryan elicited. Tremors of confusion and joy mingled with the hyper-awareness I experienced around him. It was a sensation exclusive to him, as if every cell in my body was attuned to his frequency. There was that, and the desire that just wouldn’t quit.
I didn’t know if it was appropriate to want someone as fiercely as I wanted him. I didn’t know what it meant, but somehow my father’s death had created this yearning to connect, to tumble into the intimacy I felt with Ryan. That yearning was so powerful it almost frightened me.
I belatedly realized I hadn’t even answered his question. Lifting my chin, I nodded. “I’m okay. Like I told you, I wasn’t particularly close to my father.”
Ryan nodded slowly, the warmth and understanding held in his eyes almost undoing me. “The reasons might’ve been different, but I was definitely not close to my father. In some ways, my father’s death was a relief, but it was also confusing.” Ryan said, his words coming out in careful, measured steps.
The tightness in my chest eased slightly. There was something so, well, sweet about Ryan trying to let me know he understood what I might be going through. It dawned on me that perhaps he understood the confusion I felt more than most would.
“Thank you.” My words came out a little raspy. I was tired from the flight and from a lot of talking over the last few days.
“You’re cold.” I hadn’t even noticed I’d wrapped my arms around my waist to try to get warm. He crossed the kitchen toward me, sliding a hand down my back and coaxing me gently. “Let’s get you in front of the fire.”
I glanced over at Barnable. He’d scarfed down his food in those few short moments of conversation between Ryan and me and was presently curled up on a dog bed I presumed Ryan had purchased for him. He was grooming his feet and clearly content.
I let Ryan lead me down the hallway into the sitting room. Just looking over at the couch with its comfortable cushions and pillows sent a flush through me. It was hard to forget our encounter there last week.
With a flick of a switch, the flames came to life in the gas fireplace, and Ryan tugged me over to the sectional. “The insta-fire is pretty sweet,” I commented.
Ryan’s quick grin sent butterflies twirling in my belly and heat sliding through my veins as my skin tingled all over. He handed me a soft throw blanket. As I draped it over my lap and settled onto the sofa in front of the fire, he crossed over to the small bar against the wall.
“Something to drink?” he asked.
I’d already declined dinner on the drive from the airport because I’d eaten during my last layover on the way home. But I wouldn’t mind a drink, not one bit. “I’ll take a whiskey if you have it,” I called over.
“Of course I have whiskey,” he murmured softly, a grin teasing at the corners of his mouth.
I watched the flames flickering in the fireplace with the soft sounds of glass clinking and whiskey pouring in the background. In another moment, Ryan was sitting down beside me and handing me a tumbler of whiskey.
“I didn’t take you for the type that might prefer whiskey.”
I smiled as I took a slow sip. The whiskey slid across my tongue, its flavor rich and mellow. I let out a sigh after I swallowed. “This is delicious, but then, I suppose you have expensive whiskey.”
Ryan chuckled as he rested his arm across my shoulders and took a sip from his glass of whiskey. “I don’t go cheap.”
“What’s the whiskey type?” I asked after another swallow, savoring the subtle burn and the way the liquor warmed in my belly.
I angled slightly so I could look up into Ryan’s face. When his glacier blue gaze caught mine, the heat radiating from it sent my pulse off like a rocket launch.
Ryan shrugged lightly, his eyes never leaving my face as he took another swallow of whiskey. Dear God. Even his forearms turned me on. I lingered on the subtle flex of the muscles as he tilted the glass up and lowered it.
“I don’t know that there’s a whiskey tape, per se, but not many women like it. Or, if they do, they don’t mention it. I should’ve known you would.”
His tone was easy, and his voice low and gravelly. Sparks scattered through my body, and I tried to catch my breath. “Why do you say that?” I managed after a fortifying gulp of whiskey.
“Because you’re not like any woman I’ve ever known, Addie.”
He leaned over and set his glass on the coffee table nearby. When he turned to face me again, he brushed a few loose locks of hair off my cheek. The feel of his fingertips dusting over the sensitive skin behind my ear sent shivers rippling through my body, like little earthquakes of sensation.
“Barnable was a good boy,” Ryan said softly. “I might have given him too many treats.” The sheepish smile that followed his comment had my heart doing cartwheels.
“He’s usually a good boy. The worst thing he ever did was break into your basement. Plus, it’s impossible to give him too many treats. If you didn’t notice, I spoil him rotten.”
Ryan’s chuckle sent the butterflies into flight again, tickling my belly. I felt as if I were falling from a great height. It felt as if my emotions were pressing against my skin, all of them intense and tangled up with an uncertainty I wasn’t ready to examine. Feeling restless and unsettled, I did the only thing that seemed to make a bit of sense in this moment. I leaned up and pressed a kiss on the side of Ryan’s neck, the closest place I could reach. Drawing back, I trailed my fingertip along the carved edge of his jaw.
He had an almost aristocratic bend to his features—those angled cheekbones bold and strong, his nose a straight blade if a bit large. It sat so well within the rest of his face and blended together into all too much.
“God was too generous with you,” I teased, my voice coming out all breathy.
“Excuse me?”
Leaning back and peering up at him, I sighed. “You’re too handsome for your own good.”
Ryan’s eyes coasted over my face. Just when I had somehow gotten some purchase in the tumult of my body’s intense reaction to him, his hand cupped my cheek, his thumb brushing back and forth across my bottom lip. “I don’t know about that, but if God was too generous, it’s because I got lucky enough to meet you.”
My heart practically burst out of my chest at that with hope throwing pom-poms in the air. I thanked the stars and the universe and then some that Ryan didn’t give me much chance to think too hard about what he said. He dipped his head and fit his mouth over mine.
Our kiss spiraled into madness within a matter of seconds. Ryan started out gentle, his mouth fitting softly over mine before he kissed the corners of my lips, and his tongue teased in a slow glide against mine. It was me who felt reckless and restless, frantic to lose myself in the sensation of a passion so overpowering I couldn’t think beyond it. There was that and the underlying emotional drumbeat—all the old feelings dredged to the surface by my father’s death and everything I didn’t want to think about.
The way I felt with Ryan was unlike anything I’d ever felt before. Ryan was a gift, and with him, I had a sense of being the only person in the world and also utterly enveloped in his strength. The ability to surrender to the desire rushing through
me like a river in spring and feeling more wanted, more needed than ever before was intoxicating.
I arched into our kiss, rising up and letting the blanket fall away as I straddled his lap. He was strength and fluidity and my own personal heater. Winding an arm around his shoulders and spearing my fingers in his hair, I melded myself to him as our kiss became hot, wet, and overpowering.
While I might’ve been the one to pour the gas on this fire, Ryan took control the moment he caught up with me. His tendency to dominate was shockingly pleasurable.
I was always so intent at not letting any man get the upper hand with me, and not ever falling for someone and hoping for more. I always kept myself slightly separate. To be honest, no man had ever affected me powerfully enough in a physical sense to gain an edge.
Except Ryan. With him, the driving heartbeat of our desire mingled with the flashing heat of our chemistry and stripped away my defenses. They burned to ash, and I didn’t even care.
I was straddling him and could feel the hard ridge of his arousal against my core. One of his hands gripped my hips, holding me in place as the other slid up my spine to cup my nape and angle my head to the side. I forgot the need to be in control and simply wanted to lose myself in all of this. I didn’t want to think about how vulnerable he made me feel when I was able to think.
The sound of Barnable’s claws clicking on the hardwood floor and then going quiet as he entered the room distantly pricked my awareness. Ryan broke free from our kiss, his head falling back against the cushions.
Our breath came in ragged gasps. I felt Barnable’s nose nudge one of my feet, and I glanced over my shoulder to see him eyeing us curiously.
Ryan’s low laugh rumbled in his chest, and I felt the vibration in my own body. I was already suffused with heat from head to toe, and my cheeks got hotter as I glanced back at him. “We have an audience.”
“I don’t mind the interruption, but I’m fucking you properly tonight.”