Dawn x-1

by Butler, Octavia

  "Digest!" Celene said, horrified. "They... they're alive themselves?"

  "Yes. The ship is alive and so is almost everything in it. The Oankali use living matter the way we used machinery." She started away toward the nearest bathroom, then stopped. "The other thing I meant to tell you," she said focusing on Leah and Celene, "is that we're being watched-just as we were all watched in our isolation rooms. I don't think the Oankali will bother us this time-not until forty or more of us are Awake and getting along fairly well together. They will come in, though, if we start to murder each other. And the would-be murderers-or actual murderers-will be kept here on the ship for the rest of their lives."

  "So you're protected from us," Leah said. "Convenient."

  "We're protected from one another," Lilith said. "We're an endangered species-almost extinct. If we're going to survive, we need protection."

  4

  Lilith did not release Curt Loehr from his suspended animation plant until Joseph Shing's plant lay beside it. Then, quickly, she opened both plants, lifted Joseph out and dragged Loehr out. She set Leah and Tate to work dressing Curt and worked alone to dress Joseph since Celene would not touch him while he was naked. Both men were fully clothed by the time they struggled to full consciousness.

  After the initial misery of Awakening, they sat up and looked around. "Where are we?" Curt demanded. "Who's in charge here?"

  Lilith winced. "I am," she said. "I Awoke you. We're all prisoners here, but it's my job to Awaken people."

  "And who are you working for?" Joseph demanded. He had a slight accent and Curt, hearing it, turned to stare, then to glare at him.

  Lilith introduced them quickly. "Conrad Loehr of New York, this is Joseph Shing of Vancouver." Then she introduced each of the women.

  Celene had already settled close to Curt, and once she was introduced, she added: "Back when things were normal, everyone called me Cele."

  Tate rolled her eyes and Leah frowned. Lilith managed not to smile. She had been right about Celene. Celene would put herself under Curt's protection if he let her. That would keep Curt occupied. Lilith caught a faint smile on Joseph's face.

  "We have food if you two are hungry," Lilith said, slipping into what was becoming a standard speech. "While we eat, I'll answer your questions."

  "One answer now," Curt said. His question: "Who are you working for? Which side?"

  He had not seen her push his suspended animation plant back into the wall. She had not turned her back on him since he had been fully Awake.

  "Down on Earth," she said carefully, "there are no people left to draw lines on maps and say which sides of those lines are the right sides. There is no government left. No human government, anyway."

  He frowned, then glared at her as he had earlier at Joseph. "You're saying we've been captured by. . . something that isn't human?"

  "Or rescued," Lilith said.

  Joseph stepped up to her. "You've seen them?"

  Lilith nodded.

  "You believe they are extraterrestrials?"

  "Yes."

  "And you believe we are on some kind of. . . what? Space ship?"

  "A very, very large one, almost like a small world."

  "What proof can you show us?"

  "Nothing that you couldn't perceive as a trick if you wanted to."

  "Please show us anyway."

  She nodded, not minding. Each pair or group of new people would have to be handled slightly differently. She explained what she could of the changes that had been made in her body chemistry, then, with both men watching, she grew another room. Twice she stopped to allow them to inspect the walls. She said nothing when they attempted to control the walls as she did, and then attempted to break them. The living tissue of the walls resisted them, ignored them. Their strength was meaningless. Finally they watched silently as Lilith completed the room.

  "It's like the stuff my cell was made of when I was Awake before," Curt said. "What the hell is it? Some kind of plastic?"

  "Living matter," Lilith said. "More plant than animal." She let their surprised silence last for a moment, then led them into the room where she and Leah had left the food. Tate was already there, eating a hot rice and bean dish.

  Celene handed Curt one of the large edible bowls of food and Lilith offered one to Joseph. But Joseph kept focused on the subject of the living ship. He refused to eat himself or let Lilith eat in peace until he knew everything she did about the way the ship worked. He seemed annoyed that she knew so little.

  "Do you believe what she says?" Leah asked him when he finally gave up the interrogation and tasted his cold food.

  "I believe that Lilith believes," he said. "I haven't decided yet what I believe." He paused. "It does seem important, though, for us to behave as though we are in a ship-unless we find out for certain that we aren't. A ship in space could be an excellent prison even if we could get out of this room."

  Lilith nodded gratefully. "That's it," she said. "That's what's important. If we endure this place, behave as though it's a ship no matter what anyone thinks individually, we can survive here until we're sent to Earth."

  And she went on to tell them about the Oankali, about the plan to reseed Earth with human communities. Then she told them about the gene trade because she had decided they must know. If she waited too long to tell them, they might feel betrayed by her silence. But telling them now gave them plenty of time to reject the idea, then slowly begin to think about it and realize what it could mean.

  Tate and Leah laughed at her, refused absolutely to believe that any manipulation of DNA could mix humans with extraterrestrial aliens.

  "As far as I know," Lilith told them, "I haven't seen any human-Oankali combinations. But because of the things I have seen, because of the changes the Oankali have made in me, I believe they can tamper with us genetically, and I believe they intend to. Whether they'll blend with us or destroy us. . . that I don't know."

  "Well, I haven't seen anything," Curt said. He had been quiet for a long time, listening, slipping his arm around

  Celene when she sat near him and looked frightened. "Until I do see something-and I don't mean more moving walls-this is all bullshit."

  "I'm not sure I'd believe no matter what I saw," Tate said. "It isn't hard to believe our captors intend to do some kind of genetic tampering," Joseph said. "They could do that whether they were human or extraterrestrial. There was a lot of work being done in genetics before the war. That may have devolved into some kind of eugenics program afterward. Hitler might have done something like that after World War Two if he had had the technology and if he had survived." He took a deep breath. "I think our best bet now is to learn all we can. Get facts. Keep our eyes open. Then later we can make the best possible use of any opportunities we might have to escape."

  Learn and run, Lilith thought almost gleefully. She could have hugged Joseph. Instead, she took a bite of her cold food.

  5

  Two days later when Lilith saw that Curt was not likely to cause trouble-at least, not soon-she Awakened Gabriel Rinaldi and Beatrice Dwyer. She asked Joseph to help her with Gabriel and turned Beatrice over to Leah and Curt. Celene was still useless when it came to getting people dressed and oriented. Tate was apparently becoming bored with the process of Awakening people.

  "I think we ought to double our numbers every time," she told Lilith. "That way we go through less repetition, get things done faster, get down to Earth faster."

  At least now she was beginning to accept the idea that she was not already on Earth, Lilith thought. That was something.

  "I'm probably already Awakening people too fast," Lilith told her. "We've got to be able to work together before we reach Earth. It isn't enough for us just to refrain from killing one another. Down in the forest, we'll probably be more interdependent than most of us have ever been. We might be a little better at that if we give each new set of people time to fit in and a growing structure to fit into."

  "What structure?" Tate began to
smile. "You mean like a family. . . with you as Mama?"

  Lilith only looked at her.

  After a time, Tate shrugged. "Just wake up a group of them, sit them down, tell them what's going on-they won't believe you, of course-take questions, feed them, and the next day, start on the next batch. Quick and easy. They can't learn to work together if they aren't Awake."

  "I've always heard that small classes worked better than large ones," Lilith said. "This is too important to rush."

  The argument ended as Lilith' s arguments with Tate usually ended. No resolution. Lilith continued to Awaken people slowly and Tate continued to disapprove.

  After three days, Beatrice Dwyer and Gabriel Rinaldi seemed to be settling in. Gabriel paired with Tate. Beatrice avoided the men sexually, but joined in the endless discussions of their situation, first refusing to believe it, then finally accepting it along with the group's learn-and-run philosophy.

  Now, Lilith decided, was the time to Awaken two more people. She Awoke two every two or three days, no longer worrying about Awakening men since there had been no real trouble. She did deliberately Awaken a few more women than men in the hope of minimizing violence.

  But as the number of people grew, so did the potential for disagreement. There were several short, vicious fist-fights. Lilith tried to keep out of them, allowing people to sort things out for themselves. Her only concern was that the fights do no serious harm. Curt helped with this in spite of his cynicism. Once as they pulled two struggling, bleeding men apart, he told her she might have made a pretty good cop.

  There was one fight that Lilith could not keep out of-one begun for a foolish reason as usual. A large, angry, not particularly bright woman named Jean Pelerin demanded an end to the meatless diet. She wanted meat, she wanted it now, and Lilith had better produce it if she knew what was good for her.

  Everyone else had accepted, however grudgingly, the absence of meat. "The Oankali don't eat it," Lilith had told them. "And because we can get along without it, they won't give it to us. They say once we're back on Earth, we'll be free to keep and kill animals again-though the ones we're used to are mostly extinct."

  Nobody liked the idea. So far she had not Awakened a single voluntary vegetarian. But until Jean Pelerin, no one had tried to do anything about it.

  Jean lunged at Lilith punching kicking obviously intending to overwhelm at once.

  Surprised, but far from overwhelmed, Lilith struck back. Two short, quick jabs.

  Jean collapsed, unconscious, bleeding from her mouth.

  Frightened, still angry, Lilith checked to see that the woman was breathing and not badly hurt. She stayed with her until Jean had regained consciousness enough to glare at Lilith. Then, without a word, Lilith left her.

  Lilith went to her room, sat thinking for a few moments about the strength Nikanj had given her. She had pulled her punches, not intending to knock Jean unconscious. She was no longer concerned about Jean now, but it bothered her that she no longer knew her own strength. She could kill someone by accident. She could maim someone. Jean did not know how lucky she was with her headache and her split lip.

  Lilith slipped to the floor, took off her jacket, and began doing exercises to burn off excess energy and emotion. Everyone knew she exercised. Several other people had begun doing it as well. For Lilith, it was a comfortable, mindless activity that gave her something to do when there was nothing she could do about her situation.

  Some people would attack her. She had probably not yet experienced the worst of them. She might have to kill. They might kill her. People who accepted her now might turn away from her if she seriously injured or killed someone.

  On the other hand, what could she do? She had to defend herself. What would people say if she had beaten a man as easily as she beat Jean? Nikanj had said she could do it. How long would it be before someone forced her to find out for sure?

  "May I come in?"

  Lilith stopped her exercising, put her jacket on, and said, "Come."

  She was still seated on the floor, breathing deeply, perversely enjoying the slight ache in her muscles when Joseph Shing came around her new curving entrance-hall partition and into the room. She leaned against the bed platform and looked up at him. Because it was him, she smiled.

  "You aren't hurt at all?" he asked.

  She shook her head. "A couple of bruises."

  He sat down next to her. "She's telling people you're a man. She says only a man can fight that way."

  To her own surprise, Lilith laughed aloud.

  "Some people aren't laughing," he said. "That new man, Van Weerden said he didn't think you were human at all."

  She stared at him, then got up to go out, but he caught her hand and held it.

  "It's all right. They're not standing out there muttering to themselves and believing fantasy. In fact, I don't think Van Weerden really believes it. They only want someone to focus their frustration on.

  "I don't want to be that someone," she muttered.

  "What choice have you?"

  "I know." She sighed. She let him pull her down beside him again. She found it impossible to delude herself when he was around. This caused her enough pain sometimes to make her wonder why she encouraged him to stay around. Tate, with typical malice, had said, "He's old, he's short, and he's ugly. Haven't you got any discrimination at all?"

  "He's forty," Lilith had said. "He doesn't seem ugly to me, and if he can deal with my size, I can deal with his."

  "You could do better."

  "I'm content." She never told Tate that she had almost made Joseph the first person she Awakened. She shook her head over Tate's halfhearted attempts to lure Joseph away. It wasn't as though Tate wanted him. She just wanted to prove she could have him-and in the process, try him out. Joseph seemed to find the whole sequence funny. Other people were less relaxed about similar situations. That caused some of the most savage fights. An increasing number of bored, caged humans could not help finding destructive things to do.

  "You know," she told him, "you could become a target yourself. Some people could decide to take their anger at me out on you."

  "I know kung fu," he said examining her bruised knuckles.

  "Do you really?"

  He smiled. "No, just a little tai chi for exercise. Not so much sweating."

  She decided he was telling her she smelled-which she did. She started to get up to go wash, but he would not let her go.

  "Can you talk to them?" he asked.

  She looked at him. He was growing a thin black beard. All the men were growing beards since no razors had been provided. Nothing hard or sharp had been provided.

  "You mean talk to the Oankali?" she asked.

  "Yes."

  "They hear us all the time."

  "But if you ask for something, will they provide it?"

  "Probably not. I think it was a major concession for them just to give us all clothing."

  "Yes. I thought you might say that. Then you should do what Tate wants you to do. Awaken a large number of people at once. There's too little to do here. Get people busy helping one another, teaching one another. There are fourteen of us now. Awaken ten more tomorrow."

  Lilith shook her head. "Ten? But-"

  "It will take some of the negative attention off you. Busy people have less time for fantasizing and fighting."

  She moved away from his side to sit facing him. "What is it, Joe? What's wrong?"

  "People being people, that's all. You're probably not in any danger now, but you will be soon. You must know that."

  She nodded.

  "When there are forty of us, will the Oankali take us out of here or-"

  "When there are forty of us, and the Oankali decide we're ready, they'll come in. Eventually, they'll take us to be taught to live on Earth. They have a. . . an area of the ship that they've made over into a fragment of Earth. They've grown a small tropical forest there-like the forest we'll be sent to on Earth. We'll be trained there."

  "You'v
e seen this place?"

  "I spent a year there."

  "Why?"

  "First learning, then proving I'd learned. Knowing and using the knowledge aren't the same thing."

  "No." He thought for a moment. "The presence of the Oankali will bring them together, but it might turn them even more strongly against you. Especially if the Oankali really scare them."

  "The Oankali will scare them."

  "That bad?"

  "That alien. That ugly. That powerful."

  "Then. . . don't come into the forest with us. Try to get out of it."

  She smiled sadly. "I speak their language, Joe, but I've never yet been able to convince them to change one of their decisions."

  "Try, Lilith!"

  His intensity surprised her. Had he really seen something she had missed-something he wouldn't tell her? Or was he simply understanding her position for the first time? She had known for a long time that she might be doomed. She had had time to get used to the idea and to understand that she must struggle not against nonhuman aliens, but against her own kind.

  "Will you talk to them?" Joseph asked.

  She had to think for a moment to realize he meant the Oankali. She nodded. "I'll do what I can," she said. "You and Tate may be right about Awakening people faster, too. I think I'm ready to try that."

  "Good. You have a fair core group around you. The new ones you Awaken can work things out in the forest. There they should have more to do."

  "Oh, they'll have plenty to do. The tedium of some of it, though. . . wait until I teach you to weave a basket or a hammock or to make your own garden tools and use them to grow your food."

  "We'll do what's necessary," he said. "If we can't, then we won't survive." He paused, looked away from her. "I've been a city man all my life. I might not survive."

  "If I do, you will," she said grimly.

  He broke the mood by laughing quietly. "That's foolishness- but it's a lovely foolishness. I feel the same way about you. You see what comes of being shut up together and having so little to do. Good things as well as bad. How many people will you Awaken tomorrow?"