by Dela
I was already hard. It was a long three weeks. I slid my hand up her shirt and cupped her breast; she responded quickly and began lifting off my shirt. I helped her remove my sweater and untuck my dress shirt, unbuttoning it as fast as I could as she clasped my face between her hands. Her kiss was fierce and took my mind away from all my doubts.
I dropped my shirt to the floor and picked her up without warning. She wrapped her legs around me, squeezing me tight, her hair falling over her shoulders, as I started for her bed.
“My room is a mess,” she said, embarrassed, as I carried her down the hall. “I had a long day at school with the kids, and I got a migraine, and I—”
“Need to stop talking.” I gently kicked her door open only to find an unmade bed with a few books scattered on top. And at a quick glance, everything else seemed to be in its place. Silly doe. “This will cure your headache.”
I sat her upright on the bed and began unbuckling my belt. I had her bracelet in one pocket so I was careful to not drop my pants upside down. She watched me, sliding back, keeping herself propped up with her hands. She stopped in the middle and bent her knees, lifting her feet onto the bed. Then she spread her legs and bit the bottom of her lip just as I dropped my pants.
Leaving my briefs on, I propped one knee on the bed and leaned in far enough to hook my finger in her waistline and gave a small tug. “I want you, Miss Jessie.” I took a moment to take her in as I slowly inched her pants lower. “In the worst way.”
“I want you more, Mr. Kendal,” she whispered.
Her pants were the stretchy kind that came down with the smallest nudge. I unleashed them from her legs and started on the nude thong that clung to her hips.
When the dainty fabric joined the other clothes on the floor, I pushed her legs apart and studied her. “I’ve missed my lollipop.”
She giggled, arching her back as she pulled off her chunky sweater, revealing the nude bra I bought for her. “She’s all dried up.”
“Not for long.”
“I didn’t know you could do that,” Jessie said thirty minutes later. Her head was lying across my bare chest and I could feel the vibration of her voice.
“Me neither.” I chuckled. My head whirled like a lollipop.
I mindlessly ran my fingers through her straight hair. Every ounce of me felt fulfilled and I wanted to stay in this bed forever. “Stay home with me tomorrow.”
“I shouldn’t. I have tests.”
“Come on. Be spontaneous. Run away with me. Let’s go do something we’ve never done before. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”
“Kendal, I can’t. I have a job that I can’t take off whenever I want. I have kids expecting me to be there. I can see you after school for dinner, which will be just as nice.”
“Can I tempt you with a really nice neck pillow?”
She laughed and gave me a little pinch. “Settle down, Seat 2A. Your travels are getting out of control. We wait for the Bahamas, right?”
There, when she said right, I swore she sounded like she doubted something. I knew I was right to question. I felt it when my heart dropped as we talked about going to the Bahamas. Jessie was having some serious conversations going on in her mind. Thanks to Gizelle, I nearly spoke woman, if only I knew what it was about. Did something happen while I was gone?
“Alright.” I replied, keeping a happy tone. She’d tell me when she was ready, wouldn’t she? “Rain check for the neck pillow.”
Her smile was soft but graciousness filled her eyes. “I’d like that.”
“I have something for you,” I said, reaching for my pocket on the floor. I pinched the metal between my fingers and lifted it out. “Close your eyes.”
She almost didn’t, but I got a grin out of her as she stubbornly closed her eyes. “What did you do?”
“It’s just my belated Christmas present. I should have given it to you sooner but I only got it in Italy. Hold your wrist out.”
Her tiny arm came to me and I fastened the hook together around her wrist next to her old raggedy one. I was lucky I ordered the smaller bracelet; I hadn’t realized how small her wrists were. But it sparkled on her charmingly. I wondered if she’d take the old one off now. “Open your eyes.”
As Jessie pried her eyes slowly, and moved them toward her wrist, I read one thing across her face: shock. I didn’t understand. If I was her boyfriend why would she be so shocked that I bought her a bracelet?
“Don’t you like it?” I asked.
“Yes, I love it. Nobody’s ever given me something this nice before.” Her voice got emotional. She touched the new, shiny metal softly, but her fingers went back and forth between that one and her old one.
“Why do you look sad then?”
She held her wrist close to her body and shook her head. “I’m not sad, Kendal. I’m happy. Thank you, I love it.”
I squeezed her close as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I cared for this girl bad, even though I knew she rubbed that silly old bracelet behind my back.
Two rainy weeks had passed and Jessie wasn’t getting better, in fact she was getting worse. I decided to take her for a nice dinner at a good steak house I found when she was stuck at school late one night. When that didn’t go as planned I felt discouraged. It no longer felt that I was saving our relationship but rather, losing our relationship to whatever it was she kept bottled inside. And was it weird that she was avoiding me coming to her house?
“You’re taking the day off,” I ordered, after unexpectedly showing up at her doorstep early one Wednesday morning. It was still drizzling but I refused to stay inside. “Daniela is too. We’re taking her to the Enchanted Forest.”
Jessie stepped onto the porch and squeezed the door nearly closed behind her. It was strange, like she was hiding something inside. And she still wore that beat up thing she called a bracelet. The new one was there too, but it was supposed to replace the old one.
“Gizelle is okay with this?” she asked. “She’ll be missing school.”
“Gizelle is six months pregnant, she’ll take any break she can get,” I said, fighting the urge to barge through the door and see what she was hiding. “And you need this. I don’t know what’s bothering you but you need a break.”
Her reply came late, but it came, and it was a subtle nod, “Okay. Let me grab my umbrella.”
“You look beautiful,” I said, holding her hand in the car. She wore an oversized blue sweater that hung below her coat. It covered her blue jeans, but I knew they were my brand. Nobody wore them better.
I glanced down quickly at both bracelets again. Why was she still wearing the old one? It had to mean something to her, but what?
Jessie smiled, and rested her head back. “Thank you.”
“Doesn’t Jessie look pretty, Daniela?” I asked. It had been five minutes since we picked her up and she wouldn’t stop talking about which rides she was going to go on. I had no clue what she was talking about since I’d never been to this theme park.
“Prettiest girl,” Daniela stopped to say. I thought I had her quiet but oh no, that girl quickly returned to talking my ear off. I could do nothing but drive through the rain to our destination and let bits of joy combust from my mouth for the next thirty minutes each time Jessie grabbed her belly in laughter at every naïve thing Daniela said.
Soon enough we pulled into a nearly empty parking lot. Enchanted Forest was a smaller theme park in Salem that locals came to. I hadn’t expected it to be this empty, but of course the rain chased everyone away. If I hadn’t put my doors on child-lock like Gizelle told me to, Daniela would have had hers half-way open before I’d even shifted into park.
We entered through a redwood tree replica and into a small, Swiss-inspired village, where we walked alone over sleeked cobblestone streets. I looked around and could see why Daniela liked it here. There were small kid rides throughout the dense forest around us; I even noticed a little castle on the map that we hadn’t gotten to yet.
“Stow
eebwook stoweebwook!” Daniela called repeatedly until a serious look washed over her face. “Haunted house is too scawee.”
“Oh, the haunted house is too scary? Alright, we’re doing that one first,” I said, pretending to take a step in that direction, even though I didn’t have a clue where that direction was. Daniela covered her face and cried. Jessie nudged me in the arm, chuckling silently. I laughed.
“No Daniela, we are not taking you on that. Tell me what Storybrook is. Do you know where it is?” Jessie asked. She was a true pro with children.
Jessie and I were each holding one of Daniela’s hands when she suddenly tugged at them to sprint to her favorite spot in the park. It was still raining, so Jessie and I held umbrellas with our empty hands to try and keep Daniela somewhat dry. But on her way she took occasional hops into puddles in her Peppa Pig galoshes, splashing our pants to a completely soaked state. I eventually wondered why we were even holding the umbrellas.
Despite our uncomfortable wetness, we still did enough for Daniela to leave satisfied—and with a big stick of cotton candy that seemed to disintegrate in the rain faster than she could eat it.
“Did you have fun?” I asked Jessie once we were alone. I glanced toward her through the glow of the dashboard. She stretched her arms, smiling.
“So much,” she replied. I looked back to the street, but her hand found mine through the dark and squeezed. “Thank you for this. I needed to have fun. I’ve been so uptight lately.”
“Yeah, I know. Mind telling me what it’s about?” Smooth one, Kendal.
“It’s nothing. Just a lot on my mind.”
“Can I do anything for you?”
I didn’t expect her to laugh, or to feel that she was laughing at what I said.
“Oh Kendal . . .”
“What?”
“Nothing. It’s nothing.”
I shrugged. “Well I don’t think it’s nothing.”
“Do you want to do something stupid tonight?” she replied.
I squinted, studying her carefully. “Is it going-to-get-me-arrested stupid or just stupid stupid?”
She snorted. “I don’t think either. Let’s take your jet to Vegas tonight.”
I was starting to get concerned now. “What about school?”
“Let’s just go for a few hours then come back home. That way I can still go to school in the morning.”
I chuckled even though I was losing my mind. “You’re acting strange, Jessie.”
“Kendal, please? Come on. What do you say?”
I checked my watch for the time. It would take at least an hour for the pilot to get to the jet, if he even wanted to fly there. “Let me make the call.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jessie
I watched him hop onto the tarmac from his private jet with a wide grin. His dark hair was newly shaved on the sides, but the top waved in the wind—he looked fresh out of a Spanish couture photoshoot, and I imagined the aftershave I’d get to sniff in a few short moments.
He took his time walking toward me, but I knew by the stiffness in his strides he was trying not to run. When he was finally within arm’s reach he dropped his suitcase and wrapped his arms around my back, making sure to lift me off my feet so easily. I threw my arms around his neck and we nuzzled our noses together. We stayed there, foreheads pressed tight, letting time pass without caring where we had to be. I smelled his cedar aftershave and sighed. We were back together and it felt good.
An hour later I was resting my head on Kendal’s bare chest in my bed, staring at a crack near the window I hadn’t seemed to notice. I fell into a daze thinking about the ‘L’ word we hadn’t said to one another and shivered suddenly. Kendal slid his warm arms around me in response, bringing the sheets over me as he did.
I sighed with warmth and touched his arm lightly. I wanted to believe that Kendal loved me, because I knew that the way I felt for him now was love, but I forbade myself to think about it. Why did I feel he could only be happy if we were chasing something new or flying on a jet to some destination? Love wasn’t a race, but compared to Regina and Gizelle, I felt ages behind. They were on babies number two, and I couldn’t even hear wedding bells.
Not that I necessarily wanted to hear anything—bells especially. I wanted to have something that was for me. Why else would I love missing school more than I should? I wanted fulfillment as a human, not just as a lover, because I craved it with my very soul.
I had a plan and one plan only: to leave for Ukraine in six weeks.
I undoubtedly loved Kendal, but I needed to do this. And maybe he loved me too, but the way his eyes flared at the mention of babies made me realize our relationship will be a slow go. Perhaps a long distance relationship would work with us. We waited seven years, what’s six months?
I should have just bought a dang cat while he was gone.
“I have something for you,” he said suddenly.
My heart froze. This couldn’t be, could it? I wondered if it was a ring, but the better of me remembered he couldn’t even tell me he loved me.
“What did you do?” I surmised.
“It’s just my belated Christmas present. I should have given it to you sooner but I only got it in Italy. Hold your wrist out.”
Wait, wrist?
When I saw that it wasn’t a ring but a bracelet I could never have dreamed of owning, I froze. It was beyond beautiful, with small-cut facets to make the thin gold sparkle in every direction. He placed it next to the old one, and as I watched him stare at it I hoped—for a whole two seconds—that he remembered it. But he didn’t.
“Don’t you like it?” he wondered.
I truly did. I loved it, like I loved him. But I couldn’t tell him that. I wondered if he would always chase wild whims that I couldn’t keep up with, whims that might lead him away from me. I wanted him to keep his promise and choose me. I was what made him happy, wasn’t I? I didn’t need marriage; I needed a promise.
I bought my plane ticket to Ukraine the next day. My report date was in a scary six weeks.
I loved Kendal, but I needed to do what was right for me. I didn’t need to travel to the Bahamas, or anywhere else for that matter, to bond with him. I needed ground, not wings. I needed him, not whims.
I slowly started packing between school days and carefully avoided having him over. I couldn’t have him see my apartment emptier. I arranged with Regina to come take all my furniture once I left and to put my few boxes in a storage unit.
I knew Kendal would convince me not to go, but after Enchanted Forest I started regretting not telling him. We could work long distance, I firmly believed we could, but it scared me to feel that he would just forget me and move on with his rich, bachelor life before I ever got to hear him say he loved me.
It drove me mad, realizing I was risking my future with Kendal for my promise . . . my promise to chase what would make me happy. I wasn’t happy teaching. He knew that.
I was desperate over what to do when a couple days before my plane was to leave, I decided I needed him to have me like in Whistler. I needed vulnerability and trust.
“Let’s take your jet to Vegas tonight!” I blurted one night, soaking wet, after having one of the best days of my life with him and Daniela. Oh Daniela, I will miss you.
It really wasn’t that hard; I knew Kendal couldn’t resist a whim.
But he hesitated and I panicked. My whole world had begun crashing down when he suddenly said, “Let me make the call.”
We were already in a nightclub packed with stinky, sweaty tourists, and I was already well drunk. Our first stop off the plane was a Cirque Du Soleil show, where we enjoyed a casual glass of wine at the top of a VIP booth. Then we enjoyed some fancy hamburgers in the hotel where more expensive alcohol was served and slot machines were ringing in our ears.
“You probably should stop drinking,” Kendal said in the middle of one of my swigs.
“I think not tonight.” I gulped the last of my cocktail and ordered anothe
r. I felt healthy getting one with a slice of fruit inside it.
Kendal leaned back in his chair and rested an ankle on his lap. No drinks for him—boo—he sure did eye me with more concern than amusement though. “What are we celebrating tonight?”
“To us.” I held up my drink to toast and then took a sip, later realizing he hadn’t held a glass for me to toast. An air-toast. I just freaking did an air-toast. Whatever. I was drunk, or almost there.
Kendal didn’t pester me. He let me dictate where we went, whom we talked to, and how much I drank.
We ended up at a place called The Beach, where most girls were either in bikinis or topless—but still, they were stinky and sweaty. We were outside at a pool. Kendal made sure to keep me away from the water for some reason. He let me dance though, keeping off the predators as I did, trying not to show his frustration. I noticed his patience with me, but he couldn’t have known I was only drinking because I was so damn nervous to tell him about Ukraine. Hell, I was nervous. I really didn’t want to leave him. But staying idle wasn’t going to fix anything for my career or us.
“We should probably get going Jessie. It’s after two,” Kendal whispered in my ear.
“Dance with me,” I moaned, swinging my arms around his neck.
He obliged, and put his hands on my waist, but his eyes wandered to the men around us.
“Look at me,” I whined.
His jaw muscle tightened. “Jessie, are you okay?”
“Marry me.”
His feet stopped moving as his eyes struck with disbelief. He leaned into my ear and whispered, “We’re going now.”
“Awe, you never want to have fun,” I muttered. Did I just drool?
I was going dizzy when his hand slipped into mine and tugged me towards the doors.
I vaguely remember walking through more casinos and getting into our Uber, but everything after that was a blur. I passed out on Kendal’s jet.
10:01 a.m.