My mouth had watered at the sight of him stepping out of his camo coveralls and dropping them on the floor next to his brown canvas coat. His dark hair had been sticking up from when he’d pulled off his stocking cap and I wanted to fix it. Or maybe I just wanted to run my fingers through it.
When he looked at me, I got warm all over. No man had ever had that effect on me. I’d gone into the kitchen for a drink hoping to run into him.
I didn’t date, but the way Reed made me feel gave me hope. Maybe I wasn’t emotionally ruined after all. Maybe someday, when Noah was grown, I’d want to date again. I doubted it, but having hope was nice.
It was my laundry day, so as soon as knitting club was over, I went upstairs to get Noah. The sound of happy laughter coming from Henry and Grace’s play room made me smile. Noah loved playing with other kids.
But when I opened the door, it wasn’t a kid, but Reed who was making Noah laugh. My throat tightened at the sight of Noah on Reed’s shoulders, brushing his fingers against the ceiling.
My son had never been close to any man but Gene, who was like a grandpa to him. Gene liked to do puzzles and color with Noah. Rambunctious boy play was something Noah didn’t get outside of daycare.
I just watched, enjoying the moment. Seeing my little boy happy was the best feeling in the world. Reed turned and saw me. He smiled sheepishly and lifted Noah off his shoulders and put him back down on the floor.
“I want to touch the ceiling!” Noah cried, reaching his arms out to Reed.
“We have to go, sweetie,” I said, approaching him and getting down on my knees. “We have to do laundry today.”
His face fell.
“How about a scoop of ice cream tonight?” I said. “With chocolate syrup?”
“And spinkles.” His mispronunciation of the word always melted me.
“And spinkles,” I agreed.
“How was your knitting?” Reed asked me.
“It was good. Thanks for playing with Noah.”
“It was fun. He’s a really sweet kid, Ivy. You’ve done a great job.”
His compliment touched me deeply. Being Noah’s mom was more important to me than anything else.
“Thank you.” I took Noah’s hand. “Can you say bye, Noah?”
“Bye,” Noah said so softly it was barely audible.
“Bye, Noah,” Reed said. “Let’s play trains again soon.”
I met Reed’s dark brown eyes one more time before turning to leave the room with Noah. There was an awkward tension of unspoken words between me and Reed. I was out of my element. Noah had warmed up to Reed, but I just couldn’t allow myself to do that.
I RUBBED MY EYES and put my reading glasses down. The stack of files on my desk was half the size it had been this morning. It was after six pm, and I had to get the hell out of here and get a workout in before the gym closed. I’d been in front of my desk doing research and billing all day.
I was wrapping up my last file for the night when a knocking sound from the front of the office caught my attention. I was the only one left here and the office was closed. Who the hell would knock after hours?
Maybe Lena was locked out. I got up to go see who was at the front door. I was surprised, and not in a good way, when I saw Meredith peeking at me through the glass.
“We’re closed,” I said as soon as I opened the door.
“I know. I just . . . I thought I saw your office light on, so I stopped. If you haven’t eaten, can we have dinner at Jimmy’s?”
I started to say no but she stopped me.
“I only want to talk. If I was trying to get with you, I’d be trying to get into your office right now. If you’ll just hear me out . . . I just think we both need some closure. I know I do.”
I rubbed my unshaven jaw line. I was hungry. But I sure as hell didn’t want Meredith getting the wrong idea.
“Alright,” I muttered. “We eat and you get closure and that’s it. If you bring up us getting back together, I’m leaving.”
She nodded and I went back in to get my coat. When I returned she was standing on the curb with her arms wrapped around herself. The bitter November temperatures weren’t letting up.
“Are we walking or meeting there?” I asked.
“Might as well walk, it’s not far.”
We walked the block to Jimmy’s Italian Place in silence. Despite the lackluster name, Jimmy’s had great pizza and spaghetti. A greeter led us to a booth and I loosened my tie before sliding in.
The place was full. I was checking out the new red, green and white stripes on the wall when my gaze stopped on Ivy. She was at a booth across from us, and Noah sat on the other side.
He was laughing about something she’d said, and her face glowed as she smiled at him. I’d never seen this smile from her. It was one of open love and adoration. I wanted to be sitting in that booth with them.
“Reed,” Meredith said, clearing her throat. “Ready to order?”
The waitress was looking at me expectantly. I ordered a pizza and a soda and forced myself to look at Meredith instead of Ivy and Noah.
“How was work today?” she asked.
“Good.”
“I’m working at my dad’s car dealership doing bookkeeping. I thought I’d hate it there, but it’s not so bad.”
I nodded, not caring if she took my lack of interest as rudeness. A few more seconds elapsed before she cleared her throat again.
“So . . . when I came to your office the other day, I was . . .” She sighed and gave me a sheepish look. “I was hoping you still had feelings for me.”
“Meredith, I’m not—”
“Just let me finish, okay? I was hoping, but I wasn’t surprised to find out there’s nothing there for you anymore. It’s been a really long time. I didn’t appreciate what I had with you, and I regret it.”
I leaned my elbows on the table and considered what she’d said, trying to come up with the right thing to say in response. Everything seemed like it would make her think I was open to getting back together, so I stayed quiet.
“I’m sorry, Reed,” she said softly. “I’m not saying that because I think you’ll give me another chance. I’m truly sorry for not showing up that day. It was an awful thing to do and you didn’t deserve it.”
I shrugged nonchalantly. “In the scheme of things, it wasn’t a big deal, Meredith. I’m completely over it and you should be, too.”
I snuck a glance at Ivy and Noah. They were coloring a paper placemat together, both of them smiling happily.
“Do you want to know why?” Meredith asked.
Reluctantly, I met her gaze across the table. “Why what?”
“Why I didn’t show up that day.”
“We weren’t right together. That’s why enough for me.”
“We were, though.” She looked down at the red plastic tablecloth. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want you. I always did. I just caved under the pressure of your last name. Everyone in town is interested in the Lockharts. You’re all attractive and successful and so damn nice. You guys coach and volunteer and run for the school board. I felt really young to be part of all that. I just wanted to travel and have fun . . . with you, but I knew you wouldn’t want to leave your family.”
“No, I wouldn’t have. We wanted different things in life, and that’s okay.”
Meredith shook her head, her expression sad. “I was young and stupid. I ended up with a man who wanted what I thought I did, and it wasn’t all that.”
“You’re still young. Don’t give up on finding what you want.”
“Just not with you,” she said, her tone a mix of sarcasm and amusement.
“Right.”
“You’ve got it bad for the waitress, don’t you?”
“Her name’s Ivy.”
“And you can’t stop looking at her. I saw you guys dancing at the barn dance. So are you guys a thing?”
“No.”
“Why not? You like her and I think she likes you, too.”
&nb
sp; I sighed deeply. “I’m not talking about this with you.”
“I hope she’ll be smarter than I was.”
“We’re not dating. She doesn’t date. Don’t start any rumors, Meredith. It wouldn’t be fair to her.”
“Alright, alright.” She put her hands up in surrender. “Let’s go back to you staring at her and me pretending not to notice.”
I cracked a smile. “I specifically planned to not settle down when I came back home. I’m here to work, and I keep so busy with everything that it’s not really fair to the other person for me to be in a relationship.”
“But now you’re reconsidering because you like her so much.”
I just looked at her, unwilling to admit or deny it.
“Life’s too short not to go for it,” she said. “Did I ruin you on commitment? Please tell me I didn’t.”
“I haven’t had a committed relationship since you.”
She sighed deeply. “Well, that makes me feel like shit. Most women would give anything for a guy like you, Reed.”
“Yeah, I don’t know.” I rubbed the back of my neck restlessly.
Meredith gave me an intent look. “It wasn’t you. It was me being young and stupid and it’s my greatest regret. I don’t know Ivy very well, but she seems like a woman who needs someone like you in her life.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s super protective of her son. She’s very private. Never goes out, never dates. The signs are all there.”
I furrowed my brow. “What signs?”
“She’s been hurt really bad.”
I sat back against the booth, feeling like I’d had the wind knocked out of me. It made sense. The way she’d reacted when I caught her at the diner, her body tense and afraid. The way her eyes gave me two conflicting messages.
“I can’t stand the idea of someone hurting her,” I said. “It makes me sick. And really fucking angry.”
“What does that tell you? You already feel protective of her. Be man enough to take a chance.”
I looked at Meredith, seeing the woman I’d known so many years ago. “I would, but she doesn’t date.”
“So change her mind.”
I looked over at Ivy and Noah. A plate of spaghetti sat on the table between them. She was cutting it up. When she blew on the first bite before holding the fork out to Noah, my pride became irrelevant. If any man was going to break through her walls and get in, it was damn well gonna be me.
NOAH TOSSED THE SPOON aside and put his hands on the pizza crusts, spreading out the tomato sauce. It squished between his fingers and he smiled gleefully.
“There you go,” Gene said. “Doin’ it the old-fashioned way.”
We were in Margie and Gene’s kitchen, and I was more than ready for this Friday pizza night. It had been a busy week at the diner and, today, I’d only had time to eat half a grilled cheese. For some reason, the diner had been super busy all week.
“Remind me to bring a casserole over for the Tomlins tomorrow,” Margie said to no one in particular as she set the table. “Tanya had a hysterectomy today.”
“Time to sprinkle on the cheese,” Gene said to Noah.
“Do you know she had a period that lasted more than a month?” Margie continued, turning to me, her brows arched.
“Hmm?” I looked up from the newspaper I’d been scanning. I’d only been half listening to Margie.
“Tanya Tomlin,” Margie repeated. “That’s one of the reasons she’s getting a hysterectomy. And some sort of vaginal mesh, I think.”
“That’s . . . good for her, I guess.”
“You know what else I heard?”
I suppressed an eye roll, hoping it didn’t involve anyone’s lady parts since we were eating dinner soon. “No, what?”
“Kim Lockhart was almost an hour late picking her kids up from school the other day and one of the teachers stayed with them until she got there. She smelled so strongly of alcohol that the teacher refused to let the kids go with her. There was a big scene. They had to call her husband to come get her and the kids. You must have met her, she’s married to Kyle, the oldest boy.”
I remembered meeting Reed’s brother and his wife at the barn dance.
“That makes me sad for the kids,” I said.
“They have two sweet little guys. I’m sure you know them. Kyle brings them in on occasion for pancakes on Sundays.”
“Mama, come see pizza,” Noah said. The oven light was on and he was sitting in front of the oven door, watching the pizza cook.
Gene looked down at him with an affectionate smile. Noah didn’t have a grandpa, but he had the next best thing in Gene. I sat down next to Noah and we watched as the cheese melted and the crusts browned.
When it was done, we all sat down to dinner. I ate several slices of pizza myself, barely even speaking between bites.
“Nice to see you finally eating,” Margie said.
“We were so busy today.”
“Busiest diner in all of Missouri, I think,” Margie said, with a touch of pride in her voice. I’d grown to realize the difference between Missouri natives and transplants was in the way they pronounced the state name. Margie pronounced it ‘Mizzura.’ She was definitely a native.
Bedtime for Noah was eight thirty, and once we got the kitchen cleaned up after dinner I settled him into bed. I curled up beside him to help him fall asleep in the double bed we shared in Gene and Margie’s guest room. I rubbed circles on his back, feeling my own eyelids drifting closed and, before I knew it, I was fast asleep.
I hadn’t had bad dreams for a while but tonight they came back. The nightmare had several variations, and tonight I had the worst one. My father was on top of me, grunting and groaning. Then he disappeared and I looked up from the bed to see my mother looking at me, her mouth set in a thin line of disappointment.
“What have you done, Ivy?” she said. “Noah deserves better.”
I didn’t wake up with a scream, like I sometimes did from these nightmares, but with a huge gasp. I took a deep breath, my heart pounding wildly. When I instinctively reached for Noah, his warmth comforted me. I tucked the covers over his shoulders and smoothed the hair away from his forehead.
My body finally relaxed and I curled back up beside my sleeping son. I didn’t think about the past during the day, so why did it come haunt me at night? I thought I’d buried it forever. It took me a while to fall back asleep, but when I did, I slept peacefully until morning. Noah woke me the next morning by holding a forkful of syrup-covered pancake in front of my mouth.
“Eat some pancakes, Mama,” he said.
“Hmm?” I opened my eyes and looked at him. “Oh. Morning, buddy.”
“Pancakes,” he said.
I opened my mouth and let him feed me the bite. He smiled and ran back to Gene and Margie’s kitchen.
Noah and I had breakfast with Gene and Margie and then we passed the rest of the weekend with our usual activities—going to the library, doing laundry and cleaning the apartment. Even though the weather was pretty cool, we also visited the park several times so Noah could play on the swings. I loved weekends because I wasn’t as exhausted as I often felt on weeknights.
But Monday morning it was back to the grind. I dropped Noah off at daycare, sending him off with several kisses and hugs, and went in for my usual seven to three shift at work.
I worked on autopilot for the first hour, keeping a mental tally of the tips in my pocket. Money was always tight. I bought most of our clothes at garage sales, but the one thing I always splurged on and bought new was shoes, and Noah and I both needed a new pair.
Glancing at my new customer at a small table, I groaned inwardly. Tom Marsh. Or, as the police officer preferred to be called, “Sergeant Marsh.” He was a nice enough guy, but he was handsy, and he was getting bolder with time. I preferred to wait on him when he sat at the counter. That way he was on one side and I was on the other side.
“Morning, Sarge,” I said, angling myself to face him
so he couldn’t brush against my ass.
“Ivy.” He grinned up at me from his seat and rested a hand on one of my hips. “Looking gorgeous as always.”
“What can I get you to start?” I asked, moving away. “Coffee?”
His unwanted hand on my body made me want to scream inside. I disliked being touched by men, and the fact that he was a cop made it ten times worse.
“Did I hear you’re dating one of the Lockhart boys?” He grabbed and squeezed my hip and furrowed his brow, trying to look disappointed. Instead he looked pathetic.
“No, I’m not,” I said with disdain in my voice. “Coffee?”
I felt the looks of other customers on us. My tolerance had reached its limit. I turned away and Tom’s hand fell away from my hip.
“I’ll come back and check on you in a bit,” I called over my shoulder.
I went to the pass through in the kitchen to look for my orders and Margie slid in next to me.
“You don’t have to let that pervert get touchy-feely, you know. I’ve told you that. I could tell you were about to deck him.”
“I would’ve enjoyed that,” I said, smiling as I remembered Reed’s offer to teach me how to box.
“Go take a break outside,” Margie said. “I’ve got your tables.”
“I’m fine.”
“Go on.” She made a shooing motion with her hand. “Get some fresh air.”
She knew if I took a break in the kitchen I’d wash dishes or prep for Gene. I found those things relaxing, but Margie always insisted that breaks be work free.
I nodded and headed for the front door. The brisk winter air felt good on my sweaty skin. I was in constant motion at work. It made the time pass quickly and kept me in decent shape. But it also made me feel like a sweaty mess by the end of the work day. My clothes always smelled like greasy diner food, which meant I did, too.
There was a bench around the corner, so I took my apron off and sat down. I wanted to clear away thoughts of Tom and how gross his looks and touches made me feel. With one deep cleansing breath after another, I reminded myself that I wasn’t the one who should feel bad.
[Lockhart Brothers 01.0] Deep Down Page 8