Mom held me at arm’s length. She brushed her fingers along the fading scar on my forehead and cupped my cheek. Nothing but love shone in her bright silvery-blue eyes that mirrored my own. There was no impression of the nightmarish torture evident on her. I sighed in relief.
Justin stood just behind my mom. A smug smile stretched his lips. His hands in his pockets made him take on a boyish appearance. I didn’t notice before, back on Avalon, but his hair was a little longer. Mom took a step back.
“You both look good,” I said. My words sounded funny, forced.
“Ah c’mon, Ehlers. It’s gonna take a whole lot more than Alexander to take this down.” Justin shoved a thumb to his chest and shrugged before leaning against the counter. “Besides, we didn’t get the brunt of it.”
He leaned forward, and I saw the shining flesh of scar tissue along his hairline. Another thing I didn’t notice until just then. I reached up a hand to touch it then stopped. My eyes searched his.
“It’s okay.” He huffed a chuckle under his breath and grabbed my hand, pulling it the rest of the way. “I forget it’s even there.”
My fingers touched the line of smooth skin, just a smidge lighter than the rest. “You can barely see it.”
“That’s the beauty of a steady and patient hand. It’s a wonder what they can do nowadays. People can change their entire appearance without a single scar. Even yours has already faded to the point you have to really look to see it.”
I touched my own scar. “That’s true.”
Mom returned to the stove to stir the gravy in the pot. The smell of it made my stomach gurgle.
“Do you guys need any help?” I asked.
“Nope. Almost done here,” Mom said.
I excused myself from the room then entered the hallway and let my eyes wander over all the pictures of me and my brother growing up. My heart ripped a little each time I found one of me and my dad. I touched one of him smiling at the camera with me on his bent knee, my arm lying on his shoulder, not quite making it all the way around to his neck. I was tiny as a child. With long golden hair. As I got older, my hair darkened to the current shade, and I grew much taller.
Justin stepped out of the kitchen. I turned my attention to him and rubbed away the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. Just like Noah was when he found me the night my father’s hatred gutted me, Justin seemed shocked to find emotion in my eyes.
“Uh, dinner is ready.” He made it sound like a question.
I glanced at him. “Thanks.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” I nodded for good measure. “Just hard to see all these past memories staring back at me.” There was a moment of silence between us, then I said, “Did you know my dad and I had a fight before Alexander kidnapped all of you?”
A crease between his eyebrows appeared, and the corners of his lips pulled down.
“He disowned me … I wish I could take that night back. Take all the negative back. So much I wish hadn’t happened.”
He draped his arm over my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “I know. It’s hard for all of us.”
Justin led me down the hall to the dining room, stopping at the table. We took a seat as Mom finished bringing out the meal and sat down herself. A sad smile parted her lips as her eyes met mine. The hurt she couldn’t hide shone clear in her eyes. Everything that happened was my fault, and she didn’t have it in her to blame me or hold grudges. She missed Dad. I missed him too. The house felt strange without him.
I dropped my gaze and shoveled some mashed potatoes, carrots, and gravy onto my plate, leaving the meat to Justin and my mom. The silence was almost damning. I wanted to shout just to break the tension in the air and make things better. My stomach clenched.
“So,” Mom said. “Captain Morrigan seems …” Apparently even she couldn’t come up with a positive characteristic.
“Overbearing? Intense? Power hungry?” I offered.
“No. Nice. But that doesn’t even cover it. Justin told me there was a thing between you two. Can’t be easy to have her as your new commanding officer.”
“She’s only temporary. When Noah comes back, things will go back to normal.”
Awkward silence settled between us, weighing on my shoulders.
My eyes lifted to Mom’s then moved to Justin’s. Both hesitated with their loaded forks in their hands, gravy dripping into pools on their plates.
“What?”
“Just … don’t be surprised if this turns into a permanent thing, okay?” Justin said.
I dropped my spoon. It clanged against the plate, louder than it should have. Like it gained weight as it fell. I muttered a quick apology then added, “It better not be that way.”
“Elsabetha, why don’t you take some time off work and come stay with me for a while,” Mom said, breaking the building tension. “I’ll need the help with your father gone. Things will need to be sorted and stored or sold.”
“Are you moving away or something?”
She sighed. “I can’t keep up this house on my own. I’m too old, and there’s just too much work it needs. Though I don’t want to give it up, I can’t keep it, either. Besides, the plan was for you to have it when you had children. But you’ve grown far too career driven for that.”
Had I? I couldn’t remember a time when Noah and I discussed having children. My heart sank. I picked up my spoon and started to take another bite. Maybe eating would help.
“So, what do you say?” Mom asked.
“I can’t take a break right now, Mom.”
“Yes, you can,” Justin said. “Taberious and Blake already told us about what you’ve been doing.”
“I thought you said you’ve been giving excuses to my mom?”
“We were. She caught on, and after tonight, following your breakthrough, we thought it best to inform Lilian of what really has gone on. The captain is right, you’re too close to the situation to be level-headed.”
“You sound like Morrigan,” I muttered.
“Believe it or not, she knows how much you mean to Noah, and if something were to happen to you, she’d feel responsible.”
“Most of your stuff has already been brought here,” Mom added. “Taberious and Blake helped to get the last of your things from your apartment. With it in disarray, the building manager had to evict you. Sorry, honey.”
I shrugged. “It’s not like I could go back there anyway.” I shoved my mashed potatoes around the plate with my spoon.
Mom reached out a hand and covered mine, drawing my attention to her. “It would mean a lot to me if you would stay for a while.” Her eyes were filled with longing. After everything she had been through—everything I put her through—only one question came to mind …
“Why?”
“Because you’re my daughter.”
“Who got her father, your husband, killed.”
“Whoa!” Justin said at the same time my mom said, “I don’t blame you for that. You’re not to blame at all.”
“Is that what all that training is about?” Justin asked.
I looked at him but didn’t meet his gaze. I couldn’t bring myself to say I trained to take on Alexander when the time came. I couldn’t say I blamed myself because it was the truth. I couldn’t open my mouth. The guilt was too strong.
“Oh, Elsa,” my mom said in a heavy sigh. “No one blames you, least of all me. You did the honorable thing by trying to save us. If I blamed you, I wouldn’t have insisted on waiting for a memorial for your father until you could be there.”
I tried to push off everything she said, preparing my mouth for an argument on how and why she was wrong until the last part sank in. “Wait, what?”
“You’re still his daughter. He loved you more than he showed and would’ve wanted you there to say your final goodbyes.”
Something inside me shifted. The words she said were ones I didn’t want to let through. But they slithered in, and with them came a flood of tears that I’d fought back, for h
owever long, washing down my cheeks. I shoved my plate out of the way and collapsed into my folded arms, sobbing.
ELEVEN
Staring out my second floor bedroom window, I clutched my big brown bear. Of all the possessions I got to keep, I was grateful my bear was included in them. Even my beautiful jewelry box was reclaimed. Some of my jewelry was missing, but I was okay with that. I had the most important piece always around my neck and close to my heart, hidden beneath my clothing.
I sighed and shifted my gaze to my stuffed bear. “How much longer do I have to live without him?”
It wouldn’t answer me. Instead, it stared at me with its black, beady eyes.
“We’re getting ready to leave now,” Justin called up from the bottom of the stairs.
I sat the bear on the foot of my bed and walked out the door.
Stepping through the hall and to the stairs, bits and pieces of lost memories swam through my mind. Memories of summer when I tumbled in the grass with my brother, under a cool sprinkler and of rolling snow into balls of different sizes to make a snow family. As my feet touched the main floor and I turned around the staircase, my eyes fell right into Justin’s as he stood at the front door. His eyes were just like my brother’s. In many ways, he was my brother. If not by blood, in arms at the very least.
He held the door open for me. I stepped out and followed my mother to the limo parked on the street.
The temple was rumored to be the true center of the city. Whether it was or not, I would never know.
It looked like any other building in the city but with the air of a castle. Turrets flanked each side on all four of the main corners. Wings branched from the main building with stained glass, depicting the union between Nepherium and humans that seemed to glow from within.
As I climbed stairs that led to the entrance, each step seemed harder and harder to take, as if an invisible force kept pulling me back, not wanting me to go inside. Just as well, there was an equal power pushing me in.
A hand pressed on the small of my back. Calm and soothing impressions came to mind.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I whispered.
“We’re all here for you.” Taberious’ deep voice rolled, even when he talked low.
I closed my eyes and said, “I know. It’s just … there are so many people here. So many people that I don’t know and didn’t know him.”
“But they are good-intentioned. Can you not feel it?”
I shook my head. “I haven’t been able to feel much of anything besides anger and grief.”
Bear placed a little more pressure on my back. I took a step up and then another.
“In time,” he said, “your grief will fade and so will your anger.”
“In time,” I repeated.
“Yes.”
We reached the platform before the doors. I looked around at the people filing inside and then to Taberious, Blake, Natasha, and Justin. Yet, the one face—Noah’s face—remained unseen.
“No word?” I asked the captain.
She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”
I nodded, clamping my teeth together, then turned and stepped inside the temple foyer.
Through another set of doors, rows of seats lined the three aisles facing the center of the temple. Calla lilies decorated a small table in the center of the dais with a photo of my father, large enough for his eyes and bright smile to be seen at the back, where I stood. An ivory urn sat to the side. I took a lily as it was handed to me and focused on the picture in front of me.
When I reached the table, I paused. My dad’s image smiled with pride. I could almost hear his voice whispering his love and feel his presence next to me.
Tears overwhelmed my eyes as I set the flower next to the frame. I brought my fingertips to my lips then pressed them to my dad’s picture. “I love you, Daddy.” I turned and joined my mom in the front row. My team took their seats in the reserved row behind us, each one gripping my shoulder as they passed behind me.
The priest gave a nod to someone in the back. I almost looked until the sound of the doors closing stopped me. The service began.
Everyone around us stood and lined up in the center aisle. My mother and I moved to stand next to the table set up for my father. I searched the many faces, desperate to see Noah’s. I kept feeling his energy reaching out to me. It was staggered and came in waves. Weak waves, but still noticeable. I couldn’t get a lock on it. My eyes were called to the movement at the very back. A man walked out the door. Long dark hair and squared shoulders.
My heart raced.
It’s Noah!
Squeezing my mom’s hand, I leaned in and whispered, “I’ll be right back.”
Before she could protest, I ran down the aisle, in between the two lines of people waiting to share their condolences for our loss. I shoved open the door and rushed into the icy air then flew down the stairs. Stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, I looked down both sides. He wasn’t there.
Desperate to see him, I kept looking and caught a glimpse. His back was to me, and he was walking fast, gaining more distance from me with each step he took. Without hesitating, I ran after him. I couldn’t lose him. Not again.
Weaving in between the people busy doing their holiday shopping, I dodged children and pets on leashes. I almost knocked over a stroller in the process of tripping over my own feet. After righting myself and the people I offended, I continued my pursuit and caught sight of him just as he turned into an alley.
Hurriedly, I rounded the edge of the building and stopped short. A large brick wall sealed off the short alley with two dumpsters in front of it. A couple of doors were on each side of the buildings. I went to check them, but they had no handles. Access was given by a security panel at the side with a scanner. The back wall was too high to jump, even if standing on the dumpsters. There was nowhere else for him to hide. Despite my efforts to not give into the fear that I had just chased an imaginary man to a dead end, I couldn’t come up with a better explanation. The evidence stared me in the face.
Tears burned my eyes and blurred my vision. Pacing the width of the alley, I searched my mind for possible explanations that wouldn’t land me on the Psych Ward’s Most Wanted list. Mental illness was the only thing that couldn’t be prevented or cured in all of our medical advancements. Some people’s brains were just wired wrong. And some end up exposed to too much over too little time, and something inside their mind snaps.
Is that me? Did I finally go through too much? Am I broken?
My back fell against the brick. I slid to the ground and hugged my knees to my chest, resting my head in between my knees. A communicator in my pocket went off. The first time I remembered to carry it with me or even notice it going off. The message was from Bear.
Ghost … what’s up? Want back up?
I typed in a quick refusal then stood and brushed off my rear before walking out of the alley, almost running right into the cadet I had a brief encounter with not too long ago. He seemed just as surprised to find me as I was to find him. Before he regained his composure, something flashed across his eyes. I honed in on his energy.
“So sorry, miss,” he said and tried to sidestep me.
I grabbed his arm. “Not so fast, cadet.” I emphasized cadet, implying I knew something he didn’t.
He swallowed hard. I tossed him to the wall and braced my right arm across his chest while kicking his feet apart. He held his hands up in surrender.
“What do you want?” he asked.
“Nice try. This isn’t anywhere close to the attitude you had when you wanted to show me the sights.”
His energy shifted. I jumped back just in time to avoid a blow to the face and a kick to my gut. I returned to him with a couple of blows of my own. My body ran on automatic. He managed to dodge and come at me again.
We continued in this way until he managed to get me in my gut. I staggered backwards from the force of the punch, gasping for air. I set my eyes on him.
“You do
realize how fucked you are, right?” He didn’t so much as pant. “Alexander was right. You put up a good fight.”
Those words echoed through my mind. My guard fell.
“Too bad you don’t fight better than me.”
He went to swing at me again. I barely saw a glint of light reflecting off something in his hand. I wouldn’t be able to move in time. Then Justin appeared before me and blocked the attack with his arm, gripping the cadet’s wrist and snapping it. Justin kicked the cadet in the stomach, sending him into the brick wall with a sickening thud. The cadet fell to the ground, knocked out.
Once Justin turned to me, his energy returned to normal.
“Probably best that you don’t get into any more confrontations for today. M—Livian’s been through enough.”
“Wha—H-how did you do that?” I asked.
“What? Oh you mean move around without being seen?”
Bile rose in my throat. The pungent sour taste burned my tongue.
“Come on,” he said, holding out his hand to me. “Let’s get you home and warmed up then I’ll explain.”
TWELVE
WE SAT IN THE living room with cups of coffee warming our hands. A fire popped and sizzled in the fireplace while my mom worked on making some classic biscuits and gravy in the kitchen. I offered to help, but she quickly shut me down. I guess she wanted time to be alone. Not that I could blame her. It had been a long and emotional day. I was still trying to make sense of everything. Especially with remembering things in bits and pieces. Things like Nepherium having the ability to manipulate the energy around them and make themselves appear unseen.
“I knew that my nickname was Ghost, but I thought it was because I could disappear in a figurative sense, not literal.”
Justin sipped from his cup and shrugged. That smug attitude that I loved so much made me smile. I needed familiarity. It brought me some comfort when the one I wanted to see remained out of reach.
Echoes of Memories (Nepherium Novella Series Book 2) Page 7