by Shawn Wall
“I thought we could use a little funk tonight. The disco CD seemed appropriate.”
“It’s not like you won’t be laughing enough when I fall on my ass.”
“I won’t let you fall.”
“Well, I used to be a good skater.”
“When you were fifteen doesn’t count you know.” He laughed and pulled her onto the floor.
“Go slow.”
She felt wobbly, like her feet would go out from under her. At first, they circled the floor slowly, and then Tray started going faster, swinging her wide around the curves. She was getting her groove and let go of his arm, feeling her way, and then began laughing at the next song’s lyrics, “Get Down Tonight.”
“See? You’re laughing. You didn’t know you had it in you.”
Then, she overshot a curve and fell on her butt. Now, she was cackling.
“Are you okay?” She just sat there giggling her head off. The five hard lemonades she had drunk on the drive over had finally hit, making her silly. She was giddy, singing along with the song.
“Make a little love.”
“How many of those did you drink?” he asked, laughing himself.
“I don’t know. Four or five or six maybe.”
She couldn’t get up, and her skates kept slipping from under her.
“Give me your hands. Trust me.”
“Why did you say that?”
He helped her up, but she was still falling over him, barely able to compose herself.
“Because you probably shouldn’t be skating in that skirt.” He shook his head.
“Or the pantyhose.” She laughed even louder.
“This is dangerous. We better hang the skates up for the night.”
“Let’s get down, get down and party.”
She tingled from head to toe. The numbness covered her body, and she barely felt Tray lift her into a chair, and then unlace her skates.
“That’s much safer.”
As they headed back to campus, she drank the last lemonade. She wasn’t worried about tonight and certainly couldn’t think what tomorrow would bring.
“I’ll walk you to your room. I don’t trust you’ll make it by yourself.”
“’Kay.”
She was getting a little sleepy, and the anxiety and nervousness of the night with the combination of booze had worn her down. By the time they reached her dorm, she could barely stand. Tray carried her up the back stairs, retrieved her key from her purse, and tucked her safely in her bed.
“You can call me anytime you need a friend.”
“Thanks, Tray.” She murmured under her breath as she fell fast asleep.
Chapter Eleven
She would definitely need to take an ibuprofen today. Why had she drunk so much? Her head was pounding, and the sunlight blinded her as it leaked through the curtains. She had forgotten that Friday was the last day of classes before spring break, and she only had Anatomy lecture and lab that afternoon. When the phone rang she covered her head with a pillow, but it wouldn’t stop, and she was forced to drag herself out of bed.
“Hello. Whoever you are this better be good.”
“We have a problem.” Tray’s voice sounded louder than usual making her head bound even harder.
“Do you know what time it is?”
“That doesn’t matter. Seth thinks we slept together last night.”
“What?”
“I know it’s crazy, but I got a call from his friend Henry. He saw us together, and he told Seth we spent the night together.”
“Didn’t you tell him nothing happened?”
“I tried, but he wouldn’t listen. He says he was in his girlfriend’s room and saw me carrying you upstairs.”
“That doesn’t mean we slept together.” Her voice was almost a high-pitched squeal.
“Well, he heard us laughing and got the wrong idea. I couldn’t convince him otherwise. I only hope Seth will see reason.”
“Well, does it even matter? Seth doesn’t want to reconcile. Maybe I should just let him think whatever he wants to.”
“I’m not convinced that you guys won’t get back together. He was just hurt last night. He loves you, and he’ll get over a phone call, but he can’t get over you having sex with someone else.”
“Let’s talk with him together. Tray, he trusts you. He knows how I get when I’m drunk. He should understand.”
“Get ready and meet me in the courtyard.”
“I have got to shower, but I can be there in about thirty minutes.”
After a quick shower, she rushed to the courtyard and wondered how Seth could ever believe she would go that far. Surely he wouldn’t listen to Henry. As she neared the courtyard, she could see Tray waiting for her sitting on a bench, but from a distance, Seth was approaching him. She tried to run, but she was still a little light-headed and ended up walking at a fast pace. Even from a distance, they were speaking so loud she could hear their voices.
“Tray, you wait right there!”
“You wait. I don’t know what Henry told you, but he was mistaken. Nothing happened.”
Seth stalked toward Tray and stopped only an inch from his face.
“What was nothing? You’re taking advantage of her when she’s vulnerable.”
Tray crossed his arms. “She was a mess to be sure. You did that all on your own, leaving her like that last night. Even you know I would never do that to her or you.”
“I know how much you would like to have her.” Seth’s face had turned three shades of red.
“That doesn’t matter. She doesn’t want me. She only wants you.”
“I’m supposed to believe you had her alone in her room, drunk and nothing happened?”
“You can believe what you want. The truth is she was very upset and could only think of getting drunk, trying to forget losing you. Did you even listen to her last night? She was trying to get back with you. Did you hear her sobbing when you walked away?”
Suzanne hesitated, walking slowly, not knowing if she should interrupt.
“Nothing happened between Tray and me. I promise.” Her voice was low and throaty.
Seth turned toward her before he spoke. His hands were clenched in fists at his sides. His jaw was fixed, and brow puckered. “I guess it doesn’t really matter. I told you it’s over. You’re free to have sex with whomever you want. You two have come close before. I just can’t believe you didn't even fool around, Suzanne.”
“After what we have shared together, you know that sex isn’t casual to me. Is this what you really want? Last night, you said we were through, but I thought maybe it was just because you were hurt. Now that you’ve slept on it, is this really it? Are we really over? If you can pretend I never existed, then I won’t bother you. I won’t harass you. Just say the word. If you want this to end for good, I’ll move on. You can be sure that whoever I screw will be my business whether it’s Tray or half the school.”
She tried to be strong but betrayed herself, as always, and the tears flowed freely again.
Seth put his head down and didn’t speak. She waited for a long minute of stone-cold silence before she spoke again.
“Well, I guess that’s it. Your silence says it all. Goodbye, Seth. No matter what you think, I hope you find happiness. I’ll see you around, Tray.”
Tray turned his head watching them both with his mouth open.
Suzanne turned, walking slowly away, when she heard that sound again, those faint gasps. She was sobbing. Seth truly believed she had betrayed him. He didn’t believe in their love. The damn shame of it all was this was her last chance of happiness to be sure. She would go on, but she wouldn’t love again, not the way she loved him. As she headed back to her room, utterly devastated, she could hear Tray speaking to Seth. And she didn’t want to hear what they were saying.
* * * *
“You’re a fool, Seth Griffin.”
“Who the hell are you to call me a fool?” Seth purposely glared at Tray. His blood had practical
ly boiled, burning with anger, after he’d spoken with Henry this morning. It was a wonder he hadn’t punched a hole in his dorm wall. Friend or not, with one blow he could lay Tray out cold, and he’d relish doing it. But fighting wouldn’t solve anything, so he mustered every ounce of energy he had to gain composure.
“I have every right. And you’re an asshole, too. Do you even realize what you just threw away? I would do just about anything if Suzanne could love me the way she does you. You fought so hard when she was kidnapped, never giving up. You’re why they found her in time. The reason she was saved. Love like that just doesn’t stop. Man, nothing happened. I never even touched her. If I had, she would have slapped me. She and I are only good friends.”
“Tray, I don’t know what I’m doing. She makes me crazy. I don’t think she loves me like she used to. I guess that’s where my insecurities play in.”
“She loves you more now than she ever did. You better wise up, or you’re going to really lose her for good. If you love her, then fight for her. The Seth I know is as tough as nails and wouldn’t let anyone take what was his. Man, if you’re this crazy just thinking she was with me, what are you going to do when she really starts dating? After today, you’ll have no right to be angry her.”
Seth shook his head. “Did you see her face? She won’t forgive me.” “Don’t you have a class with her later?”
“Yes, we have Anatomy II together.”
“If you want her, swallow that big lump of pride and talk to her, convince her. Make it happen. It won’t take much for her to forgive you, but don’t wait.”
Seth sat on a nearby bench because his legs just wouldn’t hold him. What the hell had he done? God, how it killed him to see her tears, and his heart ached every time he saw her cry. What a bastard he was. He knew deep down she wouldn’t have slept with Tray. His stupid male pride was always getting in the way. Did his pride really matter? Nothing mattered anymore, nothing but her. How he longed to feel her beneath him and feel her soft lips against his own. He wanted her with an unimaginable passion, but it wasn’t just physical. He also longed to hear her sweet voice and just listen to how her day had gone. If he could just hold her in his arms and bury his face in her hair, her sweet, honeysuckle smell would be enough to sustain him. Tray was right, and Seth was damned and determined after class today he would win her back, no matter what it took to convince her, and this time it would be forever.
* * * *
Suzanne ran back to her room. There was nothing that could be done. Seth’s silence said it all, more than any words could have. She stared into space for several hours, waiting for her last class. Then, she remembered having to sign a form in the financial aid office, and that was when she saw them. Seth was standing against the wall in the main lobby and a cheerleader from his Speech class was flirting with him. The girl had let him know more than once that she was interested. Suzanne couldn’t help but stare as Seth leaned his head back, and the girl brushed her hand across his arm. How could he let her touch him?
Suzanne quickly ducked behind the wall, unable to hear what they were saying because the girl appeared to be whispering in his ear. Suzanne’s heart raced, her breathing became rapid, and the tears spilled over her eyes. She couldn't bear it, and if Seth saw her surely she would be the fool. In spite of everything she’d thought their love was magical, reaching beyond any and all boundaries. The simple fact was that type of love didn’t truly exist. After the pain she had caused in her past, maybe this was just karma.
Once they were out of sight, she ran as fast as she could back to her room. There was only two hours left before class, and she wouldn’t let him see her this way. She had too much pride for that. Trying on two different outfits, she chose one with the shortest skirt and tightest sweater. Her makeup had to be perfect, and she’d have to braid her strawberry hair just the way Seth had always said he loved it. The cheerleader was certainly not prettier than her, and if he is with her, she’d show him just what he couldn’t have anymore. Sitting on the end of her bed, she realized no matter how she dressed or acted, nothing had changed. Her heart was broken because she had destroyed her life again.
It was twenty minutes till class, so she grabbed her backpack and headed out before she lost her nerve. As she reached Anatomy and found her seat to the far left, she didn't see him. Maybe he skipped the last lecture and lab to leave early for spring break. Maybe he had a romantic interlude with the cheerleader, taking her to his room as he had Suzanne many times. Her heart began to race at the thought. Remain calm and don’t cry.
Class was about to start, when Seth rushed in just before the bell. He looked out of breath. Ha! She wondered why. There were no assigned seats, and the usual spot he took to the far right was already taken. He was forced to sit one row behind her, about six seats to the right. Oh, no, he would have to pass her. Don't look at his eyes. She kept her head down and could smell his musk and woodsy aftershave. She thought she might faint. His smell was wonderful, and it intoxicated her, whirling her into a familiar frenzy. Waiting about five minutes, she had to glance back at him. To her surprise, he stared back, so she quickly turned her head.
After a few minutes, she glanced again, and he was still staring. This time he caught her gaze and smiled at her. Oh, if his eyes didn't get her, that smile would. What was he looking at her for anyway? Seth could stare at his stupid cheerleader, or he could take her for a ride on his motorcycle. She’d love the purple helmet. If Suzanne saw them together again, or if that girl tried to touch him, Suzanne wouldn’t be able to control herself. After class, she quickly gathered her things and headed for lab. Glancing back at him, she noticed he was staring again. When she stood up, his eyes widened. Let him look. After all, she had worn this little number for him to notice. Eat your heart out, Seth.
She was in lab before him, but she didn’t dare look up. When she saw him sit down out of the corner of her eye, she crossed her legs, trying to pull the tiny skirt down at least a little. She didn't want to reveal too much. She’d worn the tight sweater that showed cleavage. She couldn't change now. How embarrassed she was for wearing this. She must look absolutely pathetic to him.
Oh, Suzanne, calm down, don't turn red, hold it together.
She had to look at him. She glanced quickly, and their eyes met. Oh no.
He turned his chair toward her and began to speak. “You look very beautiful this afternoon."
Ah, good. She must have gotten to him at least a little.
"You’re speaking to me now. Thank you.”
"I haven't seen you in the cafeteria lately. I noticed last night you’re looking thinner. Have you been eating enough?"
What did he care? Suzanne had only been eating about one meal a day, no appetite at all. She was just too sad to eat.
"That's really not your concern anymore. You made that perfectly clear last night and this morning. I can take a hint."
"I will always care. You can't change that, even if you don't want me anymore.”
“I don’t want you? Did I hear you right? I would have groveled on my hands and knees this morning if it would have helped. You actually believed that I would fool around and with Tray no less. You know I think that’s what I’ll do on my spring break. My mission is to screw the first decent looking boy I see after class today. You and I both know how easy it would be. I know at least half a dozen football players I could call. I have a great idea. Why don’t you come with me and watch? You already think I’m a slut anyway so it shouldn’t matter. Then, you can be pissed off at me for a good reason.”
She didn’t know what had come over her, and she was so mad she could see red. He winced and stared without blinking. Was he really serious? After seeing his little cheerleader, how could he have the audacity to say that to her? She ignored him the remainder of lab. Professor Lint said when assignments were completed everyone could leave. So, she quickly turned in her paper before a flood could pour from her eyes. She was about to lose it, and if she looked at him, it would b
e over. She could feel her cheeks turning red as she rushed out of class. As she walked toward the stairwell, she heard the classroom door slam. If it was Seth, she be damned if she’d turn around.
"Suzanne, stop, wait, please."
She tried to get away, jogging down the stairs, but he caught her.
"Seth, what do you want? Why are you trying to be nice? You made it perfectly clear we’re through.” The tears slowly came as she spoke. He brushed her cheeks with his fingers, wiping away the tears. She couldn't stand his touch.
"Seth, you are tormenting me." She trembled.
"What?"
"I saw you with her, and I know you've moved on. It would be easier for me if you would just ignore me. Stop looking at me constantly in class. It cut my heart out just seeing her stand close to you. Why did you even come to the hospital last night if you’re with someone else? Why would you even care who I’m with now? You may not believe it, but I never betrayed you. Tray never even gave me as much as a peck on the cheek." Her voice shook.
"I don't know what in the world you are talking about,” he said, and then he brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I haven’t moved on with anybody. I believe you. I know nothing happened with Tray. I admit it. I’m a pigheaded asshole. I was just hurt that you didn’t call me last night. I let my imagination get the best of me."
"This morning I saw you in Overstreet Hall with that girl.” She couldn’t lift her eyes to look at him.
"Ah, that stupid cheerleader from Speech cornered me. I tried to ignore her. You know I can't stand her. I was polite as I could be, and if you had stayed, you would have heard me tell her I wasn't interested. Why didn't you say anything? If I had seen you, I would have chased you down. I’ve been waiting all day, trying to figure out a way to beg for your forgiveness."