She did.
The moment he reached her side, he realized she was about to lose it. She was blinking back tears and trembling.
“Please get me out of here,” she whispered.
* * *
“BECKFAST,” JORDAN HEARD someone say.
It took her a moment to realize the voice wasn’t part of a dream. It was real, and it was Corbin who was talking.
She opened her eyes, yawned and nearly went into cardiac arrest when she saw the bright light streaming through the windows. Her heart didn’t slow down any when she realized it was 10:00 a.m. Good grief. She hadn’t slept this late since she was a teenager.
“Beckfast,” Corbin repeated.
He was at the side of the bed, holding a paper plate with a Pop-Tart. Apparently, he’d brought her breakfast. And he wasn’t alone. Regina was in the doorway.
“It was Corbin’s idea,” Regina said. “I think he was worried you might be sick or something.” She paused. “Are you—sick or something, I mean?”
Regina probably meant her mental state. Or more specifically her mental state considering the week before she’d had a semi-meltdown when the reporter had shown up at the rodeo.
Jordan hadn’t completely fallen apart after seeing that picture of herself only minutes after her rescue, but she’d kept it together only because Dylan had gotten her out of there—fast. That meant he’d missed his bronco ride. Thankfully, though, he hadn’t complained about it. Lucian was the only complainer in the house, but that was because he’d lost to Garrett once again.
“I’m fine,” she told Regina, and she helped Corbin onto the bed.
Since he was looking at the Pop-Tart with much more anticipation than she was, Jordan halved it so they could chow down together. The sharing had been a stellar idea because he grinned and bit into it.
“Thank you for watching him this morning,” Jordan added. “But you should have gotten me up to do my shift.”
Regina waved her hand to dismiss that. “You know I love spending time with Corbin.”
She did. So did Jordan. And so did Dylan. It was amazing how easily the boy had fit into their routines. Of course, Karlee had helped plenty with that. She’d put their appointments into a group calendar to make sure there’d always be someone to watch the boy. It was a lifesaver since Dylan had work, Regina was still doing follow-up appointments with her oncologist and Jordan would need to make a trip to the base first thing in the morning. She hated to admit it but Adele might have had the right idea by giving all three of them shared custody.
“App-top,” Corbin said the moment he finished off the Pop-Tart.
Jordan had gotten good at deciphering his words, and she knew he meant laptop and the game that she’d downloaded for him. She took her computer from the nightstand and turned it on for him to play. Dozens of bunnies popped onto the screen, and Regina came even closer to watch him.
“So, are Dylan and you back together?” Regina asked.
Jordan was surprised the woman hadn’t asked that earlier, but then they hadn’t exactly had a lot of time alone for personal conversation. “You heard about Dylan and me kissing in the car the day of Lawson’s wedding?”
Regina patted her hand. “I’m pretty sure everyone in the state has heard about it. According to whichever gossip is telling the story, Theo got really mad and called you a bad name. But, you know, you can never believe what you hear.”
In this case, it was mostly true. Theo hadn’t called her a name, but he’d cursed, and Jordan knew that the cussing was mostly aimed at her. Though Dylan had gotten some four-letter words thrown at him, too.
However, that was all that’d been thrown because at the moment that Theo had been stating the obvious—that it was over between them—all hell broke loose. Deafening thunder, lightning strikes and golf-ball-sized hail. It had sent the judge driving off, and seconds later, Jordan had done the same. Dylan and she had gone back to the house where the only saving grace was that no one inside had seen either the kissing or the fallout that followed.
“Is it true?” Regina pressed. “Are you and Dylan getting back together? I’m leaning toward the answer being no because you slept in the bed alone last night.”
Jordan had indeed gone solo and would continue to do it. Because now that the heat from the making out had cooled, she remembered something she should have remembered right from the get-go—that her life was already complicated enough without adding Dylan back into the mix.
And speaking of Dylan, he came strolling in, and he didn’t look nearly as guilt riddled as she did. After all, the kissing hadn’t just caused problems for her in the complication department, it had perhaps sent Walter Ray on a vendetta to screw Dylan over for Corbin’s custody.
“Daddy,” Corbin said, smiling. “’Ook.” And he showed Dylan the bunny game.
Dylan smiled, too, came closer, and he moved as if to sit down on the edge of her bed, but he must have changed his mind in midmovement because he snapped back upright.
Regina saw the maneuver and volleyed a few glances at them. “I think I’ll powder my nose to give you two a moment. Does Corbin need to come with me?”
Dylan shook his head. “He’ll be fine. I don’t have long. I’ve got a cattle buyer coming in from out of town today.”
Regina nodded and went into the hall bathroom where she could still probably hear everything they said. But there’d be no yelling or anger involved. Not with Corbin in the room.
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry about what happened yesterday.” The words just rolled off his tongue as if he’d rehearsed them. They sounded very similar to the words she’d rehearsed and planned to tell him. “We’ve always had this fire, and I need to be more careful about it.”
She was about to agree, but Dylan just kept on talking. “I just make stupid decisions sometimes. Very stupid decisions,” he amended, “and that was definitely one of them.”
Yes, stupid, but for some reason it bothered her that he’d lumped it together with all the other dumb things he’d done. And that he’d added the very and definitely.
He chuckled, scrubbed his hand over his face. “So, I just need to do better. I need to keep my eye on the prize.” Dylan ruffled Corbin’s hair.
The prize was custody, but now that the judge and Theo had seen them together, any damage had already been done. If Walter Ray could actually do damage, that is. Jordan had to believe that it all hinged on Adele, and as long as she didn’t change her mind again, then Dylan would be a primary part of his son’s life.
Now Jordan had to figure out if primary was what she truly wanted, too.
Dylan checked his watch. “Sorry, but I’ve got to go. See you in about two hours, buddy,” he said to Corbin, and he leaned down and kissed the boy. Dylan smiled. “He really has adjusted well, hasn’t he?”
Jordan made a sound of agreement. Corbin had indeed adjusted, and even though he still asked about his mom every day, he didn’t seem on the verge of tears when they explained that she’d be away awhile longer.
Dylan walked out just as Regina came back in, which meant the woman was probably listening for him to leave. She was also gauging their expressions.
“We didn’t have an argument,” Jordan told her.
If she was pleased about that, Regina didn’t show it, and the deep breath she took let Jordan know that her former mother-in-law was going to explain what was on her troubled mind. She didn’t jump right into it, though. She motioned for Jordan to join her in the hall while Corbin stayed on the bed, playing his game.
Uh-oh.
A talk that required privacy from a two-year-old probably wasn’t a conversation that Jordan wanted to have. Especially before coffee. But Jordan got up anyway and went to the woman.
“You don’t have to remind me that it didn’t work out with Dylan and me before,” Jordan threw out there. She kept her
voice at a whisper so that Corbin wouldn’t hear. “Or remind me that I’m mainly responsible for what happened between us.”
Regina didn’t disagree with either of those statements. “You left before because you couldn’t stay here. I understand that.” She also whispered, “I’m a wanderlust kind of person, too. But my cancer has settled me down some. Having Corbin and Tessie has, as well.”
There was an unspoken question at the end of that. Did what happened to you on assignment bring on the need to become settled? Or has it only been covered by a thin blanket for the time being? A blanket that could easily slide right off?
“I need you to ask yourself if staying is something you can do,” Regina went on. “I know you and Dylan can share custody with Corbin following you wherever you end up being assigned, but that might not be good for Corbin. Without his mom around, he might need more stability than other kids.”
Jordan could definitely see that side of it. In fact, it had been weighing heavily on her.
“When you left last time, it was only Dylan’s heart that got broken,” Regina continued. “But this time, it could be Corbin’s. That’s why I have some advice for you.” She looked Jordan straight in the eyes. “Either pee or get off the pot.”
* * *
PEEING OR GETTING off the pot wasn’t easy. Jordan knew because it’d been nearly two days since Regina’s suggestion, and she was still on the metaphorical pot and still hadn’t peed. That couldn’t go on much longer. She had to do something to end the stalemate.
She picked up the pen, held it over her signature block on the form, hesitated, and then put the pen back down. She’d lost count, but she thought this was the seventh time she’d repeated the process.
The seventh time she cursed herself, too.
Still not peeing, still pot sitting, still stalemating.
Jordan had gone to the base to get this paperwork to start the separation process. It’d taken hours of her time to initiate it, get the forms finalized and then for her to go back to the base to pick them up. She wouldn’t have gone through all of that if she hadn’t been sure.
Except now she didn’t feel sure at all.
Something had to give, and that’s why she’d asked Karlee if she could use her office that she’d set up in the guesthouse. Jordan hadn’t needed the privacy so much as she had a copier for the separation papers once she’d signed them. The base would give her copies, of course, but she wanted her own before it reached the paperwork processing stage.
Signing it was something that needed to be done. She’d been back in Wrangler’s Creek a little over a month now. That meant her leave was almost up, and signing the papers was the next step to moving on with her life. Strange that doing it might keep her in the very place that had once felt like deadweight instead of an anchor.
Regina had brought up her wanderlust problem, but it was more a wander-meh these days. There was no country she wanted to visit. Well, not unless she could see it through Corbin’s eyes.
Now, that made her smile.
Of course, any traveling would likely include Dylan and Regina. A month ago that would have seemed like a nightmare scenario but not so much now.
Jordan had just picked up the pen again when there was a knock at the door, and a moment later, Karlee stuck in her head. “Just checking to make sure you found everything you needed.”
“Got any extra spines?” Jordan joked. She motioned for her to come in.
“Several,” Karlee said without hesitation. “I often need more than one when dealing with Lucian.”
Jordan didn’t doubt that for a moment. More spines and something to rein in a temper. Karlee’s tongue had to be sore from biting it so much because at best Lucian was just a grouch. At worst, he lived up to his nickname of Lucifer.
“Why exactly do you need a spine?” Karlee asked.
Jordan tipped her head to the papers on the desk, prompting Karlee to have a look at them. “It’s scary giving up a life I know for one that I failed at before.”
“I’ll bet. But it’s not the same. Dylan and you were way too young then. Plus, you’ll build another life, maybe even work at the hospital here. And if Wrangler’s Creek starts to close in on you, you could always get a place in San Antonio. That’d be near enough for you to see Corbin nearly every day.”
All very valid points, and Jordan instantly remembered why they’d once been best friends. Friends who talked about their problems and dreams. Since Jordan had been back, though, their conversations had stayed pretty shallow, and there was a huge part of Karlee’s life that Jordan hadn’t even talked about.
“I should have asked sooner,” Jordan said, “but how are your brothers?”
Karlee made a so-so motion with her hand. “The twins, Judd and Joe, are doing great. They have a ranch near Kerrville. And Mack...well, he’s still Mack.”
No need for Karlee to clarify what she meant by that. Over the years, Jordan had heard about Mack getting in and out of trouble, and as Jordan had done for Adele, Karlee had been the one to bail out Mack. Since that likely wasn’t a pleasant reminder for Karlee, or her, Jordan switched subjects. One that would be good for both of them.
“Where’s Corbin?” she asked.
“Making cookies. And Dylan’s going to take him for a ride this afternoon.”
“They’ve been doing that a lot lately.”
Karlee nodded. “It’s all settling into a nice routine. You with Corbin in the mornings so that Dylan can work. Regina takes the middle shift, and Dylan gets the afternoons.” Karlee paused. “Of course that means you’re not spending time with Dylan. Are you okay with that?”
“Sure.” But the moment the answer came out of her mouth, Jordan frowned. “I should be okay with it.” She huffed. “I’ve been back a month and have already kissed Dylan twice, grabbed his balls once and I’m thinking about having sex with him.”
Jordan said that last part very quickly, but Karlee still caught it.
“Sex, huh?” Karlee chuckled. “Well, Dylan is hot.” She also noticed the return of Jordan’s frown. “That’s a generic statement of fact and nothing based on experience. I’m the only woman in Wrangler’s Creek who hasn’t bedded a Granger.”
That was possibly a true fact. Lucian, Dylan and Lawson had indeed gotten around. Heck, Lucian and Dylan were still in the getting around stage, though Dylan was taking a hiatus because of Corbin. A hiatus that she could end if she kept fantasizing about going back into his bed.
Jordan’s phone rang, and when she saw Theo’s name on the screen, that put a quick end to the talk about sex with Dylan. Karlee must have seen who the caller was, too, because she said, “Good luck,” and she headed out.
Jordan debated even taking the call. Theo and she hadn’t spoken since the thunderstorm incident, and she wasn’t even sure there was anything left to say. Well, unless it was to give her a chance to tell him a proper goodbye. Or to tell him that she hoped he’d backed off on his custody quest.
Apparently, she did have something to say after all, and that’s why she hit the answer button.
“Remember the time we were in that cave in Peru?” Theo greeted.
That nearly caused her to hang up. “Are you about to remind me of yet another mistake I made? And then use the mistake to prove some kind of point that will benefit your position in whatever argument we’re about to have?”
Apparently, that had been exactly his plan because he went silent. “I don’t know how else to make you understand that your getting back together with your ex-husband is wrong.”
That was almost certainly true, but Theo had riled her, and Jordan doubted logic was going to be her ally on this.
“First of all, I’m not back with Dylan,” she snapped. “And no, I don’t expect you to believe that after what you saw. And secondly, even if I were back with him, I’m pretty sure this falls into the category of
not-any-of-your-flippin’-business.”
“I care for you—”
“I care for you, too, but at best our relationship is travel buddies or friends with benefits. Or rather, it was friends with benefits. We haven’t been benefiting like that for a long time now.”
“That was your choice, not mine,” he quickly pointed out.
“Yes, my choice. And it’s one I’m sticking to. Our shared past doesn’t give you the right to dictate what you think is best for me. And don’t you dare bring up me being held captive because it’s not playing into any of this, either.”
Oh, that little outburst felt good, and she could almost feel her spine returning. But the good feeling didn’t last. Because she never felt good when she lashed out—even when lashing out was the right thing to do.
“Look, Theo,” she went on when he didn’t say anything. “Let’s just say goodbye and wish each other the best.”
“I can’t do that. I still care for you, and I don’t want you hurt. Are you taking your meds?”
She suddenly felt another lashing out coming on. “Goodbye, Theo,” she repeated. And she hit End Call before he could say another word.
Jordan also picked up the pen and started signing. Of course, she was pressing the pen so hard on the paper that she was gouging it a bit, but still, she was doing it. And she wasn’t doing this solely because of Theo. He’d been just the reminder that this was the right thing to do for Corbin. Somehow, she’d make it the right thing for herself, as well.
She slipped the papers into a folder that she’d need to drop off first thing in the morning at the base in San Antonio. Then, on the way back she could stop at the Wrangler’s Creek hospital and apply for a job. She had a decent savings built up, but she didn’t have the luxury of a trust fund. Which brought her to the next thing on her to-do list.
A new place to stay.
Maybe she could find a short-term rental somewhere nearby. A house with a yard close enough for her to see Corbin whenever she wasn’t working. She hadn’t lied when she’d told Karlee that she was considering sex with Dylan, but it was best to establish some boundaries first. Boundaries so they wouldn’t be under the same roof if things moved from good sex to a bad falling-out. Besides, having her own space might make her feel less claustrophobic.
Lone Star Blues Page 19