Lucy suddenly stopped walking and Russ’s expression changed to one of concern. She looked around as if in a daze. He grabbed her shoulders and lifted her chin so that they were face to face.
“What is it?” he asked gently.
“I don’t know if I can do this again,”
Lucy looked down the hill towards the array of guests, all shrouded in black and eager to get to their destination.
“What do you mean?”
“Another funeral, more sadness and pitying looks. I’m beginning to think I’m cursed.” She dabbed at her brow. “I just can’t fathom why this keeps happening to me, why death seems to follow me around like some awful, sordid shadow.”
“It’s just a coincidence, Luce, a bout of really, really bad luck,” Russ tried to reassure her.
“It’s like all my hard work at trying to forget the last five years has been useless. I‘m re-living a nightmare I can’t wake up from. Time seems to be repeating itself.”
I moved closer to her, forming a barrier between her and the curious guests. They didn’t need anything else to gossip about.
“Luce, you’ve done nothing to deserve any of this. Don’t blame yourself for the things you can’t control.” Russ gestured towards her house at the top of the hill. “Now let’s get in there and give Jamie a reight good send off.” He started to laugh. “And perhaps get you some alcohol too.”
Lucy flashed a small smile at him and nodded. Russ had always been better at pep talks than I was. We reached the house in silence. When we entered it I realised just how much trouble Lucy had gone to. There wasn’t a kitchen surface that didn’t have a tray of food or a row of wine glasses occupying it. The food looked homemade and I realised that she must’ve been up for hours prior to the funeral service.
As it was such a hot day most of the party decided they would rather sit in the back garden than stay inside. While I passed around drinks to members of Jamie’s family I overheard stories about his life: the moment he’d found out he’d got into medical school; his first job as a newly qualified doctor; one individual was even laughing as he spoke about a prank Jamie had pulled on some of the other boys during his school days.
As I looked around the garden I saw no sadness on the faces of the mourners, only joy and laughter. This truly was a celebration of a brilliant man, one who just happened to live a secret life they knew nothing about.
Later, when my assistance was no longer needed, I sat beneath the shade of the tall trunk that supported the treehouse. I saw Lucy approach across the lawn. She took a seat next to me, the one that had been occupied by Russ until he’d had to answer a business call.
I looked at Lucy and tried to decipher her expression, which was often impossible given her exceptional ability to mask her true feelings. She appeared calm as she surveyed the scene in front of her.
“I think it was a success, don’t you?” I asked, nudging her shoulder with mine.
“Yeah. I hope Jamie is up there now, smiling down at all this and realising how loved he was. It’s just a shame he felt he had to pretend to be someone else.”
I thought about that and came to the realisation that this was the perfect opportunity to ask her something very important.
“Do you believe in the afterlife?” I asked.
Lucy turned to face me.
“Absolutely,” she said confidently. “Sometimes I still feel Charlie’s presence in the house. Sounds crazy, I know… but it’s comforting, his way of letting me know he’s still here.”
“Do you believe you’ll see him again one day?”
“Yes,” she said with conviction. “Once this world is done with me.”
I smiled as I realised my presence over the last five years hadn’t gone unnoticed. It pleased me to know that Lucy’s faith was a comfort to her, that she was confident in her belief that I lived on. If only I could tell her my true identity.
“So what did you think to our mystery guest?”
“I think it was Kevin.”
“Me too.”
“Did you see how upset he was? The poor lad was more devastated than Jamie’s parents were.”
I nodded, remembering the man’s blotchy, tear-stained face as he’d sobbed quietly into a handkerchief at Jamie’s graveside.
“We need some answers. Maybe he knows something about Jamie’s accident. I think a prison visit is called for.
Lucy cocked an eyebrow at me.
“I don’t know, I don’t want to make things worse.”
“You won’t. If this man does know something it might help put your mind at rest.”
“I’m not sure I want to know.”
“Even if you don’t, the truth could keep the police from your door.”
She was silent as she thought about this.
“What do you say?” I prompted her.
“Perhaps.”
We both grew quiet as we saw Russ approach. By his side was a woman with shoulder-length hair that was dyed a vibrant red. She was wearing brightly patterned, loose cotton trousers and a black vest top; bangles of all colours glinted on her wrists and I noticed she had a ring on every finger. Nobody would’ve guessed by her clothes that she was attending a wake. As she drew closer her features became familiar to me, right down to the freckles on her face. Russ smiled widely at Lucy and me.
“Erin, I don’t think you’ve met Adam yet.”
“Nice to meet you, Adam, I just wish it was under better circumstances.”
Erin’s hairstyle was different and she had a few more piercings, but her freckled face was the same. She was the only one of Russ’s ex-girlfriends who had ever been invited to live with him. She was the girl who had taken his mind off Lucy.
They sat on the grass next to us and I watched Erin closely. Naturally, she appeared older than the last time I’d seen her but there wasn’t a huge difference in her looks. Russ put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek tenderly. She leaned in to him and held his chin as she spoke to him quietly, ensuring she had his full attention.
“Adam, come and help me get drinks for everyone,” Lucy said, no doubt feeling awkward at this show of affection. She offered me her hand and pulled me to my feet.
“What would you like, Erin?”
“Anything you have.”
We walked across the lawn with crowds of Jamie’s friends and family staring after us, turning their heads one by one like fallen dominoes. No doubt the news article was the cause of their interest. I hurried to keep in step with Lucy.
“Do you like her…? Erin?” The question came out of my mouth before I had a chance to prevent it.
“Yes, most of the time. We used to be really good friends and then she disappeared after they broke up. I was glad when Russ tracked her down again.” Lucy looked at me. “What are your first impressions?”
“Too early to say. They seem very engrossed in each other.”
Lucy narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. “Yes, they’re always like that.”
Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of a couple waving Lucy over. I suddenly became nervous as I realised that the couple were my own parents. I pointed them out to Lucy and followed her as she made her way over to them. They embraced her with genuine affection before their attention turned to me.
“This is my friend Adam,” Lucy introduced me.
“I think we’ve met before,” said my mum, watching me closely.
“Yes, down by the river.”
“Oh, were you fishing?” asked my dad, genuinely interested.
“Not that day, I’m afraid, Lucy and I were just taking a stroll.”
“Are you a keen fisherman?”
“I am actually, my dad taught me when I was a boy.”
He paused and I assumed my words had triggered a painful memory.
“I know of a great place to fish that nobody else knows about,” he rallied.
“Really? Then would you be so kind as to share it with me? I’m always looking for new fishing spots.”
>
He looked doubtful.
“I don’t know, lad, can’t ’ave everyone knowing where it is. There’ll be no fish left.”
We all laughed at his bluntness and I listened to my mother’s soft voice as she asked Lucy how she was doing.
“I have good days and bad days, but I’m all right.”
“It was a lovely service, don’t you think?”
“It was, Jamie would’ve been proud.”
“That he would. Anyway we don’t want to keep you, we just wanted to make sure you were all right.”
Lucy expressed her thanks and we made our way to the kitchen.
“You seem very close to them, and they obviously adore you,” I said as I retrieved some glasses from a nearby cupboard.
“Charlie’s mum once told me she saw me as the daughter she never had. I get the impression he was some kind of miracle baby.”
I thought about my brother Robert and all the things he’d missed out on and realised she was right.
We gathered the drinks and were about to head back out into the garden when I was stopped by my father.
“I’ve been thinking about that fishing spot. You seem like a good sort, I’m sure I can count on you to keep the secret. Besides it’d get my wife off my back, she thinks I’m being selfish”
“Thank you, I’m extremely grateful.”
He nodded before continuing. “It’s in Grassington. If you turn right at the crossroads and then follow a small dirt track on the left, you’ll see a layby. Park up and follow a rough path until you get to a pine forest. Follow the river on your right and then you’ll see it.”
“What is it exactly?” Lucy asked.
“It’s a large waterfall with a pool. In that pool you’ll find as many fish as you can carry home.
It was the place I’d taken Lucy when she’d felt overwhelmed at the hospital. The waterfall we had swam in and held hands under. I saw Lucy’s brow furrow in confusion as she took in my father’s words. In an attempt to distract her, I grabbed her elbow and loudly thanked the man who had raised me for the secret I had been sharing with him for years.
As time went by Lucy became increasingly withdrawn and I spent most of the afternoon listening to Russ and Erin talk about their plans for the weekend and intermittently throwing worried glances in Lucy’s direction. The glances went unnoticed and Lucy continued to appear preoccupied. Eventually, guests began to disappear and it was only when Jamie’s parents approached to say their farewells that I realised the afternoon had now morphed into late evening. Jamie’s parents were courteous and kind towards Lucy and I wondered if their suspicions of her had eased.
Not long after they had left I decided it was time for me to say my farewells. I knew Lucy needed space and some time to allow the day’s events to sink in, so I left her in the company of Russ and Erin. She barely even looked up but gave a small wave and a nod to acknowledge my departure.
I was so distracted that it was only when I opened the side gate that led to the driveway that I realised I’d left my bike at the church. With the sun at my back, I headed in that direction. The day had cooled significantly and as I approached the river I heard a group of small children, completely oblivious to the dip in temperature, screaming with laughter as they splashed one another with the cool, clear water. Their parents looked on at their antics with amusement as they sunbathed on the grassy banks.
Summer always attracted a large crowd to the village. A frequent visitor once told me that as soon as he drove down the hill into the peaceful, pretty place he felt any tension or stress slip away and a feeling of rejuvenation followed. It was that sort of place.
As I neared the church I could hear the low hum of lawnmowers. I breathed in the sweet scent of cut grass, a reminder that summer was at its height. A dove cooed loudly and I looked up to see a flock of them perching high on the roof of the church. Such a low, gentle sound from a placid and peaceful bird. I wondered if this was a sign that God was watching me.
I went into the porch area where I had left my bike. I saw it resting against the wooden panels that covered the walls and was about to wheel it out of the church when I heard a noise: a man’s voice, in some distress. All I heard were whispers, almost like mutterings, of a single phrase. I moved silently towards the doorway to the church proper. I saw rows and rows of empty pews until my eyes rested on one in particular, near the back of the church and half hidden by a pillar. A beam of light shining through a stained-glass window bounced off the bald head of the kneeling figure. I took the light to be a sign that God was listening. The man spoke again and I strained to hear his quiet voice.
“Forgive me, heavenly father, forgive my sins…” he whispered, with his eyes closed tightly and his clasped hands resting on his forehead “...I am an evil and despicable sinner, please recognise what I have done and forgive my actions.”
I moved closer, desperate to match the mutterings to a face. As I silently moved towards the back of the church I heard him repeat the words again. Eventually, I found myself standing behind his pew. He was dressed all in black and I realised that he must have come from the funeral. I tried to move sideways, to get a better view of the man’s face. As I did so my rubber-soled shoes gave a loud squeak. The man’s head turned slightly but his eyes remained shut.
“Who’s there?” he asked.
Now that his voice was raised I recognised it, but couldn’t identify who it belonged to. I decided it was time for me to leave and as silently as possible I wheeled my bicycle outside. As I was leaving I saw Mrs Vain, also dressed in black. When she saw me her eyebrows almost jumped into her hairline and she made a beeline in my direction.
“Lovely service, wasn’t it? That speech Jamie’s brother made,” she exclaimed, “it was awfully emotional! I mean, I had to reapply my mascara about twenty times. It was running down my face. I bet I looked a fright! It’s a good job there were no children about.”
I hadn’t seen Mrs Vain at the service or the wake and her presence, as well as her easy conversation with a complete stranger, both amused and shocked me.
“I don’t think we’ve met before,” she said as her eyes skimmed over me. “No, I think I’d remember if we’d become acquainted.”
I held out my hand formally.
“I’m Adam, I’m just helping Lucy with some odd jobs.”
“Lovely to meet you, Adam.” Her eyelashes fluttered like a doll’s. “Now, have you seen my husband?”
She began to describe him and it dawned on me that the man in the church muttering a plea for forgiveness was Mr Vain. I explained where she could find him and jumped on my bike as swiftly as I could.
On the journey back to Grassington I thought about what I’d just seen. I didn’t know him very well but Mr Vain always came across as a sensible, law-abiding man, certainly not the type to beg forgiveness for his sins. My thoughts wandered to my last encounter with him when I had stopped by the cottage to obtain the wooden ring box. I remembered his stern expression and unwelcoming behaviour then. Maybe I had been wrong about him being a shy sort. Perhaps there was more to him, a persona he kept hidden from society.
As I approached Adam’s cottage, I could just make out a shadowy figure sitting on the front step. They had their head bowed and looked lost in their own thoughts. A flash of red hair told me who the figure was. I hopped off the bike and walked towards the flower-filled front garden of the cottage.
Emma’s head snapped up when she heard me approach and her face lit up in a shy smile.
“How long have you been waiting?” I asked.
“About an hour.”
“I’m sorry, if I’d known…”
“Don’t worry, it was stupid of me to think you’d be home on a day like today.”
I fished around in my pocket for the house keys and, as I did so, I realised that Emma looked different. She was wearing more makeup than the last time I had seen her and her hair was carefully styled in soft curls that bounced every time she moved her head. I started
to wonder if she’d just come from a special occasion.
She followed me inside the cottage and I offered her a cup of tea, which she accepted. I handed her the steaming mug and found myself wondering why the British insisted on drinking hot tea in all weathers, even on a sweltering day like today. I poured myself a lemonade and we both headed out into the garden to enjoy the last of the evening sun.
Emma sipped her tea and glanced around nervously. I wanted to know why she had sat on my doorstep for an hour, patiently awaiting my return, but was too polite to ask.
“The garden is looking lovely,” she said, “are those lupins? They’re such a strange colour.”
I stared back at her without answering, a blank expression on my face. After a while she sighed loudly.
“You’re wondering why I’m here.”
“A little. I’m pretty confident you didn’t just come for the tea or to discuss plants.”
“I didn’t.”
I waited for an explanation and noticed how uncomfortable she seemed in my presence. My thoughts immediately jumped to her son.
“Is Ben OK?” I asked worriedly.
“Oh, yes, he’s at a friend’s party. I dropped him off before I came here.”
“Thank God. You seem so anxious I automatically thought the worst.”
“Do I? Oh…”
Again I waited for an explanation but the silence continued. The only sound came from snippets of conversation as neighbours passed the garden wall.
“Emma?”
She moved her head to look at me and I realised for the first time how unusual her eye colour was: a very light blue, almost turquoise.
“Yes.”
“Is there something I can do for you?”
“Yes.”
I was starting to become confused and a little frustrated.
“What?”
“Join me for a meal sometime,” she said hurriedly while looking up at me beneath her eyelash
“I don’t understand.”
“I’ve been thinking about the other day and what you said about being sober, and, well… seeing you with that girl… Lucy, is it? I realised that I was jealous. It got me thinking that maybe I hadn’t quite moved on from our relationship and it might be worth another try? You can say no and there’s no pressure, just a meal to find out whether there’s anything still there.” She waved her hand dismissively. “Like I said, no pressure.” She talked fast and I had to concentrate to keep up.
The Life and Second Life of Charlie Brackwood (The Brackwood Series Book 2) Page 15