Sunlight burned my eyes and I blinked. I looked up and saw Lucy’s face above me. A strand of her hair tickled my nose as she leaned in for a kiss.
“You were dreaming,” she said happily.
“I think I still am,” I joked.
“Such a cheesy line,” she replied as she stood up and disappeared into the bathroom.
We ate breakfast together in the kitchen at the large oak table while sun streamed in through the windows. A ray of light cast a colourful rainbow of colours as it hit a decorative crystal hanging in the window. Lucy had received it as a birthday gift from Erin in the year before my death. Red and green spots of light danced in Lucy’s hair as she went about her usual routine.
Silently, I watched her. As always, she drank her coffee before her orange juice and allowed her toast to go cold before she applied the butter and marmalade. She tested one small corner of her toast before deciding whether it was the correct temperature for the butter. Next she took her vitamins: iron, calcium and vitamin C, always those particular supplements and always in that order. Pre-empting her next move, I retrieved the newspaper from the letterbox and laid it out in front of her. She grinned up at me and I kissed her forehead.
She took a sip of the coffee and made a face. “The coffee is bitter this morning,” she said, before returning her attention to me. “What are your plans for today?”
“I was hoping to catch up with Russ, maybe see if he wants to go fishing.”
“Sounds good.”
Russ had moved house so Lucy gave me his new address. His house wasn’t far from hers and I couldn’t help but think that he had chosen it with proximity in mind. As I approached I could see that the house had a vast amount of land surrounding it. In the centre stood a small, detached cottage that was so old it looked to be straight out of a children’s book. It was double-fronted with a traditional thatched roof that reminded me of a bird’s nest.
I made my way up the garden path towards the house and noticed that the front garden had at least thirty different varieties of rose bush in a range of colours, all entwined together. It was a labyrinth of colour that resembled a work of art, a romantic concept for someone with such a tough-guy reputation.
I knocked once and waited. The door creaked open to reveal Russ in a royal blue dressing gown, rubbing his eyes and yawning widely.
“Is this house real or are the walls made of gingerbread?” I asked light-heartedly.
“Does that make me the evil witch?” he said, grinning at my pathetic joke.
“Well, you do scare the children.”
He grinned good-naturedly as he continued his attempts to wake himself up.
“What can I do you for?”
“Lucy mentioned that you’re a keen fisherman.”
“Sure am.”
“I was thinking of wandering down to the river and seeing if I can get a bite. I thought you might like to join me.”
His tired eyes lit up at my suggestion.
“I’ll grab my rod.”
Luckily Lucy hadn’t had the heart to sell my fishing gear. Russ didn’t seem to recognise my old rod. As we cast off in unison, it was easy to forget the years that had kept us apart. My suggestion of fishing was a ruse, a way of getting information as well as spending some time with my best friend. But before long I started to enjoy myself.
In an hour Russ had caught two fish and I had caught one tiddler. Russ’s competitive nature resurfaced, but I found it less annoying and more endearing this time around.
“Not long now till school starts,” he said.
“Yep, just a few days of freedom left.”
“Do you enjoy teaching?”
“It’s all right.” I used a reply I’d heard many times from teachers I had come across at social gatherings Lucy had been keen to drag me to.
“I was never the academic sort,” Russ replied. “Too busy socialising, I think.”
“Lucy mentioned you knew one another in your school days.”
“Aye, since she was a nipper.”
“Must be nice to have stayed in touch all these years.”
“She needs someone to watch out for her, she can be fragile at times.”
“You seem to do a lot for her. It’s great she has someone like that in her life.”
“Well, her relationship with her family has always been strained. I guess Charlie and I ended up taking on that role.”
“Do you miss him?”
Russ went silent for a few seconds as he slowly wound his line in.
“I miss this, mainly.”
“Fishing?”
“Aye, someone to knock about with, grab a beer, play some pool. Charlie was always the best at everything.”
His admission shocked me as I had always thought the same about him. I realised we had each been striving to impress the other.
“He must’ve left a big hole in your life.”
“I guess. I don’t think about it much. I have to be there for Lucy.”
“Take on the role he left behind?”
“Something like that.”
“You must feel a strong need to protect her.”
Russ nodded as he cast out again. His eyes were fixed on the landscape in the distance and he rubbed his jaw as though deep in thought. I knew what he was going to say before he said it.
“You know, don’t you?” he said as he glanced in my direction. “You know it was her fault.”
“I figured it out.”
“It was an accident… she didn’t mean to cause Jamie any harm.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
“She’s not a murderer, it wasn’t premeditated or anythin’.”
“I understand,” I said calmly.
“It was a mistake. My fault really. I told her I’d take a look at the brakes. She loved that Mini. Sometimes she’d refer to it like it was a person, a livin’, breathin’ thing. Aye, she liked it much better than that pretentious piece of shit Jamie bought her.”
I nodded in a passive fashion and waited for him to continue. Patience was the best tactic with Russ.
“I knew I should’ve just fixed the car when she first mentioned it, she’d been witterin’ about the brakes for weeks. We’d had buckets of rain and she’d driven it through water that had puddled on the road on her way back from work. She was convinced it had done some damage.” Russ paused to rub his forehead. “I ordered all the relevant parts and we planned to do the work that weekend. But it never got done. Erin had tickets to see some show in Leeds. She’d gone berserk about the time I’d been spending with Lucy, with us just gettin’ back together an’ all. We ended up spattin’, she gave me an ultimatum and the Mini was forgotten. Lucy sent a text when the parts arrived but I ignored it.” He rubbed his stubble anxiously.
“Weeks later I got a phone call from Lucy. She sounded chuffed. Told me she’d carried out the work on the brakes herself, that she didn’t need a bloke after all. I told her I’d check them in a few days and warned her she shouldn’t drive the car until I had. She got cagey with me then, told me I had insulted her with my mistrust.” He laughed at the memory. “It’s hard for me to take her seriously when she’s pissed off. She listened, though. Usually she doesn’t. I guess she didn’t pass the message on to Jamie. His car was in the shop – he’d had trouble with the transmission, or so Lucy told me. He turned down a courtesy car, knowing that the Mini were free. Lucy had been taking her Merc to work for weeks. He set off that mornin’… and the rest you know.”
I thought about the relationship Lucy had described between her and Jamie. How they barely spoke. It made sense that she wouldn’t tell him about the brakes on the Mini.
“The police didn’t detect anything wrong,” I stated.
Russ shrugged and watched the calm waters of the river.
“But then why would they? They had already been switched by then,” I guessed.
Russ looked straight at me for the first time.
“Are you going to dob us in?”
> “No, I believe you when you say it was an accident. I just need to know what happened, for my own peace of mind. I would never do anything to cause Lucy any upset.”
“When Lucy set off for work that mornin’ Jamie had already left. He would never tell her when he was leavin’, just ignored her as if she was unworthy of his attention. A little snot he was. She noticed that the Mini was missin’ and drove his route to work, thinkin’ she could pull him over and explain the danger he might be in. Poor lass found the car at the bottom of a hill with its bonnet wrapped around a tree. She rung me in a flap, told me her fingerprints were all over the brakes and that she would be incriminated. She’d got herself into a right state and it was hard to make out what she was saying… somethin’ about her and Jamie not bein’ what they seemed or summat like that. I rang a few numbers and was lucky enough to know a lad who could get me the brakes, no questions asked. Good lad an’ all, used to work for me. I arrived at the crash site and fitted the new brakes just before the ambulance arrived. I wore gloves to prevent any fingerprints. Lucy and I watched it leave, from my car parked further up the way. We were hidden by the undergrowth. She blamed herself. At one point I was so worried about what she would do that I insisted on sleepin’ on her sofa… that was until Erin kicked up a fuss.”
I thought for a long time about Russ’s admission. I’d already decided I wasn’t going to admit to Lucy that I knew the truth. She had been through so much. Jamie’s death was an accident. Yes, she had lied to the police to cover herself but she was no murderer. This was a mistake that could be forgiven. The only thing that mattered to me was God’s acceptance of her.
I slapped Russ on the back and squeeze him on the shoulder in the manly way I used to when he seemed stressed.
“You’ve got nothing to worry about, bud. I won’t mention this again.”
He nodded as he shuffled his feet in the dirt.
“It’s better that you know,” he said. “You’re a good guy, Adam. Since Charlie died I don’t really have… ”
His voice trailed off but I got the gist of his meaning. I felt guilty that I would be leaving him again soon. Another friend lost.
After a few more hours and a few more fish we were ready to pack away our equipment. As usual Russ had won the unofficial tournament and for once I was glad.
“I reckon we should make this a regular thing,” he said with genuine hope in his voice. “Gets me away from the Mrs anyway.”
“Sounds good, pal,” I said, managing to keep the sadness from my voice.
Chapter Twenty-two
After leaving Russ in the village to run some errands I made my way back to Lucy’s house. I was halfway there when the pain set in. It started as a faint, niggling feeling in my chest that was so insignificant it could almost be ignored. It was only when the pain increased in intensity and began to spread in a dull, throbbing ache that I began to find it hard to breathe.
After many agonising stops along the way I finally arrived on Lucy’s doorstep. When she opened the door I was coughing and wheezing.
“You need to take me… ” I gasped for breath as my legs gave way “…to Adam’s.”
Without saying a word Lucy nodded and helped me into her Mercedes. She set off in a hurry and managed to spin the wheels of her car in the process. I watched her as she kept her eyes on the road. She blinked away the tears that had started to form and I reached for her knee in an attempt to reassure her.
“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” she said. It was a statement more than a question and one I couldn’t deny.
“Adam needs to wake up in his own house,” I managed to whisper, despite the pain.
I rested my head against the cool glass of the window and watched the landscape I was so fond of rush by for the last time. With every scene came a happy memory.
When we entered the cottage Lucy carefully led me to the sofa and I lay down while she arranged the cushions to allow for a more comfortable position.
“Tell me what I can do,” she said, kneeling by my side. Her voice shook with emotion.
“Upstairs… “I gasped as the pain got worse. “There’s a diary… “
She got to her feet swiftly and I heard her footsteps as she ran up the creaky staircase. When she came back she placed the diary and a pen in front of me.
“Is that the right one?” she asked. Her voice sounded high-pitched and she was breathing heavily from exertion.
I nodded as I opened it and searched for a blank page. Silently, and without challenging my actions, Lucy handed me the pen. She understood.
She stroked my hair as I wrote. Her feather-light kisses caused my forehead to tingle and I almost forgot about the pain that spread throughout my entire body. Before long it developed into waves that pulsed through my chest and caused my stomach to churn. I continued to write despite the powerful dizziness that had developed. I had to stop many times, until the pain passed, and then I would begin again, determined to finish.
When my entry was complete, I left the diary open on the page I had written.
I heard Lucy take a big breath before she gently eased me into her arms. I relaxed into her body and closed my eyes. This was how it was supposed to be. Not alone in the cold, dark waters of the river that had always brought me so much joy, but in the arms of the only one I would ever love.
“I love you,” Lucy whispered.
“I love you too,” I said. I could already feel my body growing weak.
“How am I going to live without you?” Her voice shook with emotion.
“You’re strong,” I said, shocked by the weakness of my voice. “You’ve survived without me before.”
She rested her head on top of mine and I felt her shake with sobs. She gasped for breath and I closed my eyes to prevent the room from spinning. The end was close.
“But this time… “ Her voice trailed off and she sobbed quietly. “This time it’s different.”
My eyes grew heavy and my breathing slowed. Timmy’s face flashed in front of my eyes but when I opened them I was still in the cottage. To my relief the pain began to ease and a feeling of weightlessness replaced it. I was transcending into the next life for the second time.
When I heard Lucy speak again her voice seemed distant and fragile.
“It’s different because… There’s a new life to consider.”
I felt the life drain from Adam’s body and the warmth of Lucy’s skin slowly evaporate. A flash of light hurt my eyes and when I opened them I saw Timmy’s smiling face hovering above me. The sound of his laughter gave me reason to smile.
Chapter Twenty-three
I could see his eyelids as they began their gentle flutter into consciousness. I owed this man a lifetime of gratitude and he didn’t even know I existed. The use of his body had given me a second chance and saved Lucy from a terrible fate and I couldn’t even thank him. I still felt a connection to Adam, a sort of tie that was hard to break. It stayed with me until his death at the ripe old age of ninety-two.
I watched as the body I had occupied for a month began to show signs of life again. God had once told me that it was like waking up from a coma. Adam would be in no pain when he returned to his body but would be confused about the time he had lost. This was something I had predicted and was the reason I’d written the diary entry.
I watched over him as he came around. Booze was clearly at the forefront of his mind as he frantically searched the kitchen cupboards, ignorant to the fact that I had disposed of it. It wasn’t until later, when he found the diary, that his mood seemed to become calm. I watched as he read it, remembering the pain I was in when I wrote the last entry.
28 August 2015
Something in me has changed. It’s almost as though I can see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Joy and happiness have not left me after all. I owe all this to the last few weeks of the summer and the people I have formed new friendships with.
Because of them I have found the strength to abandon my issues with al
cohol for good and haven’t relied on liquor for a good few weeks. Their friendship has caused me to realise that I am not alone, that this world can be a joyful place. It’s taken the kindness of Lucy and Russ to show me that: two strangers who have been through far worse in this life than I have. It’s funny how meeting a stranger can sometimes change your entire outlook on life, just by allowing you to compare your individual woes.
The work I have been carrying out on Lucy’s treehouse has been valuable in that it has provided me with the opportunity to seek help from others. It is true that it can sometimes be far easier talking to a stranger about your struggles than it is to talk to a life- long friend.
As a result of my new sobriety, my relationship with Emma has greatly improved. In fact, we met for dinner recently and, despite everything that has happened, managed to act in a civil and mature manner, without any arguments or confrontation.
But the thing for which I am most grateful, above everything else, is the fact that Emma has given me permission to see my son again. It’s strange to think that just a month ago I had nothing and yet now my life is enriched and full of blessings, with two new friends and the possibility of reconciliation with my wife.
I will always feel regret for the error that cost a young lad his life and so I have decided to seek out a counsellor, to help me work through my demons, as well as to become a volunteer at the local youth centre. I realise that in order to get past Liam’s death I need to give something back, to help other teenagers get through hard times. I can see now that attempting to take my own life was a mistake and it is one I deeply regret and am afraid of repeating.
Ultimately, I feel as though the dark days have passed and, as a result, I can resume living the life I want and not the one I tortured myself with for so long.
I watched the confusion wash over Adam’s face. He read the entry again, no doubt trying to remember when he wrote it. After some time the tension in his forehead began to relax and a confused smile adorned his face. His expression was a mixture of happiness and relief and it made me smile too. The diary entry had done what I’d hoped it would do. It had given Adam back his life.
The Life and Second Life of Charlie Brackwood (The Brackwood Series Book 2) Page 24