In Your Heart

by Micalea Smeltzer

  “Yeah, care to explain the details to me? Seriously, what the fuck did you do to get arrested?”

  I swallowed thickly and looked out the window once more. I could see my reflection in the glass. My lips were turned down in a frown and my light brown hair hung limply.

  “I grabbed a knife and told him I was going to cut off his dick and then I threatened to cut off his tongue too. The bitch he was cheating on me with happened to be a lawyer. She recorded the whole thing and it was enough for them to arrest me.” I shrugged, playing it off. “Can you believe that?”

  I glanced at him. A muscle in his jaw twitched and I knew he was irritated. Not at me, but at the situation.

  “It’s like the world is conspiring against me,” I muttered, picking at the tear in my ripped jeans. “No, not conspiring…it’s laughing at me. At how completely fucking stupid I am.” I shook my head back and forth, swallowing past the lump in my throat. Tears stung my eyes once more. “I hate myself so much right now.”

  “Don’t,” Ezra snapped, his tone harsh as he spared me a glance, “don’t fucking say that.”

  “But I do.”

  “Everybody makes mistakes, Sadie,” he interjected, turning down a street and heading out of town.

  “I was going to marry him.” My voice cracked. “I was going to marry an asshole that treated me like shit, who cheated on me, and who just isn’t a very nice fucking person, and why?”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. His lips pursed as his tongue rolled around, searching for the right words. “I don’t know,” he answered.

  “Yeah?” I laughed, but there was no humor in the tone. “Me either.” I buried my head in my hands and let out a small scream. “Why didn’t I listen to you? Why didn’t I listen to any of you? Everybody warned me against him.”

  “You’re stubborn,” he responded, his voice flat.

  “Yeah,” I agreed, “and look where that got me. I’m now fiancé-less and homeless. I’m such a role model.”

  His lips twisted. “Now’s not the time for your sarcasm.”

  “Are you mad at me?” I asked, hating that I sounded hurt. But I was. Hurt, that is. He had every right to be mad at me though. I mean, what kind of crappy friend calls a person up because they’re in jail and then doesn’t even have a place to stay?

  “Yes, I am mad at you,” he replied, “but not for the reason you think.”

  He always did know me so well, like he could read my mind. We’d only become friends when our best friends fell in love four years ago. They were so enamored with each other that we both ended up being left out. We started hanging out and bonded, soon becoming best friends ourselves. The last six months without Ezra in my life had sucked, to put it bluntly, but Braden was my fiancé so I thought I was doing the right thing by cutting Ezra out of my life since that’s what Braden wanted. Little did I know that was simply another way he was manipulating me.

  “So, why exactly are you mad at me?” I asked.

  “Because,” he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself, “you’re acting like this is your fault. You’re not the one that cheated, Sadie.”

  “But I’m the one that stayed with an asshole for no good reason. I mean,” I pushed my hair away from my face, “I don’t feel like I ever really loved him…if I did I would feel more hurt, right?” I asked him. “Because that’s not what I feel, instead—”

  “Your ego is bruised,” he supplied, turning down another road. Farmland stretched as far as I could see as he drove to his house.

  “Exactly,” I agreed, nodding.

  “I think you wanted to believe he was the one for you,” he glanced at me for a moment, his dark eyes serious, “but he wasn’t.”

  “Maybe I’m meant to be alone for the rest of my life,” I mused, “with like fifty cats.”

  He chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re twenty-one. You have plenty of time to find the guy for you.”

  “I think I’m just going to become a nun.” I nodded, affirming my words.

  He snorted and I glared at him. “I think it’s a bit late for that.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, the seatbelt digging into my collarbone. “I’m glad you find amusement in my suffering.”

  “Don’t be like that.” He chuckled. “Think about all that you’ve accomplished. You own your own store, Sadie. That’s a big deal. Be proud of yourself. Focus on that and not trying to find a guy to settle down with.”

  “I wanted so desperately to be in love,” I confessed. “Real, soul deep, shaking in the knees, forever, kind of love.”

  “You’ll have that one day,” he assured me.

  I sighed heavily. “But not now.”

  He shook his head and took my hand once more, giving it a reassuring squeeze before letting go. “This is a good thing. You’re going to be a stronger person because of this.”

  “I hope so,” I agreed.

  I knew I was better off without Braden, and I hated that it had taken this to get me to see that. But it still hurt. I’d spent two years of my life with him, and there had been good memories with him. I stayed with him for stupid reasons, and I was mad at myself for that. I’d given up so much for an ideal I’d conjured up in my mind of what my life was supposed to be like. I would not let this break me. Nope.

  Oh God, was I crying again?

  I tentatively reached up and there were more tears.

  Shit. So much for not letting this break me.

  Ezra turned onto the driveway leading up to his house. Although, calling it a house was a stretch. His home was small, more like a cottage. I’d been there plenty of times before…well, before. It was cute and nestled between shady trees with a lake in the back. There were also no other houses close, which I knew was a big draw for Ezra. Seclusion from nosy people and the media was highly coveted among the Willow Creek boys.

  He parked the SUV in the detached garage he’d had built to match the house. Both were covered in dark blue siding with white shutters beside the windows. I’m sure most people expected a rock star like Ezra to live in a mansion, but that’d never been what he wanted. I admired him, and the other guys too, for not letting fame go to their heads. Not that they didn’t love their shiny toys, like their various cars.

  He turned the vehicle off and sighed into the silence.

  “How about I make some dinner? Fettuccine?”

  I flinched. Fettuccine Alfredo was my favorite meal. Ezra knew that, but that was something Braden could never remember.

  “I’m not very hungry,” I muttered, reaching for the door handle.

  Before I could slip out of the vehicle he grabbed my arm, halting me. “Don’t let him win.” His eyes bored into me, burning me with their seriousness.

  “I’m not,” I argued.

  “That’s exactly what you’re doing,” he snapped. “He’s not worth it.”

  I sighed, scrubbing a hand over my face. “Ezra,” I huffed, “this just happened. I think I’m allowed a day to wallow over the complete shit-fest that is my life.”

  His lips quirked into a small smile and he ducked his head. Releasing my arm, he sobered. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

  “I’m sorry too,” I whispered, a frown turning down my lips. He gave me a quizzical look so I quickly explained. “I’m sorry for throwing away our friendship like it meant nothing to me. I was wrong to do that.”

  “You felt like you had to.” He sighed heavily. Shaking his head, his black curls tumbled forward to hide his gaze. “I’d be lying if I said that didn’t hurt, especially since Braden is such a prick,” his teeth ground together, “but it was your life and I couldn’t force myself to be a part of it. So, I let you go.”

  “And yet, you didn’t let me spend the night in jail. It’s what I deserved.”

  He stared at me for a moment. The intensity in his dark eyes rooted me to the spot. “I’ll always have your back.”

  I lowered my head, feeling forlorn. Ezra was much too kind to me.

&nbs
p; “You should hate me,” I breathed, my words hanging heavily in the air.

  He grasped my chin, forcing me to look at him. His eyes seared into me as he spoke. “Friendship doesn’t work like that. I could never hate you for making the decision that you did.”

  “Even if it was the wrong one?”

  His fingers momentarily tightened against my chin and anger pulsed in his brown eyes. “For you, it was the right decision at the time. Life is a series of choices that we make, some of them are good, and some of them are not, but everything always works out in the end. Things will be better now, you’ll see.”

  He released his hold on me and I looked away with a sigh. “Better,” I repeated. “I hope so.”

  “I know so.” He reiterated with a smile. “Everything happens for a reason, Sadie. Sometimes we don’t understand why, but eventually we look back and can see that everything worked out.”

  “I think it already has,” I whispered.

  He nodded at my words, processing them. “Come on,” he reached for the car door handle, “let’s eat. I’m starving.”

  This time at the mention of food my stomach came to life.

  I climbed out of the large SUV and followed the gravel pathway over to the front porch steps.

  He pulled out his house key and swung the door open.

  “After you.” He waved a hand.

  I stepped inside the cottage and immediately felt an overwhelming sense of comfort. The home was decorated with the coastal colors of navy and white. The floors were a dark hardwood that shined as if they’d just been cleaned. The family room sat to my left with a white couch and chair, with blue and gray throw pillows.

  Across from the family room sat the kitchen. It had white cabinets with concrete countertops. The appliances were shiny stainless steel. It was a work of art, and almost looked untouched, but I knew that Ezra wasn’t that kind of guy. He actually enjoyed cooking. His mom had made sure that he, Maddox, and Mathias, all knew how to cook and not just microwave frozen pizza rolls like most guys.

  Beside the kitchen was a small table with four chairs, but the area wasn’t large enough to be considered a dining room.

  The downstairs also had a small powder room and the laundry room—the laundry room being an addition Ezra had insisted on since the home didn’t have one when he moved in.

  Upstairs there were two bedrooms and a shared bathroom.

  Straight ahead lay a pair of French double doors that led out to a large deck overlooking the lake. I knew if I went out there he would have several rocking chairs lined up, a grill, and a fire pit. The view of the lake, and the deck, had been one of the things Ezra loved the most about this place.

  He’d dragged me to various homes during his house hunt. That seemed like a lifetime ago even though it hadn’t been more than three years.

  “You act as if you’ve never seen the place before.” He chuckled, noticing my lingering stare.

  I lifted my shoulders in a shrug and gave him a small smile. “I missed this place.”

  He beamed at my words. “Yeah?”

  I nodded. “This has always been one of my favorite places.”

  I always felt at peace here. I didn’t know why. Maybe it was the fact that the home was so cozy and welcoming, or maybe it was the breathtaking view of the lake. Or maybe it was simply because this was where my best friend lived, and being near him filled me with a sense of security.

  “You can stay here as long as you need,” he said, moving into the kitchen. He began to rifle through cabinets, setting out pots.

  I wrapped my arms around my body, as if I could hold myself together. “Thanks,” I forced a smile. I hated intruding on Ezra’s space, but I was truly thankful for his kindness. Especially after the last six months with no contact. Without him…I didn’t know where I would stay. I couldn’t afford my own place right now.

  He flicked a piece of dark hair out of his eyes. “Want to help?” He asked me.

  I nodded, stepping around to the other side of the counter beside him. He quickly gave me instructions and I went to work.

  We laughed and joked as we cooked, slipping into our once familiar roles as best friends. God, I’d missed this. Ezra might not have been my friend for as long as Emma—who I had known since we were babies—but our bond was just as strong. Sometimes I even felt like it was stronger.

  We fixed the table and sat down across from each other to eat.

  “So,” I started, picking up my fork, “how was the tour?”

  Willow Creek had been on a tour across the United States since January. They’d only been home a few weeks.

  “Good,” Ezra nodded. “Tiring, but fun. It was nice to get back out there and play on stage, but I’m also ready to get back in the studio.”

  “So, you guys are already working on the next album?” I swirled the noodles around and then took a bite. “Oh my God,” I moaned, “that’s delicious.”

  Ezra smiled at my words. “I’m glad you like it.”

  “It’s certainly better than a restaurant.”

  He’d made the sauce from one of his mom’s recipes and it was as good as I remembered.

  “To answer your question,” he reached for a wine bottle, filling each of our glasses, “yes we’re already working on it.”

  “Do you guys ever sleep?”

  He choked on a laugh. “No, not very much.”

  “You all have lots of dedication,” I told him.

  He tipped his glass in my direction. “So do you.”

  Me?” I snorted. “No.”

  He clasped his fingers together, studying me like I was some fascinating specimen. “I don’t know how you can dismiss your accomplishments so easily.”

  “They don’t feel like accomplishments when I’m currently homeless.”

  He set his glass down, crossing his fingers together. “You’re too hard on yourself. Why?”

  It was a simple question, one I should’ve been able to answer, but I couldn’t.

  “I think,” he continued when I didn’t speak, “that you need to focus more on your accomplishments and less on your failures.” He slowly raised the glass to his lips.

  I sighed, taking another bite of fettuccine to stall for time. “I’ll get right on that.”

  He shook his head, fighting a smile. I expected him to call me on my sarcasm like he usually did, but he didn’t.

  “You know,” he said, “when I met you, you were…” He paused, his lips twisting as he searched for the right words. “So vibrant,” he settled on, “and from the moment you got with Braden I’ve had to watch him strip your identity from you. You went from this carefree girl to this…shell. It’s like you’re a stranger.”

  “I was a teenager then. I grew up,” I defended, his words stinging me.

  He shook his head, looking at me pityingly. “No, it’s more than that.”

  I knew he was right, but that didn’t make it hurt any less to have him point it out to me. Reluctantly I mumbled, “Yeah, I know. You’re right.”

  “We’re going to change that,” he stated. He tilted his head to the side, daring me to contradict him.

  “How?” I asked, not even bothering to hide the challenging tone in my voice.

  He tapped his lips. “I don’t know yet, but I’m going to figure it out.”

  I believed him.

  In fact, I always believed in Ezra, because he’d never let me down.

  We grew quiet as we finished our dinner. I offered to wash the dishes, but he refused my help and I reluctantly settled on the couch.

  Ezra joined me a little bit later, turning on the TV and settling into the chair.

  The silence between us should’ve been awkward since we hadn’t seen each other in so long, but it wasn’t. In fact, it was like no time at all had passed.

  I let out a heavy sigh, suddenly feeling exhausted. It wasn’t even eight o’ clock yet and I felt like I could pass out asleep any second.

  At my sigh Ezra cast his dark eyes in my d
irection. “Tired?” He asked, the corners of his mouth wrinkling with concern.

  I nodded. “Yeah, I think I’m going to go to bed.” I stood up, as if to do that and my face crumbled with the realization that I had no clothes, no toothbrush, nothing. “I don’t have any of my stuff,” I sniffled.

  “Sadie,” Ezra’s eyes darkened with worry, “we can get your stuff tomorrow. We’ll make do for tonight.”

  “Right.” I nodded, rubbing a hand over my face. I couldn’t believe I didn’t have anything. Not even my purse. I’d been so distracted by my anger, and then getting arrested that I hadn’t even thought about all my shit at Braden’s place. I really hoped that tramp didn’t do anything with my stuff.

  “Sadie,” his eyes narrowed on me as he repeated my name, “are you sure you’re okay?”

  I wrapped my arms around myself, my eyes shifting to the stairway. “No,” my lips began to tremble, “I’m not.”

  I wanted to be okay. I knew I was better off without that asshole and should’ve dumped him a long time ago, but it still hurt. I might not have been in love with him like I thought I was, but I had loved him in some way or I wouldn’t have been with him.

  Ezra didn’t say anything. He simply stood up and wrapped his arms around me. I didn’t return the embrace at first, but slowly I wrapped my arms around his lean chest. I inhaled his familiar woodsy scent as my tears stained his white t-shirt.

  “This is the beginning of new and better things,” he vowed.

  I nodded against his chest.

  Taking a step back I dried my tears with the back of my hand, silently vowing that they’d be the last tears I cried over Braden. He wasn’t worth my sorrow.

  Ezra stared down at me, his eyes raking over my face as he looked for any signs of another imminent breakdown.

  “I’m okay,” I assured him. “I just needed to cry again.”

  “And that’s fine,” he reached out, wiping away a tear I had missed, “tears aren’t a sign of weakness, but of strength of the heart. They show you care and caring is never a bad thing.”

  “Even when it gets you hurt?” I questioned, leaning my head back to look up at him. At six-foot Ezra was much taller than me.