by K. Ancrum
“Hey!”
August ignored her. “Do you know where Daliah is? I haven’t seen her since we got back from break.”
“Why should I tell you? You’re rude.” Alex sniffed as she pulled her papers toward her protectively.
“Tell him or I’ll spill juice on your notes,” Jack said threateningly, not looking up from his ravioli.
“Ugh. The both of you. I don’t know why I even—” Alex shook her head. “Daliah was arrested on drug distribution charges. I doubt you’ll see her again. They’re really cracking down on that sort of … behavior. I would suggest you take the warning.”
Jack gazed at August and raised an eyebrow in silent agreement. August groaned theatrically and slumped in his chair.
GÜLEN
Not even two class periods later, August was called into the office. He sat down nervously in a chair with peeling yellow paint and waited.
The dean stared at him for a couple of minutes, weighing him in the silence. He was an ex-marine: huge, mustached, and not known for his patience or leniency. Once he felt enough time had passed to sufficiently terrify August out of sheer suspense, he tossed a plastic bag on the desk. “Do you know anything about this?”
“No?”
The dean didn’t look impressed. “Jason Matthews said he bought this from you. You can claim whatever you’d like, but the police are going through your locker. If we find something, there will be consequences.”
August felt like someone was pouring cold water in a straight line slowly down his spine. There shouldn’t be anything there. He hadn’t gotten any fresh supply since Daliah had left for winter break. But what if they found some dust, or something had slipped out? There should be nothing. He never used his supply. Never opened the packages. He hadn’t even known what half of them were.
August sat paralyzed with fear as the dean stared him down wolfishly. The blood pounded in his ears with the ticking of the clock on the wall. When he’d gotten so anxious that it felt like he was about to vibrate right out of his skin, an officer stuck his head through the doorway.
“He’s clean.”
The dean steepled his hands over the desk. “Get out of my office.”
BURN
August walked out of the office, down the stairs, and right out the front door. He just couldn’t finish the day. And like always, he found himself in the woods. He quickly stacked some branches and fumbled in his coat for a matchbook. When the pile was finally lit, he shrugged off his backpack and curled up next to the fire.
Perhaps a bit too close.
Ash was getting on his face and in his hair.
The tension in his neck and shoulders was thick, tight from fear. He was so stressed out he wanted to cry. August looked at the flames and willed himself to stop shaking. This was the only thing that worked. Cigarettes couldn’t really do this for him anymore. Sure, they were more portable, but they didn’t work as fast as this did.
He wished he could share this feeling with Jack. He didn’t even know what to call it. This melting, thawing, calming burn.
DON’T
“I told you, August. I told you.”
August flicked ash into the ashtray by Rina’s couch and stared at the wall. He’d thought he could escape a lecture by virtue of his mom not getting a call from the school, but he should have known better.
Jack scowled at him from across the room. “You can’t ride on people’s assumptions about you forever. Eventually, people are going to look past all your fancy clothes and neatness and notice what you’re really like. You’re lucky you got away with it this time. But it’s just luck. You can’t rely on it.”
Rina watched them curiously from the kitchen as she sipped tea in her dressing gown. She never interrupted them when they got like this.
“And what am I ‘really like,’ Jack?” August shot back, fully understanding that he’d taken the bait. But he was past the point of caring. He’d just lost a large portion of his family’s income, and he was not in the mood to get bitched out.
Jack sighed loudly in annoyance. “You’re just … Fucking hell, August. You know what I mean.” He gestured wildly. “On the outside you’re, like, pristine and neat and … you used to get a haircut every week for Christ’s sake! But on the inside you’re … that’s not … well, you’re not the same. That orderliness isn’t there. I mean, at least you can tell from the outside that I’m batshit. At least it’s not a fucking surprise. You’re all complex and … you act like something is itching to crawl out of your skin.”
August just stared at him.
“Something bad,” Jack finished, looking absolutely wrecked.
There was silence. Then August put out his cigarette and got up from the couch and shrugged on his coat.
“No! No, wait, I didn’t mean it like that. I just—” Jack reached out to pull him back, but August shrugged him off roughly and stalked toward the door. “August.”
August stopped, his hand on the doorknob.
“I didn’t mean … I mean … don’t leave. Please.”
August closed the door softly behind him.
STALEMATE
They didn’t speak for a week. There were so many things August was mad about that he just couldn’t. Jack showed up to his classes less and less before dropping completely off the radar by Wednesday.
August struggled not to care.
He had lots of distracting sex with Gordie, who seemed like she was trying to distract herself, too. He spent the rest of the time sleeping.
Saturday, though. Saturday was different. He could feel it prickling under his skin. What if Jack wasn’t eating? Or sleeping? What if he was dead? It was so easy to think up terrible things. He could only be reassured if he saw him …
After a couple hours of stewing, August threw on his coat and hopped on his bike.
MY KINGDOM FOR A HORSE
August tossed his bike down on the lawn, dug out the key from the flowerpot, and let himself into Jack’s house. All the lights were off. He walked through the living room and went upstairs to check for Jack—but no one was there.
“In the kitchen.” Jack was waiting for him. Alone, sitting in the dark, with a mug of coffee on the table in front of him. He looked at August for a moment, then gestured for him to sit down. “So. You’re back.”
August settled into the chair. “I never left.”
“That’s not exactly true,” Jack replied tartly. He rapidly tapped his fingers against the mug in agitation, but didn’t say anything more. August stared down at the table. His throat was swelling with something. Embarrassment? No. It was shame. He could feel his cheeks getting hot. “Come here,” Jack said.
August stood up and went to him.
“On the floor,” Jack corrected. “I’m not going to look up at you. On your knees.”
August sank down slowly until his knees hit the linoleum. He closed his eyes.
Jack was looking at him. He could feel it. “This is your game, August. You asked for it. And we aren’t finished playing because you haven’t asked to stop.” Jack was close. His breath skittered across August’s eyelids, making him shiver. “I’m sorry I made you angry. But don’t ever run away from me. You shouldn’t abandon your king. It’s … dishonorable. Unchivalrous. Cowardly. You can’t leave me behind,” the Wicker King hissed.
And he was right. August couldn’t leave him behind.
“Are you sorry?”
He nodded. He was sorry.
Jack crawled out of the chair and kneeled on the floor in front of him, but it no longer felt right for them to be on the same level. August felt himself bowing lower and lower until his forehead touched the floor.
BOY
August’s pocket had been buzzing all through chemistry. He hadn’t gotten a chance to check his cell phone yet, but chances were it was Gordie.
Earlier in the day, Alex had told him that Gordie was probably going to ask him to be her boyfriend again. She thought things were going well and wanted him to comm
it to a relationship.
And they were going well … in a way. They weren’t fighting—which was a miracle—and he really liked having her around. But the entire concept of dating Gordie again gave him anxiety. It would be better to just step back now, before they reenacted their entire previous relationship.
She deserved a better guy than him. Someone who had time to actually take her on dates instead of ditching her all the time to deal with Jack.
And he had to deal with Jack. That was nonnegotiable.
When the bell rang, he took out his phone and answered whichever text was on the top without reading it:
we need to talk. 12:00 behind the gym
BRUT
“I don’t think we should continue seeing each other,” August said bluntly. He didn’t like to beat around the bush. He was too tired for anything like that these days.
Gordie frowned. “Why?”
“I know you like me. Like, like-like me,” August said. “And I’m sorry about that. You really shouldn’t.”
“Why?” she asked quietly. “Why shouldn’t I?”
August looked down at the grass. He wasn’t sure how to answer that question. “I didn’t mean to lead you on. I didn’t know you actually were interested in anything legitimate until Alex told me how you felt. I just can’t right now. I’m sorry.”
“You’re so full of shit, August. You know exactly why I shouldn’t. You’re so choked up with your own hypocritical bullshit that you can’t even admit that you never liked me, or really wanted me at all.”
“Gordie, I did like you. I do like you—”
Gordie laughed, harsh and angry. “And you know the best thing about it? I’ve always known you were like that and I loved you in spite of it. I thought, ‘Maybe I could give him what he needs, even if I’m not the one he truly wants,’ but—”
August stopped listening. What did she even mean by that? There was no other girl he wanted. He was way too busy to even consider something like that.
“And you didn’t even have the decency to come at me like a man and give me the respect of admitting that you used me.”
August rubbed his hand over his forehead. “I’m sorry. I’m just really tired right now. Okay? We can still be friends.”
Gordie shook her head as she backed away from him. “No. No, we can’t.” She didn’t even punch him good-bye.
HOT HANDS
Jack leered at him, grinning dangerously.
“Don’t hit as hard next time,” August complained.
“I make no promises.” Jack’s hand twitched and August flinched. But he didn’t move away.
“This feels like some sort of terrible trust exercise.”
“You only say that because you’re bad at this game. Besides, it’s not my fault. If you moved away in time, you wouldn’t get smacked.”
August rolled his eyes dramatically, and Jack took the opportunity to whip his hands from under August’s palms and slap the tops. Hard.
“Ow! Jesusfuckingchrist.”
“Annnnnnd five out of five. I win,” Jack said smugly.
August groaned and threw his hands up in the air. “Fine. Fine. I’ll pay. But next time, I swear to god we’re doing Rock Paper Scissors to decide instead of playing Hot Hands. Because it’s not even fair that I have to pay for ice cream and deal with welts.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. On with it, vassal.” Jack smacked August’s shoulder annoyingly as August rummaged for his wallet.
MILK
Watching Jack eat was one of August’s least favorite activities. It was so awful, but once you got started, you couldn’t stop staring at the mess. Jack slurped the bubble-gum ice cream dripping down his fingers. He followed the line all the way down his arm, licking shamelessly. He’d asked for a cone.
August had no idea why anyone would do such a thing. He neatly spooned his ice cream out of his cup and concentrated on looking dour.
“You seem happier than usual,” Jack said.
“I’m actively frowning, Jack.”
“Pfft, like that means anything. You frown all the time. Usually you have this extra rage wrinkle between your eyebrows, but it’s gone now. What did you do?”
“I broke up with Gordie.”
Jack looked way too excited about that information.
“What?”
“Nothing, nothing. I’m proud of you, man. She deserves better.” Jack covered the entire top of his ice cream with his mouth and sucked hard.
August grimaced and looked away. “Yeah. She does.”
GOD
They spent their afternoons with Rina every day now. They usually stopped by with snacks or dinner, then spread out on the floor to finish their homework. Her place was pretty great. It didn’t have the hollow emptiness of Jack’s giant house or the mild parental supervision of August’s considerably smaller one. Plus, neither of their houses had a cute chick constantly puttering around.
August looked up from his history notes and watched as Rina bent down to rub some scuffing off her gold heels.
He felt Jack watching him watch her, so he turned to raise an eyebrow at him. But when he looked over, Jack was looking down at his book.
“Hey, Jack?”
Jack looked up, startled.
“Where are we now?” August asked.
“We’re … on a hill. It’s windy here, too, but I can’t feel it. I can only see it waving through the grass.”
“My apartment is on a hill?” Rina popped her head out of the kitchen to participate.
“You could say that,” Jack said wryly.
“What else is out there?”
“Sheep,” Jack replied instantly. “Or at least they look like they could be related to sheep. Too many horns.”
“Jesus.” Rina looked horrified. “How do you even get around?”
Jack picked at the carpet.
“You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want,” August said softly.
Jack shrugged. “No, I don’t mind. The only thing that’s consistent now is people. I just watch the way everyone moves through a space and follow the paths. Plus, I’ve had at least three months to coordinate things. It’s not as bad as it seems. And when that fails, I just follow him.” He gestured at August.
August didn’t meet his eyes.
NOTHING LEFT
Jack wanted to go to bed early, so they kissed Rina good-bye. Jack headed quickly down the stairs, but August paused at the doorway.
“Hey, weird question, but … why do you let us stay here?”
Rina crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe.
“Why is it important? You’re already here and I’m not saying no.”
August laughed, but rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I know, I know. But seriously. I’ve never … usually people don’t just open up like this. Or do anything for … us.”
Rina rolled back and forth on her heels and frowned. She wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“Would it be weak if I said I was just lonely? It’s hard to make friends after you leave school,” she admitted.
“It’s not weak,” August said firmly.
He paused and looked over his shoulder to check for Jack, then pulled Rina into a quick hug.
“It’s not weak. My mom once told me that being alone makes you feel weaker every day, even if you’re not,” he said quietly. “But it’s not as bad if you’re with other people who are alone, too. We can hold each other up like a card tower.”
“Your mom sounds really smart,” Rina murmured into the lapel of his jacket.
“Yeah.” August smiled. “She’s the best.”
TEN INCHES
August, Roger, and Peter had geometry together. They had spent the past couple of weeks subtly migrating across the room from their assigned seats until Roger sat in front of August and Peter sat to Roger’s left, against the wall.
They passed notes. Predictably, Jack didn’t like being discussed in public, which August had made the mistake of doing once. B
ut now that they all ate lunch together and his afternoons were completely occupied, August had to figure out some way to update the twins while Jack wasn’t there. This seemed to work pretty well.
Roger’s main concern at the moment was making sure Jack and August were doing all right, whereas Peter was generally more interested in the progression of the prophecy.
I’m mostly curious about how the completion of the quest will affect his current state. I wonder if he’ll get better or worse.
August scowled at him ferociously and wrote back: Jack isn’t an experiment. Stop talking about him like that.
He received: You don’t have to get so butthurt.
Before August could unleash all hell upon him, Roger snatched the note off his desk. “Ignore him,” he said. “You’re doing fine.”
WARDEN
August went into the school library. He needed to return a couple of books. He’d started taking out more fairy-tale books for Rina because she’d exhausted the selection in her own town library. To his surprise, he spotted Gordie and Carrie-Anne sitting together, talking excitedly at a table in the back of the room.
They’d never been friends before. This was … startling.
In the past, Gordie had griped along with August about Carrie-Anne, but now she was riveted by whatever Carrie-Anne was saying, as if they’d been friends for years. Suddenly, she spotted August staring from across the room. Gordie said something, and then Carrie-Anne turned to look at him, too.
August waved and smiled—mostly out of reflex.
Gordie didn’t wave back. Carrie-Anne frowned at him and turned back around. Whatever Carrie-Anne said next made Gordie laugh. Then Gordie grinned at him with open hostility, like she knew something he didn’t. August tossed his books on the counter, scanned his ID, and got out of there as quickly as possible.