“I know you. I know you’re lost. I know the guilt is eating you alive. I know you think you deserve every pain the world can dish out because of what you had to do to him. But you don’t. You were put in an impossible situation, and Bea, you made the right choice. The only choice. Look, I didn’t Will that well and what little I did I didn’t much like, but I think even he would agree with me on this. And I sure as shit know he wouldn’t want you jeopardizing your life, your self-respect, your soul by jumping into something even you know is wrong for you.” She takes a step toward me. “I love you. You’re mi hermana, Bea, and you’re lost right now. I just want to help you from making another massive, massive mistake.”
“Okay, melodramatic much? I almost screw one hot, sexy guy and you’re ready to call an exorcist. Ten years ago you would have jumped his bones in a New York minute.”
“You’re not me, Bea, and I’m not that girl anymore,” she says with a sneer. For a reason. “And thank God I’m not. You don’t do casual sex. You need a connection.”
“I slept with Steven for two years, and I never loved him,” I point out.
“Yeah, and look how that turned out,” she spews back.
I scoff. “Oh, so it’s my fault he went postal and become a serial killer?”
“No. Not…he had that ugliness inside him before he met you. He had to have. But maybe, just maybe, you sensed that and it…drew you to him. Like now with Connor. Hell, like with Will. He—”
“Don’t,” I warn, voice titanium. “Don’t you dare say a word against—”
“The guy who treated you like shit for months because you wouldn’t ghost your friend? Who left Oliver to be tortured and murdered? Who shut down every one of your ideas to help save people’s lives out of spite? Who you even admitted had a temper and controlling streak? Hell, he wasn’t a fucking saint, Bea. He didn’t even seem that nice most of the time.”
Why the hell did I have to tell her everything? I want to punch her. Scratch her pretty face until she bleeds. Rip out that horrible, offending tongue. But I just clench my hands to stop the impulses. “You don’t know anything about him, so shut your damn mouth about him. Now. You don’t know…fuck you. Fuck you.” I storm out of the bedroom before I really lose it.
“Bea!” April calls.
I continue down the hall into the living room then kitchen where Javi and Nana chat and cook as Flora looks on. “I want to go,” I tell Nana. “I want to leave. We’re leaving.”
“What?” Nana asks.
“We’re going. Sorry, Javi.”
“What happened? Wh—”
“You are not going anywhere,” April says behind me.
“What’s going on?” Javi asks.
“I want to go!”
“We just got here!” Nana says.
“Don’t be like this, Bea,” April says.
Flora jumps off the counter and circles around toward me. “Tia Bea! Tia Bea!”
“You want to stay, stay. Just give me the keys!”
Flora keeps pulling on my hand to get my attention. “Tia Bea! Tia Bea! Don’t go! Don’t—”
“Will you stop that!” I snap at my goddaughter.
The little girl’s eyes bug out and her mouth falls at the same time all the adults gasp. I’m as shocked as the rest of them. I’ve never lost my temper around children before. I was a teacher for God’s sake. Flora releases my hand, staring up with those huge brown eyes as if I were a stranger. She takes a step back toward her mother. Good thing too because the little girl’s confusion and sadness overwhelm me.
“My keys are in my purse by the door. Take the car,” Nana says.
“How—”
“We’ll bring her home,” Javi says.
“Just go,” April says, putting her arms around her whimpering daughter.
Crap. I spin around and move toward the nearest exit before I have to look at them. It isn’t until I’m outside that I can breathe again. What the hell just happened? April and I never fight, well not until recently. The last time was when I wanted to get pregnant right after Will and I started dating. I hung up on her when she attacked him that time too. It was annoying then but despicable now. I’m not sure if we can ever come back from this. Right now I don’t want to. Right now I don’t want to see or talk to her ever again.
I climb into the car and drive away but not home. I wind up at The Hotel Del Coronado. Well, the beach behind it. I love the beach. I remember the first time I ever saw the ocean in person, just one week after Nana collected us from that police station in Arizona. To my eight-year-old eyes this natural wonder was grander than I’d ever imagined. Blue water, soft sand, the gentle splash of the waves. Tranquil, beautiful, majestic. Even at night it’s glorious. You can actually see the stars and the moon above illuminating the water, making it sparkle in places. I flop down on the sand and just stare at the twinkling horizon. I can always think here with those lapping waves and no other sounds. This place never fails to calm me enough to think. I came to this exact location when I was deciding whether or not to break up with Steven. I came here at Christmas when I considered leaving the F.R.E.A.K.S. Will and Oliver were at war with me caught in the middle, and the entire team were at odds. The last time I was here was the day before I returned to the squad. I had decided to continue the good fight against the monsters threatening innocent lives. Okay, really I was going back for him. The man I loved who I knew loved me in return, even if he wouldn’t admit it to himself. And I was right. Will Price loved me with all he had. How dare April question that? Question him when he’s not here to defend himself?
She didn’t know him. They only met a handful of times with most of those interactions occurring when they were losing their minds after I was kidnapped and tensions were high. So high Will beat Connor and Oliver bloody. He had a lot of anger inside, a lot of hatred, though most of it directed at himself. It’s why he pushed me away for so long. He was mad at life, at fate for the night a werewolf attacked him and killed his wife. He thought I couldn’t handle his wolf, his darkness. But in truth he was the one who couldn’t. I wanted to prove to him he was worthy of love. That he deserved the home, the children he always wanted despite his affliction. I was going to save him and instead I literally destroyed him.
He would have made a good father. We would have had a good life. When he died, he took that life from me. I want children, I want them more than words can express. I want the white picket fence. I want PTA meetings and barbeques and Saturday date night. I want pure, accepting, respectful, true love. And I almost had it. It was right there. I latched on with both hands, holding on for dear life, and it still wasn’t enough. I still lost him. I lost us. I can’t go through that ever again. I don’t have the strength. I barely have the strength to lift my head in the morning. And April thinks I should go back to the F.R.E.A.K.S? She is right about one thing, I am weak and vulnerable. A pixie could kill me at this point.
I wish I’d never joined them. Okay, that’s not entirely true. If I hadn’t I never would have met Will. Nancy. Irie. Carl. George. Andrew. Wolfe. Oliver. My stomach clenches as it usually does when I allow myself to think about him. Especially tonight. Five hundred plus years on the planet made him knowledgeable about people and their needs. He’d know the exact right thing to say or do to make me feel better as he had countless times before. Sometimes I wouldn’t even need to utter a word. He’d just look at me, frown, take my hand and off we’d go for a drive while I vented. To the roller rink or Dave & Buster’s to belt out terrible karaoke. Even without his years to expertise I could somehow do the same with him. One look, I’d know he was down in the dumps, and off we’d go shopping or just sitting in the living room watching TV as we talked it out. Shit, how long have I been playing with the compass on my necklace? “To always find your way back to me.”
As I have a trillion times in the past three months, I stare at my purse with my phone inside. No. No. I can’t. Not even just to hear his melodic voice. I’d lose what little grip on my
self I’m grasping onto right now. And God knows he’s better off without me. In the whole year we’ve known one another he’s almost died twice trying to save my worthless life. I’ve assaulted him, rejected him, insulted him, worse I didn’t trust him when he gave me precious little reason not to. I’ve inflicted too much damage. Our relationship’s probably more scar tissue than anything else and like everything with us it runs so deep, to depths I didn’t know I possessed. I look away from the phone back to the stars, but he’s even there. Somewhere on this world he’s looking up at those same stars with me on his mind. I don’t know how I know it, but I do. I wonder if he senses me too. “Help me,” I whisper as the tears begin. “Help me.”
My only response is silence.
Chapter Four
Swimming With Sharks
A day at the spa. Just what the doctor, or I suppose vampire in this instance, ordered. I can see why it’s a billion dollar industry. Connor treats me to the works. Facial, massage, mud bath, sauna, mani/pedi, make-up, even a brand new hair color, a caramel brown that, with the highlights, shines blonde in a certain light. I skipped the colonic and waxing though. Even without them I no longer feel like or resemble a drunk on a bender. On the Uber ride home—I really need a new car ASAP—I actually find myself smiling. If today’s any indication, tonight might not be the big mistake everyone seems to think it will be. Hell, it might be precisely what I need. I hope so just so I can rub it in all their faces.
My smile wanes as we turn down my street and I notice Nana’s car in the driveway. I only have thirty minutes before Connor’s driver arrives, and I really don’t want to harsh my expensive buzz by having it out with Nana. Last night I just drove around until I was sure she’d be asleep and left early this morning to the spa. I know I crossed a line last night, but so did my supposed best friend. I did send her a text asking that she apologize to Flora for me before I shut off my phone. She’s not getting an apology until she extends it first. Not that Nana will agree, hence my nerves.
When I step inside the house, my grandmother’s on the couch watching the news. She glances at me then back to the screen. “Hello,” she says, voice as blank as her face.
“Hi,” I say, quickly passing through.
When I shut my bedroom door, I sigh. So far so good. Maybe I’ve worn her out. She’s finally done with me. Don’t know how to feel about that. Relieved? Sad? Both I suppose. Whatever. Keep the high going, Bea. Don’t think about it.
I already decided on my Monique Lhillier long-sleeved black baroque satin and lace knee-length dress with bright red tights and black strappy high heeled sandals. The dress still fits but barely. I so need to get back to the gym or take an exercise class. I actually enjoyed learning boxing, karate, and any other martial arts disciplines the other F.R.E.A.K.S. were willing to teach me. I learned some during my training but then Will, Oliver, and Wolfe continued my ass kicking regime. I can disarm a person pointing a gun at my face, flip a two hundred pound man onto his back, and even perform a roundhouse kick. Now I’d probably just sit on the perp to incapacitate him. But tonight thank God for Spanx. We’re definitely not having sex tonight. Spanx is so the new chastity belt.
I’m putting on the final touches when the doorbell chimes. Perfect timing. I fasten the strap on my shoe when Nana knocks and steps in. “There’s a car here for you.”
“Thanks.”
“You look pretty.”
“Thank you.”
Her lips purse in disapproval a second later. I don’t even need to look at her to know what she thinks about this date. Fuck you, empathy. “So you’re going out with that…man tonight?”
“Yeah. To the ballet.”
She pauses, then, “Are you sure that’s a good—”
“Yes. I do. I’ll be fine. I promise.”
“Bea, I don’t think—”
“No,” I state. “I don’t want to hear it.” I walk to her and quickly peck her cheek. “Don’t wait up. I love you.”
Connor’s driver waits outside on the porch and escorts me to the limo, even opening the door for me. Oh, nice. I’ve never been in a limo before. It’s so long. Spacious. And there’s even a bottle of champagne and a plate of chocolate covered strawberries on the tiny bar. Nice touch, Danny Boy. Since I only ate a salad at the spa, I devour the strawberries but leave the champagne corked. I need all my faculties tonight for obvious reasons.
We drive downtown, which is gridlocked this time of day. How we’re getting to LA in under two hours for curtain is beyond me. Maybe Connor has a teleporter. We’re not in traffic here too long, the usual ten minute drive takes twenty. The limo pulls into a tall skyscraper’s parking lot. O-kay. The driver climbs out and opens my door. “This way, ma’am.”
Curiousier and curiouser. The driver escorts me into the building then the elevator. “What’s going on?” I ask.
“Mr. McInnis asked I not spoil the surprise, ma’am.”
“Okay. But you should know if this is a trap, I can kill you with my brain.”
“Uh…okay,” the driver says. He takes a step to the side away from me.
The elevator doors open to the top floor and once again I follow the driver, this time up a stairwell to the roof. When he opens the door, I find my surprise. A helicopter waits on its pad with the pilot standing by it. Holy shit. No way.
“Hello, Miss Alexander, I’m Jeff,” says the pilot as he shakes my hand. “Mr. McInnis is running a few minutes late but will be here soon. I should still have you both in Los Angeles in time though.”
“Uh, okay.”
Jeff slides the helicopter door open. “Please make yourself comfortable. There’s fruit, chocolate, cheeses, and champagne inside.”
“Wow. Okay. Thanks.”
The pilot helps me into the helicopter where a plate of goodies and more Cristal wait just for me. I scoot over on the bench to the left and begin chowing down again as I survey the whirlybird. Small, only seats four, but the windows are enormous, perfect to take in the scenery. I especially drink in the sight of Connor, dressed in a tailored gray suit with white shirt and aviator sunglasses striding toward me a few minutes later. I run my tongue over my teeth to wipe away the stray cheese and smooth my hair. “I apologize for the tardiness,” he says as he climbs in. As if it were the most natural act in the world, he leans across and quickly kisses my lips like Javi always does to April. “I rose early but apparently not early enough.”
“It’s okay.”
Connor fastens his seatbelt and slips on the headset from a hook so I follow suit. “You look ravishing by the way.”
“Thank you.”
Even with the headsets, when Jeff starts the helicopter, the chop of the blades are loud. Really loud. I hope it doesn’t ruin the experience. “We should be in LA in under an hour, Mr. McInnis,” Jeff says over the comms.
“Thank you, Jeffery,” Connor replies before turning my way. “Have you ever ridden in a helicopter before?”
“Nope.”
“A virgin then. Excellent.” Connor takes my hand and smiles slyly. “Simply sit back and enjoy the ride.”
“Guess that’s better than ‘Brace yourself, Bridget,’” I quip.
The helicopter gently lifts up, leaving my stomach behind for a moment but it catches up by the time we’ve cleared the skyscrapers. I still squeeze Connor’s hand in an attempt to stave off the few nerves emerging with this new experience. Thankfully those nerves quickly vanish once I get a gander at the vista. Damn. The sun has just set under the ocean so the sky is all dark blues tinged with orange and pink with a few twinkling stars sharing the sky. The Coronado Bridge rises above the blue water with stripes of red and white lights from the cars running along it. In the front of the helicopter sit the green and brown hills with more lights from the houses and cars scattered around. To my right, the city of San Diego. Glass behemoths rising to the sky with homes, schools, and shopping centers laid out around it. “This is…”
“The only way to travel,” Connor finishes
for me.
I glance at my date, and my smile fills my whole face. The vamp gives good first date, I’ll give him that. A girl could get used to this. “I don’t know. I was kind of hoping for another ride in your Ferrari.”
“I shall give you any type of ride you desire, my fair Beatrice,” he says with that crinkly eyed grin of his. Too bad I can’t see his eyes behind his aviator sunglasses. “Simply say the word.” My own grin grows. I have missed smiling. “Now, are you not glad I am the one you chose to accompany you tonight?”
“I don’t know. Nana’s helicopter is a bit roomier.”
He smiles again. “Well, thank you for the invitation regardless. Have you ever attended the ballet?”
“No. Oliver and I had tickets to The Nutcracker at Christmas, but I came here instead.”
“Did you and Oliver often attend live events alone together? I cannot imagine Agent Price approved considering the wolf almost ripped my tongue out for merely speaking to you.”
Crap. I forgot we told him Will and I were together for months when we met him. “We didn’t always go alone together. Will usually came too, and Oliver would sometimes bring a date. Will would skip the musicals though,” I lie. I can’t see Connor’s eyes behind his sunglasses but I’m fairly sure they’re narrowed at me. Yeah, not sure I sold that lie too well. Change of subject. “So, is this your standard first date M.O.? Champagne, limos, and helicopter rides to LA?”
“No. Normally I escort my paramour to Wings ‘N Things followed by laser tag. But I did not want to reenact a date Agent Price and Officer Weir no doubt took you on already.”
“Hey. Don’t knock Wings ‘N Things. Their honey bar-b-que sauce is unparalleled.”
He smiles again. “Next date perhaps.”
I pop another strawberry in my mouth. “You’re being quite cocky there, Danny Boy. This date’s just begun and you’re already sure you’re getting another? This may surprise you but I prefer substance to flash.”
The Sin Eater (A F.R.E.A.K.S. Squad Investigation Book 5) Page 4