It would be so easy to go with him. To remain at peace forever. Placid. Tranquil. Dreamlike. But even now, with the man I loved beside me, I sense its wrongness. I don’t belong here. Not yet. Since the moment I arrived I’ve felt a tether being tugged on. Their need. Him. His desolation. His destruction. Because of me. My true soul mate’s in agony. I’ll take him with me if I stay. We’ll never find one another again. He’ll go where I can’t reach him. I’ll damn him. But it’s not only him I sense. It’s lives I’m meant to save. The children I’m meant to have. Friends still to cherish. Love to embrace.
I look at Will with his serene smile. “That’s my girl.”
“I loved you.”
“I know. I loved you too. And thank you…for having the strength, the courage, to save me twice over.” He grabs me, kissing me with all his soul. I kiss him back with all of mine. “Now go and give those evil bastards the hell you were born to, baby. And I’ll be here. Cheering you on. Make me proud, baby. I love you.”
And he’s gone. Vanished. I’m holding nothing. “I will. I love you too.”
Okay. Okay.
I smile to myself and smooth my hair before staring up at the sky. The haze has burned away leaving nothing but a bright orange sun with blues, purples, pinks, and oranges above. There is such pure beauty in the world if you take the time to appreciate it. “Okay,” I whisper to whoever’s listening as I hold onto the compass on my necklace he gave me. To always find my way back to him. “I’m coming for you. Just light my way home.”
And as always he doesn’t let me down.
My eyes fly open to darkness. To stars. To him.
I come back to him.
And always will.
Chapter Eighteen
Where We Belong
“No, flank him, Devin. Flank him! Now cast firestorm, Oliver. Now. Now! Yes…yes! We did it! The Gorgon’s dead! We are the kings and queens of Azeroth. Oh, yeah!”
Nancy pushes her chair away from the table, arms up in victory. “Go F.R.E.A.K.S. Guild! Yeah!”
Devin smiles at me over our laptops. “That was awesome. It usually takes me at least four times to pass that boss. We did it in two.”
I look over at Oliver. “Well, we would have done it in one if someone was quicker with his spells.”
Oliver places his hand over his heart. “Please forgive me, fearless leader, but considering I am a mere level eight amongst you level thirties, I believe I did an admirable job.”
“Okay, for a newb, you didn’t suck,” I concede. “We may not kick you out of the guild.”
“May,” Nancy adds.
The newly minted World of Warcraft F.R.E.A.K.S. Guild sits around the barely used dining room table vanquishing virtual orcs, ogres, and necromancers from the safety of the mansion. My new teammate Devin and I have spent the past few days bonding over our mutual geekiness. Seems there weren’t many gamers or sci-fi/fantasy enthusiasts in the Eastern Werewolf Pack. I’ve met their leader Jason Dahl so I wasn’t that surprised. I’ve yet to see Devin in the field against real dangers, but he took direction well in the game so I have hope. Surprisingly even Chandler seemed if not happy then relieved at my return. I foresee many pissing contests between us for tactical control of the team, but I’m prepared for the battles. Of course no one has been giddier at my return than Nancy. She’s barely left my side, even spent the night in my room catching up and crying my first night back. And then she even begged me to come with her and George on her college tour at the University of Oklahoma tomorrow, but George shot it down. He said it was in case I was needed in the field, but I think he just wanted to spend time alone with her before we lose her to adulthood.
And thinking of tomorrow…I check the clock on my laptop.
“Shoot, guys, it’s past one. Nancy, you’ve got to be up in six hours,” I say, logging out.
“Crap, it’s that late? Claire’s gonna kill me,” Devin says of his wife upstairs in the bedroom next to mine. I’ve barely spent much time with her beyond our gym session today, but she seems nice. “I’m not supposed to play for more than four hours in a row.”
“You are home all of four days and already seem to be a corrupting influence, Trixie,” Oliver quips with grin #2.
“Shut up.” I rise from the table. “Go on, Nancy. You do want to look your best for Logan tomorrow, don’t you?”
She blushes behind her thick hipster glasses as she packs up her laptop too. “Shut up.”
“Yes, please make sure to send our regards to your lover for us,” Oliver says with that grin.
“Oliver!” I snap as Nancy’s blush deepens. I turn to her and lean in to whisper, “Just remember the pill takes a month to work. Make sure you pack the condoms I gave you, but if you don’t feel like sleeping with him, you don’t—”
“Oh, my God!” Nancy says loudly as Oliver winces. “Stop! Stop talking! I swear coming back from the dead turned you into such a nag!”
“Sorry. Just enjoy yourself, okay?” I say.
“I will. Jeez. Night,” she says as she walks out of the room with Devin close behind.
If becoming a nag is the only side effect of my resurrection, I am lucky indeed. I don’t remember dying, I just remember Oliver’s face as he begged me to come back then some Good Samaritan performing CPR on me as Oliver held my hand, sobbing beside me. I was dead for a whole minute. If I went to heaven or hell or anything in between I don’t remember. Probably a good thing. Apparently I’m one of only a handful of familiars through the centuries to survive when my vampire didn’t. The theory is that the link was so new and tentative it was weak. Or it was the CPR. Hurrah for modern medicine. Either way I’m alive and kicking while Lord Connor McInnis and all his inner circle died in the same misery they spread to the world. Sadly so did almost half of Antonia’s army, but I’m sure the fact she’s now the most powerful vampire in North America behind the King consoles her. I actually had to meet with a representative of the King to explain the whole mess before I left San Diego. If I helped or hindered her new regime I don’t know or care. My family’s safe. I wish they could have been rich and safe, but since the ten million was technically for a hit, Oliver convinced me to donate it to charity. I made the donations to battered women’s shelters and youth centers in Mariah’s name. If it stops one girl or woman from meeting her fate, I was glad to do it.
No one seemed that surprised when I announced I was returning to the F.R.E.A.K.S. I had to wait for the felony charges to clear, thank you George, which took a couple of days but there wasn’t a moment I’ve doubted my decision then or now. Nana cried at the airport, April teared up a little too, but I could literally sense their relief as I departed. It was as if the moment I came back to life it was all I could think of. All doubts, all fears, were wiped away. This is my path. This is my home. Right here. With them.
“Night guys,” Devin says as he walks out.
“Night!” I say as I collect my laptop. Oliver remains across the table staring at me with grin #2. “What?” I ask. He’s barely left my side either. Nancy’s taken the day shift and Oliver the night.
“Nothing,” he says, grin #2 becoming #1, full fang.
I know what he’s thinking. No. Nope. I will resist. It cannot become a habit. “Right. Well, good game. See you tomorrow night. Sleep well.”
“See you soon, my dear,” he calls as I walk away. Willpower, Bea. Willpower.
As always, when I pass Will’s old bedroom, my heart literally aches a little. It gets better each time I do it but for now I can handle that ache. I even went inside his room my first night back. All traces of him had vanished, even the mattress and curtains. A blank slate for its next occupant in the manor of misfit monsters. I couldn’t help myself. I carved B.A.+W.P. in a heart in the door frame. He deserves to be remembered, to be honored in this house. I will be the keeper of his flame.
I do my bathroom routine and change into my pink cotton pajamas before climbing into my bed. Soft as a cloud, just as I remembered it. I had a busy da
y today helping Nancy prepare for her trip, spending time at the gun range with Wolfe, getting my butt handed to me in the dojo by black belt Claire, then the game marathon. I feel every activity in my muscles. Yet like so many nights since my death, okay since Will’s death, the anxiety grips me. It has gotten worse since my resurrection though. I can’t relax. With no distractions, memories and feelings of Connor, of what he did to me, of what I did to Adrian Winsted and a thousand other terrible memories and regrets, can’t be kept at bay. In San Diego I’d fire up the PlayStation or mix Ativan and vodka but look where that landed me. George did insist on me seeing a therapist, a former F.R.E.A.K. I’ve Facetimed with once, to help with the PTSD, but until a breakthrough I’m doomed to sleepless nights and days. The only natural remedy has been…no. In the two weeks since my resurrection, I’ve averaged every other night. It is a hairsbreadth from becoming a habit. I…for God’s sake, there are worse habits to have. I need sleep.
Fudge it. Heck, I’m shocked I held out this long.
I knock on his bedroom door and before I even lower my arm, it opens. Oliver stands on the other side already in his own silk pajamas with a soft smile on his face. All for me. “Do you mind?” I ask apologetically.
“Never,” he says.
As he shuts the door, turns off the lights save for the moonscape in the “window,” I walk over to the bed and climb under the covers. He joins me in bed, above the covers, before wrapping his arm around me, cradling me. I nestle back against him, instantly beginning to relax. My oasis. In his arms. It hasn’t gone beyond this. I hug his arms tighter against me. He’s never remotely pressured me for more. But this is more than enough for us both. I close my eyes and begin drifting to sleep. After all we have all the time in the world.
And beyond.
Acknowledgments
First, to all of you who write, Tweet, review, even send me presents. I have the best fans ever. Thank you.
Thanks to my Betas: Susan Dowis, Ginny Dowis, and Jill Kardell for their corrections. Any mistakes are mine and mine alone. I especially thank you for letting me know this book made you all cry. I love hearing that.
Thanks to the Peachtree City library for being a wonderful place to write and edit. All the staff there are so lovely.
And finally, thanks to my brothers Liam and Ryan for being wonderful roommates. Your support and just general not smacking me in my more emo moments did not go unnoticed. I adore you both.
About the Author
Jennifer Harlow spent her restless childhood fighting with her three brothers and scaring the heck out of herself with horror movies and books. She grew up to earn a degree at the University of Virginia which she put to use as a radio DJ, crisis hotline volunteer, bookseller, lab assistant, wedding coordinator, and government investigator. Currently she calls Atlanta home but that restless itch is ever present. In her free time, she continues to scare the beejepers out of herself watching scary movies and opening her credit card bills. She is the author of the Amazon best-selling F.R.E.A.K.S. Squad, Midnight Magic Mystery series and The Galilee Falls Trilogy. For the soundtrack to her books and other goodies, visit her at www.jenniferharlowbooks.com
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The Sin Eater (A F.R.E.A.K.S. Squad Investigation Book 5) Page 29