Mia held his gaze, finally realising now she’d never really had a chance in refusing him. She wanted him so much she wasn’t sure how she was going to make the journey back to his house, her limbs felt so weak with her need of him. She was surprised he couldn’t see her love for him shining from her eyes every time they came in contact with his.
‘I want you to make love to me,’ she said on a husky whisper of sound.
His eyes were unwavering on hers. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes.’
He got to his feet and offered her a hand, pulling her up to stand in front of him. He didn’t say anything, just stood looking down at her up-tilted face for what seemed a very long time.
Mia wondered if he was inwardly gloating about her acquiescence but if he was there was no sign of it on his face. After a moment he appeared to give himself a mental shake and stepped away to pick up his board shorts, dusting the sand off his body before he put them back on and then rolling up the towel they’d been lying on.
She picked up her bikini top and once she was dressed fell into step beside him as they returned to the path that led the way back.
They walked in silence for most of the way. Mia was aware of Bryn’s hand reaching for hers now and again when the width of the path allowed it, but apart from the occasional comment about the view or wildlife he seemed to be preoccupied with his own thoughts.
When the house finally came into view he suggested she have a shower while he made them both some lunch.
She looked at him in uncertainty. ‘But I thought you wanted to…you know…’
‘I do,’ he said and pushed the door open for her. ‘But you’ve had nothing but a few mouthfuls of fruit and water all day. I don’t want you fainting on me.’
She was conscious of his gaze following her up the stairs and turned to look at him when she got to the landing.
‘Mia?’
‘Yes?’
He seemed about to say something then changed his mind. ‘It doesn’t matter. Go and have your shower. We can talk later.’
She gave him a tremulous smile and went into the bathroom.
When she came downstairs half an hour later Bryn had also showered and changed into shorts and a T-shirt. He looked up from the salad and cheese and cold-meat platter he was assembling as she came into the kitchen. ‘Would you like a glass of wine?’
‘Sure, why not?’
He handed her two glasses of chilled white wine. ‘Take those out to the deck and I’ll bring our lunch out.’
The deck was set amongst the trees and overlooked the pool and lower garden. Some rainbow lorikeets were jostling just a few feet away and Mia began hunting the upper limbs of the trees for any sign of koalas.
‘Have you found any?’ Bryn asked as he set the lunch platter down on the table.
‘Not as yet,’ she said, reaching for her wine. She took a tiny sip and let out a breath of delight. ‘This is such a lovely setting. It feels as if the bush is an extension of the house.’
He smiled and took the seat opposite, lifting his glass to hers. ‘What shall we drink to?’
‘Dutch courage?’ she suggested after a moment.
His expression softened as he held her gaze. ‘Don’t be nervous, Mia. I won’t hurt you. I promise.’
She gave her bottom lip a little nibble and then, releasing it, confessed, ‘I can’t help it.’
He put down his glass and reached for her hand, his fingers strong but gentle as they entwined with hers. ‘Trust me, Mia. I know what I’m doing.’
‘I know this is stupid but I can’t help thinking I’ll disappoint you. You’ve had millions of lovers. What if I don’t…you know…satisfy you?’
‘Not quite millions,’ he said, smiling at her little furrowed brow. ‘How could you ever think that you won’t satisfy me? You’re so damned sexy I can barely keep my hands off you. I know you and I are going to be dynamite together. I can feel it every time you touch me. I was ready to explode on that beach with your soft little fingers crawling all over me.’
Mia felt a warm glow at his words. Never had a man made her feel more like a woman. He only had to look at her with those dark blue eyes and her flesh began to tingle all over. The thought of him possessing her thrilled her until she could barely sit still on the seat.
He took another sip of wine, his gaze thoughtful and steady on hers. ‘I still find it hard to believe you haven’t had a lover before now.’
She pushed at a bit of salad with her fork. ‘When I was seventeen a close friend of mine contracted a sexually transmitted disease. It was so awful for her. To make matters worse the boy who gave it to her blamed her and started spreading rumours. In the end she had to change schools.’ She gave a little sigh and added, ‘I guess I’ve always been a little bit afraid of getting hurt since then.’
He reached for her hand, his long fingers interlinking with hers. ‘I have always practised safe sex. I absolutely insist on it no matter what the circumstances. It’s not fair on either partner to be landed with a disease or a pregnancy that wasn’t planned, not that accidents don’t happen, of course, but at least there are ways to deal with it these days.’
‘If an accident did happen…’ she stared down at the table in front of her rather than meet his eyes ‘…what would you expect me to do about it?’
He thought about it for a moment and in the end didn’t answer her question but asked one of his own. ‘What would you want to do?’
‘I guess you can already tell I’ve had a pretty conservative upbringing,’ she said. ‘There are no doubt circumstances when a termination seems like the only option, but having an adopted sister has made me realise that even if a baby is unwanted by its natural parent or parents there are plenty of other people who do want it and would love it as dearly as their own.’
Bryn sat in silence, thinking about the gentle, loving wisdom behind her convictions.
‘But don’t worry,’ she added with a little upwards glance before looking down again to rearrange the food on her plate, ‘I’m on a low-dose Pill to regulate my cycle. There won’t be any little accidents.’
‘If there were I would not expect you to do anything you weren’t comfortable doing,’ he said. ‘I would support you through whatever decision you felt was appropriate.’
She brought her gaze back up to his, surprised by his sincerity. ‘Thank you.’
He sat watching her playing with her food, his own meal barely touched.
‘You’re not eating,’ he said after a short, throbbing silence.
‘I’m not all that hungry for some reason…’
‘I am,’ he said, his dark eyes glittering with desire. ‘But not for food.’
He got to his feet and came around to where she was sitting, and, taking her hand, in his brought her to her feet. He bent his head and kissed her deeply, the rasp of his skin against the softness of hers making her tingle all over with fevered longing.
By the time they got to his bedroom Mia was breathless with anticipation, every nerve and pulse leaping under her skin in growing excitement. Tension crackled in the air as he closed the door and came towards her, his hands gently removing her sarong from around her chest. She felt the soft-as-air fabric glide down her body to land in a circle at her feet.
His eyes ran over her naked breasts before he cupped their light weight in his hands. She could hardly breathe with him so close, the pulse of his aroused body pressing against her.
He released her briefly to tug his T-shirt over his head, tossing it to one side as he stepped out of his shorts and briefs. She gave a tiny swallow as he came back to her, his fingers untying the strings that held her bikini bottoms in place.
Without a word he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the white expanse of the bed, laying her down before joining her, his weight balanced by his arms.
His mouth found hers, softly at first and then with increasing pressure, taking her on a sensual journey that totally captivated her. His mouth moved from hers
to scorch a pathway to her breasts, the hot lave of his tongue turning her insides to liquid heat. He travelled lower, exploring the dip of her belly button before his warm breath feathered over the tiny landing strip of soft, dark blonde, closely cropped curls that shielded her femininity. With the gentlest touch possible he parted her delicate folds before tasting her with his mouth. The sensation of his tongue against her arched her back and made her whimper in intense pleasure, her hands clutching at his shoulders.
‘Relax for me, baby,’ he coached her softly. ‘Let yourself go.’
‘I can’t…’
‘Yes, you can,’ he said. ‘I want to pleasure you.’
‘But I want you to…to…be inside me.’
He moved back up her body with slow but exquisite caresses, building her need of him to fever pitch. Each stroke of his hands along the flanks of her thighs, each hot, moist kiss to the indentation of her waist and each tender suckle on her breasts made her nearly mad with the need for more. Just when she thought she could stand it no longer he reached between her legs, gently easing her apart to insert one finger, waiting until she was comfortable before deepening his tender stroke, the silky dew of her desire making it easier and easier for her to accept him further.
‘Oh, God…’ she breathed, writhing beneath his touch.
‘You feel so warm and wet,’ he said, his voice low and deep, his breath like a caress on her skin. ‘You’re so ready for me.’
He leaned across her to the bedside drawer and took out a condom. She watched with bated breath as he applied it, coming back to position himself over her.
‘Tell me to stop if it hurts.’
‘I will…’
He moved against her, parting her to take him partially, waiting for her to accommodate him before going further.
‘Are you OK?’ he asked.
‘Yes…’
He hesitated. ‘Are you sure?’
‘I’m sure…’
He moved slowly, holding back as her tight body wrapped itself around him. He felt her flinch and stalled again. ‘Did that hurt?’
‘No…not really.’
‘God, Mia,’ he groaned and began to withdraw. ‘I wish I could do this but I can’t bear to hurt you.’
Mia clutched at him to hold him in place. ‘You’re not hurting me; I like it. I like the feel of you. Please don’t stop.’ She saw his throat move up and down as he looked at her. ‘Please, Bryn, I want this. I want you to make love to me.’
Bryn hesitated but she lifted her hips against him and he was lost as he surged against her, sheathing himself in the tight, moist cocoon of her body. He tried to move slowly but she wouldn’t allow it, her hands digging into his buttocks to increase his pace. He fought to keep control but she was urging him on, her panting little cries of pleasure as he thrust deeper and deeper making his heart contract with totally unfamiliar feelings. He shifted position so she could feel him more intensely, caressing her with his fingers to take her to the summit with him so he could feel the contractions of her orgasm to finally push him over the edge. He could feel the pulse of her body as it built in arousal, her slim limbs wrapping around him, holding on tight for the rapidly approaching storm of sensation that threatened to burst at any moment.
Suddenly she was there, her high, keening cry of ecstasy washing over him as she convulsed against him, triggering his own release with an explosion of pleasure that lifted the hair on his scalp with its breathtaking force.
‘Oh, wow…’ she said on an expelled breath as her heart rate began to lower.
He dragged himself off her chest, where he’d collapsed, to smile down at her radiant face. ‘Oh, wow?’
She returned his smile, two tiny dimples appearing either side of her mouth. ‘Definitely oh, wow.’
‘I didn’t hurt you?’
‘Not much.’
He frowned. ‘I wanted to take things slowly. I didn’t want to cause you any pain.’
‘I’m fine, Bryn,’ she reassured him. ‘It was wonderful. You were wonderful. Thank you for being so gentle with me.’
He tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear, his eyes meshing with hers. ‘I’ve never met anyone like you before. It felt different somehow.’
Hope fluttered inside Mia’s chest at his unexpected confession. ‘How?’ she asked, hunting his face for a sign of what he was feeling.
‘I’ve always experienced sex as a physical thing. I’ve always been able to keep emotions separate.’
‘What are you trying to say?’
He released a sigh and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, lifting his head to look down at her, a small frown bringing his brows almost together. ‘I have no idea.’
She frowned as he lifted himself away. He was pulling away from her again. She could feel the barriers come up as if their intimacy had affected him more than he wanted to admit, to her certainly, but even, it seemed, to himself.
‘Bryn?’
He turned back to look at her, his expression now stripped of all emotion. ‘Sorry, Mia, I know this is the part where women like you expect a declaration of love, but I can’t give it to you. I’d like to but I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to you. I’m sorry.’
Mia felt as if someone had ripped open her chest and stomped heavily on her heart. ‘I’m not looking for that from you,’ she lied. ‘I understand the terms of our relationship.’
He held her gaze for a lengthy moment. ‘You deserve much better than me, Mia. You really do.’
She opened her mouth to respond but he turned and left the room, closing the door behind him.
She flopped back on the pillows in sinking despair. How would she ever find a way to his heart?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
IT WAS early evening before Mia saw him again. When she’d come downstairs he had already cleared the abandoned lunch things away and a brief note propped on the bench informed her he had gone back to the beach for a surf.
He came into the lounge just as she was leaving it, almost colliding with her in the doorway. He steadied her with his hands, looking down at her as if seeing her for the first time.
‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I didn’t hear you come in.’
His gaze dipped to her mouth for a moment before returning to her grey eyes. His hands fell away from her shoulders and he moved further into the room, a hand making a rough pathway through his already disordered hair.
‘Are you OK?’ Mia asked.
He gave her a twisted smile as he turned to face her. ‘I think I might have had too much sun.’
‘Would you like me to get you some water?’
‘No, I don’t need water. I need my head read, that’s what I need.’
She wasn’t sure what to make of his mood. She stood in front of him uncertainly, beginning to worry her bottom lip with her teeth.
‘Damn it, I wish you would stop doing that!’ he said roughly.
She blinked at him in surprise. ‘Stop doing what?’
‘Everything.’
She frowned in confusion. ‘Everything?’
He let out his breath in a stream. ‘God, I must have been crazy that day. I should have known something like this would happen.’ He sent his fingers through his sand-encrusted hair.
‘What are you talking about?’ she asked. ‘Wh-what’s happened?’
His eyes cut back to hers. ‘Everything you do gets to me. Every look, every smile, and every word you say. It all gets to me.’
She lowered her eyes. ‘I’m sorry…’
He stepped closer and forced her chin up to hold his gaze. ‘I have spent most of the years of my life avoiding the complication of emotional entanglements and in one brief meeting with a feisty little fitness fanatic all my defences get knocked down.’
Mia stared at him speechlessly, her heart beginning to ram against her sternum. What was he saying? That he loved her after all? Hope began to flicker in her chest, the tiny, frantic, flapping wings of it making it hard for her to breathe properly.
�
�I promised myself I wouldn’t touch you again after this afternoon,’ he went on. ‘It was wrong to touch you in the first place but I just couldn’t seem to help myself. From the moment I met you I wanted you. I still want you but I can’t give you what you deserve, what you’ve been brought up to expect, what is your right as a lovely young woman with a generous heart. You need someone with the capacity to love. I’m not that person.’
‘How do you know you’re not?’ she asked.
‘Mia, listen to me.’ His hands tightened on her shoulders, the gravity of his expression unnerving her totally. ‘I’ve never told this to anyone before.’ He took a ragged breath and continued, ‘Do you know what the last thing I said to my mother was the night she and my father were killed?’
She shook her head, tears starting to sprout in her eyes, her bottom lip trembling.
‘They were going out to dinner together. My father was already in the car but my mother had turned back to give me one last cuddle. I told her I loved her.’ His voice cracked over the words. ‘I don’t think I had ever said it before. I told her to tell my father I loved him too.’
‘Oh, Bryn…’ She choked back a sob.
‘When the police came to our house where I was being looked after by a babysitter my whole world collapsed. If I hadn’t called my mother back at that moment she and my father would still be alive. But I called her back and those few precious seconds it took to tell her I loved her cost her and my father their lives. I taught myself not to feel from that moment. It’s like a switch was turned off inside me and I can no longer find where it is.’
‘You just need to give yourself time…Your great-aunt’s health is bringing it all back up for you. You’re still grieving…you haven’t dealt with the past and it’s coming back to haunt you.’
‘I don’t want to deal with the past!’ He threw the words at her as he released her almost savagely. ‘It won’t change a thing rehashing it all now.’
‘But it won’t go away just because you choose to ignore it. It will plague you all your life. You’ll end up a lonely old man with nothing to show for your life. No fulfilling relationships, no children to love you.’
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