His erection pressed against her, pulsing his need, inflaming her own. The damp fabric between them might as well have been invisible. Its slippery wetness only magnified their closeness.
He was everything she had denied herself. The deprivation amplified when he took her lower lip with his teeth in teasing nips. She groaned, pressed harder, tugged at his shirt, wanting, needing, not even able to voice the powerful rush that roared through her.
She yanked at his shirt, nearly ripping off the buttons in agonizing need to have more to touch. Between them, his nimble fingers undid the tiny buttons, knuckles brushing against her breasts. Panting, her vision blurred, Katie jerked his shirt off and tossed it to the floor.
“Katie,” Matt growled. He lifted her off the ground and hoisted her onto the table. Instinctively, she wrapped her legs around his waist, pinning him against her. Pulse met pulse, hearts beating the same staccato rhythm.
“Matt.” The word came out in a moan. She pulled back, tried to form coherent thoughts. “I want…” She hesitated, unsure of saying the words she’d never uttered. It was taking a chance of monumental proportions, a step forward into territory she’d never explored.
Matt wasn’t Steve. She wasn’t the girl she’d been a year ago. She loved Matt, loved him with a depth that extended far beyond today.
Right now, she wanted nothing more than to offer herself to him. Out of love. The way it should be, the way she’d dreamed it would be for her one day. Katie reached out and stroked a hand along his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin against her palm. The fear of failure, of rejection, dissipated. “Make love to me.”
“Oh, Katie.” Fire lit his eyes and he crushed her closer. Ravenously, he devoured her mouth, capturing her heart and soul with burning touches.
He reached for the zipper behind her and tugged it down, exposing her upper body to his gaze. She felt the rush of cool air against her skin and her nipples puckered tightly under the soft satin of her bra. There were no thoughts in Katie’s head, only the fire-red flood of desire.
He cupped her breasts through the material, caressing the tips with his fingers. “Matt…Matt,” she repeated his name, unable to put into words the incredible feelings rushing through her.
She wanted to scream at him to hurry, to slow down. To do anything. He smiled and slid a finger down the center of her upper body. “Perfect,” he whispered, lowering his mouth to hers again.
She moaned and cupped his head, arching against him. He pulled away, his mouth hovering over hers. He was breathing hard and his voice was thick, deep. “Before we go any farther, I need to be the voice of reason. I’ve got about five seconds of lucidity here,” he brushed his mouth against hers, “because you’re making it damned impossible to think.”
“I’m sorry.” But she wasn’t at all.
“I bet you are,” he said, grinning. “Seriously, Katie, are you sure? About making love? Because if we keep this up,” he nibbled along her neck, inhaling her skin, “there’ll be no going back very soon.”
“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.” She tipped her head back, allowing him greater access. “I want…I want my first time to be with you.”
He jerked back. “First time? What do you—” He cut the sentence short when the answer became obvious. “Oh my God, Katie, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I just did.”
“Yeah, but…” He took two steps away. “I can’t…we shouldn’t…. Why didn’t you say anything?”
She looked away. “I didn’t think you’d want me if you knew I was, well, inexperienced.”
He approached again, cradled her chin, and turned her to look at him. “Want you? Katie, I’ve never wanted anyone more in my life.” He drew his thumb along the line of her lower lip and Katie nearly cried with craving him again. “Honey, why would you think that?”
“Steve said I was…frigid.”
He laughed aloud. “You, my darling, are anything but frigid. You’re the hottest, sexiest woman I know.”
“Then why won’t you make love to me?”
“I want to. I think that’s obvious.” He chuckled. “But—” He made a sweeping gesture at the barn. “This isn’t exactly a romantic spot. Nor is it the kind of place or experience you should have. Your first time should be special,” he laughed, “and comfortable.”
“This is special,” she said, trying to draw him back. Everything in her screamed to continue, to toss the brakes he kept trying to apply right out the window.
Matt saw the wanting written all over her face. If he were a lesser man, he could have easily taken advantage of the situation and whisked Katie off to a pile of hay somewhere. A few months ago, hell, a few weeks ago, he had been that man. But meeting her had somehow changed all that for him.
Her eyes were clear, free of guile and deceit. Lord, who knew there were women like her? And what had he done to have her walk into his life at the precise time when he needed to believe again in truth?
“Katie, you deserve much better than this. You should be in a five-star hotel, surrounded by silk, flowers—”
She stepped forward and placed a finger on his lips. “Shh. Stop telling me what I need. I’m a big girl, in case you hadn’t noticed, and what I need right now is you.”
Yearning exploded within him. He hauled her against him, feeling a sudden, fierce need to hold her close. She wrapped her hands around his back. The warmth of her pressed against his chest.
“Katie,” he murmured, “what are you doing to me?”
“No more than you’re doing to me.” Her voice was shaky.
“I can’t think straight when I’m around you.”
“Are you saying I’m driving you crazy?”
“You’re pushing me right over the edge.”
“Gee, you really know how to flatter a girl.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his head closer, within nibbling distance of those magnificent breasts. “Let me see how far it is to the edge.”
“I meant…I wanted to say,” he stumbled, his eyes and his mind entirely on the sweet curve of her breasts. The words he wanted to say were dancing in the back of his head, out of reach. The last time he’d felt flustered around a girl he’d been twelve. He’d asked Mary Lou Hennessey from down the street to ride double on his bike. She’d turned him down flat when she’d gotten a look at the thin handlebars that would be her mode of transportation.
This time was different. He was a grown man and Katie was a grown woman. He wasn’t asking her to ride double to the Dairy Queen with him; he just wanted her to know that meeting her had changed something in him. And it was coming out all wrong.
He hauled himself up to meet her gaze. “I meant that you are the most unforgettable woman I have ever met.” He tilted her chin up and kept his eyes on hers, depths of uncooled passion still reflected in their azure depths.
She turned a pretty shade of pink. “I doubt you’ve met many ladies in banana suits.”
“No, I can’t say that I have.” He traced along her jaw with his thumb. “I don’t expect I ever will again.”
There was more in his words than he was willing to say. More meaning, more tenderness, more emotion. He stared at her, letting his gaze caress her peach-soft skin, allowing his eyes to do what he dared not do with his hands.
He had the funny feeling that if he really touched Katie right now, if he made love to her, it would be the kind of experience that would rock his soul.
He had wanted women before. He had felt lust before. But he had never needed a woman as badly as he did Katie. She filled a gap in him, like insulation in a wall, warming him and melting the icy layers around his heart and soul, opening him up again to the world. That feeling—a deep-seated need—scared the hell out of him. It was the same feeling that had overwhelmed him on the dance floor. Then, and now, he couldn’t get past his own fear.
He shook his head, stepped away. A draft filled the space where he’d been. “I’m not the man for you. I wish I were. But I’m n
ot. Later, you’ll see—”
“I love you, Matt.”
He jerked to attention. Had he heard her right? She loved him? Katie was handing him the most incredible gift he could imagine, no strings attached. But she’d done that knowing only half the story about him. It would be cruel to let her hope that he could be anything beyond what he was—a man with a horrible past who wasn’t capable of the kind of future she deserved. Katie Dole was so clearly the kind of woman who wanted a husband, a father to her future children. Not a man so selfish he couldn’t even be trusted to watch his own child.
It would be so easy to lie, to say the words she wanted to hear, and then slip into her arms and take her to his bed. With regret, he shook his head again.
“You love who you think I am, Katie.”
“You’re wrong.”
His smile hurt his cheeks. “I wish I were.” He slid her dress back up her shoulders. The rain had stopped and the tentative chirps of birds came from the trees. “I’m sorry.”
She looked confused, hurt. He wanted so badly to erase those emotions from her face. “Was it something I said? Did? I know I’m not very good at this, and—”
“You are perfect. It’s me who needs a little…renovation. Actually, a lot.” She sat there, hair in disarray, lips swollen and all he wanted to do was find the nearest blanket and flat surface.
He clenched his fists at his side and willed himself to think of anything but sex. Snow, Santa Claus, television remote controls, table linens—no, too close to blankets. He picked up his shirt off the floor and slipped it on. The fabric was cold and wet, the perfect shocker for an overheated mind.
Katie stilled his hands with her own. “Matt, wait. Let me tell you something first.” She hesitated, then went on. “A year ago, I made a huge mistake by being blind to the truth. I’m not going to do that again, only seeing what I want to because I don’t like the reality.” She smiled at him and he found himself wanting her all over again. “You taught me that it’s okay to take a risk, to tango across the floor and stumble once in a while. To tell a man I love him and not expect anything in return.”
“Katie, I’m sorry—”
“No, it’s okay.”
“It’s not. You deserve more than I can offer.” He sighed. “There are things about me you don’t know.”
“Then tell me. Trust me.”
“I can’t. Not now. Maybe never.” He wanted to lift this heavy weight off his chest and toss it away. To free himself from the guilt that hung over everything he did. But he couldn’t. If there was one thing he couldn’t bear right now, it would be to see scorn and recrimination in Katie’s gaze. To have her hate him for being a selfish, irresponsible drunk.
“I can’t,” he repeated.
She cupped his face. “Deception does nothing but eat away at everything that’s good. You get all wrapped up in the illusion because admitting the truth forces you out of your comfort zone. Trust me, I know this.”
“Katie—”
“No, hear me out. I love you, Matt. A year ago, I couldn’t have said that without being certain you felt the same. Comfort zone.” She reached behind herself and pulled up her zipper, then hopped off the table. “Well, I’m tired of living that way. I’m changing lanes,” she smiled at the pun, “and if you’re not ready to do that yet, it’s all right. I’m okay either way.”
He thought about what she’d said, about moving past the crater he’d been in for eleven years. About not letting a sin of omission, a fear of confessing, keep his life from continuing. “You’re right.” He sighed. “But there are some things you can’t forget. Mistakes other people won’t forgive.”
“Whatever role you think you played in losing your son may not be the whole picture at all.” She laid a hand on his shoulder. “Did you ever think you might be taking the blame for something that wasn’t entirely your fault?”
He looked past her, at the walls that were as decrepit as his own life. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Maybe I don’t. But until you’re ready to face everything, you won’t either.” She let go and moved away. She blinked and he saw the glimmer of tears in her eyes. “I have a life to live. I’d love it if you were a part of it. But only if you’re ready to be honest with yourself and with me. I’m through pretending.”
She placed a soft, chaste kiss on his lips and then walked away, leaving Matt alone in the barn with his regrets.
The numbers refused to add up. Katie could turn the adding machine upside down, even throw it against the wall, and still the red would outweigh the black.
It didn’t take a CPA to see that A Pair of Posies was in serious trouble. Katie sighed. One more time, she fed in the bills and receipts. Five minutes later, she stared at the same negative number as before.
“How’s it going?” Sarah placed a plate of brownies beside her. Katie sighed and replaced the adding machine with the plate, immediately launching into the chocolate.
“That bad, huh?”
“Actually, it could be worse. At least we paid the rent. We still have a roof over our heads.” Katie flipped through the stack of bills on the desk in the back room. “We just can’t heat it or light it or…” she flipped some more, “use the telephone.”
Sarah sunk into a chair. “Oh.”
Katie dropped her head to her hands. “We were on the brink to begin with, but when Olivia canceled those orders and the MacGilvrays called off their daughter’s wedding—”
“Justifiably, though,” Sarah said. “When a girl finds out her fiancé is stretching the truth about being an underwear model, she’s got a right to be upset.”
“I doubt she expected to see him ‘modeling’ for two hundred other women as a Chippendale dancer.” Katie laughed. “That must have been one interesting bachelorette party.”
“Think they left him a tip?”
Katie laughed again, then sobered when she saw the negative on the adding machine. “This is my fault. I let the Olivia thing get out of hand. I never should have—”
“Stop. It’s not your fault.” Sarah hugged Katie’s shoulders. “Come on, we’ve been in scrapes worse than this and always—”
“I’ll sell my Toyota. If I have to go anywhere, I’ll just borrow the van. Or walk.”
“You love that car. Besides, the van is on its last legs. We’ll be lucky to get a half dozen more deliveries out of it.”
“I love the store more.” She swept her hand around the room. “This is our dream, Sarah. I’m not about to let it go.”
Sarah gave her arm a little punch. “That’s the Katie I like to see.” She sorted through the bills. “Let’s put our heads together and come up with a way to make this work.”
Forty minutes later, they didn’t have much of a solution. Cutting back what little there was left to trim would help for the next month, but wouldn’t pay the immediate bills. Katie sighed and ate two more brownies. At this rate, she’d be a fat shop-owner failure.
The phone rang. Katie hurried to answer it, saying a quick prayer on the way. “A Pair of Posies.”
“I’m looking for Katie Dole.” The woman’s voice on the other end was cultured, refined. Pleasant.
“This is her. How can I help you?”
“This is Georgianne Webster, Matt’s mother. He speaks very highly of you.”
“He does?”
“My son isn’t so good at expressing how he feels.” Georgianne laughed. “But I know, just from looking at him when he mentions your name that he cares a great deal.”
“Oh.” Katie resisted the urge to pump Matt’s mother for more information.
“He mentioned you owned this shop. I’m hosting a dinner party later this month and would like some new arrangements. I was thinking of lilies and tulips, maybe daffodils. Real springy, happy designs.” Her excited, friendly voice made it sound as if the dinner party wouldn’t be complete without the shop’s arrangements. “I’ve been using the Lawford florist for my weekly orders, but realized your
s is closer. Would you be available to come see the house, maybe make some suggestions? I could use a fresh eye.”
“Certainly! My partner, Sarah, is the designer, so I’ll bring her along, if that’s okay.”
“Wonderful. Do you have time today? Or tomorrow?”
“Today is perfect.” Immediately would be better, like before the bank closed, but Katie didn’t say that. “How about four-thirty?” They agreed on the time and hung up. Katie flashed Sarah a thumbs-up.
“We got a job,” she said. “Looks like a big one, too.”
“Great! Who with?”
Katie grimaced. “Matt’s mother. Think it’s a pity job?”
“Who cares? It’s money in the bank.” Sarah took a brownie off the plate. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. I have this incredible craving for chocolate.” She took a huge bite and munched for a minute.
“You never finished telling me what happened with him this afternoon. Or with Olivia.” Sarah moved the plate to the other side of the table. “I’m holding these hostage until I get details.”
Katie laughed. She recounted what had transpired, running through the encounter with Olivia, Miss Tanner’s information and finally, her visit to Matt. “I told him when he was ready to move on with his life, I’d be here.”
“Good for you! I don’t think you’ll have long to wait, though. That guy is crazy about you.”
“I hope so.” She plopped her chin into her hand. “It wasn’t easy to walk away from him.”
“You did the right thing.”
“I know.” Katie sighed. “But that doesn’t keep me warm at night.”
Sarah laughed. “We need to get you a cat.”
“No, we need to get the Webster job.” Katie shook off the blue mood that was trying to get a hold of her. There was nothing she could do about Matt, but there was plenty she could do about the store. She grabbed a notepad from the desk. “Let’s run down some ideas for spring arrangements.”
Best of Virgins Bundle Page 30