by Rosie Clarke
‘No, I won’t. I’ll visit you – and I can help with a little money, but that’s all. Your father won’t change his mind overnight.’
‘I know…’ Beth stood up wearily. ‘I’d better go…’
‘Do you have somewhere to stay?’
‘Lizzie will take me in until I can find somewhere. I’ll have to find a job, because I only have a couple of pounds left after my fare home…’
‘I can give you ten shillings for now, but I’ll get more. Your granny is in the hospital, Beth. She gave me all she had before they took her away and I know she wouldn’t mind my lending you a few pounds. I’ll pay it back of course…’
‘What is the matter with Granny Shelly?’
‘She had a nasty fall down the stairs two days ago. It has shaken her up a bit and I’m not sure she’ll ever be able to manage the stairs again. It will mean a bed in the front room if she comes out of hospital…’
‘Poor Granny,’ Beth said and her eyes were wet, but this time for her grandmother and not herself. ‘We had some elderly women in the geriatric wards – they looked so hopeless and alone sometimes…’
‘I shall look after her for as long as she lives,’ Beth’s mother said. ‘But it means I can’t openly defy your father, Beth. I don’t agree with what he’s done, but he’s the boss of his own house…’
‘Mum, I don’t want you to quarrel with him,’ Beth said. ‘That would be worse than all the rest…’
‘Here is your ten bob,’ her mother said and pressed the money into her hands. ‘I’ll come and see you in a few days…’
Beth stood up and kissed her cheek and then left her standing there, knowing that she was crying. She went out into the hall, picked up her cases and went out of the front door…
*
‘Oh, Beth, love,’ Lizzie said as she saw her on the doorstep, her face wet with tears. She took one of Beth’s cases. ‘Come on up. You’ll have to share my bed, but it will be like when I stayed with you…’
‘Not quite,’ Beth smiled wryly. ‘I’m sorry to bring this to your door, Lizzie. I’ll find somewhere else as soon as possible – and I’ve got to get a job. I’ve got a little money but it won’t last long and I can’t sponge off you.’
‘I’ve got enough for us both. Uncle Bertie pays me more these days, and I’m getting a small share of the profits. I shan’t charge you rent, Beth, so don’t offer it. I’ll be glad you’re here.’
Beth sat down gratefully in an armchair. ‘Have you told Harry you’re expecting?’
‘I’ve written but he hasn’t replied. I’m not sure how he will feel. He wanted a child so much and now…’ Lizzie caught back the words. She couldn’t ever tell Beth what Harry had done, or that the child’s conception was tainted with anger and hurt.
‘What’s wrong, Lizzie? You were a bit strange on the phone. You didn’t quarrel with Harry?’
‘He was in a bit of a mood that’s all,’ Lizzie said. ‘Anyway, let’s talk about you. What kind of a job are you after?’
‘In an office if possible – but I’ll take anything, even the munitions factory if I have to…’
‘That’s hard work and it wouldn’t be good for the baby…’
‘Beggars can’t be choosers,’ Beth shrugged. ‘Are you staying on at work?’
‘Yes. I’ve got two offers to look after the child so that I can go back to work, but I’m not sure how I’ll manage here…’
‘What do you mean?’ Beth was puzzled. ‘This is a lovely little flat.’
‘It isn’t easy to wash clothes in a flat. I send my sheets and towels to the laundry, but nappies need frequent washing.’
‘You won’t give the flat up?’
‘We always spoke of getting something bigger when the children came, but I thought I’d have longer…’ Lizzie sighed.
‘Nothing is ever easy, is it?’
Lizzie shook her head and poured more cocoa for them both. ‘I hate the thought of sugar being rationed, don’t you? I drink this all the time to save the sugar for tea…’
‘Don’t change the subject. Why aren’t you happier? Are you worried about your work?’
‘I can sell all the hats I can make, until we run out of material. After that – well, I don’t know. Uncle Bertie talks vaguely of perhaps closing the wholesale side and taking on more government work…’
‘It sounds as if you’ll manage whatever happens.’
‘Are you worried about when the baby comes, Beth?’
‘A bit,’ Beth admitted. ‘I shall have to find childminders and that is expensive and it’s hard to find one you can trust…’
Lizzie hesitated, then, ‘You haven’t heard anything more – about Mark?’
‘No. I suppose I have to accept he’s gone. I cry myself to sleep sometimes, but it doesn’t help. My child won’t have a father and that hurts more than anything else.’
‘Why don’t you get in touch with Mark’s parents? They might be pleased to hear about the baby?’
‘I wouldn’t be good enough for them – and I’m not going to tell them.’
‘I just thought they might offer you some help.’
‘I just want him to come back,’ Beth said and a sob of grief escaped her. ‘I want a proper home and a husband to love me…’
‘I wish I had room for you to stay here, but Harry will be back on leave sometimes and there isn’t room for two babies. I’m so sorry, Beth. I know it isn’t easy to find a decent place, especially if…’ she broke off and Beth looked at her, a defiant almost angry look in her eyes.
‘If you’re unmarried and pregnant,’ she said. ‘I know, Lizzie. It’s going to be hard, but as my father told me, I’ve made my bed…’
*
Uncle Bertie had mixed feelings and showed them when Lizzie told them over Sunday lunch that her friend was staying for a while.
‘Beth will find her own accommodation; she just needs a little time…’
‘As long, as she doesn’t take advantage.’ Uncle Bertie said. ‘Now then, back to business. I took that design of yours for a simple dress and the jacket to my contact and he thought it was just what they are looking for. It’s going to be called the Utility brand and all clothing for women will have to conform more or less to that style. Until now there have been plenty of things in the shops for women to pick and choose, but in future there will be rules and regulations as to what they can buy new, but I feel that those big shoulders you came up with suit the mannish style women are looking for.’
‘Ordinary girls like me won’t mind too much, but rich women are soon going to get bored with that look.’
‘Then they will have to make do with what’s in their wardrobes or save their coupons and buy material to have made up – and that’s another service I thought we might offer.’
‘Do you think we shall be rationed for clothing as well as foodstuffs?’
‘Certain of it,’ Uncle Bertie said. ‘If you need a new costume or coat, buy it now before it happens. Or better still, design something and we’ll get it made up.’
‘I can’t believe women will accept being told what they can wear…’
‘It’s coming, believe me. You have no idea yet what a war is like, Lizzie. It was bad enough last time but…’
Everyone, said the same thing – no good complaining if you couldn’t buy what you wanted because there was a war on, but apart from some shortages in the shops, rationing on butter sugar, meat and bacon, and the sinking of British merchant ships, they were not suffering too badly at home.
Harry was still flying the missions he dreaded. He didn’t say much in his infrequent letters and scarcely ever phoned now, because when he did neither of them had much to say after the first few words asking how they each were. Lizzie blamed herself but she hadn’t been able to talk naturally despite trying to think of news that would interest him. She’d hoped he’d want to talk about the baby, but he didn’t seem very interested. Lizzie was a little resentful, because it was his fault she was havi
ng the child and feeling so mixed up about it. Instead of joy, she couldn’t help thinking that he’d just left her to get on with things – as if the child was nothing to do with him.
‘Did you hear what I said, Lizzie?’
‘About the clothing being rationed soon?’
‘No, about where you’re going to have the baby. Your aunt wants you to come to us. If you stay with us she can watch the child when you’re working and do the washing herself…’
‘I couldn’t ask her to do all that,’ Lizzie said. ‘It is really kind of you both, but I’ll have to think it over for a while – talk to Harry…’
‘What does he know about things like that?’ Uncle Bertie scoffed. ‘No, your aunt is right; you’ll come to us, Lizzie, and we’ll look after you and the child until you can manage on your own.’
Lizzie knew that what he said made sense and she was being ridiculous to resist. Harry’s aunt and uncle were the nearest to family she had, and yet she felt that she was being reeled in like a fish on a line, drawn into Uncle Bertie’s net so tightly that she would never escape. He wanted her as part of his expanding business. She knew now that he’d often wanted to branch out into other things, but he’d needed Lizzie’s talent to help him do that – and now he had her he had no intention of letting her go. Yet Lizzie valued her independence and there were moments when she lay in the dark and wondered what it would be like to work in the West End Store Sebastian had spoken of…
Chapter 35
Madge solved Beth’s problem when Lizzie told her in confidence why Beth was staying with her at the flat. ‘Ed is sleeping with me downstairs now,’ she said. ‘Which means the bed upstairs is empty. Bring Beth here for a visit, and if she’s satisfied, she can stay for as long as she likes.’
‘Madge, are you certain – would Ed mind?’
‘Ed never minds anything if I’m happy. You should know I only have to ask and I get. Besides, she can help me in the house a little until the baby is born.’
‘I’m sure Beth would help keep things nice,’ Lizzie said. ‘You are a darling, Madge. I know Beth will jump at the chance.’
‘Good. Bring her round tomorrow before you go to work…’
‘Yes, I will. I did tell you that she is starting work at the munitions factory next Monday, didn’t I? She was lucky and got a job in the office there – and she likes the office manager. He told her to call him Bernie and he was glad to get her because most of the girls with qualifications are working in the services or other factories.’
‘Does he know she’s pregnant?’
‘Yes, she told him.’
‘And he still took her on?’
‘Beth bought herself a cheap wedding ring and gave her name as Mrs Allen,’ Lizzie said. ‘I advised against it, but she said she can get away with being a widow for a while and she needs to earn some money even if he sacks her when he discovers the truth.’
‘Oh dear, that was a foolish thing to do, but I suppose she isn’t the first to lie in her situation,’ Madge said. ‘Never mind, it’s done now – we’ll just have to hope it doesn’t come out too soon.’
‘I’ll go and tell her the good news. I know she’s been worrying because all the rooms she’s seen were awful and she turned them down.’
‘Some of these landladies offer damp dirty rooms and charge the earth for them. Tell Beth I don’t want rent. She can help with the chores and buy some food for us all to share sometimes and that is sufficient…’
‘You must let her pay towards the food. Her mother charged her fifteen shillings; she can afford that while she’s working.’
‘Well, if you think so, Lizzie – but she will be company for me once she’s home with the baby – and when she’s ready to go back to work, I can look after the child…’
‘You’re so kind,’ Lizzie said and bent to kiss her.
‘You’ve been more than kind to me,’ Madge told her. ‘I would have done it just for your sake, Lizzie, but I’m sure Beth is a good girl. She has just been unfortunate…’
‘It was unfortunate that she should fall for a child just like that – and to lose the man she loved as well…’ She shook her head. ‘It’s happening to more and more women, Madge.’
‘You worry about Harry?’
‘He hasn’t been home in months. He phones now and then and sends a card – but I know he’s working too many shifts…’
‘Well, perhaps he’ll come soon. He ought to be home when you have the baby, Lizzie…’
‘That’s months away,’ she said and laughed. ‘I haven’t even started to think about it yet.’
*
In April Hitler invaded Norway. At the end of the month, British troops were sent to key points to help the beleaguered Norwegian people and pushed the Germans back in the north, but their hold on the south of the country was tight. It seemed to bring the war much closer to the British people and everyone wondered who was next. There was endless talk of the war and the papers were filled with pictures of fighting and destruction everywhere. More and more women were receiving the dreaded telegrams that told of loved ones missing or dead, and Beth was just one of thousands who waited for better news without much hope of it ever arriving. Lizzie had given up asking if she heard anything, because she knew it caused her friend grief.
‘We kept moaning about the phoney war,’ Beth said that morning of July 1940 and wriggled uncomfortably in her chair. Now nearly eight months gone, she’d grown very large recently and had finally been forced to give up work. Whenever she could, she came round to Lizzie for a coffee or a chat, helping her with anything that needed doing. ‘I wish we could go back, Lizzie, forget all this horrid business. They say the Hun sticks babies on bayonets and roast them over a fire…’
‘Don’t have nightmares, love,’ Lizzie said smiling at her; she was just over five months and showing little sign of her pregnancy. ‘I don’t believe that for a moment, besides, we’re ready for them if they do try to invade – and our air force is doing a great job patrolling the skies… and the Army boys are just getting on with things, despite all the setbacks at Dunkirk last month.’
Beth sighed and pressed a hand to her back, the strain showing in her face. She’d been fine until the last couple of weeks, but now her ankles had swollen and she was feeling low.
‘Are you in pain, love?’ Lizzie asked, full of sympathy. ‘It can’t be much longer surely?’
‘I don’t know where I shall have the baby. I can’t put all that on Madge because she couldn’t cope. The hospitals are full of wounded soldiers these days. I was booked in at the London, but I’m not sure they’re still taking maternity cases.’
‘Don’t worry, they will find room for you somewhere,’ Lizzie replied. ‘I know you feel awful, Beth love, but it could be worse.’
‘Yes, they’ll start bombing us next,’ Beth grumbled. ‘Bernie says it’s bound to happen.’ She was still in touch with her boss at the munitions factory and he’d promised her her job back when she was ready.
‘I suppose it will.’
‘Sometimes I feel like running away…’
‘Where would you go? Once they start bombing us they will be all over the country, so it won’t make much difference,’ Lizzie said. ‘All the big towns and cities, especially where they have important factories, will catch it, Beth.’
‘I know…’ Beth sighed. ‘It’s just that I don’t want to be a nuisance to Madge and Ed. You’ll be all right, Lizzie. When you get near your time, you can go and stay with Harry’s family – but I can’t ask Madge to run up and down stairs for me, can I?’
‘No, you can’t. You will have to go into hospital, Beth…’
‘Has Harry been home since last month?’
‘I told you he came on a flying visit for a few hours but that was weeks ago.’
‘We’re a pair, aren’t we?’ Beth said. ‘Neither of us is really happy – no, don’t pretend, Lizzie. I don’t know what happened between you and Harry but I know something did.’
‘Bernie asked me to marry him,’ Beth said suddenly, bringing Lizzie’s eyes to hers in shock. ‘He says he’s too old to have a child of his own and he would be happy to be a father to mine.’
‘You told him the truth then?’
‘He guessed and asked me straight out so I told him. I thought he might sack me, but there was no way I could keep on lying to him – and then he said he was glad. He was sorry that Mark had been lost at sea but he says he loves me and wants to make an honest woman of me.’
‘Will you marry him, Beth? It would make your life so much easier – and you like him a lot, don’t you?’
‘No one could help liking Bernie,’ Beth said. ‘He’s strict over work but he’s fair and he’s generous. I don’t mind the limp – he got that from the last war - and he isn’t bad-looking, but I’m not sure I ought to marry him. Liking isn’t the same as being in love, Lizzie.’ She shook her head. ‘Would it be fair if I can’t love him the way he loves me, because I’m still in love with Mark. I think about him and I cry, even though I know he’s gone – and, as for Bernie, when the baby is born, is he going to resent it?’
‘Surely he wouldn’t ask if he felt like that, Beth?’
‘I think it might happen one day…’ She sighed and heaved herself from the chair. ‘I’d better go. Madge worries if I’m away too long.’
‘Beth, if anything happens – if the baby starts, ring me and I’ll come.’