She didn’t have to explain why she hadn’t; Jared understood. After all she had been through, he couldn’t blame her for being afraid to go back to the compound and face the chairman’s judgment. “Ryku will understand,” he said again. “He has to.”
“And if he doesn’t?
“He will. I’ll back you up.”
Zira nodded. “That will help.”
“I’m sorry about all of this.”
“It’s not your fault. I just screwed up. Again.”
“It wasn’t your fault, either. You had bad information. I should have come out here to look for you, with or without Ryku’s permission. We were partners. I should have been here to protect you.”
“That’s sweet, but it’s not your job to protect me.”
His hands tightened around the edge of the table. “It is! That’s what people do when they care about someone—they take care of them. I should have been here. I love you, Zira.”
There. He’d said it. The words had been stuck in his throat ever since their hike in the canyon, and every day that she’d been gone, he regretted not telling her. She met his gaze with wide blue eyes, and for a moment Jared was afraid she might bolt from him. Instead, a slow smile spread across her face and she leaned across the table to kiss him. It had been such a long time since their last kiss, and Jared savored the softness of her lips. She pulled away and rested her forehead against his. “I think I love you too.”
“You think?” He chuckled. “I guess I can work with that.”
She gave his shoulder a playful jab. “So what now?”
“That’s up to you. We can stay here for a while, or find someplace to stay in Anchorage. Either way, I’ve got to get some sleep.” He hadn’t been able to relax since the previous morning when Ryku had told him Zira was alive.
“Let’s go to Anchorage,” she said. “I’ve already got my things packed.”
She went to the basement and returned a few moments later with a small backpack. They walked out to the car. Zira paused before getting inside, turning to take one last look at the house. “You okay?” Jared asked when she slid onto the seat next to him.
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
He kept one arm draped over her shoulder as they drove back to the city. He needed to call Ryku and let him know what had happened, and the chairman would want to talk to Zira, but that could wait until morning. For now, he would bask in the joy he would have thought impossible just two days ago. Zira was alive, and she was coming home, and she loved him. For now, everything was perfect.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
When Zira woke up the next morning with Jared’s strong arms around her waist, she experienced a brief moment of panic before she remembered where she was. She wriggled away from him and got out of bed, smiling as she listened to his deep breaths. After taking a shower, she put on the same clothes she’d worn the day before.
Looking at herself in the mirror, she reflected on the three months she’d spent in this region and how they had changed her. She hardly recognized the person she had become, and she wasn’t sure if she could go back to the Project and be the person she used to be. It wasn’t just her amputated leg and all the complications that came with it that had changed her. It was the food shortage and the riots, the way the authorities who were supposed to protect people had opened fire on them just for voicing their frustrations. She’d always had confidence in the Project and her role there, certain that she was an important piece of something bigger than herself, something that was crucial in holding the world together. She’d lost that confidence at some point since coming here. The uncertain expression of the girl who stared back at her from the glass was one she didn’t recognize on herself.
Mei’s words about the blood on her hands still haunted her. Ryku had sent her here to assassinate a group of radicals because they were deemed a threat to the Project, but from what Zira had seen, they were just trying to survive. Tripp had told her to open her eyes, and maybe she was starting to. What she saw was that the Project itself might be the real threat. It was a treasonous thought, one she would never voice out loud. But once it was in her head, she knew it would never go away.
For a moment, she considered running away. Jared was still asleep; she could be long gone by the time he woke up. She shook her head. What good would it do? Ryku would mark her a deserter and she’d spend the rest of her life running from her past, just like Tripp. Besides, it wouldn’t be fair to Aubreigh and Jared. Truth be told, she knew it wouldn’t even be fair to herself. She belonged in the Project. She had her doubts, but a big part of her was eager to go back to her old life there. It was all she’d ever known, her home, her family.
Zira turned away from the mirror, away from the confusion she saw in her own eyes there. She was getting herself worked up over nothing. She needed to trust the Project. She had only seen a small piece of a larger picture, and it wasn’t fair to condemn the entire organization when she didn’t have all the information. Once she was back home, everything would start to make sense again.
Jared was up when she came out of the bathroom, stretching his arms in the sunlight that streamed through the open blinds. Zira went to stand beside him and he kissed her forehead. “We should call Ryku,” he said. “He’ll be able to get you a new CL and identification. Otherwise, I don’t see how you’re going to get on a plane.”
Zira frowned. She’d known she would have to face Ryku sometime but hadn’t planned on it being so soon. She would have preferred a face-to-face discussion. Jared was right, though, and there was no point fighting it. She nodded and Jared brought up the communications display on his CyberLink. “I’m sure he’ll be happy to know you’re okay.”
Zira faked a smile that felt a lot more like a grimace and hung back so the CL’s camera couldn’t see her. Jared made the call, and Ryku’s face appeared in the projection over his arm. “Did you find her?” he asked.
“She’s here with me now, safe and sound. I’ll let her explain everything later. Right now, we need to figure out how to get her home. She needs a new CL, identification, everything.”
“Of course,” said Ryku. His expression remained unchanged, and Zira couldn’t tell if he was happy she was alive or angry that she hadn’t made more effort to get home sooner. “I’ll have the Anchorage distribution center get one ready for her. You should be able to pick it up tomorrow.”
“Thank you.”
“Let me talk to her.”
Jared took the CL off his wrist and handed it to Zira. “Sir,” she said, trying not to appear as nervous as she felt.
Ryku gave her a nod. “Zira. I’m sure you can imagine how devastated we all were by your disappearance. It’s good to know you’re alive and well.”
“Thank you, Chairman.”
“That being said, I owe it to you to be perfectly honest about where I stand on this matter. We’ll talk about it more when you get back, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up that everything will just return to normal. I’m concerned about the fact that you haven’t once tried to contact us in all this time.”
“I assure you, Chairman—”
“If you have a reasonable explanation, you have nothing to worry about, but I have a responsibility to protect the Project and the people who serve under me. Any suspicious activity has to be thoroughly investigated, and to be frank, your actions seem a little suspicious. I’m putting you on probation for a minimum of two months. I also want you to be evaluated by our psychologist.”
“But that’s not—”
Ryku held up a hand. “It’s for your own good. Two months. After that, we’ll decide what to do with you.”
Zira tried to keep the frustration out of her voice, though it might as well have been written in bold, neon letters all over her face. She jerked a curt nod to demonstrate her understanding. “Yes, sir.”
“I’ll see you soon,” Ryku said. “And Zira—I’m glad you’re all right.”
He disconnected and she handed the CL back to Jar
ed. “Probation,” she complained. “And a psychologist?”
“It’s not a bad idea,” Jared said. Zira returned this comment with a glare, and Jared backpedaled. “No, I mean, it might help. It’s nothing you should be worried about. I had to see him for a while after…”
He didn’t finish this thought, but Zira knew he must be referring to after he’d been held captive by the Red Flag Brotherhood. She regretted even bringing up the issue. She hadn’t meant to imply that counseling was ineffective or shameful, only that she didn’t see the need for it in her own circumstances.
She was about to tell him this, but he spoke first. “Anyway, the E-2 psychologist is a good guy. Dr. James. He used to be one of us, so he understands some of the challenges you might be dealing with.”
“I guess,” she said.
“Look, Ryku might be harsh, but he’s fair. As long as you can prove yourself to him, you’ve got nothing to worry about. That leg of yours works, doesn’t it?”
“Not as well as it should.”
“Maybe you can get a better one at home. And then you’ve got two months to keep working and getting stronger.” He put a hand under her chin and gently lifted it to look her in the eyes. “You’re tough, Zira. You’ve got this.”
Just knowing that she had his support and confidence boosted her morale. Worry and self-doubt would only slow her down, something she could no longer afford. It was time stop hiding and get to work.
Zira thought about calling Aubreigh several times that day, but decided against it. She knew her friend would be happy to see her, but she’d have dozens of questions, and Zira wasn’t sure how she would answer them yet. Regardless, it wasn’t the kind of reunion she wanted to do over CL. She needed to see Aubreigh in person.
She and Jared picked up her new CL the following morning and caught the next available flight to Amarillo. Zira watched the city lights and snowy landscape of Anchorage disappear below her as the plane rose into the clouds. She sighed and Jared put a hand on her shoulder. “You okay?”
“It’s silly, but I feel like I’m leaving something behind. I miss Mei.”
“I’m sorry. You two seemed close.”
Zira bit her bottom lip. She hadn’t spoken much about Mei’s death until now, and it was hard to find the words. “I should have been there. She saved my life, and I should have been there to save hers, too.”
“You can’t blame yourself.”
But she did. If she hadn’t been so negligent, maybe Mei would still be alive.
“You both just got caught in the wrong place at the wrong time,” said Jared. “I’m sure she knows you tried.”
Despite his sincerity, she found little comfort in his reassurances. All she could think about as the plane soared through the clear, blue sky was the disappointment and pain on Mei’s face as she’d died in Zira’s arms.
The plane landed in Amarillo just before midnight, and the drive from the airport to the compound was quiet. Jared tried to strike up a conversation a few times, but Zira was too distracted by the knot in her stomach to talk. Her heart started to pound as they got out of the car and walked up to the huge, concrete walls. The night was dark and cloudy, and the lights atop the wall shone down like eyes boring through to her soul, exposing her vulnerabilities. Zira clasped Jared’s hand for security as she followed him through the gate. She hadn’t expected to feel so nervous. She was coming home, after all. She should have felt more welcome and safe inside these walls, but she felt the opposite.
Her discomfort grew as they headed to Chairman Ryku’s office. She kept her pace deliberately slow, but they still seemed to arrive long before she was ready. Jared turned to her with an encouraging smile. “It’s going to be fine.”
She took a deep breath and forced herself to knock on the door. Ryku answered almost immediately and extended a hand to Zira. “Come in and sit down,” he said. “We have a lot to talk about.”
They followed him to his office and sat on the couches facing him. “I trust you had a safe return,” he said.
“Yes,” Jared replied. “Everything went smoothly.”
“Good. Let’s get right to the point, then.” He turned his attention to Zira. “Please explain to me what you’ve been doing for the last three months.”
Zira took a deep breath and started at the beginning. She told him how there had been an extra man and two children in the cabin with her targets but made no mention of Tripp specifically. He’d saved her life, and she wasn’t about to betray him by telling the man who wanted him dead that she’d seen him. She hadn’t told Jared, either. She claimed she didn’t know his name, and when she had to refer to him in her account, she simply called him ‘the one who saved my life’ or ‘the one who wasn’t in the file.’ She told Ryku about how the radicals had taken her to Mei and how her leg had been amputated before she’d had a chance to say anything about it. “Once I saw what had happened,” she said, “I knew I couldn’t come back here. Not like that.”
Ryku raised his eyebrows. “Why not?”
Zira had expected the question and had rehearsed her answer a hundred times. It came out naturally. “I was ashamed of how weak I’d become. What use is an operative who can’t even stand on her own two feet? I was afraid that if I came back, you’d decide I was no use here. I’d have to leave and become an informant or something.”
“There are worse things than being an informant,” Ryku said. “I rely on them just as much as I rely on the rest of you.”
“I know, but that’s not something I ever pictured for myself. I just couldn’t give up on my life here. I had a chance to get a new leg and get back to where I was before. I couldn’t leave without taking it.”
“And you didn’t think I would allow you that opportunity if you’d just told me about it?”
“Well—no.”
“I’m sorry you felt that way,” Ryku said. “I wish you’d had a little more faith in me. We would have taken care of you here. You certainly would have gotten better care and medical treatment.”
“Yes, sir. I understand that now, and I’m sorry. But like I said, I just couldn’t take the risk.” She looked at Ryku, pleading with him to understand her. “My leg isn’t exactly what it used to be, but it works. And I wasn’t going to stay there forever. I was already planning to come back when Jared found me.” This may not have been entirely true, but it was close enough.
Ryku glanced at Jared and he nodded. “Her bags were already packed when I arrived at Dr. Yamada-Hunt’s house. A few more hours and I might have missed her entirely.”
Ryku nodded and sat without saying anything for a few moments, contemplating everything he had heard. His eyes bored into Zira like lasers. At last, he said, “You’re lucky to have recovered as quickly as you did. Still, I think this is only further proof that a full evaluation of your skills and mental condition is extremely important. You’ve been through a lot. As we discussed before, I’ll be placing you on probation for a minimum of two months before you can be reinstated to your usual duties.”
“Yes, sir.” She still didn’t like the idea, but she had little choice in the matter. The fastest way to get through all of this would be to just cooperate and do whatever Ryku deemed necessary.
He walked to his desk, pulled open a drawer, and handed Zira a black armband. “Your old apartment has already been re-coded for your use, though I’m afraid you won’t find any of your old belongings inside. I made appointments for you to see Dr. James on Mondays and Thursdays at one-thirty. I also expect you to make every effort to get yourself back to peak physical condition. I’ll schedule you in with some of the doctors in unit A; I’m sure they can make you a better leg than the one you have now. You can attend some training sessions with the higher-level students in the unit. I know you think you’re better than that, but please, humor me. I think it will help.”
Just a short time ago, Zira might have been more annoyed by the prospect of being sent back to training with the recruits. Now, she knew she needed it. �
��Thank you, sir.”
Ryku nodded. “You’re a good operative. I’m glad you’re back with us. It’s always hard when we have to bury one of our own.”
He showed them out and shut the door. Zira turned to Jared. He hadn’t said much during the meeting with Ryku, but his presence had been comforting, and he’d backed her up when he needed to. “Thanks for being there with me,” she told him.
“Of course.”
They walked to the apartments together, and as they passed the walkway that led to Aubreigh’s building, Zira wanted nothing more than to see her best friend. “I’m going to go visit Aubreigh.”
“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” Jared said. “She’d kill both of us if she found out you were back and we didn’t tell her right away.”
He kissed her goodnight and they parted ways. Zira knocked on Aubreigh’s door and waited. It was late; Aubreigh would probably be asleep and not too happy about being woken up. Still, Zira kept knocking until the door opened.
At first, Aubreigh—still rubbing sleep out of her eyes—didn’t seem to register what she was seeing. Her mouth formed a tiny, surprised ‘o’ as she blinked several times, as if to erase some kind of half-dream or hallucination. “Zira?”
“Hi,” Zira replied. She wasn’t sure what to say next.
Aubreigh stepped outside and flung her arms around her, and Zira couldn’t tell whether she was laughing or crying. Knowing Aubreigh, it was probably both. “I can’t believe this,” she said. “How? What are you doing here? No—it doesn’t matter. Come in, come in.”
They sat down on the couch. Aubreigh was still gaping at her. “Stop staring,” Zira said. “You’re making me nervous.”
“You can’t blame me for being a little surprised. I thought you were dead, you know, and then you just show up here in the middle of the night. I’m still not sure if I’m really awake. What happened to you?”
Secrets of PEACE Page 16