by Paul Long
The following experience activities are based on self-reflection. They require you to dig deep into your memory bank to answer the questions that identify why you experience life the way you do. Some of these memories may be joyous, others painful. It is crucial that you are vulnerable in the process to ensure the growth you seek.
1. Background—The following questions help identify the moments and people in your life that helped shape your perspective.
What experiences stand out as the most profound in creating your philosophy of living or “perspective” on life?
Specifically, what experiences in your life have driven the way you see yourself, those around you, and your typical take on daily experiences?
Examples could be but aren’t limited to:
Divorce, loss of a loved one, moving a lot, an eating disorder, abuse, moments of exhilaration, time with loved ones, vacations, presence or lack thereof of family or a spiritual community.
How did these experiences shape your perspective on life?
What were some negative outcomes in your life that happened as a direct result of the perspective shaped by the experiences listed above?
What were some positive outcomes in your life that happened as a direct result of the perspective shaped by the experiences listed above?
What’s the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?
Name a couple that models a loving relationship:
What is it about this relationship you appreciate?
How can the positive elements of this relationship be replicated in your relationships?
What responsibility do you take in the creation of your perspective? Specifically, without blaming other people or situations for how you see things, what role did YOU play in creating your perspective?
What could you do TODAY that would allow you to take more responsibility of your perspective from now moving forward?
Name a situation that’s happened in the last month where you went negative. What could a positive interpretation of that experience be?
2. Intentionally or Unintentionally—We either live our lives intentionally or unintentionally, and our overall experience in life is greatly impacted by this. Individuals that live intentionally typically have more F.U.N. and fulfillment in life. This is a direct result of being more present and having greater success in achieving the goals they set for themselves. This activity will help identify how deliberate you are in your actions and what steps to take to live a more intentional life.
Your morning sets the tone for how the rest of your day may go. List the five things you do intentionally when you wake up in the morning:
What are some things you could do intentionally in the morning to help drive a different result in how you experience your day?
Examples could include but aren’t limited to: Take thirty seconds to think about what you are thankful for, avoid looking at your cell phone for the first thirty minutes of your day, compliment a loved one, exercise, or write a positive affirmation for the day.
List the five things you do intentionally when you get to work.
What are some things you could do intentionally at work to help drive a different result in how you experience it?
Examples could include but aren’t limited too: Write a thank-you note to a coworker or customer, write a goal for the day, make yourself laugh, or set aside a block of time to check email and avoid checking it outside of that timeframe.
List the five things you do intentionally when you get home in the evening.
What are some things you could do intentionally in the evening to help drive a different result in how you experience life at home?
Examples could include but aren’t limited to: Eat dinner together at the table with your family, spouse, or housemates, have everyone in your household share the best things that have happened to them throughout the day, listen to your favorite music, play something creative or imaginary with your kids, or sit outside and talk to loved ones while avoiding technology.
List the five things you do intentionally before you go to bed.
What are some things you could do intentionally before bed to drive a different result in how you relax or rest?
Examples could be but aren’t limited too: self-reflect on the events of the day, identify things that went well, identify things you’d like to improve upon, scratch a loved one’s back, or watch your favorite show while being mindless.
3. Altering Experience—Taking the time to recognize what is driving negativity in your life and how your behaviors contribute to it can work wonders in driving change. The following activity can help shed some light on what is giving you grief and what to do to mitigate the sting.
What is one aspect of your life that you feel brings stress?
What behaviors or thoughts are you demonstrating that could be driving this negative outcome?
Examples could include but aren’t limited to: a lack of money is bringing stress, and the absence of a budget or chaotic spending habits are compounding the issue; your children aren’t listening or following directions, and your lack of follow-through in discipline and accountability is making the issue worse; or you have a coworker that you just can’t get along with and have never taken the time to learn more about their perspective.
What is one thing that you can do TODAY that could potentially mitigate the stressor you outlined above? (What behavior could you change or incorporate to drive a different outcome?)
Examples could include but aren’t limited to: identify a specific time in the day to free yourself of technology or be more deliberate in establishing a routine or budget.
What is another aspect of your life that you feel brings stress?
What behaviors or thoughts are you demonstrating that could be driving this negative outcome?
Examples can be found above.
What is one thing that you can do TODAY that could potentially decrease or remove the stressor you outlined above? (What behavior could you change or incorporate to drive a different outcome?)
Examples could include but aren’t limited to: journal throughout the day and identify the best things that have happened to you; or think about how your bird style may have played a role in how you experienced a situation and use that to make a change.
What is one more aspect of your life that you feel brings stress?
What behaviors or thoughts are you demonstrating that could be driving this negative outcome?
Examples could be found above.
What is one thing that you can do TODAY that could potentially mitigate the stressor you outlined above? (What behavior could you change or incorporate to drive a different outcome?)
Examples could include but aren’t limited to: jot down all the old experiences in your life keeping you from moving forward and burn or rip the paper up; or give yourself permission to remove these things from your life and do something symbolic to release them.
4. Your Purpose—Why are you here? What is your purpose? These are questions many struggle to answer. It’s easy to get lost in the activity of our lives, putting things on cruise control and losing sight of the monumental impact we play in creating desired outcomes.
You have more control over your life and surroundings than you could ever imagine. Harnessing this control is easier when you identify your true purpose and align that purpose with all you do. The reason? There’s continuity in your actions, which allows you and others a comfort in knowing what to expect. By having purpose and alignment to it, you can access greater fulfillment.
A relationship expert once told me the reason couples break up is they stop living in alignment with their own personal values or purpose. In effect, he said, they forget who they are or desire to be and instead are living according to the values set of the other person. Far too often, he added, the values were never defined and the relationship was on an autopilot course for disaster.
By narrowing down the five core elements of your values set, you
can begin to solidify your foundation and help identify your true purpose.
Scan the lists below and circle the words that aptly describe your values. Try to keep the list between 10-15 on the first pass.
The next step will be revealed over the next few pages.
▪ Abundance
▪ Acceptance
▪ Accessibility
▪ Accomplishment
▪ Accountability
▪ Accuracy
▪ Achievement
▪ Acknowledgment
▪ Activeness
▪ Adaptability
▪ Adoration
▪ Adroitness
▪ Advancement
▪ Adventure
▪ Affection
▪ Affluence
▪ Aggressiveness
▪ Agility
▪ Alertness
▪ Altruism
▪ Amazement
▪ Ambition
▪ Amusement
▪ Anticipation
▪ Appreciation
▪ Approachability
▪ Approval
▪ Art
▪ Articulacy
▪ Artistry
▪ Assertiveness
▪ Assurance
▪ Attentiveness
▪ Attractiveness
▪ Availability
▪ Awareness
▪ Awe
▪ Balance
▪ Beauty
▪ Being the best
▪ Belonging
▪ Benevolence
▪ Bliss
▪ Boldness
▪ Bravery
▪ Brilliance
▪ Buoyancy
▪ Calmness
▪ Camaraderie
▪ Candor
▪ Capability
▪ Care
▪ Carefulness
▪ Celebrity
▪ Certainty
▪ Challenge
▪ Change
▪ Charity
▪ Chastity
▪ Clarity
▪ Cleanliness
▪ Clear-mindedness
▪ Cleverness
▪ Closeness
▪ Comfort
▪ Commitment
▪ Community
▪ Compassion
▪ Competence
▪ Competitiveness
▪ Completion
▪ Composure
▪ Concentration
▪ Confidence
▪ Conformity
▪ Congruency
▪ Connection
▪ Consciousness
▪ Conservation
▪ Consistency
▪ Contentment
▪ Continuity
▪ Continuous Improvement
▪ Contribution
▪ Control
▪ Conviction
▪ Conviviality
▪ Coolness
▪ Cooperation
▪ Cordiality
▪ Correctness
▪ Country
▪ Courage
▪ Courtesy
▪ Craftiness
▪ Creativity
▪ Cunning
▪ Curiosity
▪ Daring
▪ Decisiveness
▪ Decisiveness
▪ Decorum
▪ Deference
▪ Delight
▪ Democraticness
▪ Dependability
▪ Depth
▪ Desire
▪ Determination
▪ Devotion
▪ Devoutness
▪ Dignity
▪ Diligence
▪ Direction
▪ Directness
▪ Discipline
▪ Discovery
▪ Discretion
▪ Diversity
▪ Dominance
▪ Dreaming
▪ Drive
▪ Duty
▪ Dynamism
▪ Eagerness
▪ Ease
▪ Economy
▪ Ecstasy
▪ Education
▪ Effectiveness
▪ Efficiency
▪ Elation
▪ Elegance
▪ Empathy
▪ Encouragement
▪ Endurance
▪ Energy
▪ Enjoyment
▪ Entertainment
▪ Enthusiasm
▪ Environmentalism
▪ Equality
▪ Ethics
▪ Euphoria
▪ Excellence
▪ Excitement
▪ Exhilaration
▪ Expectancy
▪ Expediency
▪ Experience
▪ Expertise
▪ Exploration
▪ Expressiveness
▪ Extravagance
▪ Extroversion
▪ Exuberance
▪ Fairness
▪ Faith
▪ Fame
▪ Family
▪ Family-orientedness
▪ Fascination
▪ Fashion
▪ Fearlessness
▪ Ferocity
▪ Fidelity
▪ Fierceness
▪ Financial
▪ Firmness
▪ Fitness
▪ Flexibility
▪ Flow
▪ Fluency
▪ Focus
▪ Fortitude
▪ Frankness
▪ Freedom
▪ Friendliness
▪ Friendship
▪ Frugality
▪ Fun
▪ Fun-Fairness
▪ Gallantry
▪ Generosity
▪ Gentility
▪ Giving
▪ Goodness
▪ Grace
▪ Gratitude
▪ Gregariousness
▪ Growth
▪ Guidance
▪ Happiness
▪ Hard work
▪ Harmony
▪ Health
▪ Heart
▪ Helpfulness
▪ Helping society
▪ Heroism
▪ Holiness
▪ Honesty
▪ Honor
▪ Hopefulness
▪ Hospitality
▪ Humility
▪ Humor
▪ Hygiene
▪ Imagination
▪ Impact
▪ Impartiality
▪ Independence
▪ Individuality
▪ Industry
▪ Influence
▪ Ingenuity
▪ Inner harmony
▪ Inquisitiveness
▪ Insightfulness
▪ Inspiration
▪ Integrity
▪ Intellect
▪ Intellectual status
▪ Intelligence
▪ Intensity
▪ Intimacy
▪ Intrepidness
▪ Introspection
▪ Introversion
▪ Intuition
▪ Intuitiveness
▪ Inventiveness
▪ Investing
▪ Involvement
▪ Joy
▪ Judiciousness
▪ Justice
▪ Keenness
▪ Kindness
▪ Knowledge
▪ Leadership
▪ Learning
▪ Legacy
▪ Liberation
▪ Liberty
▪ Lightness
▪ Liveliness
▪ Logic
▪ Longevity
▪ Love
▪ Loyalty
▪ Majesty
▪ Making a difference
▪ Marriage
▪ Mastery
▪ Maturity
▪ Meaning
▪ Meekness
▪ Mellowness
▪ Merit
�
� Meticulousness
▪ Mindfulness
▪ Modesty
▪ Motivation
▪ Mysteriousness
▪ Nature
▪ Neatness
▪ Nerve
▪ Nonconformity
▪ Obedience
▪ Open-mindedness
▪ Openness
▪ Optimism
▪ Order
▪ Organization
▪ Originality
▪ Outdoors
▪ Outlandishness
▪ Outrageousness
▪ Partnership
▪ Passion
▪ Patience
▪ Patriotism
▪ Peace
▪ Perceptiveness
▪ Perfection
▪ Perkiness
▪ Perseverance
▪ Persistence
▪ Persuasiveness
▪ Philanthropy
▪ Piety
▪ Playfulness
▪ Pleasantness
▪ Pleasure
▪ Poise
▪ Polish
▪ Popularity
▪ Potency
▪ Power
▪ Practicality
▪ Pragmatism
▪ Precision
▪ Preparedness
▪ Presence
▪ Pride
▪ Privacy
▪ Proactivity
▪ Professionalism
▪ Prosperity
▪ Prudence
▪ Punctuality
▪ Purity
▪ Quality-orientation
▪ Rationality
▪ Realism
▪ Reason
▪ Reasonableness
▪ Recognition
▪ Recreation
▪ Refinement
▪ Reflection
▪ Relaxation
▪ Reliability
▪ Reliability
▪ Relief
▪ Religiousness
▪ Reputation
▪ Resilience
▪ Resolution
▪ Resolve