by Carl Hiassen
No such market exists, I suspect, for Tito Negraponte's used personal effects. The databases I'd scanned yielded only meager biographical material. He was born in Guadalajara and as a teenager made his way first to San Diego and then to Los Angeles, where he bounced between rock and Latin jazz in a series of obscure groups. In a 1985 interview, Jimmy Stoma said he recruited Tito after seeing him play drums with a bilingual punk band called Canker. Jimmy tore through drummers like barbiturates, but he liked Tito's furtive smoky presence onstage so he kept him on as a second bass man. "You can never have too much bass," Jimmy explained to the San Francisco Chronicle.
Although Tito was the eldest of the original Slut Puppies by ten years, the press clippings indicated he had no trouble keeping pace, socially or pharmaceutically, with the other band members. Three drug arrests and an equal number of paternity suits put his name in the entertainment columns, as did his gloating arrival at the Grammys with the freakishly bosomy wife of the same record-company executive who'd originally rejected "Mouthful of Muscle," the Slut Puppies' breakthrough single. After Jimmy disbanded the band in the late eighties, Tito formed his own group called Montezuma, which opened exactly once for Carlos Santana. A CD featuring a peppy Spanish version of "Hey Joe" was never released.
The most recent mention of Tito Negraponte in print occurred a few years back, when the Boston Phoenixasked several heavy-metal guitarists for capsule reviews of the classic rock satire, This Is Spinal Tap.Tito said that while he enjoyed the movie, its verisimilitude would have been enhanced "if the bass player had got more pussy."
The article said Tito was keeping busy doing studio work for solo artists. I don't know what he's been up to lately, but this interview should earn him more ink than he's seen in a decade—providing I can steer him through ten minutes of semi-linear thought. Upon returning to the hospital room, I see that the nurse has turned him over to face the window. I drag a chair into his fuzzy vision and sit myself down. Tito is drifting like a feather in the thermals, but I can't sit here and wait for him to float back to earth. This might be my only chance; a relative or girlfriend could show up any moment to chase me off.
Firmly I put a hand on his shoulder. "Remember I told you about the computer hard drive we found on Jimmy's boat?"
His eyelids flutter. "The master."
"Right. That's what everybody's after, isn't it?"
Tito coughs out a laugh. "Not everybody, man. Not MCA or Virgin or Arista. Just the vicious bitch Jimmy was married to," he says. "She thought I had a copy but I don't. I told her but she didn't believe me."
"That was Saturday night at the club."
"Yeah. I hooked up with some Brazilian chick at the funeral, so I hung around Miami for a few days. Then my manager called and said Cleo was tryin' to reach me about a gig, and would I meet her up in Silver Beach." Again Tito's eyelids droop to half-staff. Licking at his gray lips, he adds, "She ain't the quickest fox in the forest, that girl. I didn't play a lick on those Bahamas sessions, man, not one note. I didn't know what the hell she was talkin' about ... "
As Tito slides into dreamland, I'm scribbling down his quotes, trying not to lose a single phrase. The fact he was able to say "quickest fox in the forest" is impressive, considering his current dosage levels. The same beetle-browed nurse returns with a plump, fresh IV bag. She frowns at the notebook. I smile innocently, but my remaining time here can now be measured in minutes. As soon as she leaves, I nudge Tito awake. "What does Cleo want with the master? Did she say?"
He snorts groggily. "Stupid twat. She shot the wrong bass player. You believe that?"
"Then who was playing with Jimmy in the Bahamas?"
"That'd be Danny." Meaning Danny Gitt, the former leadbass guitarist for the Slut Puppies.
"Where is he now?" I ask.
"On a big jet plane, don't you worry. Jimmy's wife'll never find him."
"Why didn't you tell this to the cops?"
"That's very funny. Christ, I'm thirsty again."
Dutifully I fetch the plastic pitcher and pour more water for Tito. He levers himself to one elbow and takes a long noisy guzzle. "The cops, they think those two Mexicans came to my place lookin' for dope. If I told 'em they was hired by a pop singer tryin' to rip off her dead husband, well ... " Tito keels back on the pillows. "They'd never believe it."
I ask him when was the last time he saw Jimmy Stoma. He says four or five months ago.
"Did he talk to you about the solo project?"
"I think he felt weird 'cause he hired Danny instead of me. So all we talked about was fish."
Wincing, Tito repositions himself on the bed. "You wouldn't think it could hurt so much, gettin' popped in the butt cheeks. Fucked me up bad."
He's fading again and I still haven't pried the answer out of him—depressing evidence that my interviewing skills have waned. In the old days somebody loaded on this much hospital-grade narcotics would have been a pushover. By now I'd have had him confessing to the JFK assassination.
"Tito, wake up. Why does Cleo want Jimmy's master recording? I can't figure it out."
"She doesn't want the whole thing," he says irritably. "There's one cut she's hot for, and the rest she couldn't give two shits about."
I assume he's talking about "Cindy's Oyster," but when I try the title on Tito he says it doesn't ring a bell. However, Tito's bell is made of Jell-O at the moment.
"Naw, that ain't the song," he insists. "This is one she wants for her own record. She said Jimmy promised to give it to her, but that ain't what Danny told me. He said it was gonna be on Jimmy's own album. His comeback single, he said."
"Come on, Tito. Try to remember the name of the cut."
"Back off, guy ... "
"The long-haired kid at the club with Cleo," I say, "you remember him?"
But Tito is distracted by a stab of pain that causes him to twist around and glower at the door. "Where'd Nurse Wretched go? I believe she shot me up with sugar water."
"Loreal," I press onward, "that's what he calls himself."
"Aw, he's just some junior jerkoff with a Pro Tools setup. His job is to lay Cleo's vocals over Jimmy's guitar, once they lift it off the master. That's my read."
I can't help but notice that Tito has begun to bleat intermittently, like a baby goat. "Think hard," I encourage him. "This is important."
"Know what? This gettin'-shot shit is strictly for the youngbloods. I'm fifty motherfuckin' years old."
"Count your blessings. Steve McQueen checked out at fifty." I am powerless to edit myself.
"That was cigarettes," Tito snaps. "I quit the cigarettes." He curses under his breath. "What's the name of the wife's album again? She told me but I forgot."
"It's going to be called Shipwrecked Heart."
He smiles grimly and points a callused finger. "That's it, chico. That's Jimmy's song. The one she wants. The one she sang at the church."
And just like that, bingo, it all adds up.
The guitar part I heard last night sounded familiar for a reason. The widow Stomarti had played it at the funeral, while singing the only verse she knew ...
You took me like a storm, tossed me out of reach,
Left me like the tide, lost and broken on a beach.
Shipwrecked heart, my shipwrecked heart ...
" 'Shipwrecked Heart.' That's it." Tito is pleased with himself for remembering. "One time Jimmy was gonna let me hear the final mix but we went lobsterin' instead. I remember Jay or Danny, they said it was pretty good."
"I'd sing it for you myself but you're in enough pain. Cleo says she and Jimmy wrote that song together."
"What a joke. That girl couldn't write a Christmas card."
This goes immediately into the notebook. Tito watches the transcribing with an amused resignation. "You're gonna put my name in your newspaper?"
"It's very possible."
"Then maybe I should take a long vacation like Danny." He raises himself to look out the window, where the morning sky over Hollywood is pi
nk with sun-tinted smog. "You think they offed Jimmy's sister? I liked her. She was a real decent kid."
"I liked her, too. May I borrow the phone?"
"Be my guest." Tito's curly noggin begins to loll. "I believe I'm fixin' to crash."
It's still early in Florida and Emma's probably in the middle of her workout, but I dial the number anyway because I can't wait. After thirteen days I've finally dug up a motive for the murder of James Bradley Stomarti. It might not have been conspicuous but it was heartbreakingly simple.
His wife killed him for a song.
From Cedars I head straight to LAX and catch a flight that should get me home by midnight. Hunkered like a parolee in a window seat, I snap on the Discman and painstakingly tick through the "Shipwrecked Heart" tracks until I locate what sounds like a fully mixed version. It's pretty good, too. I understand why Cleo Rio wants to steal it for herself.
Nothing intricate—just Jimmy playing an acoustic guitar and bits of harmonica. The nimble 12-string bridge is way out of his league, and undoubtedly was contributed by one of his famous pals or a first-rate session player. Ironically, there's no bass track at all, which makes the shooting of poor Tito Negraponte even more insulting.
Above all I'm struck by Jimmy's voice, so stark and subdued that Slut Puppies fans would never guess it was him. A light background harmony comes in on the last two refrains—I'm certain it's Ajax and Maria Bonilla, the singers I met at the funeral.
While the lyrics are a bit top-heavy with similes, the song is still more interesting than most of the formulaic crap on the radio. Over and over I play the piece, and from beginning to end it comes through as one voice—definitely not Cleo's. I'd bet the farm that Jimmy wrote it long before he met her, and that he wrote it for another woman.
You took me like a storm, tossed me out of reach,
Left me like the tide, lost and broken on a beach.
Shipwrecked heart, my shipwrecked heart ...
Watching for your sails on the horizon.
Years we took the sea, together cold and rough.
The weather in our souls, we never got enough.
Shipwrecked heart, my shipwrecked heart ...
Dreaming of your sails on the horizon.
The waves won't let me sleep, night whispers to the shore.
Stars run behind the clouds, an empty sea wants more,
The empty sea wants more.
Shipwrecked heart, my shipwrecked heart ...
Watching for your sails on the horizon.
Watching for your love on the horizon.
Sitting beside me on the plane is a kid of Evan's age, maybe slightly younger. He seems curious about the open spiral notebook and the unmarked CDs stacked on my lap, but he's too shy to speak up. So I take off the headphones and ask his name.
Kyle, he says.
"Mine's Jack Tagger. You like music?"
Kyle is nineteen, it turns out, and attends the University of South Florida on a baseball scholarship. He plays third base and left field, which means he's got an arm. I ask what kind of music he likes, and he says Rage Against the Machine, Korn, stuff like that. "My girlfriend's favorite is PJ Harvey," he adds.
"That's promising. And, Kyle, how might she feel about Ms. Britney Spears?"
He makes a gagging motion with a forefinger.
"You should probably marry that girl," I say.
"Sometimes I think about it."
Kyle hails from Redondo Beach, where the love of his life works in a gym. She drove him to the airport this afternoon and waited at the gate until his flight was called. She's twenty, he adds, opening his wallet to show me a picture. I would have been stupefied if she weren't blond and breathtaking, a statutory requirement for female health-club instructors in Southern California. The name of Kyle's girlfriend is Shawna, and under the circumstances he seems to be holding up well.
"Would you mind doing me a favor?" I say. "Could you listen to a song and tell me what you think."
I hand the headset to Kyle and cue up "Shipwrecked Heart." As the track plays, he gives an approving nod and a thumbs-up. Obviously he thinks I've got a proprietary connection to the recording, some creative or financial stake, because the moment it's over he says, "Hey, that's sweet."
"It's all right if you don't like it. Just tell me the truth."
"But I do. I mean, it's sorta slow but it's ... I dunno—"
"Pretty?"
"Yeah. Pretty," he says. "Like an old song."
"It was written a while back, but never released."
"Oh," says Kyle. "Is there, like, maybe a faster version?"
"I'm afraid not. Think your girlfriend would go for it?"
"For sure. Who is it, anyway?"
"Ever heard of Jimmy Stoma and the Slut Puppies?"
Young Kyle shakes his head no.
"Well, it's Jimmy solo," I say, "only he's dead now."
"Bummer."
"How about a singer named Cleo Rio? You know who she is?"
"I can't remember what song she does, but I caught the video a few times. My girlfriend calls her Princess Pube."
"What's your girlfriend's last name?"
"Cummings." Kyle knits his brow. "Why are you writing it down?"
"Because if you don't marry her," I tell him, "I intend to fly back here and propose myself. She sounds like a winner, Kyle, and winners won't come along often in this ragged sorry life. And don't think you're something special just because you can hit a hanging curve or turn a hot double play. You're not careful, you'll go home Christmas break and find out young Shawna's engaged to some buck-toothed surfer named Tookie. Now, promise you won't let that happen."
His eyes flick bewilderedly from me to the notebook. "Stick with me, son. I'm a trained journalist."
"Okay," he says finally. "I promise."
Improper lane-changing etiquette has resulted in two drivers pulling out semi-automatics and inconsiderately shooting each other in the diamond lane of the interstate. The traffic jam is epic, and by the time I reach my apartment in Silver Beach it's one-fifteen in the morning. Emma is asleep behind the wheel of her new Camry in the parking lot. Quietly I wake her and lead her upstairs, where I prop her in a chair, place a cup of decaf in her hand and make her listen to "Shipwrecked Heart."
She says it's good. "But—"
"The answer is yes, she wanted it badly enough to murder him. Remember, Emma, this is supposed to be her big follow-up hit. She's already promised it to the label—a title cut, co-written with her famous ex-rocker husband. But Jimmy says, 'Sorry, darling, this one's mine,' and all of a sudden Cleo sees her Grammy going down the bidet ... "
I'm so wired, so stoked by what Tito Negraponte told me, that I'm yammering at Emma like some hyper-caffeinated auctioneer. "Cleo's under incredible heat to put out an album before people forget who she is. That's the record business—blink twice and you're over. There's no ten years down the road, or even five years down the road. Not anymore. Plus, Cleo knows she'd better come up with a new pose, something that makes her look like a sensitive artisteinstead of just another big-eyed anorexic brat."
"This song's not exactly her style," Emma says. Like every other human under thirty, she has seen the widow's stripteasy performance of "Me" on MTV.
"Cleo's 'Shipwrecked Heart' won't sound anything like this by the time Loreal gets through with it," I explain. "He'll muck it up with synthesizers and a brainless dance mix, but so what. Cleo doesn't care about the music, she cares about the sell. In her head she's already storyboarding the video."
Emma flinches. "I can see her now. A scantily clad castaway on a long, deserted beach ... "
"Bingo. Problem is—and this was painfully obvious at the funeral—she can't do the song until she learnsthe song. And she can't learn the song until she gets her hands on the recording—"
"But that's not the only reason she wants it," Emma cuts in.
"Right. What we found on Jimmy's boat is your basic smoking gun." Even if Cleo got a copy and dubbed her own
vocals, she couldn't release it as long as the master is floating around. If Jimmy's original ever surfaced, Cleo would beon the next train to Milli Vanilli-ville. Toast.
Because stealing from your dead spouse is not cool, even in the music industry.
"So now," Emma says, "Cleo's hunting down everyone who might have the hard drive, or know where it is—you, Jay Burns, Jimmy's sister, even this Tito guy. And the other bass player probably would've been next, if he hadn't run."
"That seems to be the scenario."
"Question is, how do we get all this in the paper?" Emma is sounding more and more like a serious news editor.
"First, I've got to make sure we're right," I say, "and I'll know that in about twelve hours."
"How?"
"Just you wait."
"Ah. The man of mystery."
"Yes, it drives the babes crazy."
"How about playing that song again," Emma says.
"You need to sleep."
"One more time, Jack. Come on."
So I turn off the lights and Emma makes a place for me in the armchair, and we snuggle there in the faint green glow of the disc player and listen again to "Shipwrecked Heart." Halfway through, Emma grabs the back of my head and kisses me in an arresting manner. This continues as she scissors a bare leg across my lap, adroitly pivots her hips and climbs on top.
Maybe it's the late hour, or maybe it's Jimmy's song. Either way, I owe him.
When a newspaper is purchased by a chain such as Maggad-Feist, the first order of business is to assure worried employees that their jobs are safe, and that no drastic changes are planned. The second order of business is to attack the paper's payroll with a rusty cleaver, and start shoving people out the door.
Because newspaper companies promote the myth that they're more sensitive and socially responsible than the rest of corporate America, elaborate efforts are made to avoid the appearance of a bloodbath. Mass firings are discouraged in favor of strong-armed buyout packages and accelerated attrition. At the Union-Register,for instance, our newsroom has sixteen fewer full-time employees today than it had when Race Maggad III got his manicured mitts on the paper. That's nearly a thirty percent cut in the city-desk payroll, and it was achieved mainly by not replacing reporters and editors who left to work elsewhere. Consequently, lots of important news occurs that we cannot possibly keep up with, due to a shortage of warm bodies.