by Beth Bowland
I snatched the phone off the bed. “Hello…”
“Hey girl, whatcha doing?”
“Nothing much. I was in the kitchen talking to my mom, and I think she called me fat on the sly.” I tugged at my shirt, while standing in front of my dresser mirror.
Shannan laughed. “Whatever, girl. You’re nowhere near fat.”
“Oh, and she said it was okay for me to go on Saturday.”
“Guess what I heard?” Shannan said quietly. “Mitzie Carmichael wants to seriously date Spencer. She’s also planning on going to the movies on Saturday.”
“Yeah, well, she’s been telling everyone that will listen that Spencer is going to be her boyfriend.”
“Don’t worry about her, Bebe. Apparently, Spencer doesn’t think so since he asked you to the movies and not her. She heard about it secondhand and invited herself. I’ve got your back. I’ll make sure that barracuda doesn’t get near him.” Shannan huffed. “That girl got on my last nerve during the eighth-grade formal committee meeting. She insisted on being in charge because her uncle lives in Beverly Hills. Apparently, he’s a plastic surgeon too, and he has several celebrity clients, so she’s sure she could get a great band flown in.”
“Typical Mitzie. What will I wear?”
“I’ll come over Friday after school and help you pick something out.”
I hung up the phone and decided to study some more to try to keep my mind off Spencer and Saturday. I was sure that no one ever called Mitzie fat.
Chapter 3
I STOPPED DANCING when I heard my cell phone ringing.
“Hello,” I said, searching beneath the pile of clean clothes on my bed for my remote control.
“Hey, Bebe,” Shannan’s voice greeted me.
“Hold on…” I muted the TV, silencing VH1 Classic videos. “Okay. I’m back. What are you doing this bea-u-tiful Saturday morning?” I asked, flopping down across my bed. I looked at my clock. It was almost one o’clock.
“Well, I’ve got some bad news for you. The saga continues.”
“What happened?” I sat up in my bed, bracing myself for the worst.
“I went outside to check the mailbox and saw Joel riding his bike. He said that Spencer told him that he wasn’t going to the movies tonight.”
“Why?” I moaned.
“Spencer told him that Mitzie called, saying her father had these great tickets to the Extreme Sport biking contest, and invited him to go. Can you believe that?” Shannan paused. “I’m sorry, Bebe. I know you were really looking forward to seeing him.”
“You gotta be kidding me. I can’t compete with that! Guys love those x-sporty things.”
“We can still do something tonight if you want to.”
“Yeah, true. Maybe you can sleep over.”
“Don’t worry. He’ll probably come running to you after ten minutes with Mitzie,” she reassured me. “Besides, Spencer made it a point to ask you to the movies, so he’s gotta have some interest.”
“Thanks, Shan. I’ll call you later.” In the bathroom, I splashed a few handfuls of water across my face and stared at my reflection. What could I do to make sure they didn’t get together?
Star Football Player + Popular Girl = Perfect Match.
Star Football Player + Spelling Bee Nerd = Uh, not so much!
Thinking about Spencer and Mitzie together was maddening.
“Bea,” Dad yelled.
I stumbled down to the kitchen to see what he wanted.
“After we left the grocery store, I stopped and picked up the new book you wanted.” Dad said, thumping me on the head with it.
“Thanks!” I wrestled it from his grasp.
Mom closed the cabinet door. “Are you okay? You look a little flushed.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” I snooped through the bags, in cabinets, and in the refrigerator to see what she’d bought. I usually put the groceries away, not because I was trying to be helpful, but only to be nosey.
Aunt Abbey walked in the kitchen, gave me a hug, then poured herself a glass of orange juice. She started talking to my mother about her friend Gladys who was in the hospital having her hip replaced.
I loved my Great-Aunt Abbey and was happy when she came to live with us, but she could be a handful. She burned down her house while trying to cook pork chops. They moved her into a nursing home. Afterward, she was soon asked to leave for abusing the staff, but my mother talked them out of pressing charges against her. However, they did blacklist her, and she was unable to get admitted into any other nursing home in town or any in the surrounding areas.
“Bea, I’m in the mood for a nice, hot-grilled, mega-cheese sandwich. Care to join me?” my father said as he went to the stove.
“Sure, why not?” I said.
Mom huffed. “Dean, you know she has serious lactose issues. Why are you encouraging her to eat dairy?”
He smiled as he reached for the cheese. “A little gas never hurt anybody.”
“It’s not just a little gas,” Mom fumed. “She’ll be doubled over with stomach cramps after eating that.”
“Mom,” I whined. “I’m right here. Hello, I think I’m old enough to decide what I eat.”
“Don’t do it,” Auntie interjected.
“Why?” I slumped across the counter, in disbelief that we were having a family discussion about this.
“You’re gonna lock your bowels up,” Aunt Abbey answered. “My friend Gladys always ate grilled cheese, and she was always locked up. I think that’s how she threw her hip out. Now look at her,” she grumbled.
“Oh, Abbey, stop it. I’m just saying you know how gassy it will make you.” Mom removed the cheese from Dad’s hand and put it in the fridge.
“Well, I’m glad I won’t be here this evening,” Aunt Abbey said. “The last time you drank milk, the whole house was one big, green, stinky cloud.”
“Exactly,” Mom agreed. “Besides, I thought you were going to the movies later.”
“The movie plans were axed.” I grabbed the cheese from the fridge and handed it to my dad. And a big, green, stinky cloud suited my mood just fine. “So, I would be honored to join you.”
“Well, don’t come complaining to me when your belly starts hurting,” Mom said.
When Dad said mega cheese, he wasn’t playing. As I bit into the sandwich, the cheese oozed all over the place. The warm cheddar cheese melted over the buttery toast edges. I washed it down with a tall glass of milk, letting the coolness smother the burning embers of jealousy in my mind.
They must’ve had a sale, I thought while looking through the video store bag. It had several new DVDs in it. My parents had left to take my aunt to visit her friend, and Shannan said she could spend the night. I sat on the floor reading the movie descriptions on the DVD covers, until I heard circus music playing in the distance as my cell phone rang. I’d recently downloaded some cool, new ring tones for it.
It said “private” on my caller ID. “Hello?”
“Hi, Bea,” came Spencer’s voice through the phone. My heart pounded in my chest. “I’m just checking to see if we’re still on for tonight?”
“Uh…well…yeah…but um…I uh…heard that you weren’t going. You had a change of plans.” I wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans and paced the floor.
“Huh? Who told you that?”
Relax…breathe…girl…breathe. I tried to calm my racing pulse.
“Well, um, Shan saw Joel, who, well, told him. Shoot! I mean, told her. That you were going with Mitzie, to see some extreme sport thingy.” I collapsed in my beanbag chair.
“What? That’s not right. I told him she invited me, but I told Mitzie that I already had plans to go to the movies. Then she said she was going to join us. Anyway, my mom is going to pick Joel up, but she’s all paranoid about us being out late with the older kids. So, she wants us to go to the five-thirty. Is that okay?”
“Sounds perfect. I’ll call Shannan to see if her mom can still take us.”
“Cool, and Bea…I’m glad we get t
o hang out tonight. See ya.” He hung up the phone.
I snapped my cell closed and started dancing around my room.
First, I called my mother on her cell.
“Mom?”
“Yes, is everything okay?”
“I was just letting you know, movie night is back on. We’re going to the five-thirty showing.” I twirled around in circles.
“Don’t forget to lock the door and keep your cell on,” she said.
“I will. Bye, Mom. Love you.”
“Have fun,” she replied.
Next, I called Shannan. She answered saying she was just getting ready to call and check on me.
“Guess what?” I shouted.
“What?”
“Spencer called, it was all a big mix-up. We’re still on, but he wants to meet for the five-thirty. Can your mother still take us?” I was talking so fast I was getting dizzy.
“Hold on. Lemme go ask,” she said. I heard her in the background talking with her mother.
Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. A sound came from my stomach.
“Hey, Bea, she said yes. We’ll be over around five. I’m so excited. Are you nervous at all?”
“No, not yet,” I replied. “But I’m sure that will change once I see him.” I rolled on the floor, giggling.
“Okay. See ya soon, girl. Be sure to look extra cute.” She laughed and hung up the phone.
I jumped up and gathered the outfit that Shan and I had picked out yesterday.
I hopped in the shower for the second time that day and used my new, scented Caribbean Breeze Wash. The commercial said it would make you feel like running down a beach barefoot. Aunt Abbey said, “It must make you feel like takin’ off your clothes because that gal ain’t got a stitch on.”
After drying myself off, I applied the matching scented lotion and even put on the body spray. I hoped I didn’t smell like a big mango. Gurgle…brrruuppp…gurgle, went my stomach. I continued to dress until all of a sudden I felt the need to use the bathroom.
Oh no! I’d eaten the grilled cheese and drank the milk. I went to the bathroom and it was pretty bad. By the time I was finished, I felt like the green cloud Aunt Abbey described had returned. I ran downstairs to the kitchen and looked in the drawer where Mom kept the stomach stuff. Nothing! Of all times for this to happen.
Relax, I thought. It’ll be fine, right?
I finished getting dressed and felt much better.
The doorbell rang. It was Shannan. I hurried and grabbed my purse. Taking one last look in the mirror, I double-checked that I had keys, grabbed my cell, and made sure that I set the alarm on the house.
“Woo-wee! Hot momma. Spence won’t be able to keep his eyes off you. Hold up. Wait a minute. Does the Queen Bea have on makeup? And it’s on correctly. You look great, Bebe.”
We got into her mom’s car. A brand new, white Mercedes-Benz: gorgeous. Shannan’s mom was the ultimate style diva.
“Hello, Beatrice,” Mrs. Kirkpatrick said.
“Hi, Mrs. Kirkpatrick. I love your new car!” I slid down into the plush leather seats. I’d wanted my parents to purchase a Benz, but my family was definitely a Toyota family. We’ve only ever owned Toyotas—same car, just different colors.
“Thanks, sweetie. I like her too. I hear you’re the next Washington Middle School spelling queen? We’ll be there rooting for you.” She smiled at me through her rearview mirror.
“Thanks!” I said.
We continued to talk as she drove to the theater. As we pulled up, I spotted Joel and a few others, but I didn’t see Spencer. We climbed out of the car, but not before Mrs. Kirkpatrick gave us the usual lecture parents give their kids when dropping them off. Don’t get into trouble, stay together, and where to look for her when we got out of the theater. We waved our goodbyes and went in to find everyone.
Gurgle, gurgle, brrruuppp, came the sound from my stomach again.
“Are you hungry?” Shannan asked. “I can hear your stomach growling.”
I pulled Shannan to the side and told her everything. I knew I could tell her this. Unfortunately, she was well aware of my lactose issue. Shannan, always supportive and understanding, burst out laughing.
“Hey, what’s so funny?” Spencer walked up and stood directly behind me. Which wasn’t the safest place to be at the current time. My eyes got big, and Shannan laughed even harder. I turned around and backed away a little. My belly was full of gas.
“Oh, nothing. Girl stuff. How are you, Spencer?” I wrapped my arms around my midsection in a poor attempt to ease the growing stomach pain. I forced my mouth into a smile. “We’re going to make a pit stop at the little girl’s room.” I motioned to Shannan.
He took two steps towards me until he was inches away from me. In fact, he was so close, I could smell his grape bubblegum.
“Wow. You look pretty, Bea,” he said. “I’ll meet you by the door.”
I grabbed Shannan and ran towards the bathroom when Rrrruuurrrppp. I passed gas. The smell was nauseating. Shannan tripped and fell to her knees, laughing. I sorta half-pulled, half-draggedher into the bathroom. I quickly looked around to make sure Spencer had left the vicinity.
“Will you please stop laughing? This is not funny, Shannan. What am I gonna do?” My stomach was so full of gas that I was beginning to have severe stomach pains. Why didn’t I listen to my mother?
Rrrruuurrrppp, I did it again. “Shannan, help me,” I begged.
“Okay…okay. Lemme catch my breath.” She was trying to contain herself. “Bebe, we’re the only ones in here. Just go ahead and let ’er rip and get it all out of your system.” She was trying her hardest not to laugh. “But perhaps you should go sit on the toilet just in case…I mean well…you don’t want to have an accident!” She burst out laughing again.
What could it hurt to try? Afterward, Shannan waited near the sink holding a purse-sized body perfume. She sprayed herself then emptied the rest on me.
“I don’t want that smell to linger!” She started waving her hand in front of her nose.
So embarrassing.
We went to the entrance where our movie was playing, and there was Mitzie, flirting like crazy with Spencer. As I walked up to them, Spencer smiled at me.
“Ready?” he asked me.
“Yes, I am.” Mitzie answered quickly, walking in the door.
“Ol’ barracuda,” Shannan mumbled. I giggled quietly.
I was really grateful Shannan was here with me. Spencer went in after Mitzie, and I followed. Out of the blue, he reached back and grabbed my hand. Stars twinkled before me. I looked back over my shoulder, and Shannan had a great, big grin on her face. I silently prayed that my stomach would hold out during the movie. We took our seats in the order we walked in. Mitzie, Spencer, myself, then Shannan. Joel came over and sat next to Shannan. A few other kids from school were sitting behind us.
When we sat down, I thought Spencer would let go of my hand, but he didn’t. Please Lord, don’t let my hand sweat. Spencer turned his head to respond to something someone behind him was saying, and it was then that Mitzie saw that Spencer had my hand. Her eyes narrowed, and her lips formed a tight, thin line. Talk about a priceless moment. If only I had a camera to capture her expression. Her anger radiated over to where I was, but I just looked at her and smiled the cheesiest grin I could muster.
Spencer turned and smiled at me. His face got red, and he let go of my hand. During the movie, we leaned in towards each other and playfully shared the armrest.
When the ending credits began rolling across the screen, my stomach began to boil once again. Oh no. Not in front of Spencer.
I nudged Shannan and whispered to her. “It’s back!”
“I’ll make an excuse to get you to the bathroom.”
Walking out of the theater, we became trapped in a sea of slow-moving, talking people. None of whom seemed to be in a hurry to get out of there. Spencer was in front of me.
“So, Beatrice Wilhein Peppercorn, you don’t actually think Spencer li
kes you, do you?” Mitzie said, just loud enough for me to hear.
“What are you talking about, Mitzie?”
“I’m just saying, Bea, look at me. Do you actually think he would choose you over me?”
“Well, apparently he did. Since he invited me, and you just invited yourself along.”
Finally, we made it into lobby. We started pushing our way to the bathroom. Our group was still together, standing in very close quarters. Then it happened.
Brrruuppprrt putttputtt. Silent but very deadly.
“Eww, who cut the cheese?” Joel said, holding his nose.
“Ugh, Mitzie!” Shannan said. “You stank thing you!”
“It wasn’t me!” Mitzie stammered, her face turning bright red. “It was Beatrice!” She glared at me.
“Dude, what’d you eat today?” Joel asked her. “Smells like something dead.”
“But it wasn’t me!” Mitzie pleaded.
Spencer pulled his T-shirt up over his mouth and nose. His eyes sparkled with laughter.
“Hurry up and get out. Move it, putt-putt, I need air,” Joel said, as Spencer started laughing out loud.
I looked at Shannan and couldn’t help but giggle. I actually felt bad for Mitzie. As soon as she made it outside, she made a beeline straight to her mother’s car.
Spencer’s mom drove up.
“I had a great time tonight, Bea. Hopefully we can do this again.” Spencer winked at me.
“Thanks for inviting me.” I smiled back at him.
He and Joel got into his mother’s car, and I turned to Shannan. “You saved my life,” I said. “I owe you.”
“Just promise me this. No more dairy products. Deal?” She held up her pinky finger and grinned.
“Deal,” I said and shook her pinky with mine.
“Hey, look.” Shannan pointed towards a crowd of boys. “Isn’t that Craig?”
I turned to look, and sure enough, it was him, walking along laughing and talking with some older kids dressed in black. Gothies. I waved to get his attention, we locked eyes for a brief moment, and he stopped smiling. He then glanced away and ignored me.
“Hey, Craig,” I shouted out and waved.
He frowned at us and kept walking as if he didn’t know who we were.