by Roman Shepp
“But you did. You did well in there, Tony,” Jane said, squeezing his arm. Tony almost wished she hadn't as his clothes were drenched with sweat. He nodded in thanks, though.
“Saeed, you okay?” he asked. Saeed nodded.
The man seemed different somehow, as though he was a little more at peace. Tony didn't want to ask him what he'd been through. The bruises and blood on his face told him enough. The man still was shaken, but there was something in his eyes that was a little less wild and the way he had fought had been a little less reckless. Tony hoped there was a way back for him. He hoped there was a way back for all of them.
“Do you think we did the right thing? Leaving her with him?”
“He is her father. I don't think we had the right to separate them,” Jane said.
Both of them glanced at Saeed. He didn't say anything, but Tony was sure the man had many turbulent emotions bubbling under the surface. Tony nodded to Jane, not wanting to talk about Lily anymore. Not only was it painful for Saeed, it was also hard for Tony to face. The world was bleak now and it only reminded him of the number of people he simply could not help. Many of them were children. While Arnold had been wrong in thinking the country was at war, they still had been attacked. It was going to take a long time for the country to recover from the trauma of it all. Some people never would recover. They already had lost so much. It didn't seem as though there was any way back.
“What do we do now?” Tony asked.
“We need to get out of the city. It's too dangerous here. If we stay here, we're just going to get threatened more. I don't want to be captured like that again. I wish we could stay here and help people, but they've all been consumed by violence. I don't know how to tell the good from the bad anymore. Next time we might not be able to escape. Maybe outside the city people are more reasonable. Maybe they're less dangerous.”
“Maybe,” Tony said.
Part of him wanted to stay in the city and try helping as many people as possible, but Jane made sense. They couldn't keep putting themselves in danger when there was no need. As much as Tony wanted it to be true he wasn't Superman. He couldn't save everyone. He had to focus on himself and the people around him.
“Okay, you're right.” It would be hard to leave the comic book store behind, but it was necessary. This was the beginning of his new life in this new world.
“We should try making it to that bunker. That seems like our best bet for survival.” Whether they actually would make it there was a different matter entirely, though. The world was fraught with danger.
Chapter Sixteen
Jane placed her hands on her hips as the three of them and the dog returned to the comic book store to get their supplies and put Groot in the cart. Jane thought Tony showed too much concern for the dog and that it would be fine if it just limped along, but she had sympathy for the man. He seemed to be a lonely sort and hadn't had much of a life before this. It was a wonder he was dealing with things as well as he was, actually. She admired him for what he said to Arnold. He was a good man, the complete opposite to Frank, and the world needed more of them if it was to make it through this ordeal.
She glanced toward Saeed. The man had been through a lot. She couldn't imagine the pain, both emotional and physical, that he had endured. Jane wondered if she still would have been standing after it all. Then she thought about the child, even though she tried her hardest to not think about her. It was just another life ruined, another life broken by Jane's inaction. The little sleep she'd managed to get while being held prisoner managed to clear her mind a little bit. Now she was able to reason with herself that the country wasn't in this state because of her inaction. There were many other factors that went into the attack, but she never could free herself from the sense of guilt. She should have been able to do more given her position, as should have many other people, but that didn't mean she should be free of blame.
As they walked through the city pushing their cart, Jane and Tony talked about the city. Saeed still remained mostly quiet. Jane wondered if he ever would talk normally, but given what Tony had told her about him it was a wonder he was able to function as a human. Jane couldn't imagine the horror he'd been through or how she would cope if she had to go through the same thing. It made her think of Frank and how he had treated his own family with such disregard. In the face of tragedy, he hadn't made any effort to get back to them. He'd left them to fend for themselves. It only made her hate herself more. A wave of revulsion swept across her body as she thought about his hands upon her...the fact that she had let his hands upon her. Nausea filled her stomach.
“So how do we get to this bunker?” Tony asked.
Jane shook herself from her thoughts and took stock of their position in the city. They were a little outside the heart of the city and, thankfully, they didn't have to go back through there. She looked up at the skyscrapers to get her bearings and turned around 180 degrees.
“We need to go this way,” she said. “We should follow the road out of the city and then make our way into the woods. We shouldn't find too many people out there. I'd imagine most are staying inside the city for safety.”
“What about transportation?”
“I doubt anything will be working. Bicycles, of course, but most of the modern cars have electrical components. You'd be hard pressed to find an older model and the time we spent looking is better spent on the move. Maybe there's an old steam train working somewhere as well, but I wouldn't put any stock in that. Unless we find some bikes, we'll have to go on foot. It shouldn't take us too long to get out there, though. We should be able to cover a lot of distance actually, but we should stop for food and water.”
“Yeah. We should duck into stores as we pass them and see what we can find. I almost don't want to take too much, though, because I know it could mean life or death for someone else.”
“I know it's hard, but we can't think too much about that. When it comes down to it, we have to think about ourselves first. I want to help people, but I don't want to just leave food there that we could use.”
Tony pressed his lips together. Jane got the sense that he was a very honorable man and had strong morals, but this world was filled with shades of gray. Being in politics she had seen how often honorable men had seen their downfall when faced with a tough choice. People who were willing to get their hands dirty, people like Frank, were always more successful. At the time she thought it had been a necessary evil, but now she wished the world worked in a different way. She wished people could be naturally good. Yet, she had a feeling she would have to take a darker path if Tony wasn't able to do so.
“I suppose you're right,” he said tersely.
“We don't have to do this. I mean, we could see if there's a safe place in the city.”
“No, no, we should find the bunker. It's better for us not to be here as well. I'm just...it's sad to leave when things are this bad. Do you think there is any hope for us?”
“I believe there is, but we have to find it within ourselves. The attack was so swift that I don't think the country had a chance to react.”
“Maybe other countries will come to our aid.”
“Perhaps...although it's quite possible they were attacked too. Anything is possible.”
It was a grim thought. This sorrow was almost too much to bear. The suffering was so immense that it was difficult for Jane to internalize it. Just when she thought about everyone who was in pain, more people came into her mind, and it made her so angry. Unlike Tony, she could understand well why Arnold and men like him would want to direct their anger outward. There was little to lash out at. The enemy was faceless, and they seemed to be done with their attack. This war had consisted of one offensive and it had succeeded unequivocally. The only thing to do now was swallow the bitterness of defeat and try continuing with life.
The group was faced with many harrowing sights as they made their way through the city. People swarmed over wrecked cars. The wrecks had stopped smoldering, but som
e people still were trying to wrench away the doors to get to the crumpled bodies inside. It was all futile. Anyone in those cars would be dead by now, and if they weren't, they soon would be as there was no way to get them to a hospital in time. Jane forced herself to look. She didn't think she had the right to turn her head away. Part of bearing responsibility for her part in all this was to face what she had done.
While some people were trying to free others from cars, there were other people who were lamenting their fate and shaking their fists at the heavens. Some were huddled over dead bodies. Others just were kneeling on the ground, waiting for fate to claim them as it had claimed so many other souls. They walked on in a somber silence, bowing their heads at the dark scenes around them. Many of the people were like Saeed, having lost everything.
“Are you well, my children?” a voice called to them. Jane looked up to see a preacher coming up to them. He had a concerned look on his face and looked weary. His hands clasped a Bible.
“As well as can be,” Tony said.
“I'm Gary. Do you need to talk? I'm here to try helping people through these difficult times,” he said.
“Thank you, but I think there are other people who need more help than we do,” Tony said. Jane followed his gaze to all the people around and her heart broke for all of them.
“It's terrible. Is there nowhere they can go?” she asked.
“I've heard some relief centers are being set up throughout the city, but everyone is trying to do the best they can. I've tried urging them to move on, but many of them simply want to stay here. They don't want to leave their loved ones. Have you any news about the rest of the city? I have been here, and we haven't seen many other people walk through. Is it going to end?” Hope danced in his eyes. Was it possible for a preacher to lose faith? Jane almost didn't want to tell him the truth.
“Not that we've seen,” Tony said.
“I hate to say it, but I think it's going to be a long time before things get back to normal,” Jane added.
“I was afraid you'd say that,” Gary said, pursing his lips. “Well, good luck to you, wherever you're heading.”
“Good luck to you too,” Tony said.
Jane nodded toward him. The preacher looked oddly at Saeed for a moment, but then heard a cry and went back to the people who were suffering. Jane wondered if he actually was able to offer those people comfort. It all seemed hollow. What words could he say that would make everything better? Then Jane realized it wasn't about what he said. What mattered was that he was there, offering these people a reminder that they were not alone. He could offer them a comforting word, or just his presence, and they all would be the better for it.
Part of Jane wished she could have spent time with them all as well and offered them comfort, but she had other things to do. If the world was going to recover, then she needed to find this bunker and tell whoever was there what was happening outside. She wasn't the only one who knew where it was, and there was a good chance others would be there waiting for them. Hopefully, they wouldn't be like Frank. If there was anyone there at all. Things had been so chaotic in the city it wasn't guaranteed that all of them had made it out alive.
They walked away from the preacher, away from the carnage on the streets. The city smelled like death. It hadn't only been in the heart of the city where fires had burned. Streets and buildings were charred black. The ground was littered with wounded people. Howls filled the air. Jane knew there were some people who would not have been able to move, who were crying out in a plea for death as they were not going to be able to find food for themselves. It was a toss-up whether it was the pain or starvation that got them first, or even the loneliness. Jane tried pushing down the sorrow she felt deep inside her. If things had been different, she very well could have been one of them. If Tony and Saeed hadn't come along...well, that thought she didn't want to bear thinking about.
“It's so crazy, isn't it, to see the world like this? We're not supposed to be in this state. We were supposed to be going to Mars. I wonder if Elon Musk managed to make it there on time?” Tony joked.
Jane smiled but inside she felt awful, only reminded that she was burdened with a terrible secret. She wanted to go back and tell all the suffering people that there was a place of safety waiting for them. Yet, how was she supposed to decide who deserved to gain entry to the bunker and who had to stay outside in the city? Like Tony said, they were not the ones who could judge people or make the rules. So, Jane held her tongue for fear of causing more riots. Hope could be a dangerous thing if given to a desperate person. They would see it as the only shining thing left in their lives and they would fight for it until death.
“If he has, then I hope he managed to take as many people with him as possible. If this is the end of the Earth, then at least some of us would be able to make a new start in space.” Jane found herself looking up to the sky with Tony, then her eyes fell back to Earth. Somehow, she didn't feel as tired as she had before, but there still was a heaviness weighing down upon her soul.
The three of them made their way through the city, wary of anyone they encountered. They tried steering clear of the areas with the loudest noises, but sometimes it was unavoidable. In these instances, they hurried along and tried not to make contact with anyone, although it was difficult when people ran up to them and taunted them. The people tried clawing at their clothes and taunted the group about Groot, promising they could offer a release from this world. Tony yelled at them and managed to fend them off with his baseball bat, but they lurked around, shadowy figures waiting to strike.
The sun was beginning to dip below the horizon. None of them wanted to spend the night anywhere near these people, but they would have to find a way soon. Jane's mind was beginning to fog over as the weariness began taking hold of her. None of these people seemed to have guns, though, which was a relief. The threat of being slammed by a baseball bat was enough to make sure they stayed well away.
There were always more people to come, though. Jane had imagined that walking through these streets would have been like walking through a ghost town. Yet, nothing could be further from the truth. The streets were teeming with life. The area they entered now was a stark contrast to what had gone before. Where people had been drowning in sadness before, these people were celebrating in a carnival-like atmosphere. Fireworks rose in the sky and exploded. Alcohol was being passed around freely. There were bonfires, but none of them were out of control. People were singing and dancing, and sometimes more. Jane had to turn away from the sight of naked bodies slamming against each other, illuminated by the amber glow of the bonfire.
“We're free! We're finally free!” many of them cried.
They all were seized by the ecstasy of liberation. They all saw this as being freed from the shackles of society, but Jane could not join with them. Society was not oppressive, and these people soon would meet a rude awakening when they realized how far the world had fallen. It was all well and good for them to be thrust into a state of delirium. They ran up to her and thrust a can of beer into her hand. She didn't feel any threat from them, but she only imagined they were in a deep state of denial, and that at some point they would be faced with the grim reality of the world. When that happened, their passion would be shown in other ways, and no doubt anger would rear its bitter head again.
They were invited to stay and enjoy this hedonistic paradise, but all of them refused. Although by the way Tony was staring at some of the women, Jane thought he was sorely tempted. Even so, he shook his head. Somehow this endeared him to Jane. He wasn't like other men she knew. It was as though he had remained untouched by the world. Some would call him naive, and he wouldn't have survived one day in the world of politics.
Men such as Frank would have eaten him alive. But in this world Tony was a sign of what should have been. He helped Saeed and Jane when he didn’t have to do so. He'd placed himself in danger when he could have remained safe. He was the best of them, and Jane felt wholly inadequate standin
g beside him, unsure if she could have done the same things as him. Jane always had felt it difficult to be good in this world when there were so many forces pulling her in the other direction, but Tony made it look easy. She envied this of him.
Just before they left this block of madness they came across a naked woman who was being pleasured by a group of men. Tony raised his baseball bat and stepped forward to defend her, but Jane stopped him. At first glance she thought the woman was being held against her will too, but as the sea of flesh parted the woman's expression was revealed. Her face was pure bliss. Sweat glistened on her body, but she was laughing with delight and screaming for more.
There was more too. People were tied up. Some wore masks or other costumes. Others were whipping and flogging people on all fours. It was a carnival of madness. Part of Jane was envious that they could explore their darkest desires like this but on the whole, it felt like the last flails of dying people. They knew the world was ending and there was nothing left for them. They had let go of their lives and embraced the End of Days. Jane wasn't so ready to give up. There was a life waiting for her, somewhere.
“God is not smiling down on these people,” she said absently, thinking about Gary.
“That's because God has turned his back on the world,” Saeed said.
Chapter Seventeen
Tony didn't have anything to say to Saeed. He wished he could tell the man to keep the faith, but what good would that do? It did seem as though God had turned his back on the world. The things he'd seen...those people had given up all semblance of decorum and reason. Their morals had been scratched away, replaced by nothing. People had groped him and tried to entice him into their darkness, but he had resisted. It wasn't behavior befitting him and he couldn't allow himself to fall down that rabbit hole. He had to try fighting the darkness and hope for a better world after this, but everything he saw was trying to tell him there was no hope at all.