"Austin?"
He muttered a curse and started to shift away.
She grabbed his wrist and held on. "Don't go yet. I have to tell you I'm glad it was you. I know it's silly, but you made me feel safe and wonderful. I want to thank you for that."
He shook his head. "This is the craziest thing that's ever happened to me."
Her smile returned full force. "I doubt that. You must always have women throwing themselves at you. I can't be the first one who's succeeded in seducing you."
Despite his confusion and the anger that could flare to life at anytime, he grinned at her. "You did not seduce me."
Her hips flexed, drawing him closer. "Sure I did."
"Rebecca," he growled, "don't toy with me."
"Then don't be angry. Oh, Austin, I know this isn't what you planned, but it was perfect for me. You made my first time wonderful. I'll treasure this always. I didn't come here to trap you, and I didn't mean to lie. If you knew what it's been like being a twenty-nine-year-old virgin… I told a couple of men I'd been dating and they stared at me like I was crazy. They couldn't get away from me fast enough."
"Then they were fools."
Her blush had faded, but now it returned. "Thank you."
He stared down at her, at her naked, slender body, so pale against the black satin comforter, at her hair fanning out around her shoulders. Her mouth was slightly swollen from his kisses, her skin flushed with faint embarrassment. Despite the warmth of the room, or perhaps because of their intriguingly intimate position, her nipples were hard, two coral-colored, tempting peaks.
He ran his hands down her bare thighs toward her center, then drew back before touching her soft, protective curls. "I'm not the answer to your prayers, Rebecca. I'm no hero."
"You're wrong about that, but I know what you mean. I'm not looking for a commitment. I just want to forget about my past, and my virginity was the last reminder. I'd saved it for Wayne and he's been gone a long time. I wanted it gone, too. Please don't make a big deal out of this. I won't."
"I want to believe that."
She raised herself up on one elbow and drew an X over her left breast. "Cross my heart. I'm not involved. I know you're not, either. You've had so many women that in two weeks you won't even remember my name."
Her smile was too much to resist. He bent forward and pressed his mouth to hers. She still tasted sweet. That surprised him. He pulled back and studied her face. The air of innocence continued to cling to her, as if it had nothing to do with the loss of her maidenhead. He grimaced at the old fashioned phrase. What was wrong with him? So she'd been a virgin. So he'd been the one to change that. So what? It didn't mean anything.
"I'll probably remember you for at least a month," he said, trying to match her light tone.
"I'm not going to get all weird on you, Austin." She traced his face, her touch warm and soft against his skin. "I know you're completely out of my league."
He was only five years older than she was, but suddenly he felt like a debauched old man. Her sweetness mocked his black soul, her quick, easy smiles hurt his tired eyes. He'd seen too much, done too much, lived too long in the dark. She was right – he was out of her league, but not in the way she imagined.
He felt her hand slip from his jaw to his neck and then lower. She rocked her hips slightly, urging him to take advantage of their position and his aroused state.
He couldn't. He swallowed and tasted the bitterness of regret on his tongue. When he started to pull out, she murmured a protest. He silenced her with a quick kiss. "You'll be sore enough in the morning," he said quietly.
He went into the kitchen. Candlelight danced against the walls and railing, weaving erotic patterns that made him want to forget what he'd just done. But he couldn't.
Deep inside the darkest, blackest part of him, a primal rage swelled. It wasn't directed at Rebecca, but at the cosmos and fates that had drawn them together. His muscles tensed. Sound vibrated in his throat, but he swallowed the words because they had no meaning. He fought the sexual thoughts that flooded him and the urge to claim this woman again.
The primitive reaction, the desire to proclaim her as his own, shocked him. He'd spent most of his adult life fighting against his primal nature and the sudden confrontation with that animalistic side of him was unexpected. Was it about bedding a virgin or bedding Rebecca? A shudder racked his body. He didn't want to know.
"Austin, are you okay?" she called from across the room.
He cleared his throat. "I'm fine." He banished those thoughts to a small place in his mind and turned his back on them.
He returned to the bed, knelt beside her and brushed the hair from her face. "How do you feel?"
"Wonderful."
"Sore?"
She shifted, then grimaced. "Maybe a little."
Her pale body looked so slender and fragile on his big mattress. He wanted to take back all they'd done together and forever erase it from both their memories. At the same time, he wanted to take her again. He didn't. Instead, he slipped under the covers beside her. The storm had passed, but the electricity stayed off. She snuggled against him, her body feminine and warm. He thought about pushing her away, then told himself it was a little too much like closing the barn door after the horse was long gone. So when she rested her arm on his chest, he pulled her close, slipping one leg between hers.
"Thank you again," she said, resting her head on his shoulder. "Now I'm just like everyone else. Normal."
"What are you going to do with your newfound freedom? Start seducing unsuspecting men?"
She giggled softly. Her breasts gently brushed his side and her breath fanned his face. He tightened his arm around her back and rested his cheek against her hair.
"No. I'm not the seducing type. I would like to find someone and get married. Have a few kids."
"Maybe you'll meet another Wayne."
She stiffened slightly, then relaxed. "I don't want another Wayne. I could never love anyone the way I loved him."
He hadn't expected her words to affect him, but they did. Occasionally he was reminded of his solitary existence. Most of the time it didn't bother him; he even preferred life that way. But sometimes, like tonight, the words crept past his barrier and entered his soul. Sometimes he felt regrets for what he'd lost and a sense of longing for what he would never have. If only things had been different.
Austin grimaced, then called himself a fool. It hadn't been different, and he d given up on wishes a long time ago.
They didn't make any difference, anyway.
Rebecca snuggled closer and sighed. "Are you still mad at me?"
"I was never mad."
"Good." She leaned over and kissed his cheek, then settled down with her head on his shoulder. "'Night, Austin."
"Good night, Rebecca."
Within seconds she was asleep. He listened to the sound of her breathing. He would like to think his expert lovemaking had worn her out, but he had a feeling her exhaustion was more about the stress caused by the fire than anything else.
He tried to turn away from her, but even in her sleep she clung to him, seeking out his warmth, holding on to him with her arms and legs. He fought against the desire her presence evoked. His body betrayed him, hardening into throbbing need. It would be easy to roll her over and take 1qr again. She probably wouldn't mind. But he couldn't.
Rebecca Chambers had been a virgin. He shook his head, unable to believe it even now. She'd been right. He wouldn't have made love with her if he'd known the truth. Not because he was afraid of hurting her, but because it implied a gift he didn't want to have. She'd promised to walk away from him and not look back. Was that possible? She'd sworn she had no emotional connection to him.
He shifted slightly, pulling her closer and gently rubbing her back with his hand. She slept on.
He couldn't argue with her logic. He wasn't relationship material. He didn't want a wife and didn't know the first thing about being a husband. As long as they were both able to
walk away, there wouldn't be a problem. Besides, he wouldn't ever have to see her again.
He closed his eyes, then opened them suddenly. Of course he was going to have to see her again. She was moving into his house with her orphans. A premonition of danger filled him. He tried to fight the feeling, but it was too strong.
She'd promised to walk away and not look back, but it wasn't going to be that easy. As he stared into the darkness he wondered what kind of a price he would pay for this night.
* * *
Rebecca awoke to bright sunshine and the smell of coffee. She stretched against the soft sheets and opened her eyes.
This wasn't the children's home. This wasn't even the school auditorium where she'd spent the past few nights. She glanced around the unfamiliar loft, then gasped.
She was in Austin's bed.
She stared down at the wide mattress at the decadent, black satin comforter, then rubbed her fingers against the expensive sheets. Without thinking, she started laughing.
"I guess this means you're awake. How'd you sleep?"
The low masculine voice cut through her amusement. Rebecca glanced up at Austin, who was leaning against the kitchen counter. With the sunlight behind him, she couldn't read his expression, but his body proclaimed him wickedly male, in jeans and a worn sweatshirt pushed up to the elbows.
"I slept great," she said. "How about you?"
"Not bad."
She couldn't believe they were having this mundane conversation especially after what had happened last night. He continued to stare at her. She didn't know whether to dive under the covers and hide, or toss the sheets and blankets aside and boldly offer herself up again.
He took the decision away from her by turning toward the counter. "Coffee will be ready in about two minutes if you want to wash up first."
"Okay." She reached for the robe he'd draped across the foot of the bed and slipped it on. When she stood up an aching soreness between her legs reminded her of their lovemaking. As if she needed reminding.
Once in the bathroom, she quickly checked her reflection in the mirror, searching for any changes. Her face looked the same, if a little pale. There was no visual proof of the difference in her body, but she felt the relief clear down to her bones. She wasn't a virgin anymore. Thank goodness. And Austin, she thought, giggling softly.
As she washed her face and brushed her teeth, she reveled in the sensual memories. He'd made everything perfect, bringing her exquisite pleasure, and ridding her of the reminder of her failure with Wayne. It was as if someone had lifted a great weight from her shoulders. She was free.
She wanted to do it again. She paused in the act of rinsing out her mouth. Would he want to? She'd read in an article in a woman's magazine that men liked to have sex early in the morning. Something about their hormones peaking.
She knew it was shameful, but she would very much like to have him in bed with her again. Last night everything had been so new, she hadn't had a chance to pay attention to what was happening. Plus, it had been kind of dark and she hadn't been able to see much.
She reached for a towel and wiped her mouth, then grinned. She felt wicked and very much alive.
There was a window overlooking the back of his property. She looked out and saw the ground had dried. No doubt she would be able to drive her car right out. She turned toward her clothes hanging on the shower door. The dress and blouse were dry, as well. She thought about putting them on, but decided to wait. If she did manage to entice Austin back to bed, the robe would be less cumbersome than her dress.
Humming happily under her breath, she left the bathroom and headed for the kitchen. Austin stood where she'd left him, leaning against the counter. He'd set two cups on the table. She reached for the one lightened with cream and smiled. "Good morning."
Instead of responding, he looked at her. Something dark and frightening flickered in his gray eyes, then he blinked and his expression was devoid of any emotion. Sometime while she'd slept he'd showered and shaved. His jaw was clean, his hair damp and brushed away from his face. She thought about him moving her clothes out of the way and then putting them back. Had he thought about her as he'd touched her things?
This morning his mouth was pulled into a straight line, but she remembered last night when he'd smiled at her in bed. They'd been naked then, touching. She'd been scared but willing, wanting him to be the one with her, in her. She took a sip of coffee and waited for him to speak.
The silence stretched between them. Her good mood began to fade.
"You're angry again," she said, wishing he would stop staring at her as if he hated her.
"No. Concerned. "
"Why? I promised not to have any regrets or second thoughts and I don't."
A muscle tightened in his jaw. He turned away. She gripped the mug to keep it from slipping out of her hand. He wasn't worried about her. Her second thoughts weren't the problem. His were.
"Oh, no." She set the mug on the table and stared at her feet. The floor was shiny with the morning sun reflecting off the polished wood. "You thought it was awful. You're sorry we did it."
"It wasn't awful," he said, his voice low and controlled.
"But you are sorry." She risked glancing at him. He stared out the big kitchen window. The stiff set of his back and shoulders spoke volumes.
"Is it because I was a virgin?"
He nodded slowly.
"Why? It's no big deal. I'm the only one it affected and I wanted it gone. You did me a really big favor. I'm grateful."
He glanced at her and raised one dark eyebrow. "Grateful? I doubt that."
"Oh, Austin, it's the nineties. Don't get all macho on me. I have no claim on you. You made my first time terrific and I'll always be pleased about that. Everything went just the way I wanted it to. Can't you believe that? Is this some weird guy thing?"
"I guess it must be."
She wasn't sure, but she thought she saw a slight smile threatening at the corners of his mouth. "If you really want to believe it meant something or was some kind of gift, then consider it an early Christmas present."
"One I can't take back."
It might hurt to hear the truth, but she had to know. "Do you want to?"
He stepped close to her. She was glad she'd put her coffee cup down, because when he touched her face, she gathered enough courage to place her hands on his shoulders.
His kiss was soft and fleeting. When he would have pulled back, she raised herself on tiptoe and clung to him. Their breaths mingled; his heat warmed her. The pressure of his large hands caressing her back made her lean nearer and offer herself to him.
When he reached for the collar of her robe, she held her breath. In the bright morning light, she could see his face, the desire in his eyes. His black hair gleamed. She touched the damp strands, their coolness contrasting with his heat. His worn sweatshirt was soft against her fingers, his muscles hard. Long legs brushed hers.
As he lowered his head to her neck, her heartbeat increased. Her blood raced faster and hotter, her knees trembled. She told herself it was just her crush. It was just sex and the desire to experience it all again. It wasn't him. Austin Lucas wasn't the sort of man a woman willingly fell in love with. He wasn't the marrying kind. He was sin and seduction, sex and surrender – not commitment.
He nibbled along her j aw, then pushed the robe aside and licked her collarbone. When she moaned, he raised his head and looked at her.
She wondered if he could still read her mind. Yesterday he'd known exactly what she was thinking. She tried to hide her thoughts, then realized it was pointless. Besides, Austin already knew the truth about himself. He didn't want a woman to fall in love with him. Thank goodness her feelings were just an adolescent crush. Getting involved with him would be dangerous to her well-being. Better for her to remember her own limitations.
He reached up and cupped her face, then tenderly touched her mouth with his. He moved his lips back and forth, creating a lethargy that stole her strength, le
aving her clinging to him. He whispered that she was beautiful. For a moment she allowed herself the fantasy that this was real. But the thought was too fantastic to imagine. He didn't want a woman like her in his life permanently. He didn't want anyone.
Did he ever get lonely? The question surprised her. She must have instinctively stiffened when she thought it because he glanced at her and smiled. "What's got you looking so serious?" he asked.
"I was just thinking about you." At his frown she was quick to assure him. "Not in a good way." She paused. "I didn't mean that exactly. Of course I was thinking nice things, but not that nice. That is—"
He silenced her with a quick kiss. "I know what you're saying." He stepped bay ck and drew her robe around her securely, then tightened the belt.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Covering up the temptation."
"Oh." She was disappointed. "Why?"
"Because it's safer for both of us. I'm going to order the furniture for the children tomorrow. When do you want it delivered?"
She allowed herself to be distracted by his question, mostly because she was on shaky ground. Had he stopped kissing her because of what she'd been thinking, or didn't he want her anymore? She could ask, but the truth was she didn't want to know.
She sat down at the table and sipped her coffee. There was a blank pad of paper and a pen. "May I?" she asked pointing at them.
"Help yourself." He took the opposite seat.
"I'd like to look at the place this morning, then I can give you an idea of a delivery date."
"The house probably needs painting and cleaning." She brushed her hair out of her face. "I've got plenty of volunteers." She made a few notes.
They discussed the logistics of getting everything done. When her list was two pages long, she looked up at him. "Any special rules?"
He shrugged. "I can't think of any except I want the kids kept away from the barn. There's lots of electronic equipment in there and some tools that could hurt them. I'll keep it locked when I'm not downstairs, but it would be better if they avoided the area."
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