by Martin Tays
“Go.”
She sounded a bit embarrassed. “Any chance you could bring up any of the sanitaries? I kinda gotta go. And you can stop that snickering any time now.”
“Sorry.” Leo replied, as he continued to snicker. “And yes… I should be able to get the ones in the command cluster functioning. Right, Moses?”
“Shouldn’t be a problem.” Moses responded. “Sanitation’s all solid-state. Flash heat, stores the ash, releases the moisture to the atmosphere, and the scrubbers reclaim it. Pretty fool proof.”
“Ew.” Inside her helmet, Ami made a face. “Doesn’t it smell?”
“Eventually, yeah.” Moses nodded. “It does. But then eventually, everything on board smells.”
“Yum.”
“You get used to it.”
“Yeah? You get used to hanging, if you hang long enough.”
Moses grinned, then opened the hatch to the bridge. Pushing through the opening, he floated out to the center of the command area, looking around.
The bridge was a fairly large compartment ― in fact, the largest on the ship. There was a tracking table at the rear, now dark, and consoles for the various ship functions around the room. The helmsman station was just forward and to the left, the nav station to the right. And in the center, slightly raised, was the captain’s seat and panel.
“Okay… Leo?” Moses had grabbed the tracking table to anchor himself as he looked around. “You think you’re about done back there?”
“Yeah. Shouldn’t be anything else that we can’t do from the bridge consoles.”
“Great. Slave the housekeeping panel to life support.” A panel to the left of the bridge hatch sprang to life, and started displaying readouts.
“Done.” Leo replied. “And done.”
“Great. You people come on up. Be careful. Remember, you’ve still got no breathable air back there.”
“Don’t breath while we’re in engineering. Check.”
“Smartass.”
Ami was studying her idiot pad. “It looks like we’re good to go.”
Moses looked down at his, reading the composition of the surrounding air. “Close. Still a bit chilly.”
She reached up to her helmet and began undogging it. “I’m getting used to it.” She finished and lifted her helmet off, then grimaced, her breath condensing in the air. “Of course, I could just be a complete and utter moron. Christ, it’s cold!”
Moses pushed over to her, concerned. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. It’ll warm up.” She sniffed the air. “Funny. I expected it to smell musty.”
“What does it smell like?”
“Nothing, really.”
“Good.” Moses said as he undid his helmet and pulled it off. “Whoa. I see what you mean. People? You can take your helmets off, but I recommend leaving the pressure suits on for another few minutes, until it gets warm enough for shirt sleeves in here.”
“Fiona. Yay! I hate helmets. Helmet hair. We’re coming up.”
By the time Leo and his crew had come forward, cycled through the lock, and joined them on the bridge the temperature was approaching normal. Fiona followed quickly after, shucking her suit as she came through the hatch. Moses just pointed to a door set in the rear bulkhead. She bounced off of the tracking table and arrowed over through the door, shutting it behind her. After a moment, she opened it again and looked anxiously over at Moses.
“Uhhh…”
“Green button turns on the suction.” He replied. “When you’re done, press the red one marked ‘recycle’. Do not press the one marked ‘purge’ unless you like surprises.” As she turned he raised his voice. Oh! And don’t forget the lap belt, or you'll rediscover Newton's Third Law.”
“Gotcha. Thanks!” She vanished back through the door. After a moment, there was a muffled scream.“Oh, yeah.” Said Moses, in a conversational tone, looking at the closed door. He turned toward Ami. “Should I have told her that the seat’s still going to be a bit cold?”
“I think she’s figured it out.”
She noticed that Mattie was examining the controls at the captain’s console and drifted over to look over her shoulder. “Wouldn’t that be easier to look at…” She asked, finally, “If you actually sat in the chair?”
“Probably.”
After a moment, Ami said “But… ?”
“But it’s not my seat.” Mattie looked pointedly over at Moses, who was powering up the tracking table.
Ami looked at the chair, then over at Moses. “Ah… okay. Yeah.” She nodded, then raised her voice. “Hey. You.”
Moses looked up, distracted. “Me?”
“Yeah. You. Come here.”
“Um, ‘kay.” He drifted over. “What’s up?”
“Sit.” She pointed at the command chair.
Moses hesitated. “But that’s…”
“Yes, it is.” She pointed again.
Moses looked at Mattie, who was nodding, then over at Leo, who just smiled and sketched off a salute. He looked back at the seat. “Huh.”
Doug, arm braced on an overhead console, spoke up from beside Leo. “Oh, come on, boss. Who else here belongs there?”
Moses looked around at the group, then grabbed the armrests of the captain’s chair and slowly, gingerly, lowered himself into place. He locked his feet under the footrest restraints and fastened the lap belt. It felt good. It felt… it felt right.
Ami smiled and very softly said “The captain is on the bridge.” Everyone started cheering as Moses blushed.
Fiona emerged from the ‘fresher at that point and looked around, confused. “Okay? What did I miss?” She followed the glances and saw Moses in the command chair. “Oh. Tres farbo.”
Ami looked down at Moses and smiled. “Looks good on you.”
“You think so?”
“You think I’d say it if I didn’t believe it?” She put her hand on his shoulder.
Moses grinned, then shook his head. “Doesn’t matter though. Really.” He looked around at Ami’s friends. At his friends. “But thanks. That felt good.”
“Our pleasure.” Leo called out. Sher nodded.
Fiona drifted over to Doug, who had finally removed his pressure suit and stored it in one of the lockers on the back bulkhead, replacing it with the shipsuit he’d stuffed into one of its carry pockets. “I want to go exploring. Want to join me, oh buddy of mine?”
“Sure!” He reached out and grabbed her belt, pulling her close for a kiss.
“Hey… we want to go, too!” Said Sher.
“No we don’t.” Leo replied.
Sher huffed. “But…” She looked at Leo, then back to the couple, who were trying to exit while still keeping their hands in each other’s pockets. “Oh.”
“Right.”
Moses called out to them. “Be careful! And I don’t mean that way! Don’t get so distracted that you don’t… they don’t even hear me, do they?”
Ami shook her head. “Nope.”
“Crap.”
She smiled. “They’ll be okay. They’re not stupid. Just horny.”
“Like those two are exclusive.” He looked over toward life support. “Leo? If there’s any problems, it’s up to you to get them their suits.”
Leo sighed. “Fine, but I get to take pictures, first.”
“Whatever you do, don’t show them to me.”
Eventually, Leo and Sher started working on bringing up the tracking table, which obliged by displaying the Alpha Centauri system. Mattie and Doug were playing with the comm system, trying to pick up a signal through the cocoon, and Ami was helping Moses go through the ship’s logs.
“Look at this.” Moses pointed at the floating data window. “Says I’m an underachiever.”
Ami pointed to the line below. “Maybe, but you do have great hygiene.”
“Oh. Yeah. Well, that makes up for it.”
“Oh, quiet. These are over two hundred years old. It’s not like they’re relevant, now.”
Moses looked up at her. “So I don’t have good hygiene?”
“You have excellent hygiene. And wonderful penmanship, and you play well with others.” She cleared the screen, dragging another data nodule over to drop into the now blank window.
“Now, here. Look at this list.”
“Fine, I can be distracted. What is it?”
“Major equipment inventory. Exploratory. Notice anything odd?”
“Yeah. There’s major equipment.” He looked over at her, then back at the list. “There shouldn’t be any exploratory equipment on board. Once she was put into storage it should have all been stripped out. Odd.”
Ami pushed herself up to drift above the console. “Leo? Come over here and look at what we’ve found.”
Just as Leo started to respond Doug came in through the hatch, Fiona right behind. “Never mind that… take a look at what we’ve found!” He pushed in, dragging behind him a box. It clanked quietly.
Moses waved to clear the screens and unfastened his lap belt. He pushed up, twisted, and looked back at the out of breath duo.
“I give. What have you found?”
“We found the galley!”
Ami looked down at the box. “Funny, I would have thought it’d be bigger.”
“Shush. We found this in the galley. In a locker in the back of the pantry.”
Leo spoke up. “Wait a minute… you guys have been exploring?”
“Well, yeah.” She looked over, puzzled. “What’d you expect?”
Sher broke up laughing. Leo blushed. “Never mind. What’d you find?”
“This.” Fiona dramatically opened the lid of the box, reached inside, and pulled out a bottle with a flourish.
“Booze!?” Sher squealed.
Moses pushed off and floated over to the couple. He took the tear drop shaped bottle out of her hand and examined it. He drew in a breath. “Oh. Oh, my.” Looking over to Sher, he grinned. “Booze. Calling this booze is like saying ‘the universe is middling large’.”
“Good booze, then.”
“You could say that. This is Courvoisier, dear. And not just any Courvoisier, either. It’s Initiale Extra.”
Mattie whooped. Leo looked confused. “What’s that?”
“That, my good man, is cognac. The finest in the known universe.” He paused, then shrugged. “And possibly in the unknown one.”
“That’s like brandy, right?”
“I am surrounded by heathens. No, if you would?” Moses looked over toward No, who was skimming through stored mission video.
No looked up, nodded to Moses, and solemnly declared “Feh.”
“Precisely.” He examined the bottle, and realized that under the seal it was prepped for zero-g. There were twin tubes sealed into the cork, one for piping the liquid out, one for pressurizing. “When you were down in the galley, did you happen to see any…”
“Way ahead of you.” Doug handed over a fist full of sealed, flexible bags.
“Excellent. Take a cookie from the jar.” Moses grabbed one of the flattened bags and attached it to the neck of the bottle, then opened the valve and gingerly blew into the other tube. He was rewarded by a stream of delicately colored smoky amber liquid that slowly filled the sack.
After decanting a few shots into the bag, Moses shut the valves and disconnected it from the bottle. “Always thought this was a horrible way to serve a drink, but…” He raised the sack to his lips and squeezed out a sip.
Ami watched the expression on his face closely as his eyes closed. After a few moments, she asked “Well?”
Moses opened his eyes, looked over at Ami, and sighed contentedly. “Oh. My. Dear. Sweet. Happy. Bouncing. Baby. Jesus.” He presented the drink sack to her with a flourish. “I can die, now.”
Ami blinked a couple of times, looked at the bottle, then reached out to gingerly take the bag. She took a sip, and her eyes widened in surprise. Moses smiled a Cheshire cat grin and said nothing.
Leo finally couldn’t take it any longer. “Well? Ami? How is it?”
Ami turned to her brother, an astonished expression on her face. “I… I think my tongue just had an orgasm.”
“Ew.”
“You say that now. Here…” She sailed the bag over to him. “You tell me.”
Leo fielded the partially depleted bag and stared at it hesitantly. Mattie spoke up. “If you’re not going to try it…”
“No, no… just working up the nerve.” He squirted a dollop out into the air and leaned forward to suck up the floating ball. His eyes widened in surprise. “That’s… that’s…”
“The most incredible thing you’ve ever tasted?”
“Yeah. Oh, yeah.”
Mattie looked from one to the other and said “Okay, that’s it. Gimme.”
Doug spoke up. “It’s okay. Let him keep it. Here’s…” He tossed another filled sack toward Mattie, “One for you. And more where that came from.” He went back to filling pouches.
Moses gave Doug a thumbs up. “Good man.”
Ami looked over at Moses. “Why is it so… damn… wow?”
He smiled. “What we’re looking at here is some of the finest cognac ever made, stored in climate controlled conditions and aged for over two hundred and fifty years. There’s folk back on Earth who’d sell their mothers by the kilo for a taste of this stuff.”
“Screw ‘em.”
He nodded as he accepted another drink sack from Doug. “My sentiments, exactly.”
“So how’d it get here?”
Moses shrugged. “Well, I remember that the company — God love ‘em — paid to ship up several cases for the ship as a going away present. Great publicity for them.” He looked over at the bottle filled container thoughtfully. “I would have bet anything that we’d drank all of them when we arrived in the system.”
“So?”
“So. I guess someone stashed one of the cases, and just never got around to coming back for it.”
“Their loss.”
“Yep.” He toasted her with his bag. “And our gain.”
“Oh, dear Lord.” Mattie moaned at that point, having just tasted it. “It’s like sex, but without having to wash the sheets.” She pushed off toward No, squirting some into his expectant mouth when she arrived.
Leo nudged Sher and pointed. Sher glanced over and then did a double take. “Oh, my God.” She finally said, astonishment in her voice. “No’s smiling.”
Moses laughed, reached out to the hovering Ami, grabbed her around the waist, and kissed her soundly on the lips. Fiona cheered. Ami smiled broadly and returned the favor.
He pulled back slightly, then looked around at the group. “Well, I guess it’s a sign.”
Leo bowed theatrically, bobbing in mid-air, and said “Tell us the meaning of the sign, oh mystic one.”
Moses grinned. “What better way to say goodbye to the old girl than with a party?”
“It was a mouse, of all things ― a ‘Wee, sleeket, cowran, tim’rous beastie’ as Robert Burns so incomprehensibly put it ― that showed us the way. His name was originally ‘number 679’, but for some reason he was dubbed ‘Mister Jingles’ around year eight. He did the most remarkable thing imaginable.
He didn’t die.
Ten years, twelve, twenty… he just kept running in his little wheel, and begging crumbs snuck in by increasingly awe struck world famous scientists, and in general just stunning us by being alive. He was the most wondrous thing imaginable.
And he was a mouse.”
Thaddeus Griffin, from “The Ultimate Paradigm”
“Sometimes I wonder if we made the right decision. No one checked with me first, I know that much.
My Father built a financial empire. Huge, vast, multifaceted, reached to every corner of the Solar System. And in the good old days I would have in the fullness of time inherited that empire and been able to mold it to my own needs.
Do you know how old my Father is? Three hundred and sixty seven. And he’s still playing with it. You know what I’ve got? I’ve got a house in the Hamptons and a trust fund.
Immortality, my ass. Why can’t the bastard just die, already?”
Reginald Addams Johnson, from Theo Hearn’s “Other Voices”
Chapter 5
“The misery of a child is interesting to a mother, the misery of a young man is interesting to a young woman, the misery of an old man is interesting to nobody.”
Victor Hugo
“Funny. I expected it to be a lot colder.”
Rafe looked back at the reporter and shrugged. “Got me. I guess Moses just decided that it’d be nice to see the old girl while in shirt sleeves.”
They had dogged onto one of the two remaining ports available on the docking collar and entered to find the lights on. On coming forward, they’d been further surprised to discover breathable, room temperature air in the tube corridor intersection.
They’d still been quick to avail themselves of the breathable air, though.
The reporter, Jin Suave of the highly rated Haven 2Night!, turned to face his guide. His newsbug obligingly drifted over to float between the two, recording both their faces as the reporter continued.
“We’re here in the entryway of the starship Endeavour, speaking with Raphael Deppner, Director of Orbital Operations for Haven. We have discovered, to our surprise, that the atmosphere in the ship is quite breathable. Pleasant, in fact. Mister Deppner, why do you think that is?”
Rafe cleared his throat uncomfortably. After a hundred years as a public figure, he still hadn’t got used to these things. “Well, Jin… as I said before, I think that Moses…”