by Martin Tays
“Hero. Hah.” Rafe grumbled.
She cocked an eyebrow at him. “And have you stolen a spaceship lately?”
Rafe looked at his feet. “I tried.”
She reached over and patted his arm. “And a very nice attempt it was, too. Now shush. He’s talking.”
“… that we have no idea what’s going to happen out there. We understand.” The room started to quieten down, then burst into cheers as someone threw a well timed wad of paper right through Moses’ open mouth. “So we figured to let you all know exactly what was going on before we left. We’ve received multiple messages from the government…” Rafe was finally able to make out. “Some a bit incendiary. We’ve been reliably informed that we’re felons, and wanted criminals, and mean, and that our feet smell funny. We could not, at this point, come back if we wanted to. Which we don’t.”
Rafe shook his head and sighed. “Leave it to Vanya Valentine to extend a flaming olive branch.”
A new voice spoke up. “And you’re surprised?”
Rafe pulled his feet down and turned to regard the newcomer. “Well, now I am. What are you doing here?”
“Springing you.” Sam glanced around. “Actually, springing all of you. The charges have been dropped.”
“No shit?”
“Yes shit. You’re all free to go. But.”
The various former crew members, in the process of standing, paused and looked at her.
Rafe snorted. “Somehow, I knew a ‘but’ was coming.”
“Guys.” They all looked back at Madeline. “You do know Moses is still talking, right?”
“Oh, right, the hero speech.” Rafe looked back at Sam. “Hang on. This should be funny.”
On the screen, Moses was just finishing. “That’s about it. Understand that we are explorers. I don’t just mean us, here in the ship. I mean us. All of us. This trip may succeed. It may fail. It doesn’t matter. Because the trip’s got to be made. And if we don’t come back… well, you’ve got the technology, you’ve got the capability, to follow us. All you need is the will.”
The view in the broadcast cut to a wide shot. Everyone in Moses’ small crew was around him, staring defiantly into the pickup. “Now,” Continued Moses, “This is for all those who thought we’d explored enough, for all who think this adventure pointless, and most of all for the Governor of Haven… my dear, dear Uncle Vanya.” Moses turned away from the screen, hands at his waist, as a driving guitar came up over the audio.
Rafe blinked at the activity on the screen. after a moment, he said “Huh. Oh. Oh, my.”
Sam stood staring up at the vid screen, appalled. “Oh, good Lord.”
Mad, though, just cracked up. “That’s my Moses. Always a class act. Still has a fairly decent rear end, too.” She started dancing as she sang along to the music.
“Anarchy burger! Hold the government!
Anarchy burger! Hold the GOVERNMENT!”
“That’s… that’s a lot of asses.” Rafe shouted over the driving beat, pointing toward the scene on the screen, where the row of bare rear ends was still being displayed.
“Indeed it is.” Sam yelled back in reply.
“What?!?”
“I said ‘Indeed it…’, argh! You!!” She turned to the keeper and screamed. “Think you can turn it down a little? None of US can control it!”
The SD man shrugged and turned back to the video, where the sea of buttocks had thankfully been replaced by a long shot of the ship. The Vandals continued screaming, though. She couldn’t hear what he said, but the system obviously did. The volume dropped to a bearable level.
“Awww.” Mad complained. “We were just getting to the best part.”
Ignoring Mad, Rafe nodded thanks to the warder and turned back toward Sam. “So, speaking of buts…”
She smiled. “So to speak. Wait a minute.” She held a finger up, glancing over at the screen. She finally turned back to Rafe, one eyebrow about a meter higher than the other. “Did that guy just sing about peeing on cheese?”
“I think it’s an old Irish custom.”
Sam blinked, then shook her head. “Whatever.” She gestured vaguely toward Rafe. “So. Anyway. I’ve got a proposition for you.”
“You’ll have to buy me dinner, first.”
“I did.”
“Oh, yeah.” He nodded. “Thanks.”
She waved the comment away then just stared at him, considering, before continuing. “Actually, I have a proposition from the Governor.”
“You’re joking.”
“Nope. If I were joking I would have said ‘what do you do with a elephant with three balls?’”
Rafe smiled. “I just keep handing you the straight lines, don’t I?”
“Yes, and thank you. You want to hear the proposition or not?”
“I’m all ears.”
Sam walked over to the kitchen side of the common room and leaned back on the counter. She looked around the room, then spoke to the group. “The Governor ― whom I was recently astonished to discover I still worked for ― is not a completely unintelligent man. He does have the capability to see a train when it’s coming down the tracks at him.”
Rafe flipped a chair around to straddle it, then sat and looked up at her. “Yeah? Which particular train are we referring to here? I could think of a couple.”
“Governor Valentine has decided to release you people. He realized that public sentiment was against pursuing charges against you.”
“Huh.” Rafe replied. “That’s… surprisingly open minded of him.”
She smiled. “Not really. He also knew that it’d be difficult for you to equip another ship while in prison.”
Everyone in the room started speaking at once. Rafe stood and waved his hands at the crowd. “People, people… hold the damn rhubarb down. Thank you. Now, you…” He turned again and pointed at Sam. “What the hell do you mean?”
“I mean that Valentine has already sent a request to the yard at New Liverpool. There’s an Endeavour class ship in mothballs there ― the UESS Excelsior ― and he’s called in a few favors to get it. It’s on its way, now.”
Rafe stared at Sam for a long time, oblivious to the renewed clamor around him. After a while, a long slow smile came across his face. “Okay. Let me see if I’ve got the gist of this. The Governor wants us…” His gesture encompassed the crew, “… to rebuild an exploratory ship and use it to chase down the Endeavour? Arrest the recalcitrant crew and haul ‘em back in chains to face their just desserts? Is that about right?” Sam nodded. “He knows they have a warp drive, right?”
She smiled. “As will we. We have the plans, we have the resources of an entire star system, and we have a very pissed off Governor to cut the red tape.”
“’We have the ships. We have the men. We have the money, too.’”
“What?”
“Nothing. He really thinks we can do this. Huh. Vanya’s an idiot, isn’t he?”
“Nope.” She looked over toward Rafe, a serious expression on her face. “At least, not in the way you’re thinking. You won’t be alone.”
“Are you going?” Rafe was a bit surprised at how pleased the prospect of spending a long voyage with the tall, rangy security woman made him feel.
She smiled. “I was willing to go, yes. Which is why I still have a job. However… I won’t be alone. Governor Valentine is planning on sending along an entire platoon of security operatives to ensure compliance. Armed security operatives. Armed with real guns.”
“Christ.” He stared at her, astonished. “Will you be in charge?”
“Nope. That would be the esteemed Mister Grace.”
“What? I figured Vanya canned his ass, for sure.”
“He did. Then he discovered that no one else would take the job. We
ll, no one that he trusted to do what he wanted done. So he had to take him back.”
Rafe snorted. “Now there’s a pair for you. So… the trick is that we have to take a bunch of security people out to find the Endeavour, and bring them back?”
Sam nodded. “That’s about the size of it, yeah.”
“Doesn’t he understand that you can’t intercept a ship that doesn’t want to be intercepted?” He threw his hands up in the air. “All Moses has to do is to keep maneuvering. No one docks, no one gets on board.”
Sam looked away, an uncomfortable expression on her face. “Yeah. Yeah, he does.” She turned back, but wouldn’t look Rafe in the eyes. “That’s why he’s having the ship armed with missiles.”
The room went dead quiet. Rafe looked over at the incredulous expression on the crew’s faces, then back at Sam. “Holy fuck.” He finally breathed.
The security operative looked about at the now openly hostile faces. “Look, folks. This isn’t my idea. I won’t mention what I think of it, because it doesn’t matter. But if the people in this room… if you people… don’t do this, then someone else will. Someone who might not care that they’re going out in the first armed starship mankind has ever built.” She finally met Rafe’s eyes. “Or worse, might like it.”
Madeline pushed her way through the crowd of crew members to stalk up to Sam. She put her hands on her hips and stood there regarding her for a moment. She then said, in a low flat tone of voice, “You’re one of them, right? A ‘security operative’?”
Sam grimaced. “Yeah.”
“You’ll be there, on the ship, with us. Right?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Now, listen carefully.” The angry engineer held up a finger for attention. “If we catch up with the Endeavour, and if Moses refuses to stop, and if they tell you to pull that fucking trigger…” Mad leaned in close to poke Sam in the chest in time with each emphatic word. “What. Will. You. Do?”
Sam looked over toward Rafe, who was staring back with an unreadable expression on his face. She turned back to the angry woman in front of her and answered simply, honestly, “I don’t know.”
“Yeah. Thought so.”
Mad started to turn away. She then turned quickly back, arm already in motion. The haymaker caught Sam square in the nose ― a good, solid punch.
Sam rocked back on her heels but didn’t, quite, fall over. She reached up absently and felt her face, then glanced at the blood on her hand.
Nobody else had moved. Mad stepped forward in the silence and leaned nose to bloody nose into Sam’s face. The edge in her voice could have sliced steel. “You had best figure it out, Missy.”
Rafe stood. “That’s about enough, Mad.” He pulled a handkerchief out and handed it to the bleeding girl. “You all right?”
“Probably.” She took it and held it up to her face, then looked back over at him. “You actually carry a handkerchief?”
“I’m an old fashioned guy.”
“I guess.” She looked back at Madeline. “Are we through?”
Mad considered, then nodded. “For now.”
“Fair enough. You’ve got a pretty good arm, there. Ever consider going into my line of work?”
“I’d rather shave my head with a cheese grater.”
“Honest answer. Let me know if you ever change your mind.” She looked over at Rafe. “So… what’ll it be?”
“What do you think?” He stepped over to set a hand on Mad’s shoulder, then looked Sam in the eye. “We’re going.” Mad nodded, and he continued. “All of us are going. There has to be someone sane on this trip.”
Sam smiled, slightly. “And, failing that?”
“Failing that.” He grinned a bit, acknowledging the hit. “It’ll be us. Now, think you can get us out of this hoosegow? We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us.”
☼
“Are you sure about this?”
Cath sighed. “Trust me, Moses. It won’t be a problem. The entire warp bubble moves as a single unit. We’ll never feel a thing.”
“Unless the drive fails and we get instantaneously compressed into a singularity.” Moses pointed out.
“In which case, again, we’ll never feel a thing.” She replied, reasonably.
“True enough. It’s just weird, being under drive and under spin at the same time.” Moses turned to the rest of the crew, who with the exception of Leo and the doctor were clustered around them on the bridge. Leo looked on in a vid window from the engineering section. The doctor was nowhere to be seen. “Okay, then, folks. Let’s spin up the hab ring.”
Cheers greeted the statement from all but Sher, who was looking at Cath uncertainly. “Um.” She finally said. “About this whole ‘getting compressed into a singularity’ thing. I don’t think I’d like that. Can we avoid it, if possible?”
Cath looked over at Sher. “If possible then yes, I will avoid compressing us into a singularity.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Okay, folks.” Moses interrupted, “I’d like a final pass through the hab ring to make sure everything’s secure. Especially the galley, since it’s been in use.” He looked over at Doug. “Since you’ve become the de facto cook ― nice stroganoff, by the way ― why don’t you take care of that?”
“Sure.” Doug nodded. “And thanks! You know, I didn’t have any sour cream, so instead I used…”
“I don’t care. Go. Ami, I’d like you here on the bridge. Cath? Engineering. Everyone else? Hab ring duty, please. Thanks, and off with you.” He waved toward the hatch, and everyone started moving toward it.
Cath paused and turned back. She regarded him for a moment, looked away across the bridge, and finally spoke. “I didn’t think it was possible, but you’ve surprised me.”
Moses looked up. “I’ve surprised you before.”
“Yeah, but this was pleasantly. The last couple of days, you’ve been… I mean… look, remember back at that dinner?”
Moses nodded.
Cath was obviously uncomfortable. “I… damn it, I’m sorry I laughed at you.”
“You apologized before, Cath.”
A ghost of a grin showed on her face. “Yeah. But last time I apologized for hurting your feelings. This time I’m apologizing for being wrong.” She looked over at Ami, nodded, and pushed off, gliding away through the bridge hatch.
Moses stared after the departing engineer, nonplussed. After a moment, he spoke. “Huh.” He looked over at Ami. “That was… unexpected.”
Ami smiled. “Maybe to you. You haven’t seen how these people have been looking at you the last couple of days. You’re coming across all captainy. It’s cool, in a disconcerting sort of way.”
“Thanks.” He blinked, then continued. “I think.”
She reached over and patted his arm. “You’re welcome.” Ami paused, then, and looked at him closely. “What’s that on your face?”
“It’s a zit, and thank you so much for pointing it out.”
“A what?”
“A zit. A pimple. A whitehead.” He reddened a bit. “Remember, I don’t have any nannies in my system. Nothing to keep me balanced medically. Hell, I had to hunt down a bottle of aspirin last night for a headache.”
“Oh, poor baby.” She pushed his sandy hair back from his forehead to get a better look. “So that’s what they look like. It just looks so…”
“Interesting?”
Ami nodded. “I was going to go for gross, but interesting works also.”
“Thank you for your positive feedback. I will treasure it.”
“Oh, shush.” She smiled and reached out to poke him gently on the forehead. “It’s what’s in here that’s important, not what’s on here.”
“Pus?”
&
nbsp; “Ewww. Ew, ew, EWWW.” She smacked him on the top of the head. “That’s the most appalling thing I’ve heard in weeks.”
“We’re going to have to get Cath drunk and singing, then. You’ll change your tune.” Moses paused for a moment, then shrugged and continued. “Sorta like she does, pretty much every other word.”
“Hey!” A new voice interrupted. “I resent that remark!”
Moses turned to the new vid window. “Oh. Hi, Cath. You weren’t supposed to hear that.”
“Obviously.” Cath replied from engineering. “It’s good to know you haven’t changed completely, Moses. You’re still a schmuck.”
Moses bit his thumb at the vid window and spoke. “Gai kakhen afenyam. Are we about ready?”
“Yep.” She nodded. “And what the hell did that mean?”
“I’d explain, but then we’d have to go find an ocean. Let’s spin up. Shipwide… brace yourselves, people. Hab ring spinup commencing…” He nodded to the engineer, then continued. “Now.” There was a distant rumbling, fading into the background, as the motors started turning the habitation ring.
After about a minute, Fiona reported from the ring. “Yay! We’ve got… ouch. Sorry. We’ve got weight!”
Moses sighed. “Warned you. Cath? Counter weights rotating?”
“Of course. We’re not complete doofuses back here.”
Ami looked over. “Counter weights?”
“The hab ring’s essentially a giant gyroscope,” Moses replied. “Without a counter weight going in the opposite direction, we’d have to keep using the reaction thrusters to counter the precessing.”
Ami nodded. “Okay, then. That makes sense. Sweet!” She grinned and pumped her fist. “Physics is our bitch!”
Moses blinked. “You know, I think it’s possible you just summarized the entirety of western science in four words.”
They were interrupted by Cath. “You two do realize you’re still on shipwide?”
“Hey, it could be worse.” Moses grinned. “We could be locking lips up here.”