She could hear Garek moving behind her, silent, his boots clicking across the floor. The rustle of fabric.
The door opened and closed.
Lily did not even bother to turn around.
She knew Garek was gone. Again.
~~~
Garek scanned the common area of the inn. Lily hadn’t been in their rented room when he had come in from the stable.
He had escaped to the horses after Lily had finished with his back, still reeling at what she had said.
If Lily had never wanted to rid herself of him, never refused to see him...
Hell.
All this time, he had believed her fickle, willing to toss him aside at the slightest lie cast his way. Believed she had never loved him. But if she never even knew the lies Brianna had told him to make him leave, then he very well did abandon her. Without a word.
Dammit to hell and back again.
Garek exhaled, slapping his gloves on his thigh. He had been in the stable most of the day, avoiding her. But now where the blast was she?
The rain had eased slightly, but darkness was falling and she wouldn’t have been stupid enough to leave. Would she? He would have seen her in the stable coming for her horse. Unless she had just walked away.
His eyes a bit more frantic, Garek scanned the room again.
Then he caught a glimpse. The delicate toe of a boot flopped back and forth off the edge of a booth bench. He walked to the rear of the common room, stopping in front of the boot.
Lily sat, leaning against the inside wall, both her legs sprawled long onto the bench. Her elbow propped on the table, she held the side of her head in her hand, her fingernails curled into her loose chignon. Her free hand tapped out a melody only she could hear on the edge of the table.
Not exactly becoming of a lady. And the empty glass goblet next to her elbow was not an encouraging sign.
He sighed. “Have you eaten anything?”
Her eyes crept up to him, her face blank. “Yes. Earlier.”
“How much have you had to drink?”
Her hand flipped down to the goblet, wrapping about the rim of it to lift it, swinging it back and forth as her eyes followed. “How much is enough?”
Garek bit his tongue, sitting down across from her. He grabbed the goblet from her, glancing at the contents. Empty. Not even a drop. Had she licked the bottom clean? He set it at the edge of the table. “What are you doing to yourself, Lily?”
The barmaid stopped at the edge of the booth, looking at Garek. “Wot can I getcha, luv?”
“Brandy, and whatever pie is handy.”
The woman pointed at Lily, her eyebrows raised at Garek. He shook his head.
She nodded. “Be out right quick, luv. And ye be hearin’ ‘bout the bridge?”
“The bridge?” Garek shook his head.
“Me ‘usband just got back from checkin’. The river done swelled again. Always does in these rains. Bridge won’t be crossable ‘till the morrow at the fastest. If it keeps sturdy, that is.”
“I had not heard,” Garek said. “I was waiting, so thank you for the news.”
“Ye and yer bride will have to snug up another night upstairs.” The lady winked, smirking.
Garek managed a flat smile. “Yes. I imagine we will. Thank you.”
She ambled off.
“No bridge?” Lily looked at Garek, a lazy half smile below her dull blue eyes. “Then I will need another drink to make it through the night. Much as you would like me to resist.”
She started to scoot forward on the bench. Garek leaned across the table to snatch her arm, holding it to the wood.
“You cannot stand to look at me sober, Lily?”
She shrugged. “Or I could go up the stairs and not look at you at all.”
His head tilted as he stared at her, trying to find the woman he had fallen in love with. Trying to search under her anger. Under the sodden state she was determined to remain in. Trying to find the smallest glimmer of who she once was.
He had yet to see it, but he had felt it. The previous night when they were in the stable and he was deep in her—as angry as both of them had been—he had still felt it. The passion. The love. Even if her mind, her words were hateful, her body betrayed her. That he could feel.
The barmaid set down both a short glass of brandy and a silver mug of ale at the edge of the table. Garek gave her a nod, then set his eyes back on Lily as the woman stepped away.
“You are not the same person I left a year and a half ago, Lily.”
“We both have changed, Garek.”
“Yes, but I never believed you would have moved on from me. Through everything—prison, pain—you were the one thing I thought I would have at the end. What I held on for.”
“And then I retched upon you and laughed at you. I understand—I destroyed your dream, so now you are here to destroy me.”
She pulled her arm from his grasp as she leaned across the table, her voice a loud whisper. “Well, let me share a secret with you, Garek. You destroyed me long ago. When you left I was crushed—destroyed. I could not breathe for weeks—months. Every breath was short, never filling my chest.”
Pausing, her hand flattened on the table, her eyes closing for a long moment. “You hate me for moving on from you, but what was I to do? Wallow? What would that bring me? Nothing but gut-wrenching misery. So I put a bright smile on my face and tried to move forth—forget you.”
“And you succeeded, Lily.” Garek couldn’t keep the edge out of his voice. “You moved into society easily—enjoyed all I could not give you.”
She scoffed a laugh, her head shaking as she leaned back in the booth, her arms crossing over her belly. “Did I?”
“Enough to get foxed nightly, laugh loudly, gain a new fiancé. Rather well done. I witnessed it myself.”
“Yes, you are right, Garek. Always right. Thank you for watching me without ever once showing yourself to me.” Her eyes went to the ceiling, her head shaking. “Yes, I did drink too much, laugh too loud, flirt too much.”
She lifted her fingers, rubbing her forehead before her eyes dropped to him. Her voice, always so hypnotically smooth, went rough, words shaking. “I pretended quite well, didn’t I? Pretended I was whole. I thought it was what I could become—what everyone saw—a darling of society, a pretty woman to set upon an arm. Such high—hollow aspirations. I could actually become that woman if I tried hard enough. And kept trying. Kept smiling. What everyone wanted to see. What Brianna wanted to see. What the Duke and Wynne wanted to see. Do you think that was easy?”
Garek shrugged, his look boring into her. “It appeared to be.”
“Especially with sherry. Or Madeira. Or punch. Or whatever was handy.” She reached across the table for his brandy, her eyebrow cocking at him when he didn’t stop her. She set the glass to her lips, taking a long sip.
Not forfeiting the glass, she kept her hands cupped around it, spinning it on the wood of the table. Her eyes stayed down, watching the amber liquid swirl slowly. “Maybe I am different. Maybe I did become that woman. How would I even know? But in all those ballrooms, all those parties, all those dinners, I never found happiness like Brianna said I would. Peace—she promised me peace, but I never found it. And the men…I never loved any of them—and they certainly did not love me.” Her blue eyes lifted to his face. “Not like you did once. No one has ever looked at me like you did, Garek.”
“How did I look at you, Lily?” Garek asked, his voice low.
Her eyelashes fell closed as her head sank back, swinging back and forth. It took a long moment for her to drop her chin and open her eyes to him. Sadness flooded the blue depths. “You looked at me like I was whole, complete, real…cherished.”
His eyebrow arched.
“Like I was something to be cherished.” Her voice dropped, weary and soft. “Like the one thing you wanted in life was to make me happy. Every word I said was important to you. Every glance, every touch—like you were fighting yourself to not pi
ck me up and bring me to bed. Cherished.”
“And then I disappeared.”
“When you left, Garek, I was hollow—nothing. And Brianna was still a ghost—she still has never told me what happened to her, to our father. I had lost them, and then you. So when the invitation came to stay with the Duke and Duchess of Letson, I thought it would snap Brianna out of her grief, help her move on.”
“It would seem your sister moved on splendidly.” Garek reached forward, grabbing the brandy from Lily’s hands to take a hefty swallow.
Dammit, he was waning.
He still wanted to hate Lily. Hate her for asking him to leave—which she never did, if he could believe her. Hate her for laughing at him on that London street. Hate her for making him love her in the first place. Hate her because it had been the only thing he had lived for these past months.
But all of that was waning.
Watching her, her softness, the heartache wrenching her voice—the hatred that had kept him moving forward was dissolving, even though he wasn’t ready to let it go.
Lily nodded, a soft smile on her lips. “Bree did move on. She found peace.” The smile faded. “But I…I have stumbled through the last year of my life—questioning everything—my mistakes left and right. And always in the back of my mind, I was trying to forget that you left me—that I was not worth staying for—not worth more than the money.”
Her palm came up, shoving away the wetness in the corners of her eyes. “So I tried for normal. What everyone around me told me I should want—normal. And I decided to settle. I decided to accept Lord Newdale’s proposal. I could not have you, but at least I could have what everyone said I should want—a husband, children—at least my life would be normal—and then maybe I would feel it as well.”
“And did you?”
“Yes. No.” She shrugged. “Maybe. I was striving for normal—but I do not know what it is. I have never had it, not truly, so I do not know if I achieved it.”
Her head tilted as she looked at him, her voice down to a whisper. “Only with you. I think with you, Garek, I had it. Maybe.”
“But you did not believe in me, Lily. You turned your back on me. Laughed at me. Betrayed all of the love I had for you.”
“And now you hate me for all that happened to you.” He expected a fight, but she merely nodded, her words defeated. “But I never did anything to you, Garek. Whatever you may believe, I never did anything to you. Except for love you. That…that I did do.”
Garek stared at her, silent.
Stared at the pain she had lived with for the past year and a half. Fighting the realization that was slowly sinking into his gut.
He had caused this. He had left her.
The mere thought so thoroughly shook him that he had to look away from Lily.
Staring at the barmaid cleaning glasses, he cleared his throat. He couldn’t deal with Lily. Not yet. Not with his mind whirling. “You need to go up to the room, Lily. I cannot trust you down here.”
“Trust me? Trust me for what?”
Without a glance her way, he stood. “Trust you not to continue to imbibe. To do something unbecoming.”
He offered his hand to her, but she slapped it away, getting to her feet and trudging past him.
Following her in silence up to the room, Garek opened the door for her, then stopped in the doorway.
In the middle of the room, she turned back to him, her voice aching. “You say I am not the same person I once was—but what about you, Garek?”
He steeled himself enough to meet her eyes. “What about me, Lily?”
“Your compassion, Garek? You lost all of it. It was what I loved most about you, and it is gone.”
His head bowed for a long moment, and then he looked up, meeting her blue eyes. “My compassion never helped me, Lily. My compassion never got me you.”
He stepped backward, softly closing the door to her.
{ Chapter 16 }
Lily stared at the closed door. Stared at it, stunned into stillness for minutes.
How had the man she once knew, once loved, disappeared so completely? So callously?
He was gone. Physically in front of her, but gone. Just like before. Gone, and he did not even have the decency to tell her why.
But then, had she even asked?
He was here. Here and she could ask. Ask what had happened to him. What changed him. If nothing else, she would have answers from him. Not like last time.
She went to the door, turning the round knob. It slipped in her hand.
She tried again. It didn’t budge. Jammed?
She pushed on the door. Solidly closed. Wiggling the knob, fury started to build in her belly.
Garek had just locked her in this room.
Locked her in. Holding her captive.
He wanted revenge—but to lock her in a room?
Unimaginable.
Lily spun from the door, growling. This was beyond reason. Beyond sanity.
Her eyes landed on the window. Sparse rain still pattered on the glass, but darkness had not yet fallen.
She was still foxed, but she had learned to navigate through much of life in this way.
Moving over to the window, she looked down. The roof of the dining room area below jutted out underneath her window. Lily unlatched the lock on the window, lifting the sash. It creaked, straining against plump, wet wood, but it moved.
Perfect.
Garek had forgotten one very important fact about her. In all that she may have changed, there was one thing she had not lost.
She was a fighter.
And she would not be locked into a room, ruined, without a battle.
~~~
Garek rolled his index finger along the rim of the brandy glass, staring into nothingness.
He knew now, in his gut, that Lily had not been lying. She never had anything to do with him leaving Annadale. Never had anything to do with the money.
And now he had to come to brutal terms with what that meant. What he had done in pursuit of a false goal. What he had just done to Lily.
He caught the barmaid’s eye and motioned to her, lifting his glass. He was going to need several more of these.
The front door of the tavern opened, a rush of mist blowing in from the dark night.
“Colleen. Rope. Rope. I need a rope.” A man, soaked, ran into the room, yelling.
The barmaid pointed in the direction of the stable. “Out back, Tom. Wot’s the fuss?”
The man ran through the common area, droplets flying and landing on Garek’s forehead as he sped past, headed for the back door. “A girl in the river.”
Garek jumped to his feet, his heart stopping.
No. She wouldn’t.
He glanced upward, wishing he could see through wood and plaster. Wishing he could see Lily safely in bed.
But he knew instantly it was her.
Not bothering to go upstairs to verify Lily was missing, Garek ran out the front door of the tavern in full speed toward the river.
His boots slipping along the muddy road, slowing him, he made it to the crowd at the edge of the swollen river within minutes.
Pushing his way through several men holding up lanterns, he searched the swirling waters in the darkness.
“Where? Where?” he managed to choke out between heaving breaths.
One of the men pointed, holding his lantern up. “There. She’s ‘olding onto that branch. Albert told ‘er she ain’t gonna reach the bridge, but she waded in anyways ‘fore ‘e could stop ‘er. Said she could make it. Current got ‘er right quick.”
Garek desperately searched the area the man pointed to. A line of trees that yesterday had lined the riverbank were now swallowed by the rushing current. Limbs and branches scattered into the river, dragged down by the waters.
“Where?” Garek demanded.
“’Tween the second and third tree.” The man jabbed his finger at the water. “Oye, she gone under again. She’s ‘olding onto that tree branch, water rush
ing her. We can’t get rope to where she can snatch it.” The man leaned forward, squinting. “There—she be up again.”
His eyes searching the branches, Garek finally spotted a hand. Then the other. Then her face, just clearing the watery foam.
Lily.
The sound of the rushing water drowning out all noise, Garek could see her gasping, struggling. Her top hand slipped on the branch, jamming into her lower hand.
“Where’s the rope, man?”
“Here.” The man pointed to the end of the row of gawkers. “But we tried. We can’t get it to her.”
Garek bolted to it, stripping off his jacket and boots, and then flipped through the heap of rope until he found the ends. He shoved the one tattered end into the nearest man’s hand. “You all will hold this?”
“Sure, but it be your funeral, lad. That current will snatch you. It is nasty strong.”
“I am stronger.”
Wrapping the rope along his arm, Garek moved into the water, almost immediately dropping as the land gave way below his feet. In an instant, water rushed up to his ribcage. Only by the grace of fate did his left foot find a boulder where he could wedge himself against the heavy current. It gave him a precious second to find the ground with his right foot, regaining his balance.
Righted, he barreled forward, every step requiring him to regain his balance, his lean against the floodwaters. Halfway to her, Lily disappeared below the surface of the water again, her hands slipping further down the branch.
“Fight it, Lily. Fight it,” he screamed above the waters, knowing she couldn’t hear him, but yelling anyway. “Up. Get to air. Get to the damn air, Lily. Fight it.”
Her forehead broke free, her head twisting as she tried to get her mouth to air.
Her hands slipped below the surface of the water, the branch straining.
“Dammit, Lily. Fight.”
Her head dropped below the water. Gone. All of her gone.
Water up to his chest, Garek plowed through the last few steps to where Lily was, caution be damned. His hand diving, he searched, trying to discern what he was touching through the debris.
Marquess of Fortune: A Lords of Fate Novel Page 18