by Melinda Metz
“I used to spend all this time trying to figure out what boys were thinking.” She started speaking in a high singsong, trying to imitate her teen self. “What did it mean when he asked to borrow a piece of paper? He could have asked Sarah, who sits on the other side of him. It has to mean something that he asked me.” She laughed. “It took me a long time to realize that most men don’t think that much before they do something.”
“Are you saying men are like dogs again?” David asked.
“Maybe,” Jamie admitted. “But not in a bad way. I have way too much internal chatter.”
“Tell me some of it.”
“No way.” Jamie shook her head so hard her hair flew around her face, curls bouncing. “You’ll think I’m insane.”
“Come on,” David urged. “We’re in a unique situation here. We’re fake boyfriend and girlfriend, so we can tell each other stuff a real couple wouldn’t, at least not for a long time.”
Why not be honest? There was no reason not to, not with him. “Okay. Okay, here’s an example. When I said I’d take you to the garage arcade the next time I went, my brain immediately started throwing out crazy thoughts. Like, what if that sounded like I was trying to turn myself into your real girlfriend? What if it sounded like I was just assuming I could make plans for you?”
“If I don’t like something you’re doing, I’ll tell you,” David said.
“See?” Jamie exclaimed. “That’s more of a guy thing. Guys don’t analyze what they’re going to say until they make themselves crazy.”
“Wanna try not thinking for a while? Watch some mindless TV, maybe order some pizza?” David asked. “And just so you don’t have to analyze any of that, I wasn’t attempting a Netflix and chill.”
“Sounds good,” Jamie answered. “And by that I mean, yes to TV and yes to pizza later. How do you feel about pizza crusts?”
“I think pizza crusts are the second-best part of pizza, right after the cheese,” David told her.
“Excellent. You can have mine. They’re too doughy for me, but I don’t like to waste them,” Jamie said.
“We’re the perfect fake couple,” David told her. “And by that I mean, it’s turning out to be fun faking out our neighbors and friends with you.”
“Agreed,” Jamie said. “By which I mean I think so, too.”
* * *
Mac jerked awake, disoriented. He thought he heard his Jamie crying from someplace where he couldn’t reach her. Then he realized he was curled up on the couch between David and Jamie, and she smelled good, content, with none of the loneliness tang. David smelled the same way.
Still, something pulled at him. He had other missions. Later tonight, when Jamie was asleep, he’d go out. He wouldn’t rest until he’d helped everyone who needed him.
CHAPTER 15
“I was just thinking we’re like a current-day Mary and Rhoda, except I think we both might be Rhoda,” Jamie told Rudy when she showed up for coffee the next morning. “I used to love how they were always just dropping by each other’s places.”
“You’re way too young to even know who Rhoda and Mary were,” Ruby said. “Even I only watched that show in reruns.”
“My mom loved it. I did, too. We watched it together on Nick at Nite. You know what? Maybe I am kind of a Mary. Moving to a new town, ready to make my mark. I just need to get a hat to throw in the air.”
“I’ll find you one,” Ruby told her. “Have you seen David since the movie?”
“Actually, yes.” Jamie wouldn’t have thought it was possible, but she felt like she was grinning more widely than she’d been on her way home from the arcade. “He made me jam cupcakes. That’s his pet name for me. Jam. Jam, short for Jamie. And the cupcakes had pawprints on them.”
“Let me guess. Because you have a cat,” Ruby said dryly.
“I deserved that. But pretty sweet, no?” Jamie asked.
“Pretty sweet, yes,” Ruby answered. “David’s a good guy.”
“He is turning out to be a peerless fake boyfriend,” Jamie agreed, taking a sip from her reindeer coffee cup.
“He could be—”
Ruby was interrupted by a knock on the door. “I’ll hold that thought,” she told Jamie. She returned to the kitchen a few moments later with Riley and Addison. “Teacher in-service day for Addison, and Riley wanted to stay home with her sis,” Ruby explained. She poured a cup of coffee and handed it to Addison. “There’s milk and sugar and whatever you want.”
Addison gave a grunt that sounded very much like one of Al’s. “Is it okay if she hangs out with you for a while?”
“Of course, Riley can stay. We’re thinking of making a schoolhouse for Paula.”
“Thanks.” Addison took a long swallow of the coffee, black. “Hey, Ri-Ri,” she said, making her voice more bright and cheery than Jamie would have thought possible. “Have you seen Zachary hanging around our house lately?”
“I saw him with the big dog,” Riley answered.
“By our house? Or on the sidewalk?” Addison asked, her tone getting a little sharp.
“Sidewalk,” Riley said. She dug into the peanut butter toast Ruby set down in front of her.
“You want some toast, Addison?” Ruby asked.
Addison shook her head. “I think Zachary might be a creeper,” she announced. “A T-shirt of his showed up by my front door, so I gave it back. This morning it was there again. And yesterday he said he found a bra he thought might be mine. Which, why would he think so? It’s not like he’s ever seen my underwear.”
“Strange things are afoot at the Circle K,” Ruby said.
Addison scowled and dropped her bright, cheery voice completely. “What?”
“Never mind. I just meant that weird things have been going on around here lately. That’s why Hud set up headquarters over by the fountain, because so many things have turned up in the wrong places.”
“If it makes you feel better, my cat is probably the one who left the T-shirts and took your bra, not Zachary. I caught him in the act once. I thought I’d figured out how he was escaping, but he must have another way, because stuff is still getting taken,” Jamie said. “On my way over here this morning, I saw Helen’s sister. She couldn’t have been anyone else. She’s thinner, and she hasn’t let her hair go gray the way Helen has, but it’s clear they’re twins. She was leaving a little doll on the edge of the fountain, and Hud was taking notes in his little book.”
“I guess then maybe Zachary isn’t some sicko,” Addison conceded.
“What’s a sicko?” Riley asked, as she held the toast up to Paula’s plastic mouth, getting peanut butter in the pony’s hair.
“Forget it. I guess I’ll just give him the shirt back—again,” Addison said. “Bring Riley back when you get tired of her,” she told Ruby, then left.
Jamie pulled out her cell. “Riley, would it be okay if I took a picture of Paula?” she asked.
Riley smiled. “Paula loves getting her picture taken.”
Jamie started taking pics, making sure to get in the peanut butter smear and the place on the side of Paula’s head that looked like it had been used for teething. “How long have you had your pony?”
“Always. Paula saw Mommy in the store and told her that she wanted to belong to me. I was still in Mommy’s tummy, but Paula knew I was there,” Riley said. Jamie took more pictures of Riley and Paula. It was clear Paula made Riley very happy.
Riley looked up at Ruby. “Can we play rodeo again?”
“Sure thing,” Ruby answered, and Riley’s eyes sparkled. It was clear Ruby made Riley very happy, too. And her crazy cat burglar had brought them together.
* * *
Any interest in going to the Museum of Jurassic Technology with me?
Jamie stared at the text she’d just typed for a moment, then shot it off to David. He was only her fake boyfriend, so she didn’t have to make herself crazy thinking about whether it would bug him if she took the initiative and invited him someplace.
Another place I know
about, want to go to, but never have. When?
She smiled as she sent a reply. Open from 2-8 today. 12–6 F–Sun.
Pick you up at 3?
Great. Jamie set down the phone, trying to ignore the fluttery anticipation filling her. Fluttery anticipation wasn’t a “friend” thing, and that’s what was happening at three, going someplace with a friend.
She wandered from the living room to the kitchen, then back. Mac was snoozing in a spot of sun, and he looked so blissed out that she didn’t want to wake him up for a play session. Instead, she pulled a big piece of orange poster board she’d picked up at Target out of her closet and put it on the kitchen table. She’d decided to make what an article she’d read called a creativity board, a collection of quotes and pictures and anything else she found inspiring. It was supposed to help her figure out what it was she really wanted to do with her life.
Jamie got out her laptop and started scrolling through pictures of surfers. She’d had two more lessons, and she loved how surfing made her feel. Well, not the sore part, but the rush of it, and the sense of accomplishment. There were some gorgeous photos online, and lots of them caught the thrill of riding a wave. None seemed exactly right for her board, though.
She got her phone and pulled up the pictures she’d been taking since she’d moved to LA. One of Kylie immediately grabbed her attention. Kylie wasn’t even out on the water. Her board was on the sand, and she was standing on it, showing Jamie the correct posture. Her face was animated, and it was obvious she was loving what she was doing.
Jamie downloaded all the LA pics onto her computer and pulled up the picture of Kylie again. It was a great shot—if she did say so herself. But what if she enhanced it? Jamie wondered what it would look like if she gave it a Technicolor treatment. Glorious Technicolor. She loved those old movies with the saturated, totally fake-looking colors that seemed hardwired to emotion.
She’d played around a little with digital enhancement techniques in college, but not since then. She definitely needed to brush up. She did a Google search and found a YouTube tutorial, which led to another, and another. A knock on the door startled her. She could hardly believe it when she glanced at the clock. It was a few minutes after three.
Jamie rushed to the door and opened it. David stood there smiling at her. “Sorry, I’m not quite ready. Obviously.” She didn’t even have her shoes on. “I got caught up in something.”
“No rush,” David told her. “You said it doesn’t close until eight. I don’t know how you found out about the museum so fast. It’s not exactly mainstream.”
“The Internet. Where else?” Jamie asked. She noticed David was holding a small white bakery bag. “For me?” She reached for it, but he playfully pulled it away. “Hands off. These are for the cat burglar. I was feeling in the experimental mood, and I decided to make some cat treats.”
By the time he’d said “cat” the second time, Mac was twining himself around David’s ankles. David took out a small fish-shaped treat and handed MacGyver one.
“Only two sniffs before he ate it. That’s pretty much a five-star rating from him,” Jamie said. “Make yourself at home. I’ll be ready in a couple minutes.”
“No rush,” David said again.
Jamie rushed anyway. She hurried into her bedroom and checked herself out in the full-length mirror inside the closet door. Her hair was a wreck. She had a habit of running her fingers through it when she was thinking. But other than that, she looked okay. She was wearing her favorite jeans, and her favorite crazy-patterned Etsy shirt. She put on a pair of sandals, did what she could with the curly chaos that was her hair, put on some lipstick, and returned to David.
He was feeding Mac another treat while studying at the picture she’d been experimenting with on the computer. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m looking at this. Is it what you were working on when I got here?”
Jamie nodded. “Sorry again that—”
David waved her apology away. “I like what you’re doing with it. Going for that fifties Technicolor. This your surfing teacher?”
“Yep. I thought the color made her natural awesomeness even more awesome,” Jamie explained. “The color kind of makes her pop the way she pops in person. She has this wonderful exuberance when she’s teaching. And when she’s not.”
“You caught it,” David said. “Got any more?”
“I’ve been taking a ton of pictures since I moved here, but this is the first one I’ve been digitally playing around with,” Jamie told him. She started a slideshow so he could see the others.
“These are great. You definitely captured the real Ruby with that one where she’s working on that pony barn.” He paused the slideshow so he could take a closer look. “Seems as if you’re drawn mostly to people. I like the one with the rat in the palm tree, too, though. Wouldn’t want it on my wall necessarily, but it’s eye-catching.”
Jamie laughed. “That rat caught me by surprise. I liked the contrast. But, yeah, I mostly end up taking photos of people. Actually, they’re all people who really seem to love what they’re doing.” She clicked to the next picture. “Like this guy, who gives bad advice on Venice Beach. A bunch of people on the Walk seemed happy to be there, painting names on grains of rice or whatever. Probably I ended up taking pictures of them because trying to figure out what I should be doing is always in the back of my mind. If not the front.”
“Are you going to do any enhancing on the rest of them?” Mac jumped up on the table and stretched out across the keyboard, blocking most of the screen. David coaxed him away with another cat treat and looked at the next picture. It was the one of Wonder Woman in front of Grauman’s Chinese theater.
“I hadn’t really thought about it,” Jamie answered, but she was already itching to turn Wonder Woman’s eyes the shocking shade of a blue-raspberry Slurpee, her lips ruby-slipper red, and her hair the shiny blue-black of a crow’s wing. Jamie would pop a few details in the clothes of the tourists surrounding Wonder Woman—like the lavender chucks on the little blond girl and—
“You’re thinking about it now, though, right?” David asked. “I can practically see the ideas spinning in your brain. You want to postpone the museum and work some more?”
That was something The Cling-Wrap Man wouldn’t have asked in a million years, Jamie thought.
“No, the museum’s only open a few days a week. Besides, we’re only at the beginning of our fake relationship. We should be together as much as possible. If we want to be convincing.”
“Together at a museum? If I wanted to be convincing, I’d never—” David stopped abruptly.
“Never what?” Jamie asked.
“We should get going. It’ll take twice as long to get to Culver City if we have to deal with rush-hour traffic,” David answered.
“I’m ready.” Jamie shut her laptop so Mac wouldn’t get back on the keyboard. “But what were you going to say about being convincing? We don’t want Helen or Marie or your friends getting suspicious.”
“I was going to say that if I wanted to be convincing, I wouldn’t let you out of the bedroom for at least the first couple months,” David admitted.
“A few jam cupcakes and I’m supposed to be sleeping with you already?” Jamie teased, keeping her voice casual even though her stomach had done a roller-coaster drop at the thought of having David in her bed.
“I also bought you a drink,” David reminded her as they headed for the front door. “And took you to the movies. And we had dinner together.”
“No, we didn’t,” Jamie protested.
“Pizza. Mine with double crusts,” David said. “Actually, maybe we haven’t slept together yet. I haven’t gotten my white truffles and excellent wine.”
“You’re not easy. That’s something I should know about my fake boyfriend,” Jamie commented, then let the subject drop. Her stomach needed to get off the roller coaster.
* * *
The exhibits at the Museum of Jurassic Technology were bizarre and fasc
inating, but David found himself looking at Jamie as much as at the strange objects. Ever since they’d had that exchange about whether or not the fake couple of David and Jamie were sleeping together, he couldn’t stop thinking about having sex with her. It wasn’t like it hadn’t darted through his brain sporadically, but now the thoughts were almost incessant. Those jeans she was wearing didn’t help. They clung to every curve.
Jamie read the title of the next display aloud. “The World Is Bound with Secret Knots.” She looked up at him. “I love that. It’s like poetry.” She studied the figures made of white wax that were suspended in water inside glass globes. “There are magnets inside the wax people and that crank turns a central magnet and somehow you can use this machine to divine the future. I think. This place makes me doubt everything and believe everything at the same time. I’m so glad we came here.”
“Me, too.” It had been great to get her text. He realized that his circle of friends had been reduced to Adam and Lucy—and Zachary. It was his own fault. After Clarissa died, he’d turned down invitations so often they’d stopped coming. It had taken meeting Jamie to realize he was ready to have some more people in his life again.
“Sorry. Excuse me,” a twenty-something British guy in a porkpie hat said. There wasn’t much space in any of the museum’s small rooms. David moved closer to Jamie to let him squeeze past. He got a whiff of her soap or shampoo, something citrusy and sweet. And that was all it took to get him thinking about sex again.
From one of the rooms they’d already visited, came the sound of a high yipping and growling. The exhibit had a taxidermy fox’s head inside a glass case, and a special pair of glasses that would let you look inside the head. Instead of showing a larynx with vibrating vocal folds, the view through the glasses showed a holographic image of a man making the supposed fox sounds, which sounded nothing like a fox.
“I can’t decide whether that sound is more or less disturbing now that I’ve seen the man making it,” Jamie said over the falsetto growling.
“More. Definitely more,” David answered. He forced himself to step away. There was no one they knew around, no Marie and Helen or Adam and Lucy. He had no reason to be putting on the boyfriend show right now. Except that he wanted to stay close to her, keep breathing in that scent.