The fact that he’d truly listened to her bit of small talk warmed her through and through. It had to be significant, right?
“Need me to get you anything?” she asked.
“No, thank you.” He’d already opened an email.
“Okay, well, I’ll leave you to it.” What was wrong with him? How could he stand them being in the same room and not at least sharing a touch?
In a perfect world, he’d have entered the room and kissed her, maybe given her knotted shoulders a rub. They’d have shared their days and maybe wandered into the kitchen for cocoa and a slice of the cherry pie she’d made for that night’s dessert.
“You all right?” He stopped typing to glance her way. Just the sight of his mossy-green stare was enough to make her knees weak. How did he maintain his composure? Or, like she suspected, was he just not that into her and his polite speech out by the clothesline had been his way of letting her down easy? “You look washed out.”
“Thanks. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me all week.”
“Aw, I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Just that you look tired. Why don’t you have a nice long soak, then go to bed. I’ll make sure everyone else is tucked in.”
“You’d do that?” As much as she cherished bedtime rituals with J.J. and LeeAnn, the thought of letting Cooper assume all of her duties while she essentially pampered herself was too good of an opportunity to pass up.
“Sure. It’s no problem.” He didn’t even look up from reading his letter. But then what had she expected? For him to sweep her into his arms, making her promise to add extra rose oil to her bathwater so her skin smelled nice when he snuggled alongside her in bed?
Her traitorous pulse raced at the possibilities of what else they might do in her bed.
“Go on,” he said. “You’re wasting valuable tub time.”
Mouth dry from holding back all the things she wanted to say to him, but shouldn’t, Millie visually drank him in once more then trudged upstairs to draw her water.
Once she’d submerged herself beneath fragrant bubbles and closed her eyes, she’d anticipated peace.
What she got were memories of their wild night in the kitchen that were hot enough to bring her bath water to a boil!
*
NEXT WEDNESDAY, COOPER parked at the feed store’s side door, killed the truck’s engine then sighed. Millie sat alongside him. More than anything, he wanted to kiss her, but he fought the temptation.
The sky was gray, snow tumbled in halfhearted flurries and the temperature was a balmy ten degrees. As if checking the herd in this weather hadn’t been enough fun, before she’d left for school, he’d caught LeeAnn on her mom’s cell with that Damon kid—he knew, because he’d redialed the number. What was the protocol on this sort of thing? His niece had promised to never kiss the kid again, but should Cooper have extended that promise to include cutting all contact? But then how was that even possible when they’d see each other at school?
He asked, “Doesn’t this town depress the hell out of you?”
“Wait until spring. Everything will look better.”
“How?” The same planters filled with dead plants still hung from the street’s ornamental light posts, and more storefronts were empty than filled. Weeds grew through sidewalk cracks, and there were more mounds of dirty snow than cars.
“What do you mean? You don’t remember spring? The way everything greens up and the blue sky looks big enough for you to fly right into—” she grinned “—assuming you had wings.”
“Right. There is that.” Lord, I want to kiss you.
“You know what I mean. Yes, this winter has been especially nasty, but you’ll see. Once May rolls around, this place is going to be looking mighty tempting. So tempting in fact, you might never want to leave.”
He snorted. “You been sniffing J.J.’s school paste?” The sooner I hit the road, the better. Being around her was dangerous. She made him want the family he didn’t deserve.
She answered his question with a dirty look. “In all seriousness, before you came, I didn’t hold out much hope for this place. I figured by spring we’d have lost the ranch and moved into a Denver apartment. Now...” Her wide-eyed look of gratitude made up for what the hiding sun couldn’t. “For the first time in forever—knock on wood—I think everything might be okay.”
Cooper wished he shared her optimism, but even if they made a boatload of cash at the cattle auction, he wasn’t naive, and had seen her bills. They could sell the entire herd, and it wouldn’t be enough to put the ranch on the solid foundation he wanted for her, his dad and the kids.
*
“COME OUTSIDE. AND close your eyes.” Since both kids were still at school, Cooper took Millie’s hand to guide her out to the backyard on the deceptively sunny mid-March day. Though it was bright, the air still held a nip from the previous night’s sleet, meaning the sheet he’d hung to stop Millie from eyeing her surprise through the kitchen window had been frozen to the clothesline. “Oh—and put this on.”
He took her long sweater from the back-door hook, holding it out for her to slip her arms through, wishing that when their arms accidentally brushed, his attraction for her hadn’t felt more like pain. But then what was the point in lying? He honestly wanted her so bad, it hurt.
“How am I going to see?”
He took her hand. “Let me guide you.”
Ever since learning of her wish for a fancy home in which to house her chickens, he’d been consumed with the idea to surprise her. For weeks, he’d toiled to make every part perfect, right down to planting pansies in the wide front porch’s flower boxes.
During their morning workouts, Zane had come straight out and told him he was crazy for putting so much time, money and energy into this kind of nutty venture, but Cooper didn’t care. He was crazy, all right.
Crazy about his brother’s wife.
He’d do damn near anything for her. Anything, but tie her down to a misfit like himself.
“Are we almost there?” She tripped over an exposed tree root, but he caught her. Touching her and not kissing her proved a lesson in restraint.
“A little farther.” The phrase also applied to how much he alternately looked forward to and dreaded leaving. His dad grew stronger by the day, which meant Cooper’s time on the ranch was almost done. He led Millie past the clothesline and around the cottonwood. Upon reaching their destination, he forced a deep breath, wishing her reaction to his big reveal didn’t mean so much. “Okay, open your eyes.”
She gasped then covered her mouth with her hands. “Cooper, it’s...” Her eyes welled.
“What’s that mean? Are you happy? Sad?” If she didn’t like what he’d done, though it might sound silly to anyone else, he’d be crushed. He’d poured himself into this project, heart and soul. What emotion he couldn’t give to her, he’d given to the damn chickens. Stupid, but there it was.
“I’m...” She laughed through tears then damn near toppled him with a hug. “I’m so happy! This is stunning—you really did build me the Taj Mahal of chicken coops.”
He sharply exhaled. She likes it.
Gratitude flowed through him, making him feel like a second-grader basking in his teacher’s approval. But over the past couple of months, Millie had come to mean the world to him. Her opinion mattered.
“I’m in awe...” She gingerly stepped onto the front porch, laughing when she tried out the swing. Every inch of the coop had been covered in Victorian-era swag he’d painted in a half-dozen purple shades, ranging from lavender to deep violet.
“How can I ever thank you?”
You already did with your smile. “I’m good.”
She opened the door slowly and with reverence. The inside smelled of new lumber, straw and grain. Under the heat lamps’ glow, Millie’s chickens gurgled and clucked in contentment. Golden sun warmed the floor through a skylight.
“This is almost too nice for just the chickens.” She wiped tears from her cheeks. “It’s ama
zing. Better than I’d even imagined.”
“Good. Mission accomplished.” But if that was truly the case, why was he already feeling empty inside? Like he needed another grand gesture to make Millie see how much he cared?
*
MARCH PASSED, AND then somehow it was Easter Sunday in late April. Just as Millie had predicted to Cooper on that frigid day in March, the high prairie had sprung back to life—much like her, only in a way she couldn’t in a million years have predicted.
She was pregnant.
The fact alternately terrified and thrilled her.
On the terror side, right along with wondering how they’d ever financially manage with another mouth to feed and what her friends and neighbors would think of her having an unplanned baby she’d conceived with her brother-in-law, came the bonus worry of when she should tell Cooper her news.
By now, she knew him well enough to guess that once he learned he’d soon be a dad, he’d go all noble cowboy on her, demanding they march down to the courthouse for a wedding. But was that what she really wanted?
Make no mistake, with every part of her being, she wished he’d stay, but not out of a sense of obligation—because he felt trapped. Sure, tongues would wag, but gossips would soon enough find something else to occupy their chatter.
On the bright side, just as she’d never felt more healthy and vibrantly alive than when carrying LeeAnn and J.J., this pregnancy was proving the same. Colors and smells seemed more vivid, and her heart swelled with an overall sense of well-being. This baby was a gift. Her proof that even after suffering through her loss of Jim, life didn’t just have to soldier on, but sometimes it skipped while humming a happy tune.
While putting the finishing touches on the lamb cake she’d made for their annual after-church picnic, Millie allowed herself to daydream of Cooper’s reaction to learning her news. Would he be elated? Confess his love and then pamper her right up to holding her hand through the delivery? Or would he feel bitter and trapped, wishing he’d never set foot back in his hometown?
The last thought made her queasy, so she downed a few saltines and ginger ale.
“You look pretty.”
“Thanks.” She glanced up to find Cooper leaning against the kitchen pass-through. He was so handsome, he took her breath away. If he wasn’t happy about their baby, she wasn’t sure how she’d cope. She guessed the same way she always had, dowsing her dreams with the hard work and even harder realities of living as a single mom on a working ranch.
Tell him, her heart urged, but her dry mouth strangely failed to work.
“Where is everyone?” His hair was still damp from a shower. Even from ten feet away, she smelled his leathery aftershave and wanted to rest her cheek against his chest, just breathing him in.
“Peg’s outside with the kids, setting up tables in the yard. Thanks to the wheelchair ramp you built, Clint’s with them—no doubt, barking orders.”
Cooper laughed.
Since it wasn’t a sound she heard often, Millie relished the moment.
“It’s good seeing him up. His physical therapist said he should be walking under his own steam with just a cane by the end of the month.”
“Thank goodness. His mood sure has improved since he’s not always stuck in bed.”
“Can you blame him?” Cooper sat at the table. The same table Millie still couldn’t look at without blushing. “This is off topic, but I know you plan on culling the herd in the next month or two, and I did some research and found a company that does live internet auctions. That saves the stress on our stock of having to travel—except to their new home.”
“Okay...” Since her pregnancy test had turned out positive, Millie hadn’t even thought about the auction. But she needed to. The bills wouldn’t pay themselves.
“Want me to set something up?”
“For when?” Because to her, culling the herd was synonymous with Cooper leaving.
“I was thinking about this time next month. That sound all right to you? Dad should be well enough to drive his four-wheeler by then. Plus, I’ll move the rest of the herd to the north pasture. It’s the closest and has easy access.”
She only nodded, because she wasn’t capable of more. So this was it? He had his escape plan in place and was good to go?
“If you think that’s too soon, say the word and we can put it off. But my CO’s wanting me back on base, and I’m sure you and the kids are ready to get the house back to yourselves.”
Tell him! “Yep. You’ve got that right.”
“Then I’ll set everything up. You won’t have to do anything but cash the check.”
And raise our child and nurse my broken heart.
*
COOPER KNEW HE was chewing Easter ham, but it tasted more like cardboard than brown-sugar glaze and cloves. He didn’t fault the cook, but his own dour mood.
It didn’t matter that the sun was shining and the temperature was T-shirt warm. Or that seated around this table was all of the family he had left in the world. Clint, Millie, J.J. and LeeAnn. His longtime friends Lynette and Zane. Even their closest neighbor, Mack, and his new bride, Wilma.
With his dad well on the way to a full recovery, all should’ve been right in Cooper’s world. Even the calf he’d rescued had been weaned and now fit right in with the rest of the herd. Life should’ve been good. So how come ever since his talk with Millie about the cattle auction, he’d gotten the impression that she’d just as soon spit on him than look at him?
“Millie, d-dear, you d-did a fine job, but I’d like to say an ex-tra blessing.” Though shaky, with Peg’s help, Clint stood. His words spilled too fast and slurred, but he was unrecognizable from the broken man he’d been when Cooper had first arrived. “Th-thank you, Lord, for r-restoring my health, and f-for bringing home my son. A-men.”
“Amen,” all assembled said in unison.
Last year at this time, Cooper had been en route to Afghanistan. Back then, he never would’ve dreamed he’d hear his dad actually thank God for his being there, but now that he had, the thought of once again leaving brought on a mixed bag of emotions.
More than anything, he wanted to leave, but not for a logical reason. The truth was that the emotional bonds he’d formed with Millie and her kids and renewed with his father were still too fragile and new to trust. Were they even real? Now that Clint’s crisis had passed, would he morph back into the belligerent son of a bitch he’d been when he kicked Cooper off the family land?
“Uncle Cooper, look! I’m a walrus!” J.J. held a couple of asparagus tusks to his mouth.
Cooper feigned lurching back in fright. “You’re scary, bud. Don’t bite me.”
J.J. growled and chomped until Millie scolded him to mind his manners.
After the meal, while the kids played with Nerf guns the Easter bunny had brought along with too much chocolate, Peg, Wilma and Lynette talked about The Young and the Restless, and Clint, Zane and Mack recalled their favorite elk-hunting stories.
Cooper excused himself from the crowd, finding Millie on the front porch swing. “Care for company?”
She scooted over.
“You were awfully quiet at dinner.”
“I could say the same about you.”
“I s’pose.” A soft, warm breeze rustled the tree leaves and tall grasses at the yard’s edge.
Their thighs and hips and shoulders touched on the cramped swing. The resulting hum of attraction made it hard for him to think. Couldn’t she feel it, too?
After a few minutes of shared silence, Millie asked, “Does it look like Zane has lost weight to you?”
“Yeah. He’s looking good.” Their morning workouts were paying off so well that a couple of their other old high school friends were following what Zane called his SEAL Sessions.
“Coop?” She angled to face him. “What do you think about kids?”
“You mean your kids, or kids in general?”
“In general.”
He furrowed his forehead. “Well
, the couples I know with babies always look exhausted, and the ones with school-age kids don’t fare much better. I shudder to think how much trouble teens would be. The whole parenting thing sounds like a nightmare—not that J.J. and Lee aren’t great, because they are. But with them, you and Jim already did the heavy lifting. I imagine starting from scratch would be a bitch.”
She winced.
“I’m not sure how you and Jim did it.”
“Yeah... It was rough.” Her complexion paled.
“What’s with the questions? Someone you know expecting?”
Chapter Sixteen
That night, Millie sat on her bedroom’s window seat, munching Oreos and trying to read, only her eyes didn’t see to focus through tears.
Could Cooper have made himself any more clear? He didn’t want a baby. And she just happened to be having his. Where did that leave her? What was she supposed to do?
She’d come close to confiding in Lynette and Peg, but couldn’t. If her past pregnancies were any indication, by this time next month, she’d already be showing. She could play it off as a stress-eating weight gain for a little while, but eventually, the truth was literally going to pop out.
Millie put down her book to pace, but someone knocked on her closed door.
“Come in,” she said, expecting LeeAnn or J.J.
“Hey.” Cooper popped his head through the open door. “You decent?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You never know. You being one of those quiet, good-girl types, your closet might be filled with male strippers.” The fact that he said this with a straight face made her blood boil.
“Why are you here?” Standing at my bedroom door, in my house, in my state?
“Since your light was still on, I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your potato salad.”
“My potato salad?” This whole conversation struck her as absurd. I’m pregnant with your baby! she wanted to scream. Instead, she demurely swept flyaway curls back into her ponytail. “Want the recipe?”
He furrowed his eyebrows. “What would I do with that? You know I don’t cook.”
“Just like you don’t do kids?” The statement was petty and beneath her. So why had she said it? Maybe because she wanted so desperately to tell him about their baby, but was so afraid he’d have a negative reaction that she didn’t dare.
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