by Barbara Gee
“We’re good,” Tuck said. “Why don’t you take the Gator and get Ryan settled in at the cabin. We dropped his stuff off there earlier.”
“How can I get him settled in? I didn’t even know you’d turned it into guest quarters, remember?”
“It’s one room, how hard can it be?” Tuck teased.
“Maddy?”
Libby said, hoping her friend would come to her rescue.
"See you guys in the morning,” the little traitor replied, already reaching for her husband again.
“Oh my word.” Libby spun around and grabbed Ryan’s arm. “Let’s get out of here.” Her brother would get an earful in the morning. Ryan was his responsibility, not hers, and it was rude to leave his guest hanging just because he couldn’t keep his hands off his wife.
“They couldn’t wait twenty minutes?” she muttered as they left the stable and walked out into the cool, crisp night.
Ryan’s low chuckle only made her more frustrated. “Sorry to be a bother,” he said.
She shook her head and climbed behind the wheel of the Gator. “You’re not a bother, Tuck is just being rude. But we’ll figure things out.”
“Ya think?”
When Libby looked over at him their eyes locked and she got the feeling he was talking about more than his cabin. She quickly looked away and started the Gator.
“You sure you’re qualified to drive this thing?” he asked.
Libby narrowed her eyes and stomped on the accelerator, laughing when Ryan made a grab for the roll-bar and held on tight. She took the curves in the lane a little too fast, but he was expecting it now and he just grinned, his teeth glinting white in the moonlight. When they reached the converted studio, she came to a smooth stop by the door.
“You can keep this Gator here,” she said, handing him the keys. “It’s the best way to get back and forth from the job site.”
“Thanks.”
There were three steps up onto a small porch, each step adorned with a plant in a terra cotta pot. Libby lifted the middle pot, then frowned.
“We always keep the key under this pot, but it’s not here.”
“Oh, sorry, Tuck gave me the key earlier,” Ryan said, reaching into his front pocket. He unlocked the door, then stood back to let her precede him.
“Did you look around at all when you dropped off your bag?”
“No, we just threw the stuff in and headed to the job site.”
Libby turned on the light and saw the small backpack and two shopping bags sitting in the middle of the floor. It was all he had, and she was suddenly overcome with sadness for what he had lost.
“Oh, Ryan,” she said softly.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said gruffly. “Could’ve been worse.”
Libby knew he didn’t want her pity, so she moved past the meager pile and looked around. Maddy had done an adequate job, but Libby would have done things a little differently. For one, the refrigerator should have gone on the other side of the sink, where it wouldn’t be so close to the bed, making it a tight squeeze to get to the bathroom.
She turned to face Ryan again, raising her hands palms up. “This is it. Pretty self-explanatory, I guess. Kinda bare bones but at least you’ll have some privacy.”
“It’s fine, and I’m glad to see that coffee maker,” he said. “I’ll be sure to thank Maddy for that.”
Libby opened a cupboard above the sink. “She even brought some coffee over. And some snack stuff.” Next she checked the small fridge, which was stocked with bottles of water and soda, orange juice, and a half gallon jug of milk. “You can make a list of anything else you want and I’ll make sure to get it for you. There’s no cable hookup for a TV or internet, so I can’t help with that.”
“I have an iPad in the backpack over there, and I can use my phone hotspot for internet.”
Libby went into the bathroom and made sure there were plenty of towels and other supplies.
“Towels are in the little cabinet in there,” she said when she came back out. “There’s no tub, just a shower.” Her eyes twinkled when she looked at him. “Too bad—a hot bath would have felt good on those sore muscles.”
“What sore muscles?” he asked, a smile tugging at his lips.
“You’re a stubborn man,” she declared. “Can you think of anything else you’ll need tonight?”
“No, this is great. I really appreciate everything you guys have done, but I’m curious. Why didn’t Maddy tell you she was fixing this place up for me to use?”
CHAPTER 7
Libby busied herself with folding down his bedding so she didn’t have to look at him when she answered. “For some reason they thought I’d be against you coming here, so they waited until the last minute to tell me. Which is ridiculous.”
Ryan lowered himself onto the end of the bed, stifling a groan as his stiffening legs protested. “Maybe not so ridiculous,” he said. “You didn’t seem too happy about my presence last year when I was here. Are you being nice to me now because you feel sorry for the poor homeless guy?”
“I’ve always been nice to you.” She paused, then gave him a sheepish look. “I mean, maybe I wasn’t exactly nice, but I certainly wasn’t mean.”
“You avoided me. You weren’t around enough to be nice or otherwise.”
She folded her arms and toed the rug Maddy had put on the hardwood floor. “I’m working on that,” she murmured.
“So what’s changed? Why aren’t you running in the other direction this time?”
She felt her cheeks get warm. He was headed into territory she wasn’t ready to tackle. “You said you wouldn’t push me to talk about it.”
“No, I said I wouldn’t push you to talk about what you wrote in the letter. That’s not the same as your avoidance issue.” He tilted his head and looked at her curiously. “Or is it?”
Shrugging, Libby picked up his shopping bags and put them on his bed, refusing to meet his eyes. “It’s all related, but I don’t want to have this discussion right now.”
He stood and put his hands lightly on her shoulders, turning her to face him. Libby looked up at him reluctantly, taken aback by his nearness and how far she had to tilt her head. He towered over her 5’7” frame, topping her by seven or eight inches, she would guess. His eyes were like dark chocolate, but his hair was a much lighter brown, shot through with blond streaks from the sun. It was a little longer than she remembered, and in spite of her tension she found herself wondering whether he was going to grow it out more now that he wasn’t working as a cop.
He studied her face intently, making her more nervous. “I don’t know what’s bothering you so much, but I think you should get whatever it is off your chest so we can move past it,” he said finally.
“And what if we can’t move past it?” She swallowed hard, her heart pounding. “I’m afraid talking about it will only make it worse. And we’re doing okay right now, so maybe we should just leave it at that.”
“What could be so bad, Libby? I’m going to be here for a while, and we’re going to be working on the same project. It would be nice to address the problem now and get rid of the tension so we can get on with things.”
She blew out a frustrated breath. Talking about this tonight was the last thing she’d expected to have to do, but maybe it would be best to just put it all out there now and deal with the ramifications as best she could. Plus, Maddy had inadvertently warmed her up when they’d talked about it in the office before dinner. Maybe that had been God’s way of preparing her for the inevitable.
She moved away from the man who tied her in knots and paced to the other side of the small room, leaning back against the window and gripping the sill. He stood there by the bed, watching her and waiting patiently.
Libby breathed deeply, fighting the nausea that always accompanied thoughts of that blasted parking lot and the person she had been then.
“Talk to me, Libby,” he said quietly.
Her hands clenched into fists at her sides. “
Do you really not know why I’m uncomfortable around you, Ryan?”
“No, I really don’t. Obviously I did something that pissed you off way back when. Is it still the whole thing where I picked you up kicking and screaming to take you back to the station to keep you safe from Jimmy Callahan’s men because your brother asked me to? Seriously, Libby, if that’s what this is about, then I’m going to be the one who’s pissed.”
“No, that’s not what this is about. I’m not an idiot. I stopped being mad about that as soon as I knew why you did it.”
He shoved his hands into his rear pockets, obviously frustrated. “Then what, Libby? What the heck did I do?”
“You didn’t do anything, Ryan!” she blurted out. “It was all me!” Her chest heaved and her throat was tight, aching from holding back tears. “Surely you know why I’m so ashamed I can hardly look you in the eye! We both know what I did, I shouldn’t have to say it.”
He looked genuinely confused. “Shouldn’t have to say what, Libby? What is it that I’m supposed to know?”
She ignored his questions. “Maddy said I have to get past it and she begged me to hold my head up and resist the urge to run, and that’s what I’ve been doing all evening and I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it. We had fun tonight, right? But now you’re pushing me, even though you said you wouldn’t. Why can’t we just keep on ignoring it and do like we did tonight?”
He walked slowly over to her, raising his hands to cup her face. She tried to turn her head away but he didn’t let go.
“Libby. Look at me.” His voice was soft but stern, and after a moment she complied. It was one of the hardest things she’d ever done.
His eyes were piercing. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Libby. I honestly don’t.”
She choked back a sob. “I’m talking about what I did in the parking lot, Ryan! At that stupid bar in Chandler. Old Joe’s. That’s what I’m talking about!”
He frowned and his hands slid down to her shoulders. “I never go to Old Joe’s. It’s full of stuck up wannabes.”
“Well I was there, when you had me under surveillance for Tuck. And if you were doing your job, you were there, too. Or your men were.”
He thought about it. “I know I didn’t go myself, but yeah, if you went there during that time then my guys would have followed you.”
Libby closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath, relieved beyond belief that he hadn’t actually seen what she’d done with Devon. She’d told Maddy it didn’t matter much whether he saw it with his own eyes or heard about it from his officers, but it did.
She took a step back and his hands fell away. “Okay, so maybe you weren’t there, but I’m sure your men gave you a detailed report of all my comings and goings.”
He put his hands on his hips. “Why don’t you just tell me what you’re getting at. I’m all out of guesses.”
She closed her eyes briefly, then went all in. “Darn it, Ryan, you can’t expect me to believe that your guys didn’t come back to the station and tell you—and probably everyone else in the building—how I screwed my boyfriend in the parking lot of Old Joe’s, right up against his car where anyone could have seen us! I’m sure you all got a kick out of it, I can practically hear the jeering comments. It’s all I can think about when I’m with you, and that’s why I avoid you. I hate wondering what you must think of me, how disgusted you must be.”
He was silent and she was afraid to look at him. She didn’t want to see the expression on his face. After a moment she continued. “I can swear that I’d never done anything like that before, and never will again, but why would you believe me? As far as you know, I’m the slutty girl who will do anything to keep her man, and I hate that more than I can even express. But I can’t blame you, either. I would probably think exactly the same thing in your shoes.”
Libby pushed her hair back, her hands shaking, not even bothering to wipe her tears away. “So there. Now you have it. I got it off my chest, just as you asked.” She raised her eyes to his, defiance mixed in with the tears. “Are we ready to move on yet?”
He folded his arms, his expression unreadable. He was silent, and Libby rubbed her upper arms, feeling cold and exposed and humiliated.
“I really didn’t know,” he said finally. “My guys didn’t say a word. Had you been an actual suspect we were following, then yeah, we’d have documented everything you did and it would have become a matter of record. But you weren’t a suspect, we were only following you to see whether you would draw out Jimmy’s men. We didn’t have any reason to record your actions.”
She wasn’t convinced. “So the whole station wasn’t laughing about the FBI agent’s slutty little sister?”
He shook his head slowly. “Being the sister of a well-respected Fed would actually give you some immunity to that kind of thing. Plus, you were the innocent party in our attempt to get info on Jimmy. I would have been pretty disappointed in my men if they’d run their mouths about anything you did off the record. And who knows, depending on where they were parked, they maybe didn’t even realize what was, uh, taking place.”
“I shouldn’t have opened my big mouth about it, then.” She wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her jacket. “No, scratch that. I would’ve had to at some point, because I’d always be wondering if you knew.”
He walked back across the room and slowly lowered his big frame onto the edge of the bed, his hands planted on either side of his hips. “I’m not gonna lie, Libby. I kinda wish it was just a matter of you being mad at me for stuffing you in my car.”
She nodded miserably. “Me too.”
He shoved a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what to say. I have questions, but I really don’t have any right to ask them. You don’t owe me any explanations.”
“Go ahead,” Libby said, trying to hide how devastated she was. “Ask me what you want to know now, so it doesn’t keep bugging you. This is your only chance, because after tonight I don’t want to talk about it again.”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I guess it shouldn’t be a big deal, even though you could have been arrested for it. Anything goes nowadays, it seems. I just didn’t expect you to be down with having sex in a public place.”
Libby briefly explained why she’d felt pressured to give in to Devon’s demands, namely her fear that he would move on to another girl if she didn’t.
“But a girl like you shouldn’t have any insecurities when it comes to men, Libby. Crook your finger and we come running.”
She huffed out a breath. “Obviously I haven’t been meeting the right men.”
“That’s why you shouldn’t hang out at places like Old Joe’s. It’s full of rich pretty boys who want a hot girl or two on their arm to try and prove their worth. You’re better than that.”
“Huh,” she scoffed. “Obviously not.”
“Did you keep seeing Devon after that?”
“I’m ashamed to say I would have, if Tuck hadn’t made me leave town. Later, when I thought about it, and realized that police officers had been there to see what we did, I was horrified. I was so sure you were one who saw it.”
“So that’s what the letter was referring to.”
Libby nodded. “Mystery solved.”
He reached up with one hand and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not judging you, if that’s what you’re afraid of. I’ve never had sex in a public place myself, but I’ve certainly gotten caught up in the heat of the moment and I know that logical thought sometimes goes by the wayside.”
“Only I wasn’t caught up in the heat of the moment, and neither was he. It was all about control.”
“Would you do it again?”
Libby shuddered. “Goodness no. It was only a few days later that Jimmy took Maddy and hurt her so badly. I was plucked out of my normal life to come to the ranch with her, and it ended up being the best thing for me. Once I got away from the crowd I hung out with in Chandler, I began to see that the things I’d strived for were so
pitiful and insignificant. I did get a little bored and lonely here at first. I even started going out with one of the ranch hands, but I soon realized that he wasn’t someone I could see myself with long term. I broke it off with him before it got physical, and that was that. I haven’t had any dates since.”
“Punishing yourself?”
She gave a one-shouldered shrug. “No, I don’t think so. I just don’t want to make any more mistakes.”
“We all make them,” he said quietly. “We’ve all done things we regret. Comparatively, yours wasn’t so bad.”
“Compared to what? Your mistakes?” Libby shook her head. “I’m not buying it. You’re too much like Tuck, and he doesn’t make mistakes. Not big ones, anyway.”
“You only know who I am now.”
She cocked her head. “Something you want to tell me? I would welcome a change of subject right about now.”
His lips slowly curved into a smile, and his eyes warmed. “Yeah, there is something. I want to tell you that in spite of what you think of yourself and your indiscretion, you’re a lovely, intelligent, desirable woman. The man you eventually choose will be one lucky guy.”
She looked at him intently and saw nothing in his eyes but sincerity. “Thank you for that, Ryan,” she said softly. “I’m not sure it’s true, but it’s nice to hear.”
He stood and joined her again on the other side of the room, leaning his shoulder against the wall beside her. “I mean it, Libby. You don’t need to worry about what I see when I look at you. The truth is, I see a woman I could fall for all too easily, if circumstances were different.”
Her pulse leapt. She knew she shouldn’t, but she had to ask. “What circumstances?”
“If you weren’t the little sister of one of my best friends. If I was at a point in my life where a serious relationship was an option. If I didn’t already like you too much to risk getting involved, when I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for a long-term relationship.”
“Hmm. That’s a pretty compelling list of cons. Are there any off-setting pros?”
His dark gaze dropped briefly to her lips. “Oh, there would be plenty of pros, but I don’t want anyone to get hurt. And the thing is, I’m pretty sure you and I could do some major damage to each other if we head down that road and it ends up not working out. I’m not looking for a broken heart.”