by Amy Brent
“Could you say that any louder?” I asked.
“You still haven’t told him? After working with him for the past week?”
“What do I owe him? He broke my heart, Megan.”
“That doesn’t mean you can keep his child from him,” she said. “Does he even know you have a son?”
“He does, actually. My mother thought it would be fun to bring Caleb to the fashion show a couple of days ago. Chris was there and asked me whose child it was, so I told him it was mine.”
“Holy shit. So he knows you’re a mother.”
“He does.”
“And you didn’t tell him the child was his.”
“Not in front of my whole family,” I said.
“Okay. Point taken. But I get the feeling you don’t have any plans to tell him anyway,” she said.
“Even if I did, how am I going to do that now? He knows I have a son and it doesn’t seem to faze him or anything. But how do I start that conversation?”
“How about, ‘Hi, Chris. This is Caleb. He is your son.’ That would be a start,” she said.
“Thanks. Very classy.”
“This isn’t a classy conversation, Jessi. The man is a father and like it or not, he deserves to know that.”
“Why? Because he didn’t want to pull out and we weren’t wearing a condom a year and a half ago? Getting me pregnant doesn’t mean he’ll be a good father, Megan.”
“And you getting pregnant didn’t mean you were going to be a good mom. But you made the choice. You were given the option and you decided to take it on. And you’ve become a fabulous mother.”
“What if he doesn’t make that decision, hm? What if I tell him, and he doesn’t want to stay? Or worse, he gets angry and takes me to court for custody. Are you telling me you want me to embroil my son in an ugly custody battle with a guy who dropped off the planet three weeks after promising me the world?”
“See, you’re coming at this from a very emotional perspective.”
“Because it is emotional, Megan.”
I drew in a deep breath as the waitress approached. Caleb was still fast asleep against me and people were starting to stare. The last thing I needed was someone leaking some shit on their social media page. We ordered our food and the waitress left, then I panned my gaze over to Megan’s stoic face.
“You have to tell him,” she said.
“I might. But that’s all I can give you,” I said. “I know I’m coming from a place of emotion, but that’s because I was in love with him, Megan.”
“You never told me that before.”
“I didn’t tell anyone. Not even him. I knew it was nothing but a friend with benefits kind of thing to him.”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this? Fuck, Jessi. I’m your best friend and I feel like I’m learning about you for the first time.”
“You are my best friend. I tell you everything. But Chris—he was a whole other world to me at the time. I was caught up in so many things, trying to hide it from my brother and sneak around behind his back. Keeping myself available in case he called and masking his number in my phone. It was crazy.”
“I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you,” she said.
“I gave that man my virginity,” I said, with a whisper. “I gave him everything I had, hoping he’d tell me one day he didn’t want to sneak around anymore. I trusted him when he told me he wanted to be with me. To give me the moon and the stars and everything in between.”
“He said that to you?” she asked.
“He said, ‘Someday I’ll be able to give you what you want, and I hope you’ll be here to take it.’ Then he—he left, Megan. He just—disappeared.”
I swallowed hard as the waitress set our drinks down in front of us.
“And because our relationship had to be a secret from my family, so did my grief.”
“Now you’re telling me that I have to look that same man in the eye and tell him he’s Caleb’s father, then hope to hell he doesn’t try to take my son from me. After all I believed about him and after all I gave to him?”
“I’m so sorry, Jessi,” she said. “I had no idea.”
“No one did. And I kept it that way for a reason. Reliving it when I closed my eyes was enough, and reliving it as my stomach grew with life was too much. But I survived. I survived and I thrived, and it was because of my strength. Not because of anything he ever did. That man changed his number, Megan. His own family didn’t even know where he had gone. And I’m supposed to trust that he won’t try to take my son from me?”
“He wouldn’t do that to you,” she said.
“Just like he wouldn’t leave me?” I asked. “All I can tell you is that I might tell him. But that’s all I’ve got. If I tell him and he tries to take my son from me, I’m not sure I would survive. Not sure at all.”
“I would never let that man lay a finger on my godson,” she said.
“Then trust that I know what I’m doing.”
“Just know there’s another side to this coin.”
“What?” I asked.
“You’re scared he’ll take your son and run from you like he ran from you before. But there’s just as much of a chance that he could stay. That he could want to be a father and help you in raising Caleb. Don’t lose sight of that side, either. Good or bad, every little boy wants his father.”
Lunch was pretty quiet after that. The conversation was topical, but it wasn’t like it was uncomfortable. I knew where Megan was coming from and she knew where I was coming from now, and I felt she understood my side a little better. I didn’t really know what I was doing with Chris anymore. Sometimes, I wanted to hurt him. I woke up thinking about ways I could inflict the most pain. Then other times I woke up and I could swear his arms were wrapped around me. And for that brief moment, before I turned over and saw that my bed was empty, I would be happy.
Happy with the man I was intentionally trying to hurt.
I was confused. I paid for lunch despite Megan’s protests, but really it was to get me out of there quicker. I was confused about what to do, and confused about how I was feeling towards Chris. I held Caleb close to my body as I made my way back towards my apartment, thankful for the sunglasses on my face. People were taking more photographs, and with the glasses, my tears would be concealed from them.
My tears of sadness and anger and confusion.
I ran into someone’s shoulder and quickly apologized. I needed to keep my attention on where I was going. But a pressure on my wrist stopped me in my tracks and I lifted my eyes to see who was grabbing me.
“Oh. Hey, Justin. What’s up?” I asked.
“Thought that was you, sis. You okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine. Caleb and I went to get some lunch with Megan,” I said.
“Ah, so someone beat me to it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was gonna see if you two wanted to grab lunch with me.”
“Sorry. Yeah, Megan called like—an hour ago.”
“That’s fine. How’s she doing?” he asked.
I watched as Justin peeked into the baby carrier strapped to my body. He reached his finger out and rubbed Caleb’s cheek. Caleb stretched and yawned, then reached out his little hand and grabbed his uncle’s finger.
Justin’s eyes lit up at the motion before he bent down and pressed a kiss to Caleb’s head.
“Could I come by later and spend some time with the little guy?” he asked.
“You know you’re always welcome, no matter what time,” I said.
“Good. I’m gonna grab a quick bite to eat then I’ve got some stuff to do. But I’ll see you two later?”
“Sounds good to me. We’ll be waiting. Though I can’t guarantee I’ll have a bra on.”
“Don’t worry. Contrary to your fans, I know you don’t look like that all the time.”
“Dick.”
“Jerk,” he said with a grin.
“Love you,” I said.
&nb
sp; “Love you, too.”
I walked Caleb back to the apartment, his body still asleep against mine. I pulled him from the carrier and laid him down in his crib before slipping into my room. I pulled the outfit together with a little bit of jewelry and a fluff of my hair, then I took a few pictures in the full-length mirror I had behind my door. The deal was for me to post a good picture of these outfits on my social media, not get other people to post for me. I took pictures in a few different positions, then after editing them up a bit, posted them and made sure to tag the designer.
Two outfits down, two to go.
My phone rang as Caleb started grunting in his crib. Of course my manager would be calling the second my son woke up. I went into Caleb’s room and started rubbing his stomach, trying to calm him down as Pierre rattled away in my ear.
“I hear the little man in the background, so I’ll make it quick. There’s a last-minute shoot tomorrow morning and I was able to snag it for you.”
“What’s the shoot for?” I asked.
“A couple of companies are having a hard time marketing their leggings to the curvier girls of the world. They’ve got some new products rolling out and they want a face for their curvy line. Not only did I score you double the price since it was a last-minute gig, I paved the way for you to be the face of their line.”
“Are their clothes decent?” I asked. “I don’t want to represent a company that’s scamming their customers.”
“I checked it out myself and they seem legit. I haven’t put my hands on their products, but that’s why I left it open-ended. You’ve got the shoot, and if you like the product there’s room for negotiations on advertisements with your face on it and commercials with your name on them.”
“Holy sh—crap. Commercials?” I asked.
“This could be big, Jessi. I’ll send you the details. You have to be there by five in the morning, sharp.”
“I’ll arrange it with my nanny. You’re a miracle-worker, Pierre. I don’t pay you enough.”
“We’ll talk about that when you start raking in the dough,” he said. “Expect a text message—now.”
My phone lit up in my hand as I snickered and shook my head.
“Get some beauty rest. See you in the morning!”
Chapter 14
Christopher
Even though Jessi told me her son was nine months old, there was no way to be sure she was telling the truth. Her answers were vague at best, but the resemblance between me and that baby was undeniable. His eyes were exactly the color of mine and his hair color was the combination of mine and hers. His smile was broad like mine and his chin even had the same small little dimple mine did whenever he smiled.
But I had no proof other than that.
I had nothing other than how much I looked like Caleb.
“Come on, girls. Turns aren’t this hard,” I said.
“Maybe if you gave us a break, we could get it down.”
“And maybe if you ate before you came to work, you’d have the energy to withstand the requirements of the job. Do the turn right, then you can sit down,” I said.
Another job, another room full of snippy women. I had to work with them for an entire week before yet another show, and I had my hopes high that Jessi was working on this one as well. The designer was notorious for using plus-sized models in her shows, but not this one.
I was disappointed as fuck when I entered the room and didn’t see Jessi.
What it boiled down to was that I just missed working with her. I missed her grace and her fluidity. She had outshone everyone on that damn stage the night of the show. But that was like her, to walk into a room and command attention. She’d always been that way. Even back during her timid days when she was still trying to find herself. She was captivating. Her smile lit up a room and her curves filled out everything she wore very nicely. Her voice was filled with a notorious boom that ricocheted across a room even if she was whispering.
Everything about her was loud and proud, and I adored it.
It was what drew me to her in the first place.
“Ow! Shit!”
I ran up onto the stage and rushed for the model on the floor. She was holding her ankle in her tiny, delicate little hand. I could see just about every bone in her body, and as I picked her up off the floor my hands fell into the divots of her rib cage.
That was why she couldn’t get the choreography.
She was starving herself for this job.
“You’re going to take a break,” I said.
“Finally,” the woman said.
“Not finally. You’re going to take a break and I’m going to see you in the designer’s office. Does she know you’re struggling?”
I saw tears glisten in the woman’s eyes as she stood to her feet.
“Please don’t tell her. I need this job badly. I haven’t worked in almost two months and this was a massive break for me.”
“This is simple choreography,” I said, “and you can’t get it because you aren’t strong enough. The last thing we need is you hurting yourself on this job. It puts us out a model, it hampers your career, and it puts a bad taste in everyone’s mouth. I know you guys are scrutinized for your weight. I get it. But you’re sick. You’re not healthy enough to do this show.”
“Please,” the woman said as tears ran down her cheeks. “I have nothing else.”
“You’re more than your body,” I said. “I’m sure you have talents. Get yourself better, and come back with confidence. There are many emerging designers that choose confident women over thin women.”
“I don’t see them anywhere,” she said, breathlessly.
“I worked with one just last week. If you don’t see them anywhere, then your first step is to work with another company. But I can’t let you go on like this. Especially now that I know how sick you are.”
“I’m not sick.”
“And if you believe that for now, that’s your choice. But I’ve made mine. Get your heels off, get yourself dressed, and meet me in the designer’s office,” I said.
I hated this part of my job, but it happened more than people let on. Models would fall into unhealthy patterns to keep their weight down, then they weren’t strong enough to do the runway shows. It was why I was so happy the plus-size world was emerging into the marketplace. It was why I loved the fact that designers were using bigger women to showcase their clothes.
Because I had to deal with less emotional fallout that way.
The conversation was hard and the woman was angry. And rightfully so. She left the building in tears, but there was nothing I could do. The designer was talking at me but my ears were only half-tuned to her voice. The rest of my mind was wandering back to Jessi.
Back to her healthy curves, her bright eyes and her gleaming smile.
I had no idea how I was going to get her to admit that Caleb was mine. I knew in my gut he was, but I didn’t want to push the subject right now. I had her back and I didn’t want to ruin it again. Even if I had to take it slowly and even if all we did was hook up for now. But she was more than that to me. She always had been. I was an idiot the first time around to think I could keep her in the shadows, and that she was simply a good lay I could count on, who happened to be my best friend’s sister.
She had obviously been struggling with telling me she had a kid in the first place. It wasn’t until I actually saw her holding Caleb that she was even willing to admit it. And if we hadn’t been in front of her family, I wasn’t so sure she wouldn’t have tried to pawn him off on someone else. It was something she was probably insecure about, especially being a model.
But her body. There was nothing about her body that boasted of her having a child.
Sure, her curves were a little bigger, her thighs more supple than before. But there were no stretch marks, loose skin or leaking from her nipples. There was nothing on her body that revealed she had a child, and I sighed as I closed my eyes. The designer was long gone. Probably off to find a replaceme
nt model when she found out I wasn’t listening to her.
Or maybe she thought I had been listening and was clueless to anything else.
I sat against the desk in the room and took deep breaths. My mind had wandered to the details of Jessi’s body, pulling me into the warmth of her presence. I felt my cock stiffening against my sweatpants as I cleared my throat. The last thing I needed was to go into a room with a bunch of women with my cock at half-mast.
I wanted to see her again.
I needed to see her again.
“Hello, Chris,” Jessi said.
“Hey there,” I said, into my cell phone. “What are you doing, beautiful?”
“Just getting out of a photo shoot. You?”
“Another one already? I guess the world doesn’t stop for Miss Jessi Park.”
“That it does not,” she said.
“I was wondering what you were up to this evening. Maybe we could get some dinner.”
“Can’t. I already have plans,” she said.
“Do you actually have plans or is that an excuse to not see me?”
“If I didn’t want to see you, I’d let you know. I promise.”
“I don’t doubt that for a second. What about tomorrow night, then?”
“Dinner?” she asked.
“Is there anything else you have on your mind?”
“No, but there’s usually something else on your mind.”
“I can hear your grin, sweet girl.”
Her giggle caused the hairs on the back of my neck to rise. Such an angelic sound.
“I’ll call you tomorrow with the details.”
“Always in control,” Jessi said.
“Would you have it any other way?”
“Is there any other way?” she asked.
I caught a trace of sadness in her voice, but I couldn’t figure out where it would have been coming from. It stopped me in my tracks as I furrowed my brow and I paid attention to her breathing. It was erratic. Like she was trying to control her emotions for some reason.
“Jessi?” I asked.
“Let me know where and when to meet you and I’ll be there,” she said.
She hung up the phone abruptly and it left me with more questions than answers. What had riled her up so badly about the conversation? It was playful, like it had always been between the two of us. Had I said something to upset her? Maybe she didn’t really want to go out?