by Amy Brent
I only hoped she wasn’t playing him.
“How old is he?” Roxy asked.
“He’ll be nine months pretty soon,” Justin said.
“Is he eating all right? Sleeping well?” Roxy asked.
“People don’t usually ask me those kinds of questions. Do you have kids?” Jessi asked.
“I have a couple of very young nieces, so I’m sort of familiar with all that goes on in an infant’s world. Is momma getting enough rest?” Roxy asked.
“I’m trying,” Jessi said. “The late night feedings are hard sometimes. Or if he gets sick. He’s very clingy to me when he gets sick.”
“How do you like being a dad, Chris?”
Jessi’s eyes widened in panic as everyone’s eyes whipped over to me. That was it. That was all the admission I needed. I watched Justin’s brow furrow as I let out a nervous chuckle, my eyes falling onto Jessi. She was holding Caleb closer to her. Like she was trying to protect him from the barrage of anger that was about to come her way.
But I wasn’t going to let that happen.
This was not the place nor the time to discuss the blatant the truth.
“Uh, they’ve never even dated,” Justin said. “Right?”
“Nope. We’ve never dated. Jessi doesn’t know who the father is, but she’s got a wide network around her helping her with Caleb. And if she ever needs help, all she has to do is reach out and ask.”
My eyes fell back to Jessi and I watched as they glimmered in the lighting of Justin’s kitchen. I wasn’t sure if she heard me, or if she knew I was talking to her. But I was serious.
If she ever needed help, all she had to do was ask.
“I’m so sorry,” Roxy said. “This is why people should never make assumptions. I should know that from my job.”
“What do you do for work?” Jessi asked.
She peeled her eyes away from me and I felt like I could breathe for the first time in years.
“I’m a paralegal at a law firm downtown,” Roxy said.
“And here I thought being a model made me awesome,” Jessi said.
“I’d kill to have the body to be a model. It’s an honor to meet you, by the way. Some of the outfits you wear are stunning,” Roxy said.
The air was tense for the rest of the night and Justin kept his gaze locked onto me. Every once in a while, I caught him staring at Caleb. Analyzing him before looking over at me. I tried to play Roxy’s comment off as much as possible, but the seed was already planted.
And I knew once Justin wanted to know something, he would stop at nothing for the answer.
The moment Caleb started yawning, Jessi took it as an invitation to leave. She hugged Roxy’s neck, clearly impressed with the woman her brother had snagged. I didn’t go in for a hug, but simply watched her as she left. The last thing I needed was to give Justin any more ammunition to fire my way. Caleb’s small cry started echoing down the hallway as Jessi shut the door behind her, and my gut ached to follow them.
To quell the crying of a child I knew deep down was mine.
“So, Chris. What do you do for work?” Roxy asked.
I turned my attention to the redhead as Justin’s eyes locked onto me.
“He’s a choreographer for runway shows,” Justin said, flatly.
“I’m a choreographer for a lot of things, but runway shows are the bulk of my portfolio.”
“Oh, that’s so awesome. Have you ever worked with Justin’s sister before?” she asked.
My eyes flickered over to Justin and I could see his eyes growing angrier by the second. Why the hell wouldn’t this woman shut up about me and Jessi?
“Last week actually, for a show we did yes,” I said.
And as Roxy rattled on about her perceived notions about the modeling world, I tried to keep my mind calm. Jessi was probably panicking and Justin was probably seething and there was no way to quell any of the tension being thrown my way.
The only thing I could do was keep the conversation focused on the girlfriend.
So that was what I did.
Chapter 17
Jessi
I woke up with a start as my nipples pressed against my pajamas. I felt the heat pooling between my legs as Chris’s voice echoed off the corners of my mind. This was getting out of hand. I was dreaming about him in such vivid technicolor that it sent my heart racing. My hands were shaking and the memories of my dream were there. My clit was pulsing rapidly and I took deep breaths to try and get the heat to recede.
But it wouldn’t.
Looking over at the clock, I saw it was only two thirty in the morning. Shit. I still had a few more hours I could sleep. I closed my eyes and tried to reclaim the lost time. I tried to settle my body enough to roll over and slip back into a deep slumber.
But when I closed my eyes, he was there.
I rolled over and curled up underneath the covers as my mind ran away from me. My toes were curling as I saw Chris’s face between my legs. I could feel the phantom strokes of his tongue against my pussy. I could remember the way his hands gripped onto my hips. My breathing began to shallow out as my pussy dripped with want. Soaking the pajama bottoms I had on and threatening to drench the mattress below me.
I had to get back to sleep.
If I didn’t, I was going to be exhausted in the morning.
I reached out to my nightstand and opened up the drawer. I took out my favorite toy, a miniature wand that vibrated at incredible speeds, and I switched it on. I pulled my pajama pants down and spread my legs, my eyes closed and my fingers parting my juicy pussy.
Then, his body was on top of mine.
His cock was filling me to the brim as my legs began to shake. I rolled my hips up into my toy as my mind fluttered back to his body. His etched muscles and his throbbing veins. His massive cock between my lips. Fuck. I wanted to suck on that thing until he shivered in my mouth. I wanted to taste his cum on the tip of my tongue like I had so many times before. I wanted to press him against the wall and watch him shake. I wanted to hear him beg for more as I swallowed him to the back of my throat.
My hips bucked off the bed as I chanted his name quietly in my bedroom.
I felt his hand in my hair, pulling my head back as he bent me over his balcony. My tits were flailing in the wind as his cock stuffed me full, fucking me as we watched the sun set over the water. My ass was jiggling for him and his hand was wound tightly in my thick tresses. I was up on my tiptoes, trying to keep some semblance of control.
Then, he took it from me.
I was against the wall, my legs folded up to my ears as my knees hooked over his arms. I was spread open for him as my juices dripped down onto the floor of his room. His cock slammed into me, his balls smacking my ass while I grabbed at his arms. His hair. His shirt. Anything to get leverage as he rendered me motionless.
Suddenly, I was seeing him everywhere. My shower. On the carpet. Laying on the floor while I sucked his cock. In the woods surrounded by beautiful flowers, and contorted in an airplane restroom as his hand clamped down onto my mouth. Keeping me silent and grinning at me as he called me sweet girl.
Sweet girl.
“Yes, Chris. I’m your sweet girl. Let me be your sweet girl.”
My toes curled and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. My hips reared off the bed, spasms like waves of electricity shocked my body into silence. My jaw unhinged and I could feel his lips against my cheek. My neck. My chest.
I could see him looking up at me from my tits with my nipple between his teeth.
Plummeting to my mattress, I turned my toy off and tossed it into the corner, heaving as the room spun before my very eyes. Silver stars were streaking my vision as tears blurred the darkened outlines of the decorations on my walls.
This wasn’t good.
None of this was good.
I was dreaming about him. So much so that it was waking me up. It was like I was back in the beginning. Back to pining over him like I did in high school. Through college. During summers when he an
d Justin did nothing but hang out at the house and shoot the shit. I was masturbating to him. Begging him for things I craved all those years ago with him.
I couldn’t slip back down that hole.
It almost ate me alive the first time.
I rolled over and looked at the clock. Five ‘til three. I felt my eyes closing as sleep overtook my body, the darkness reaching out for me. My body settled down and the heat was finally gone. The aching between my legs had subsided and a smile crossed my face.
Finally, I could get some decent sleep.
But my subconscious betrayed me and my mind switched gears. I watched my dream unfold as I looked down into my arms. Caleb was there. He was smiling up at me with his bright blue eyes. He was giggling and cooing, blowing spit bubbles and sucking on his thumb. I sat back in a chair that magically appeared behind me, then I felt a pair of hands descend onto my knees.
Massaging them.
Squeezing them.
Warming and comforting them.
“Want me to take him?”
I looked up and saw Chris standing in front of me, his smile broad and his dimple prominent. The same smile Caleb had. The same dimple Caleb had.
The same eyes our son had.
I jolted awake again and looked over at the clock. Just before six in the morning. I sighed and flopped back down into bed, cursing myself as tears filled my eyes.
Then, I heard Caleb. He was grunting around in his bed and looking for breakfast.
This was getting out of control, and I had to put a stop to it. I had to either execute my plan or shut him out of my life altogether.
Either way, he couldn’t stay.
I couldn’t keep living my life masturbating to the idea of a man that didn’t exist.
Rolling out of bed, I went to pick up my toy in the corner. I tossed it into my bathroom sink, telling myself I’d clean it off later. I splashed some water in my face to wake myself up, listening as my sweet boy’s cries began to grow. I forgot anything else as I rushed to his room, stumbling as I crashed into his door.
I was so fucking tired.
“Come here sweet boy. I’m right here, honey. Oh, did mommy’s boy wet himself too much last night? Come here, I can fix that.”
I picked Caleb up from his crib and took him over to his changing table. I undressed him and wiped him down, then grabbed some clean clothes and a clean diaper. I took him into his bathroom and set him down in a little bath time cradle, then ran some warm water over his skin. His crying subsided as I washed him down, then I watched as his eyes lit up.
His eyes that looked exactly like his father’s.
I turned off the water as tears sprang to my eyes. I picked my boy up and wrapped him in a towel, making sure he wouldn’t mess himself in the process. I put him to my shoulder and gathered his things, then made my way to the kitchen. Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I tossed his stuff onto the couch, prioritizing his need to eat over his need to be clothed.
It was happening again.
I couldn’t look at my son without a profound sadness overcoming me.
This was what that man had done to me. He had taken the joy out of my own motherhood. He’d come back into my life on the coattails of my success and fucked me over again. I cradled my son in my arms and fed him his bottle, trying to keep my eyes off of him. I didn’t want my son seeing me crying. I didn’t want his infanthood to be filled with nothing but tears from his mother.
He experienced enough of that during his first two months of life. I couldn’t allow it to happen again.
I walked him around the house as his little hands gripped tightly to my fingers. I sniffed and swallowed, trying to choke down my emotions. I couldn’t look at him. Every damn day, he looked more and more like Chris. More and more like the man I’d once loved before I had been abandoned.
Why was this happening to me? Who the hell had I pissed off so much that the world was hell-bent on ruining my life?
I sat on the couch with my son and wiped my eyes across my arm. I put on a smile and looked down at my precious baby boy, his eyes wide with happiness and twinkling with a future that still had yet to be decided. I put my nose to his and nuzzled him, watching him smile around the nipple of his bottle.
“I love you so much, you know that?” I asked.
Closing my eyes, I placed a kiss to his forehead. I allowed my lips to linger, taking in his baby soft skin and the warmth of his body. I cradled him close to me as he continued to eat. Guzzling like the growing boy he was as he tried to steady his bottle in the air by himself.
But I couldn’t detach my lips from his skin. Because even his skin felt like Chris’s.
The tears started to flow again as I held my son in our apartment. Alone on a couch, with no family in sight.
Chapter 18
Christopher
I stumbled out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. Work had been brutal the night before. Between having to find a model to replace the one that had been so sick, running late to get the show started, and the designer wanting all of us to stick around until the entire audience had left, I was exhausted. Even though I’d slept until almost eleven in the fucking morning, I still felt like shit. And the thing was, my entire night was filled with thoughts of Jessi. Thoughts of her smile and her body. Thoughts of how she caved to me and how wonderful she’d looked in that evening gown on our last date. I wanted to see her again. I knew being in her presence would help with the pounding exhaustion in my head.
And I wanted to see Caleb again, if she would let me.
I cleaned myself up with a shower and a shave. I was anxious to call Jessi and see if she had anything going on today. Having her on my mind all damn night made me miss her. It made me miss being around her and the banter we seemed to share. That connection was still there, like it had never left in the first place. I wanted to bask in it and drink it in. I wanted to spend time with her that didn’t automatically devolve into sex.
Grabbing my phone, I dialed her number as I sat on the edge of my bed. My hand was curled into the comforter as my mind hoped and prayed she’d pick up. The sun was shining bright today and I didn’t want to waste the potential. I wanted to see if she would let me come over, or at least let me take her out.
“Hello?” Jessi asked.
“Afternoon, sunshine,” I said, with a grin. “How’s your day going so far?”
“Oh, you know. Same old, same old,” she said.
“Do you have any plans for the day?” I asked.
“Why do I feel like I’m about to have some?”
“Because you will if you’re free.”
“What are these plans?” she asked.
“I figured I could take you out. Go get some lunch or take a walk around the park. If you’re not a sunshine fan, you could even come here. We could sit on the porch and watch beginner surfers nosedive into the ocean. It really is a sight to see.”
“While it sounds fun, I can’t,” she said.
“Why not?”
“I don’t have anyone to watch Caleb. My nanny’s day off is Sunday.”
“Then bring him along.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“I can’t just bring him to your place while we sit on your balcony. He’ll get sunburned.”
“Then we’ll sit inside. Or we’ll go get food. He eats, right?”
“Yes, my kid eats,” she said.
“Then it’s settled. Food then a walk in the park.”
“Who said anything about a walk in the park?”
“I did. Now do you want to meet me somewhere, or do you want me to pick you and Caleb up?”
“Taking him anywhere is like moving my entire apartment. I’ll meet you somewhere,” she said.
“There’s a place by the park downtown that has great sandwiches and soups. I’m sure they’ll have something Caleb can eat, too. Meet you there in thirty?”
“Make it an hour. I haven’t cleaned up today.”<
br />
“Why not? It’s almost noon.”
“The work of a single mother never stops,” she said.
“An hour it is. I’ll see you two soon.”
I kept watching the clock as the minutes counted down. This would be a first for me. Taking a single mother out somewhere with her kid. I drove to the restaurant early and secured us a table with a high chair, but I was unsure of what Caleb would really need. All of this was so new to me, and it might all be unnecessary. For all I knew, Caleb was someone else’s son.
But there was something in my gut that told me differently.
“Well look who the cat dragged in,” Jessi said.
I smiled and stood as she carried Caleb in a car seat basket-looking thing.
“Need help?” I asked.
“Nope. I’ve got it. Thanks, though,” she said.
“You look nice.”
“Like the mom clothes? This is as good as it gets on Sundays,” she said.
“Well you still look nice.”
Her eyes flew up to mine and a small smile graced her cheeks. I watched her pick up Caleb from his car seat before she put him in the high chair. Our waiter was at our sides in the blink of an eye, taking our orders and cooing at Caleb. I got a chance to see Jessi in this mode. This motherly mode she’d been inhabiting for so many months now. The way she looked at Caleb with that sparkle in her eye was much the same way she used to look at me.
I missed her looking at me like that.
“How did you sleep last night?” I asked.
I watched Jessi tense before she gave me a wry giggle.
“It could’ve been better,” she said.
“Something happen with Caleb?”
“Why would you think that?” she asked.
“You made a comment at Justin’s about late night feedings and things. Figured it might’ve been one of those.”
“Nope. Personal problem,” she said.
“Well, I’m sorry you didn’t sleep well. I slept okay, but I still don’t feel rested. The designer for this latest show held us all up until well past midnight last night.”
“Ah, one of those designers. I hate them. I don’t know why everyone has to stick around after it’s all said and done. As if it is taboo for the models to leave before the audience does. It’s not a Broadway performance. We don’t have to greet them on their way out the door.”