The Mattress: The Glasgow Chronicles 4

by Todd, Ian

  “Look, Tony…if you’re saying that you’re not guilty of committing a crime, I’ll listen to your alibi or your side of the story. It’s on that basis that I’ll defend you. If you inform me that you’re guilty of something, then I would need to reconsider whether it’s right and proper for me to represent you, although I could always recommend a colleague in my place.”

  “Bit it wis a square-go, so it wis, Graham. He wis the wan that challenged me. There’s nae way he’s gonnae come and charge me wae assault, even though Bumper saw whit happened. The Stalker’s a right basturt, bit Ah’d be surprised if he went back oan his word oan this occasion. And anyway, there wis five ae us, and only two ae them,” Tony hid said, laughing.

  “So, why are you telling me all this?”

  “Because it’s clear that we’re always gonnae be targeted and harassed by that pair ae dumplings, even mair than whit we ur the noo. The situation wae Silent is a classic example. Is there anything we kin dae aboot it? Where dae we staun fae a legal point ae view? That’s whit Ah want tae know.”

  “As a citizen, you and anyone else in the community are entitled to go about your lawful business. It’s the law of the land. If you’re telling me that you or your friends are being unlawfully harassed by the police, or whoever, then I could represent you by applying to the court for an injunction or a restraining order, ensuring, if granted, that the police cannot come within a certain distance of you without legitimate due cause.”

  “See, ye’ve jist talked yersel intae another case. Go fur it,” Tony hid said, and himsel and Snappy hid sauntered back up tae Springburn, feeling like The Untouchables.

  Efter that, they’d aw used his services tae keep the polis at bay. None ae The Mankys wid utter a word if they goat lifted until Graham Portoy arrived oan the scene at the cop-shop. Everywan chipped in fur the costs if Portoy’s services wur needed o’er and above Legal Aid entitlements.

  Meanwhile, a couple ae days earlier, Johnboy and Joe hid awready arranged tae heid intae the toon centre that night. Joe hid been due up in the Sheriff Court, accused ae splattering battery acid across every panel ae Glenda Metcalf’s brand new Mercedes sports car, in the lane behind Lanarkshire Hoose, jist aff Ingram Street. She wis a notorious prosecuting fiscal, who The Mankys hid been hivving run-ins wae since they wur snappers. She’d accused Joe ae being worse than an animal, despite being found not guilty ae assaulting some guy he’d come across beating up his girlfriend ootside a chip shoap, doon in Dundas Street, across fae the bus station. Snappy hid been wae him at the time. The guy hid ended up in the hospital wae a broken nose and hauf his rib cage caved in efter they’d booted fuck oot ae him in front ae his girlfriend who, despite being battered and bloodied, hid been trying tae save lover-boy by attacking Joe and Snappy. When Joe hid turned up at court, Graham Portoy hid informed him that the charges against him fur the acid attack wur gonnae be drapped so his appearance wis only a formality. Seemingly she’d been raging at the injustice ae losing two cases. Glenda Metcalf wis a stuck-up pain in the arse, who wis furever in the papers, shouting fae the rooftaps aboot how she’d been born in Blackhill and hid gone oan tae become successful, despite her lowly background.

  Johnboy and Joe hid arranged tae meet in the Horseshoe Bar in Drury lane before taking it fae there. Nothing hid been planned, bit when they’d heard that a new dancing hid opened up in Buchanan Street called ‘The Wan, Two, Three,’ they’d decided tae check it oot. Oan the way up tae the jigging, they’d heided up Renfield Street as it wis guaranteed tae be busier than heiding the quicker route. Baith sides ae the pavements wur mobbed wae lassies laughing, shouting and screaming and wae guys shouting back, asking them where they wur heiding aff tae. Wae aw the mix ae buses and cars hooting their horns at daft basturts jumping oot in front ae them, there wis always a right party atmosphere. Johnboy loved being in the toon centre at night. They’d decided tae heid up tae The Lunar Seven fur a pint before hitting The Wan, Two, Three. Jist as they wur heiding alang Bath Street, oan the Wan Four Lounge side ae the street, they’d clocked the Garngad uglies and two big doorman, aw kicking fuck oot ae hauf a dozen boys jist ootside the door ae The Lunar Seven, tae the sounds ae The Who’s ‘Magic Bus’ being belted oot fae the speakers inside. Oan the opposite corner, in front ae The Five Ways pub, in full view ae the assault taking place, a big strapping sergeant, wae a PC Shiny Buttons in tow, wis trying tae chat up a group ae young giggly lassies, who’d looked tae Johnboy tae hiv been allowed oot and intae the toon centre fur the first time by their mas and das withoot an escort. Johnboy hid heard that the uglies did some work every noo and again fur The Big Man, like turning up and causing fights or wrecking places in the toon centre, where pub and club owners didnae use The Big Man’s bouncers oan the doors. There wis clearly a right party atmosphere gaun oan and they’d decided tae gie The Lunar Seven a miss and tae heid doon intae Buchanan Street. The queue tae get in the dancing hid snaked aw the way back up tae where Cathedral Street, Bath Street, Buchanan Street and Dundas Place joined each other. This area hid been Johnboy’s playground when he wis a snapper though it seemed smaller than he’d remembered it as a wean. Efter managing tae avoid speaking tae the uglies, they’d bumped in tae Wan-bob Broon and wan ae they giant gorillas him and The Big Man tended tae attract, who Johnboy hid vaguely recognised.

  “How’re ye daeing, boys?” Wan-bob hid asked, which in Wan-bob Broon speak meant ‘whit the fuck ur youse up tae?’

  “Ach, jist checking oot the jigging…looking at the fanny,” Joe hid replied, nodding across tae the three big brick-shitehooses, staunin oan the doors, deciding who wis getting in and who wisnae.

  “Ach well, enjoy yersels,” Wan-bob hid said pleasantly, eye-balling Joe, which again, in gorilla speak, meant ‘stay the fuck oot ae trouble or ye’ll hiv me tae deal wae.’

  Efter being nodded past the front ae the queue withoot being frisked or asked tae pay at the door, tae the sound ae ‘Spirit In The Sky’ being blasted doon the stairs, they’d followed a group ae hot-pants-clad lassies up the narrow stairs. It hidnae exactly been Creedence, bit then again, it wis a dance joint, so they hidnae been that bothered. The place hid been hoaching wae lovely-looking talent, everywhere they turned.

  “Thank fuck they’ve goat strobe lights in here or Ah’d end up getting masel arrested fur a breach ae the peace,” Joe hid shouted in Johnboy’s lug efter they’d grabbed a pint ae Tennents each and stood up at the back, hivving a good swatch ae who wis coming and gaun.

  “Breach ae the peace…fur whit?”

  “Fur whit Ah’m thinking aboot wae aw the talent oan the go. Christ, check that oot,” Joe hid said, taking a sip ae his beer and nodding at a pair ae tits and an arse, encased in a tight pair ae hot pants, floating by them.

  The place hid been packed and Johnboy hid recognised some guys fae various parts ae the city, that he’d known in the jail. The Mankys always took five or ten minutes tae check oot whit wis happening, who wis aboot, who they knew...that kind ae thing...when entering a dance ae any kind in Glesga…especially a place they hidnae been in before. Taking that wee bit ae precaution could make the difference between wan ae them walking hame unscathed or heiding tae the mortuary doon beside the High Court, full ae stab wounds. It wis an instinctive thing and probably hauf the guys in Glesga took the same steps if they wanted tae live till they goat auld.

  “Hellorerr, ya pair ae fannies, ye,” a well-known voice hid shouted across tae them.

  “Ah might’ve fucking known,” Joe hid groaned as Tottie, Patsy and Freckles, fresh fae the fight up the road, swaggered across, getting wee nervous looks fae some ae the guys staunin oan either side ae Johnboy and Joe.

  “Whit ur youse up tae then?” Patsy hid asked, feeling a lassie’s arse as she walked by wae her big strapping boyfriend.

  “Trying tae avoid knobs like youse,” Joe hid answered.

  “Haw, haw. See you, Joe, ye jist crack me up, so ye dae,” Patsy hid shouted oot, laughing and gieing Joe a playful slap oan that heid ae
his.

  “So, how many people’s happiness hiv ye spoiled the night then, Patsy?” Johnboy remembered asking him, pleased tae see them, as Tony, Joe and Johnboy didnae hiv much contact wae them other than when they came across each other in the jail.

  “See, whit did Ah tell youse? Ever since they’ve moved their manky arses up tae Springburn, they’ve goat even funnier,” Patsy hid dribbled tae Tottie and Freckles, before asking a guy who wis built like ae a wrestler, who happened tae be walking past wae his mate, who the fuck he wis looking at.

  “See whit we hiv tae put up wae? Ye widnae hiv a wee vacancy in that manky mob ae yours up in Springburn that Patsy could fill, wid youse?” Freckles hid shouted, laughing.

  “Freckles, Ah know we might look glaikit, bit gie us a break, eh?” Joe hid shouted back, smiling.

  It hid been while Joe hid been chewing the cud wae Freckles and Patsy o’er the noise ae the music and Johnboy hid been hivving a chin-wag wae Tottie, that Johnboy hid first clapped they eyes ae his oan her and her pal. Efter that, he hidnae even bothered tae try and listen tae whit Tottie wis saying, although oan reflection, maybe it wid’ve been better aw roond if he hid. Johnboy remembered shouting across tae Joe and nodding towards the lassies. While it hid always been good tae meet up wae the Garngad crowd, even though it meant that the chances ae getting oot ae any place, withoot being involved in a fight wur slim, they wurnae there that night tae hing aboot wae anywan else.

  “Ah’m trying tae tell that daft pal ae yours that that pair ur pure jailbait, so they ur. That’s non-touchable…trouble wae a capital T…personas non gratis…death beetles…bit he wullnae listen, so he wullnae,” Freckles hid shouted intae Johnboy’s lug, bit baith him and Joe hidnae been listening.

  The two ae them hid stood looking doon at the dance flair, ignoring the Garngad crowd, who’d been baiting guys walking past, trying tae mind their ain business, beside the steps that took ye up tae the seating area. It hid only been later ,when Johnboy hid thought back, that he’d realised that, where there wur lassies hinging aboot, oan their lonesome, fur mair than a few minutes that night, it hidnae taken long fur a couple ae likely lads tae sidle up and ask them fur a dance…bit wae this pair, nowan seemed tae be gaun anywhere near them...that is, until Joe made his move.

  “Right, boys, we’ll catch ye later. Let’s go, Johnboy,” Joe hid shouted above the din ae the music.

  “Ye’ll be sorry,” Tottie hid sung efter them.

  “Hellorerr, beautiful. Ah’d ask ye fur a dance, bit Ah’m shite at it. Ah could buy a drink fur you and that lovely pal ae yers though,” Joe hid said smoothly, jist as The Chiffons ‘Sweet Talking Guy’ opened up and the two honeys looked at each other and burst oot laughing.

  “Er, aye, okay. We’re baith oan Coca Cola,” she’d said, flashing that beautiful smile ae hers that aw The Mankys came tae know and eventually hate.

  “Will Ah bring it across or dae ye want tae come wae me tae the bar? We could get a seat away fae aw this racket,” Joe hid said tae them, as Johnboy wis eyeing up the other wan.

  “We’ll come wae ye,” Beautiful Eyes’s pal hid said…the wan Johnboy wis eyeing up…looking relieved that a pair ae eejits hid been stupid enough tae speak tae them.

  “Is that a real haun print stuck oan that arse ae yers then?” Joe hid asked Beautiful Eyes, referring tae the red haun that wis sewed oan tae wan ae the arse cheeks ae her hot pants.

  “Of course, bit the erm that wis attached tae it is lying across in the corner there, wae a slapped face oan the end ae it,” she’d laughed.

  It hid been a good night. Joe hid danced wae Beautiful Eyes aw night and Johnboy hid tried tae impress her pal. Johnboy hid realised he wisnae gonnae get far when they’d goat up tae dae a slow smoochie dance tae Percy Sledge singing ‘When a Man Loves A Wummin.’ It hid been like dancing wae an electric eel. Every time Johnboy hid moved his haun anywhere lower than her waist, she’d grabbed it and pulled it back up. He’d found oot later that she awready hid a boyfriend and that she’d only been oot wae Beautiful Eyes as a favour tae her brothers. Seemingly, nowan up in Possil hid the bottle tae ask Beautiful Eyes oot because ae her mad brothers. That’s whit Tottie hid been trying tae tell them. Nae basturt in The Wan, Two, Three hid wanted anything tae dae wae her, wance they found oot who her family wur...that is, nowan except Joe McManus. He couldnae gie a man-jack monkey’s fuck who her family wur. His brain hid been sizzled by lightning and he’d been blinded by that smile and they sultry beautiful eyes ae hers.

  “Dae ye want me tae walk ye up the road then?” Joe hid asked her efter she’d come back fae getting her jaicket oot ae the cloakroom.

  “Oh, er, that wid be really nice, so it wid,” Kate Simpson hid replied, a big smile oan her face, as Johnboy’s heart sank.

  Chapter Thirty Seven

  The Big Man sat drumming his fingers oan the ermchair, looking intently across at the young Turk opposite him. He wis wondering how much information tae divulge. The young Atalian wis as sharp as a razor and hid the looks tae go wae it. The Big Man hid known him since he wis in his nappies. The boy’s da, Antonio, used tae cut his auld man’s and his hair in the fifties and sixties, when he’d hid the barber’s shoap doon in the High Street. He remembered Antonio as being a proud wee fucker, who’d been as honest as the day wis long. His son must’ve broken his heart, many a time. He’d always hid a saft spot fur Tony and his wee manky mob though. The Big Man hid never ended up hivving weans ae his ain, bit if he’d hid the chance, he wid’ve wanted a boy ae his tae be like the wan staunin in front ae him. The Big Man’s second-in-command, Shaun Murphy, and they brothers ae his, Danny and the late Mick, couldnae staun the sight ae the manky mob, especially Tony, Johnboy Taylor, Joe McManus and the wan who wis noo living up in the Highlands, Paul McBride. Shaun wis furever bleating that Gucci and his crowd wid become a problem as they goat aulder, unless they wur put firmly in their place. The problem wae Shaun and his brothers wis that they didnae see whit The Big Man could see. He’d always telt Shaun tae back aff fae noising them up, as he knew that they’d be better inside his tent, pishing oot, rather than ootside, pishing in. They’d come in handy o’er the years and hid always come up wae the goods. They’d never let him doon, although they’d needed watching like hawks as they wur slippery, undisciplined fuckers. Ye couldnae turn yer back oan them or take yer eye aff the ball. He wondered if the time wis approaching when he’d need tae deal wae Tony, wance and fur aw. There hid been a couple ae times o’er the past eighteen months or so that he’d goat Wan-bob tae sound-oot Gucci aboot working fur him. Wan-bob hid telt him that he knew that the answer wid be ‘naw’ before Gucci hid even opened his gub. The Big Man awready knew that, bit he’d been looking fur a way oot ae the constant moaning and jibes fae Shaun Murphy aboot hivving tae deal wae Gucci’s crew, fur aw the trouble they’d been causing them. It looked like this carry-oan between Gucci and The Simpsons wis starting tae prove Shaun Murphy right.