"Didn't you get the memo?"
Guerrera raised a single eyebrow with a slick proficiency that suggested practice, then the quarter dropped and he laughed. "Oh, about not talking to you. Actually, it was an informational video they circulated. How to snub you at the watercooler. Shit like that."
He shifted his arm and grimaced. His elbow was out of joint, the displaced bone leaving a pocket of skin at the tip. Tim crouched, and Guerrera relinquished his forearm to him hesitantly. Tim gripped it and tugged gently. The bone slid in its sheath and clicked home. Guerrera let his breath out through his teeth in a hiss, then laughed again. Sweat sparkled along his dense hairline. "Thanks, socio."
Tim slapped him on the good shoulder and rose. He was walking away when Guerrera called after him. "They're mad the way people got mad at Pete Rose, you know. They feel betrayed because they believed in you."
Tim nodded, taking it in. "And you?"
Guerrera shrugged. "You were behind the trigger on the first shooting I was at." His accent turned "shooting" to "chuting." "The Martia Domez raid. You pulled some shit there the movies haven't thought up yet. I watched you after when my hands were shaking. You were as calm as a sleeping cat." He rotated his wrist slowly over, then back. "You taught me, socio, without teaching me. The way I see it, being mad don't buy me shit."
Guerrera turned his focus back to his arm. Tim watched him twist it gingerly for a few moments, then withdrew, heading to the elevators.
Chapter twenty-three
Janie shook her awake. "Guess what? Guess what?"
Leah sat up in bed. A lifelong habit she'd yet to extinguish directed her torpid gaze to the clockless nightstand. Judging from the shade of gray muting the scraggly elm outside her window, it was around six. Even though he rarely attended, TD preferred breakfast to be served early. Between that and the stacks of GrowthWork the Pros had to complete every night, she didn't know how he expected them to get any sleep. She'd been so busy and exhausted she'd hardly had time to think, let alone reflect on her unsettling collision with Tom Altman or whoever he was.
"Well, guess! Oh, never mind. I'll tell you." Janie pressed her arms to her chest, fists shoved chinward, a cheerleader anticipating kickoff. "TD gave me the Scottsdale ambassadorship. I beat out Lorraine and Chad! Isn't that great?"
Leah felt a stab of envy. Her voice was still croaky. "Fantastic."
"I'll be the first ambassador – after Stanley John, of course, but he was a given. He's getting Cambridge. TD says Boston is almost as fertile a town as L.A. And guess what else?"
Leah swung her legs out of bed and blinked hard, fighting for alertness. She had to dig her nails into the dresser drawer to pull it open; both knobs had fallen off.
"Recruitment's on track to get a thousand Neos to the Next Generation Colloquium." Janie stood behind Leah, stroking her hair into place. "I'm moving out to take over Cottage Three. I gave you a high weekly report – I didn't even mention your rash hasn't improved."
"Listen, Janie, there was something I wanted to ask you about." Janie's unblinking stare made her uncomfortable, but she forged ahead. "Do you think some of the methods we use at the colloquiums are – I don't know – wrong? Like the ways we lead the Neos along?"
Janie laughed and ruffled Leah's hair. "Not at all, babe. You don't feed a newborn baby hunks of steak, do you? You feed them formula – something they can digest. The Neos are new to true growth. The last thing we want to do – for their own protection – is give them more than they can chew. Get it?"
"I guess." Janie's embrace felt warm and comforting. "Thanks, Janie."
"You should always come to me with your doubts. That's my job."
The doorknob squeaked as it turned, then Randall was inside. "TD wants you."
"Well, let me just throw on a sweater," Janie said.
"No, you."
Janie's smile hardened on her face. "I'll get her ready."
As Janie picked out her sweater, Leah palmed the spoon she'd hidden in the back of the drawer and slid it into her waistband. "I have to go to the bathroom."
"Hurry," Randall said.
She scurried down the hall. After brushing her teeth, she smoothed water into her hair but couldn't make her cowlick lie down. It wasn't until she sat shivering on the cold toilet with the stall door closed that she withdrew the spoon. She stared at her blurred, forbidden reflection in the curved metal, the first time she'd encountered it in weeks save for the fugitive peek she'd stolen from a mirrored wall at the Radisson. The poorness of the image helped her justify her right to it.
Her mind returned to Tom Altman. His handshake – cool and assured. What lies his attractiveness had concealed. His betrayal. Producer Henning at work behind the scenes.
But another thought loitered at the edge of her perception: That a man like Tom would come after her meant – possibly – that she'd done something to warrant concern. He seemed to have integrity. And yet how could he be so misguided about The Program as to want to kidnap her from it?
That she carried the secret of him through a place where even thoughts were prohibited felt like intimacy.
She jumped when the door banged open, and then Randall's wide boots appeared in the space beneath the stall. "What's taking so long?"
She set the spoon on the tile behind the pipes and flushed the toilet. "I'm ready."
Randall watched her closely when she exited, his eyes dropping to her nipples, visible beneath her thin cotton T-shirt. He pushed her sweater against her roughly. "Let's go."
"What about breakfast?"
"You're not eating breakfast today."
Outside, Cottage Circle sat dormant. A red-tailed hawk circled lazily overhead. As usual, Randall walked ahead of her down the trail. Flecks of lint from her sweater clung to his forearm hair.
TD was crouching near one of the wagon wheels lining his walk. He rose and stood motionless and alert, awaiting her, one hand turned inward as if cupping a drink. "My, you do like your sleep, don't you? Lorraine has been up for nearly two hours already. She cleaned the entire cottage."
Leah's rash felt dry and cracked in the cool air. "I'm sorry. I'm…"
"You're what? Tired?" He wore one of his hand-tailored oxfords, a midnight blue, the yellow stitching of his initials visible on a cuff. The unbuttoned shirt rippled in the breeze, revealing the slender plates of muscle that formed the oval of his stomach.
She nodded, face reddening. It occurred to her that she'd never seen TD so much as yawn.
The edge of something dark and shiny poked up above TD's hand, then withdrew. His eyes stayed on her. "You approach life from weakness, Leah. The Program can only do so much for you if you're not willing to work."
"I'm trying so hard. It seems like I go to bed late and get up early, but I'm not making headway. My body still feels weak."
Randall tapped a hand against his bald dome, and it made a faint slapping noise.
"This chronic-fatigue routine" – TD gestured with his cupped hand – "sounds like something you might have picked up in your Pepperdine days. Limitations you observed in others and took on unconsciously as your own." A scorpion scuttled into view, cresting the wall of his fingers. TD extended his hand as if presenting a ladybug, and Leah skipped back, startled.
TD's laughter assailed her. "The perceived world is just an illusion. Phenomena filtered through your five weak senses. The true world couldn't be perceived even if you had twenty senses. Or fifty. If you think you know how your body feels, if you think you know whether you're tired, if you think you know anything, that's just your ego succumbing to society's deceptions. You can't know anything. There's no such thing as anything. You are what you think. You fear what you decide to fear."
He twisted his hand sharply and clenched. His expression didn't alter. Not a trace of concern flickered through his eyes.
She finally averted her gaze. She struggled to make sense of what he'd been saying. "I guess I still don't have the control I want."
"This constant th
inking about yourself, it must get exhausting. Maybe if you focused less on narcissistic you and more on your tasks, you'd find your Old Programming dissipating at a faster rate. It seems to work for other people."
Her face burned with shame. She'd been working protracted shifts every day for the Luddites in Expansion, troubleshooting the IBM relics that had been left behind in the adolescent facility's computer lab. She kept the network up and running so the team could continue cranking out business plans, white papers, valuation models. That she couldn't handle more was a sure sign of her glaring inadequacies.
"I'm going to give you an opportunity to help you out of your rut," TD continued. "Now that Chris is no longer with us, you'll take over the job of Webmaster. You'll work on my computer."
She almost couldn't believe it. "In the mod?"
"I expect the site to be ready to launch by the Next Generation Colloquium." She started to respond, but he held up his hand. "No excuses, just get it done. And remember, the mod is TD's own private space. You're a visitor there. Behave like a courteous one."
"Of course." But TD had already disappeared, the cottage door clanging behind him.
Randall and Leah crossed the small clearing. As they passed the shed, she heard the scrabbling of claws on wood, then Skate's voice soothing his dogs. The door, skewed on its hinges, swayed with the breeze, revealing a sliver of interior. Skate sat naked on a sagging cot, both dogs bellied down before him, their tongues working across the tops of his toes.
Randall busied himself with the myriad locks securing the modular. Finally he swung the door open, holding it for Leah. She entered the dusty room and let out a yelp. Wearing a sharp suit, TD stood inside, his arms crossed. She'd just realized that the figure was a life-size cardboard stand when the door closed swiftly behind her. She heard the scraping of keys as Randall locked her inside.
She surveyed her surroundings, noting the tiny kitchen and bathroom door. Six file cabinets lined the far wall, each housing five drawers and sporting shiny locks. A Post-it affixed to a knee-high stack of papers read Randall, File by Monday. Pushpins dotted a wall-mounted map.
A broad desk facing the window supported the computer system. A QuickCam was mounted atop the glowing monitor for video feed. Beside the mouse pad, files rose from a tray labeled To Be Scanned and Shredded. The unvented air smelled musky, like dried tea bags and standing water. A skylight brightened the room considerably.
Lidless boxes of paraphernalia and workshop materials littered the floor: Get with The Program guidebooks, Living in the Now pamphlets, colloquium registration forms, stencil-labeled binders proclaiming THE AMBASSADOR'S USER MANUAL. Some of the materials she'd seen being generated in rough form up in the computer lab, but she was stunned by how slick and professional they'd returned from the printer.
She sat in the desk chair. The entry password had already been typed, appearing as*****. She clicked "accept," and a note popped up on the screen, providing a list of the new features to be added. Take photos of all materials to be offered for purchase. Import photos into online shop. Set up Web site colloquium registration. Name database should include Social Security numbers. Add hyperlinks for each new city.
Leah found the desktop icon for the mock site – only when it was finished would they put it online. At the top of the screen, a clock ticked off the minutes, an added luxury. 6:23 A.M. She hardly remembered the last time she'd been able to ground herself in time.
Seized by an impulse, she jumped up and ran to the tiny bathroom. Sure enough, a mirror. No window provided natural light; her shadowy outline stared back at her. Gathering her courage, she reached for the light switch, feeling it brush her fingertips. Finally she could get a real look at herself, not just a blurred glimpse in the back of a spoon. She froze, her corrective thinking clamping down fast and absolute. She skulked back to the desk and buried herself in her work.
Though Chris had left the site in good order, there was a tremendous amount to be done before the launch date. After the first few minutes, Leah stopped glancing at the clock. She furiously wrote code, nibbling her fingers as she used to in college. That a combination of ones and zeros could engender a digital world never ceased to amaze her. First there was nothing, and then all of a sudden a berth existed in cyberspace, a resting place for weary Web travelers, an omnipresent oasis. From chaos, order.
It wasn't until she stood and nearly fainted from light-headedness that she realized it was past three o'clock.
She went to the locked door and banged on it. Only the rush of wind and the scrape of a tree branch on the roof answered her. She banged harder, the thought of the mod's isolation just beginning to creep under her skin when a key slid into the outside lock. Lorraine pulled the door open, adjusting a robe over her bare body. She did not look pleased. "What?"
"I need to see TD."
Lorraine shot a sigh and headed across the clearing. Randall and Skate were nowhere in view, though one of the Dobermans lay on the porch, piercing them with its blue-black eyes. They scooted past it into TD's cottage.
TD reclined on his bed, shirtless, his lips pursed around the base of a ripe strawberry. "Leah, dear. Have you eaten at all today?"
"No."
"You're such a strong worker. Been hacking away in the mod since morning. Amazing." Pausing to suck at the strawberry, he rolled his head on his plush pillow, directing a languid gaze at Lorraine. "Maybe if one of my other Lilies worked as hard as you, she would have been awarded the Scottsdale ambassadorship."
Lorraine lowered her eyes. He pointed at the floor, and she went to her knees.
"Now, Leah, what can I do for you?"
"I need to get online to download an add-in for some Flash animation."
He dropped a lazy hand off the bed and stroked Lorraine's hair. "Go locate Randall. He's re-marking the boundary lines on the north edge of the ranch."
Lorraine vanished in an angry swirl of robe.
TD slid off the bed. As he drew near, Leah dropped her gaze from his hypnotic eyes. Barefoot, he was about her height. She took in his scent, its hints of bark and iron. His head darted forward, mouth seizing her lower lip. She felt the gentle grind of his teeth, then the pluck of his lips as he pulled his face back off hers. He turned and headed to the kitchen.
Readying her lunch with his own two hands, he lavished her with attention. As she ate, he stood behind her and stroked her shoulders, her arms.
His hands ceased. "You made a special connection to one of the Neos at the colloquium. Tom Altman."
She felt her insides go slack. "I guess so."
"He asked you back to his group. And in the bus on the way home, you remarked to Winona that he seemed nice."
TD always knew everything.
"He's a very special new member of the Inner Circle. I'd like you to be his Gro-Par when he arrives." He paused, but she was too shocked to respond. "There's something upsetting in Tom's past that's holding him back, something about his daughter's death. You could be helpful to him as his Gro-Par by helping him name what that thing is. He'll share a room with you. See to his needs."
A great weight pressed down on her chest.
He studied her face knowingly. "You're upset that you're losing Janie."
Before she could respond, a gust of wind announced Lorraine and Randall's entrance. Bits of dead weed clung to Randall's overalls. He looked supremely displeased that his work had been interrupted.
"Leah needs a phone cord to log on to the Internet."
"I already put the phone cords to bed. The call sheets are done for today."
TD just looked at him.
Randall gestured for Leah to follow and led her to the shed. Two narrow cots crowded the floor. Randall gripped one by its metal frame and lifted it, stained sheets spilling over his arms. He set it atop the other, then got down on all fours in the cleared space and blew on the floor. Dust swirled up, revealing a safe embedded in the concrete. A single dot of metal where the cot leg ordinarily rested shone cleanly through the
grime. Randall bent down, tongue poking into his upper lip, and worked the dial. He swung the lid open.
In the cavity lay a bundle of neatly wound phone cords.
Randall removed one tenderly. They headed back to the mod, and Leah plugged it in to the wall and the modem port on the computer.
Randall drew up a second chair. She logged on, found the appropriate site, and started the download. His elbow resting against hers, Randall kept his eyes trained unblinkingly on the screen.
Chapter twenty-four
Weapons of influence." Bederman settled into an outmoded armchair. "They've accompanied us into our most shameful hours. Witch-hunts. Blacklists. Death camps. Between the pages of suicide-terrorist training manuals. Up a con man's sleeve."
Tim set down his cup of now-cold tea, the cushioned wicker couch creaking with his movement. The country-decorated ranch house, located in the better section of Westwood just north of the university, could have been acquired from the producers of Mister Ed: checkerboard curtains, horsehair rugs, and a barn-red front door with white crosspieces. Save the bars on the windows, the lineup of dead bolts, and the occasional bleep of the security system, the place was old and homey and bizarre for a single man in his sixties. A cinnamon candle burned somewhere out of sight. Tim decided that Bederman was either a widower or he'd inherited his mother's house; if he were gay, he'd surely have better taste.
"Betters has added some clever, malicious riffs to an age-old song." Bederman polished his spectacles. "Vertical emotional dependence, directed deference to authority, a tightly controlled system of pseudologic, internal language walling up the insiders, dislocating newcomers. He's married two cult models, the psychotherapeutic cult and the self-improvement cult – think the Sullivanians meet Lifespring. Tell me the Program Source Code again?"
"Take sole responsibility for your life. Delete your Old Programming. Overwrite your Old Programming with your New Programming. Maximize your growth by minimizing your negativity. Negate Victimhood. Your behavior is for you. Exalt strength, not comfort. Strive for fulfillment, not happiness. Get with The Program." Tim could almost hear the chants in his head as he named them.
The Program tr-2 Page 21