by Olivia Deici
“Don't you fucking do that. Don't you tell me how I feel.”
“You kept that note from me.”
“Stop fucking overreacting. It was a fucking note. At least I'm not keeping my past from you.”
I saw her straighten her spine.
“Yea. I fucking kept the note from you. I didn’t want you to worry, just like you kept the other notes from me for the same reasons.”
“But it's my prerogative, Roman! I have final say who I tell. It's my problem. I get to decide what happens and whom I tell. You don't have that right!”
“So what, Izzy? I fucking kept that from you. Let me lay everything out for you then. I also didn't tell you that I have fucking ex-SEALs keeping watch of your building. I don't regret it and I won't fucking apologize for protecting my woman.” I punched my chest and the sound was loud in the room. “You're mine, and I fucking protect what's mine!”
Tears fell down her face. “I'm not your possession!”
“You're fucking mine, Izzy.”
“I can't do this. I can't.”
“What can't you do? Why are you freaking out? Is it because I'm protecting you, or because I want to know about the life my woman lived before she met me? Why she moved so much and so often, like she was running from something or someone?”
“I'm not going to tell you!”
She yelled that at me and Dezi came over to stand by her. She reached down to pet him.
“I'm so fucking stupid to think that I could have something with you! That life, that happiness, is unattainable for me. It's not meant for me. You're not meant for me.” It was like she was talking to herself.
“Izzy, calm down. Nothing is over. Life will go on. I'm not going to run if I know your past, baby.”
She looked like she didn't believe me.
What the fuck was going on in that head of hers?
“Something is over. We are over, Roman. Please get your things.” She got her keys and Dezi, walking to the stairs.
“Where are you going?”
“Out for a long run. I don't want you here when I get back.”
She turned around at the stairs and looked at me.
“You can call off the security.”
My jaw was clenched but I managed to respond.
“No. They stay. I'm not having you in danger.”
“Roman, I'm not your concern anymore.”
I huffed a breath through my nose like a bull who saw a red sheet.
“As long as there's breath in my body and as long as this broken fucking heart of mine beats, you will be my concern. I love you, Izzy.”
Tears fell down her face. She closed her eyes for a moment.
“Just lock up when you're done. Leave the key with Ralph.” She paused for a moment. “Goodbye, Roman.”
I heard her jog down the stairs and then the door closed when she left.
I clenched my fists, flung my head back, and roared.
What the fuck just happened?
How did we get here?
What, or who, was she scared of?
Chapter 34
Izzy
Dezi ran alongside me at a grueling pace. I heard a car following me and looked over my shoulder. I detoured into a park where they wouldn't be able to follow. Finding out all that I already had, Roman probably put a tail on me.
I saw parents with their young children playing. Dogs were lying on the grass with heads upturned to the sun, panting.
I thought that would be my life one day with Roman and our children. Despite my initial resistance to dream of a future with him, or anyone, I had allowed my thoughts to drift to those visions. How fucking stupid was I? That will never happen for me, not with Roman or anyone else. The cards I was dealt would never amount to that.
I ran faster. Five minutes later, I exited from the opposite side of the park.
Dezi was a trooper. He jogged at my side enjoying the run. I needed to clear my head of stupid dreams that would never be.
If he knew who I was, my life before I became Izabella Laurenti, he would hate me. That much became clear today. I'd heard the conversation he had with his brother.
How could I have told him about the rape? I must've been completely out of it and sleepy.
A sob broke free from my chest and I ran harder.
The irony wasn't lost on me that I'd basically spent my whole life running, and I was doing it now, only I was running from Roman, the man who loved and wanted me, but who I couldn't be with.
It was stupid, I know. All of it was. The note. My reaction. I'm scared, though. I spent so much of my life moving and I'd finally settled somewhere. And now? The urge to run and move was so strong, I could barely breathe. How could I do that to my patients? Still, I had the urge to close up shop and move somewhere where I'll never be found- not by my past, not by the Fiores, and not by Roman.
I'd rather Roman be pissed and resent me for ending things, than him finding out the truth about me and loathe me.
I couldn't bear his hatred. I wouldn't be able to survive that. I'll hide behind whatever I have to in order for that not to happen.
A little more digging and his father would find out my secrets.
I can't let that happen.
I can't let them find me.
I ran faster. I let the distance stretch between my legs. I looked down at Dezi who was panting and leaping with me. I look to my side and stumble to a fall.
It's him.
I close my eyes, hoping that will clear them or erase the apparition.
Dezi nudges me and I open them. No one is there. I swallow desperately, wanting saliva in my dry mouth and throat. I bite my tongue wanting to stimulate my salivary glands. Dezi starts to bark at me.
“Ok, ok. Ball breaker.”
I nudge his head and kiss him. Getting up, we begin jogging again. I can’t help but look around every five steps I take.
Was I imagining feeling eyes on me?
Had I imagined seeing him again, like I had at the club?
Hopefully I'll run myself into exhaustion so that my body’s physical ache will overpower my heartache.
Even though I was a thirty-two year old woman who'd put herself through school and who’d become a doctor, I felt like the seventeen year old girl who would spend most of her life running from those who claimed to love her, who’d traveled across the country and hid in abandoned buildings until she turned eighteen.
When I returned to the apartment, it was silent. Two hours had passed, and who knew how long ago he’d left. I checked around and nothing of his remained. Fresh tears made my swollen eyes burn.
My apartment felt different, as if the life he'd brought into it left with him.
Blowing my nose, I walked to my kitchen to get something to drink to wet my dry throat. That's when I saw it. He left something on the table.
It was an SD card.
What had he left me?
Chapter 35
Cari
I'd been away for two weeks at a seminar. On my second day there, Iza (pronounce that eee-sah, not eye-sah…or she’ll bitch you out) called me freaking the hell out. I can't say I blamed her- if you knew what I knew.
I hated to see her sad and in pain. I'd known her for over a decade, even before she’d met that asshole Elias.
Yea, he was an asshole. A royal one. Little snot.
I don't know what she saw in him. When we all went out together, he barely paid attention to her. Honestly, I saw him look at Hannah a lot. Iza was so starved for love, she didn't see it.
But I did.
I told her about it. That was hard. I didn't know how she'd react. At least she didn't get mad at me. She knew I didn't hold back; I said things the way they were. She completely denied that anything was going on between Elias and Hannah.
And so the rest was history. The fuckers cheated on her. Not only did Elias trample on her heart, but the asshole said the meanest things to her. He made her soul hurt.
I’d wanted to punch the son of
a bitch.
It took Iza a long time to recover. She'd trusted so few people before, and now even less. And judging by our daily phone calls, it would take twice as long after Roman. What she'd felt, still feels, for Roman, was stronger than what she’d ever felt for Elias.
My best friend was going to need a lot of help. I would be there to help her pick up the pieces. She was my sister.
I used the key she'd given me years ago, and was halfway up the stairs after bypassing muscleman downstairs, and I groaned.
This is bad.
This is really bad.
She was playing Tove Lo’s Over, and she was cleaning.
She never cleans. Iza makes the excuse that she's busy, but it's really because she hates cleaning. She's always been a messy person. Trust me, I used to live with her.
She was singing the song, practically bellowing the lyrics, when I reached the top of the stairs. When her and Elias had broken up, she played this song non-stop.
“OVER!!!”
I sighed.
This was going to be a long day.
Chapter 36
Izzy
This song was amazing. She sang it with such passion and delivered the emotion. You could hear that it came from the depths of her soul. That is where I felt bereft.
So I yelled the lyrics at the top of my lungs as I swung the mop around.
My home was almost spotless.
I had this song on loop, and this was probably the twentieth time I heard it in a row.
I swayed with the song, my heart breaking with every word she sang. The physical pain of an onslaught of punches would hurt less. I woke every morning with a heavy feeling. I felt heavy myself, as if I'd gained nearly three-hundred pounds rather than lost it when he left. My heart mourned his absence and I just wanted to call him, to hear his voice.
Tears fell down my cheeks as I screamed, “OVER!”
I thought about our date at the club. The songs by Tiffany, Kon Kan, and Information Society- how foreboding they seemed to me now. I should’ve recognized them for the omens they had been. Actually, I had with Tiffany’s songs. I remember feeling chilled that night when I listened to the lyrics of the last few songs the band had played.
The music shut off and I turned around stumbling with the mop. My heart leapt out of my chest.
I was expecting a threat, but it was just Cari. She made jeans and a black blouse look amazing. Her beautiful rich brown hair was effortlessly up in a bun. Even with little makeup, her skin was flawless. Her brows curled over her hazel eyes.
“Iza, what are you doing?”
I was out of breath. I'd sung that song so many times, it had been a veritable solo.
“Cleaning.”
“Then you must not be well at all. Iza, for the love of God, call him back!”
She was so dramatic. I told her so.
“I am not dramatic. Look at you.” She raised her hand at me. “I bet you didn't even notice the tears streaming down your face.”
I brought my hand up to my cheeks and it came back wet.
“See.”
“I'm getting better. It's been two weeks.”
Her knowing eyes looked me over. “And what? Ten pounds?”
I sighed. I was thinner. “Cari. Just let me be.”
“How hard have you been working yourself at the clinic to forget him, Iza? Have you even slept?”
The energy drained out of me like water in a sink. Collapsing onto my couch, I grabbed and cuddled a throw pillow.
“Not really.”
“You have to get some sleep. It's not good for you or your patients.”
“Come on, Cari. This isn't my first rodeo. The longest I've gone without sleep was thirty-five hours. Remember during that train crash?”
She nodded her head. “We all put in extra hours. Has he contacted you?”
I looked out the window. “No. Why would he? This is all my fault. Not wanting to tell him about my past, who I really am. Asking him to leave when all he ever was, was good to me.”
Tears came to my eyes.
“Just give him a chance, Iz. If he loves you, he won't care.”
I looked at her. “He knows about the rape.”
The look on her face was pained but hopeful. “You opened up to him about that? That's good, Iza. Little baby steps.”
I shook my head. “He said I told him at night. I don't really remember telling him, but I think I remember that night. I was so tired and he was massaging me. He’d asked why I was so inexperienced in bed.”
Cari sucked her teeth. “Did you tell him that Elias was a stuffy prick?”
“You never liked him, huh?”
“No. Even before you started dating, I thought he was a snot. I never liked him for you. You deserved better.”
I looked down. “Yea, well, Roman is that better person.”
I covered my face with my hands.
“Just tell him. He'll protect you, Iza.”
I looked up at her. “Marcelo is here. And I think I've been seeing him.”
Her face paled. “Are you sure?”
I shook my head. “Only about Marcelo. Roman met with him.”
“What about him?”
I sighed. “I see him and when I blink, he's gone. Could be my imagination. The Fiores are expanding down here, from what I gather.”
“Jesus Christ. What are you going to do?”
“Now you know why I had to end things with him. The Zambranos aren't happy that the Fiores are expanding.”
“Iza, what does it matter? He's in love with you, and you're in love with him.”
My sighed ended on a groan.
“He kept the security on you.”
“Yea. I told him to stop the security but he said that as long as there was breath in his body and as long as his broken heart beat, I would be his concern. I'm glad he kept the security, truthfully.”
“He told you that and you still broke up with him?”
I laughed and it partly sounded hysterical to my ears. “He left this song behind for me.”
I pushed play on my computer.
“Fuck. Adele? He listens to Adele?”
My smile was small. “Not before he met me.”
“Adele’s Water Under the Bridge. He’s deep. God, Izzy. He's perfect. You showed me a pic of him- he's gorgeous! Rich, funny, smart. And more than anything, he loves you! You got the man to listen to Adele for crying out loud!”
I know she was trying to make me laugh but I frowned.
“It hurts. I love him so much, Cari.”
She came over to me and hugged me.
“I know. Just think about what I said, Iza.”
Funny, I didn't think I'd be thinking about anything, or anyone, else.
Chapter 37
Roman
“Bro, fucking chill. We need to get info from him. Don't kill him before.”
Marco’s words just served to anger me more. You'd think he'd want to fuck this bastard up, but since this was the fifth motherfucker in a row we've gotten a hold of, Marco had had his fill. It was my turn.
I grabbed the piece of shit by the back of the neck and moved his head back.
“Who ordered the hit on his wife?”
It had been a month since Izzy and I had broken up, and I'd been a fucking mess. I no longer cared how dirty my hands got. I needed the fucking physical release. I felt like everything was closing in on me- work, the family, my life.
This fucker wasn't tied to a chair. I didn't do shit like that. I fought man to man on those terms, not like some pussy who fights another with a forced disadvantage, and later boasts about winning.
“The Russians.”
“Which. Ones?”
He spit out blood. “I don't fucking know.”
I looked at Marco. He shrugged. We’d been keeping them alive. Let the rest of the families know about the shit happening here. Let them fear us coming for them.
On the food chain, we were at the top. Everyone knew that.
I got in his face.
“You better be telling the truth, Chips, or we’ll come back for you.”
Stupid street name to have, huh? Must be his favorite snack after getting high.
Marco and I went home. He had his baby and had been having trouble with nannies. Mamá helped but still, it wasn't the same as having Jenny. I didn't envy him. He had to raise a year-and-a-half old infant without his wife. He was going crazy with grief and he still had to keep his head for his daughter. He had guards around the clock. Most nannies couldn't hack that or Marco’s hovering.
Could you blame the man? He’d lost the love of his life and the only thing left of Jenny was the baby.
Look at me. I was a fucking mess without Izzy, but at least she was alive. I knew where she was. I could still hold her. If something happened to her, I don't know what I'd fucking do.
Scratch that.
The more I thought about it, I realized the tremendous amount of control Marco exercised to refrain from killing all the Russians.
God forbid I’d ever be placed in the same position. If I knew one of them killed my Izzy, I'd fucking wipe them and their kin off the face of this planet.
I had just sat on my sofa in my boxers looking at my bruised knuckles, when my phone rang.
You never really know how your life will change at certain times. It's so fluid. You could be doing well one day, and your world be destroyed the next.
I answered the phone, and it would be the first call in a series that would shatter my world over the course of the next several days.
Chapter 38
Izzy
Lifehouse, Whatever It Takes
The rain was furious tonight. Lightning crashed, making me jump on my way to the stairs. Not that I needed anything else to scare me right now.
I felt hunted again. The urge to run was so innate, I almost grabbed my purse, emptied my bank account, and fled with Dezi. The only thing keeping me calm, for the moment, was the security Roman had ongoing for me. Thank God he hadn't listened to me when I asked him to call them off.