Another sigh as he hoisted himself off the bed and towards the bathroom. I think he muttered something along the lines of “damn women” but he better not have, not if he ever hoped to gain access to my inner love cave again.
I sat, impatiently waiting for the water to turn off. I swear that man takes the longest showers in history. He finally came back into the room, wrapped in a towel rubbing his wet hair with another. Oh no you don’t Mr. Taylor, I am not falling for the towel trick again. I handed him his pants which he dutifully ignored. He did grab a pair of boxers and snapped them over his manhood and that luscious ass before I could lose my resolve.
He sat on the armchair while I was perched across from him on the edge of the bed.
“So what do you want to know?”
“You have to be kidding?”
“Long version or short?”
“Short with a question and answer period.”
“Can you stop being a journalist for one night?”
“Sorry, yes, I can but I still want the right to ask questions.”
“Fine.” But I could see it wasn’t fine. This was not something he ever wanted to talk about. The most painful parts of our lives are like that. We want to bury them and pretend they were a bad dream. I buried mine by living an even worse nightmare, Afghanistan. Little did I know my heartache wouldn’t just melt away in the desert heat. It was patiently waiting for me back in Portland. Since then I had learned that there was no way around the pain except to go through it.
“I don’t know where to begin. Maybe we should start with the Q and A.”
“Coward. All right, why did you leave Jasmine?”
“I didn’t leave her, she left me.” This was news to me. I had always gotten the impression that she had done something unforgivable –like an affair –and he had kicked her to the curb.
“Why would anyone leave you?” I blurted. It seemed inconceivable to me.
“I know, right? Look at me,” he ruffled his hair and did a pitiful pelvic thrust.
“Okay, it’s getting clearer. Stop trying to make jokes. Just tell me.”
“Short version? She didn’t want children.”
“Oh. And you did?”
“Not necessarily.”
“You have to be clearer than that. I speak Urdu not Taylor.”
He clasped his hands in front of him and bowed his head. What was it? What couldn’t he say? I began to get nervous. Could I handle what he had to tell me? Would it change everything between us forever?
“She… we got pregnant.”
“Uh-huh.”
“She had an abortion.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. She left and then had an abortion without telling me about it.”
“But you found out. How?”
“Claire. She was furious with Jasmine and when Jasmine tried to come back to the marriage Claire felt I needed to know the real reason she had left. It wasn’t another man as I had feared. Or another woman, that had crossed my mind. I wish it had been. I could have forgiven that. Maybe.”
I was speechless. So was Renny. He sat back in the chair, looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. We stayed that way for what seemed a century. I finally went to kneel in front of him and took his hands.
“Why did she do it?”
“She didn’t want to stop her career. She thought a baby would ruin everything she had worked for. And you know what, she was right. It would have. Now that I see Claire with Claudine I know she was right. I didn’t at the time and I just felt rejected. So completely rejected. I thought she didn’t want a child with me. What was I to do with that?”
Tears formed in his eyes but he shook his head to clear them.
“I thought I was over it. I really did.”
“Oh, baby,” I said as I wrapped my arms around him and he slid to the floor into my arms. He put his head on my shoulder and wept. Not like a child weeps; like a grown man weeps; with sorrow, anger, betrayal and confusion.
When he had spent his bitter currency he leaned back against the chair but kept hold of my hands.
“Think about it Rachel. She had started playing the violin at 5. At 5! All those years, all that practice. She had no real childhood. It was always about becoming famous. And we were just beginning to hit it big, just to feel a little of that fame, and she gets pregnant. She had also defied her parents by becoming a country fiddle player as well. The music was all she had. How could she ever give that up? Why should I have ever expected her to?”
“That isn’t all she had, my darling, she had you.”
“Would that have been enough for you?”
He got me there. Was it enough for me to be loved by a man like Renny? Would I have wanted to give up journalism to stay home and change diapers? I surely hadn’t taken to it earlier in the day. Truth be told, I don’t like babies, or even most children. Would I have resented any man who made me stay home and take care of them?
“I thought it was, once. I wasn’t given a choice so I don’t know what I would have decided. But I do know one thing, the decision would have been ours, not mine alone. I would have told you. It was half yours too.”
“What would I have done, Rachel? Told her she had to have it? Ruin my marriage, her career, and both our lives? Told her to have the abortion? A thing I abhor with all my heart? She saved me all that. She knew I couldn’t make the choice so she did it alone. I should have thanked her. Instead I shut her out, of my life, the band, her whole life. I took it from her and for what? A child I wasn’t even sure I wanted.”
“Oh Renny,” was all I could muster. Here was the man I loved with all my being, a good man, one I would do anything to keep and here he was showing my how little of a hold I had on his love. He was not only mourning the loss of the child, he was mourning her, the loss of her. It was clear it wasn’t over between them. Reade had been right to warn me, I was just a rebound, a distraction, an also-ran.
Renny stood up and offered me his hand. I took it and followed him to bed. I knew we were going to make love and I wanted to have this one last time with him. I wanted it to remember what I almost had. I thought about that great song from “South Pacific”, “This Nearly Was Mine.” Of course, the guy gets the girl in the end of that story. It is a musical after all. Too bad my life didn’t come with a soundtrack. Too bad my life was just life. Sucky. Unpredictable. Heartbreaking. Wonderful life.
We were soft with each other, calm, appreciative, gentle. I don’t know what Renny thought but I felt the fragility between us. The thin strand that had kept us tethered to each other’s hopes was very, very thin now.
I took my time running first my hands and then my mouth down his beautiful body; savoring every taste, every smell of him. I adored every inch of him with no shame. I knew I had never loved anyone like this before and I knew I never would again. This was my true love. Unfortunately for me, Jasmine was his.
He took his time inside me. There was no urgency, no heat, no fire. We were saying goodbye and we both knew it. When he came I watched his face. I memorized every line, every grimace, every moment of bliss. It would have to last me a long time.
He pulled out and we lay in each other’s arms, spent completely, in every way. I heard the clock in the outer hall chime 12 times.
“Merry Christmas,” he whispered in my ear.
“Merry Christmas darling.”
And a happy new year.
.
12.
At 3 in the morning I slipped out of bed and Renny’s room and settled back into my chair in the music room. I needed Marlene and I knew she would forgive me for calling her so late. Or early. Whatever. It was only midnight where she was, so I knew she would still be up.
She and I had developed a code so we would know it was the other and to pick the phone up. I called, let it ring twice and then hung up. I then sent a text telling her to pick up, waited five minutes and called again. This time she was ready.
“She showed up. The ex-wife,” she stated without
any hesitation.
“How did you know that?” I asked.
“That’s the only thing that would really shake you enough to call me at, Jesus, 5 A.M.? So I’m here. What can I do to help?”
“You still got that contract killer on speed dial?”
“Always. Who you gonna kill though? Her? Him?”
“Myself?” I joked. Maybe it was a joke.
“Listen up sister, no man, I mean NO MAN, is worth that, EVER.”
“It’s just so painful,” I managed before I broke down crying.
I heard her sigh across the miles. “I know honey, I know. Just tell me.”
I managed to snuffle out the details, about Jonathan inviting her, the abortion and Renny’s reaction. All of it.
“That’s it?”
“Uh yeah. It’s a lot, I think. You don’t?”
“Nope. I don’t.” She always sounded so sure of herself. That’s why I called her after all.
“Okay, here’s more then, she’s going on tour with them.”
“What? How did that happen?”
“Her new band is their opener. Garrett knew all about it but didn’t bother to warn us. She sprang it at dinner in front of everyone. Renny was furious. He even told his brothers he was quitting the band.”
“Good for him. See, he doesn’t want to have anything to do with her.’
“No, that wasn’t it, he thought Garrett or Reade had invited her and he had warned them not to meddle or he’d quit. When he found out it was his Dad that asked her to dinner they made up. He’s going on the tour.”
“You have got to go too, somehow.” I could hear her brain going a mile a minute across the fiber optics.
“Well, he did ask me to go. I was less than gracious in my refusal.”
“He asked you to go on tour with him and you said no?”
“I didn’t know she was coming. I didn’t want to be stuck on a smelly bus with a bunch of Taylors for two months.”
“You idiot.”
“Thanks friend. I’m feeling the love.”
“You have to change your mind. Tell him you’re going.”
“I can’t. I’ll look desperate.”
“You’ll look determined. Which you are, aren’t you? What was your plan?”
“Sneak back to Portland and cry myself to sleep for a year?”
“You tried that. It didn’t work. Tell me the truth, do you love this man?”
“Yes.”
“Is he the best lover you have ever had?”
“Yes!”
“Do you want a life with him?”
“Yes.”
“Then show him, and me, and yourself. Fight for this. Unless you don’t think it’s worth it. Is it worth it?”
“I don’t want to make a fool of myself! Can’t you see that? This scares me more than …”
“I know that sweetheart but we are all fools for love. Do you love him?
“Yes, I do but …”
“Then you either face your fears or you have already lost.”
“I can’t … I can’t lose him. Not now. Not ever.”
“Then have a nice tour. I’ll water the plants that aren’t already dead.”
“Marlene!”
“I’ve been busy. Now crawl back next to that hunk and tell him you’re going with him.”
“What if he’s changed his mind about me going?”
“Then you’ll have your answer, right?”
“Right.”
“Call me from the road.” Click.
Damn.
* * * * * * * * * * *
I didn’t have the heart to wake Renny when I went back to the bedroom. It had been a long, trying day for both of us. I was happy just to settle in next to him and feel him push back against me instinctively. We fit together well. He had said that about us sexually once before but it was more than that, we fit together in every way. I hadn’t ever met a man whom I had felt equal to. Not ahead and not behind, just side by side.
By the time I woke the sun was full up and Renny was gone. For a moment I felt panic but remembered that it was Christmas morning and he was surely with the family opening presents. I lay back in the bed relieved I hadn’t been included. I had wanted to purchase gifts for everyone but Renny told me not to.
“That’s ridiculous,” he said, “You don’t know them. I’ll add you to my card and we’ll be good.”
He also knew I didn’t really have the money to spare. I had already used up most of my reduced book advance in the last months. I needed to eke out a slim living in the next few months before the book premiered in May. I seriously considered becoming an Uber driver but my car was way too old, so that was out. I was already anticipating a few months of rice and beans and a couple of trips to the plasma bank. All said, not buying gifts was a gift to me.
“Hey sleepy,” Renny popped his head in. A huge smile escaped both of our faces. Just seeing his face, wow, just seeing his face … you know?
“You ready for some breakfast and a ride?”
At first I thought he was offering to feed me and have sex but then I remembered the horseback ride he had promised the day before. He came to sit on the edge of the bed.
“I saw that, you thought I meant ride, as in …”
“Shut up,” I playfully put my hand on his lips. “Shut up and kiss me you fool.”
Why not go for the whole corny bit! And kiss me he did, as though there was no other woman lurking in our shadows. He kissed me with his whole heart and a good amount of his tongue.
I dressed ready to ride and joined him in the breakfast room. I was spared an awkward meal with the rest of the clan. Renny assured me that everyone was as exhausted as we were and the day was going to be a mellow affair. My kind of Christmas!
We saddled out horses, Well, I saddled mine and Renny eventually saddled Bastard. The stallion looked even more imposing out of the stall and I wasn’t sure I wanted to get anywhere near the beast but as soon as Renny led him out of the stable and let him run to the edge of the yard I could see that they were a team. Both dark-haired, wild and beautiful. If horses laugh, Bastard was.
Abigail was as calm as Renny had promised and I found ‘my seat’ pretty quickly. We took off up the hill behind the house toward the old house where Rosalie and her Grandfather lived. I noticed Renny had brought a sack with him and I had assumed it was food for us and the horses. No such luck. We were going to play Santa Claus to a little girl who hated me. Oh joy!
We slipped off our horses and tied them to a quaint wooden bar in front of the house, just like the old westerns. Rosalie flew out of the house and into Renny’s arms. He lifted her up, planted a kiss on her cheek and said, “Merry Christmas you little hustler!”
She squealed and looked at me before losing her twinkle and smile, “Where’s Reade?” clearly, she had heard Abigail and thought Reade had come too. Sorry little lady, just me, the evil step-mother.
Renny set her down and assured her, “He’s coming up later with Claire and Claudine. Your Dad invited them for tea. But for now …” he opened the sack for her and she squealed a new dragging him inside.
“Gramps, gramps, look what Renny brought me.”
I followed slowly and tried to do my invisible routine. Gosh, maybe if I lost a few pounds it would work better.
Rosalie was holding a small guitar for her grandfather to admire as Renny pulled out a gift for him.
“Well, that’s a mighty fine gift isn’t it girl. You take good care of it all right? Thank you Mr. Renny.”
“He’s going to teach me to play too, aren’t you Renny?”
“I’ll try but you have to be a better pupil this time. No more smashing it when you get frustrated.”
“I couldn’t make it sound right. It wasn’t my fault. It was a bad guitar.”
“No such thing as a bad guitar, bite your tongue you heathen. You were too young but I brought something else that might help.” He pulled out a guitar tuner and showed her how it worked. I sat in a c
orner chair and watched the interaction with delight. They were so wonderful together. With her dark hair she could be his real daughter. Wait a minute... no, that was just in old gothic southern novels, right?
As though her Grandfather could read my mind he said, “Her real Daddy looked a lot like Mr. Renny. My daughter always did have a soft spot for him but,” he looked directly at me, “She’s not his. Mr. Renny’s not the kind of man to walk away from his responsibilities. If he promises something he makes good.”
I couldn’t help but feel he was trying to tell me something. But what? That Renny wouldn’t leave me even if he wanted to? That I could trust him? I didn’t know. Just one more thing I didn’t know.
Before we could say our goodbyes and escape Rosalie ran into her room and came out with two badly wrapped gifts. She handed one to Renny. “This is from Gramps and me. He did the carving and I painted.”
Renny opened a sleek wooden leopard painted with golden, fiery eyes. It was quite beautiful in a folk art way. Since I love folk art I was very impressed.
“That is gorgeous Rosalie and Mr. …”
“Call me Rex.”
“Rex? That is a great name,” I blurted.
“Thank you Miss. I’ve always been partial to it.”
Renny was admiring his gift and wrapped Rosalie in a big hug before shaking Rex’s hand.
“Open yours now,” Rosalie almost dared me.
“Oh, all right. This is so exciting. I had no idea you were making ….” I stopped cold as I pulled out the grey, wrinkled elephant. The carving was good and so was the paint if you wanted to make something look decrepit and gigantic at the same time.
Rosalie smiled at me defiantly. “Do you like it. I made it just for you.”
“Yes, well, thank you. It’s quite … something … noble creatures, elephants.”
Renny gave Rosalie a stern look which she replied with a shrug of her shoulders and an innocent, “What?”
I interceded before a scene could be made. “I love it. Renny should we get going, let them have the rest of their morning?”
“Sure,” he said but he kept glaring at Rosalie. Even she was getting uncomfortable. Her little joke had not pleased Renny one bit. I wondered what she had made for Jasmine – a sleek lynx perhaps? Not an old, ugly, fat elephant, that was for sure.
His Other Woman: A Renny and Rachel Christmas Romance Page 7