“Yup. We have a whoooole week off! Isn’t that cool?” She dances in place.
“It sure is. Enjoy it! Well, I’ve got to go to work, no spring break for this girl, but it was great meeting you.” I look at Alicia. “So glad I bumped into you, Penny. Tell Singy I said hi.”
This throws her into a fit of giggles, mouth opened wide, and head tilted back as her cackles fill the town.
“He’s not real,” she says in exasperation, but I just smile and wave at them.
With my smile still intact, I walk to Cup-O-Joe for my coffee fix before grabbing a ride from Harris to Knox’s house.
Our time in Boise was great, but Gavin was still on my mind. Is it silly to think that we could have something more than run-ins and shared friends? I could be digging myself into a hopeless situation, but when I see him or Penny, my heart smiles. It’s pointless, though, with my instability at the moment and constant traveling. Who would want to start a relationship with someone in that situation? Let alone someone who has a daughter.
All the reasons why Gavin and I would never work hits my mind at once, like neon flashing reminders not to be missed, but then I see his quiet calm, the hint of sadness that lines his forehead, and I want to hug him. I want to show him there’s more to life. I want to prove to him that happiness exists if you decide to pursue it. I don’t want to replace anyone, but I want a chance to meet a man that I can come home to.
But maybe a man with a complicated history isn’t the person for that, despite the tug I feel toward him and the draw of my eyes to his.
When I open the door to Cup-O-Joe, I find Lia sitting at a table. What I notice next is Gavin sitting with her, his back to mine.
Lia waves with a smile. “Hey, Sutton.”
I wave and lock eyes with Gavin when he turns around. There’s something written in them that I can’t decipher, a tight-locked code that makes it impossible to read him.
I smile shyly and order my coffee. Before leaving, I glance over my shoulder one more time. When he catches me, Gavin smiles to himself, the beauty of it is something the world should see more often.
Gavin
The surprised look on Sutton’s face when she saw me at Cup-O-Joe with Lia this morning has been stuck in my mind. She was traveling this weekend for a show; however, I expected to see her while I ran errands with Penny in town. It was a weird sensation I haven’t felt in a long time, in years, really. Wanting to see someone, even if a glance of them as we each crossed paths, is a foreign feeling. And there she was this morning as if fulfilling my one wish I’ve had all weekend.
Scrubbing a hand down my face, I ride Dusty Buckaroo back to the barn after I make sure the cattle are secure in the large pen. The cool air hits my lungs as I inhale, the stillness in this part of the ranch stopping me for a moment. I look around at the beauty of this land, the monstrous mountains, and chirping of birds combined with the moo of the cows some feet away from me.
I don’t need much more than this. So long as I have Penny, my life is perfect, but lately, I’ve been wondering what it would be like to have a woman in my life again. If I’d be able to trust another woman, with my daughter, my heart, and my love.
Meeting Sutton has stirred these thoughts that I discarded long ago. Abbie didn’t shy away either when she showed me a message a mom posted on her social media and tagged Sutton from this weekend’s show. She expressed her gratitude for meeting Sutton and for the patience and kindness she showed toward her shy daughter. I smiled to myself when I read it and saw the picture of the three of them. I’ve witnessed the same sincerity from Sutton when she’s with Penny.
“Dadddyyy!!” I whip my head around at the sound of Penny’s piercing voice and squint my eyes to see a blurred form by the barn. Smiling, I squeeze my calves around Dusty Buckaroo and begin galloping toward Penny with the wind flashing by me.
“Hey, sweetheart.” I dismount and tie my horse before walking over to her.
Penny’s lips split into a wide smile as she hops around. “Hi, Daddy. Grandma and I made lunch to bring. Aunt Rose is inside with Grandma and Grandpa.
“Thanks. Where’s Uncle Mark?” I ask as I pick her up and over my head. She laughs wildly, before placing her hands on my head and knocking off my Stetson hat.
“Sorry.” Her giggles resound as I place her on my hip and bend to grab my hat. Dusting it off, I place it on her small head, the hat swimming around her. Penny’s laughter grows wild as she grips the hat and holds it firmly in place.
I chuckle at my little cowgirl. “Ready for lunch?”
“Yes! I’m staaaarving.”
“Starving, huh? Where’d you learn that word?” I lift my eyebrows.
“Susie says it all the time. She told me it means really, really hungry.” Penny’s eyebrows pull into a frown. “Did she lie to me?”
“No,” I smile, kissing her cheek. “Susie’s right. I was just surprised to hear you say it. You’re growing up way too fast for Daddy.”
“Nah.” Her arms wrap around my neck, the hat falling off her, and she sticks her face into the crook between my neck and shoulder.
I once again bend to grab the hat and shake off the dirt. As I walk toward the house, I hear, “Looks like we’ve got ourselves a little visitor. Is that my favorite cowgirl?” Uncle Mark comes up to us, and Penny lifts from my chest with a smile.
“Yes! Hi, Uncle Mark!” Penny waves at him as the three of us enter the house.
“How are the cattle?” he asks me while I toe off my boots on the porch and leave my hat out there too.
“They’re all in the pen.”
“Perfect. Let’s go have lunch. Rose told me your momma brought her famous gravy and chicken-fried steak.”
“I helped make it,” Penny brags as I set her on her feet.
“Well, then, I’m sure it’s gonna be even better,” Uncle Mark winks and claps my back.
I wash up and join my family at the kitchen table. Sienna and Emily are arguing about who is Penny’s favorite cousin, my mom and dad are whispering something, and Aunt Rose is piling plates with food.
Before we begin, Uncle Mark says grace, and I look around the table. I’m definitely grateful for this group of people who have supported my daughter and me unconditionally, especially when I didn’t reciprocate.
Conversation moves through the table as we eat, everyone smiling. After we finish, Penny begs me to let her ride Dusty Buckaroo before she leaves with my mom. Helping her up the horse, she holds on tight to the saddle horn as I begin guiding the horse through the ranch.
“I saw Famous Singer today.”
My head peers up. “Oh, yeah?” I ask, wondering if it was before or after I saw her at the coffee shop.
“Yes! I was with Grandma, and she said hi to us.” The smile on Penny’s face is full of pure adoration and innocence. On a giggle, she continues, “She thinks Singy is real.”
I chuckle and look forward as I walk the horse. “Does she now?”
“Yeah. She’s always saying hi to it,” Penny goes on to explain. “It’s funny.” A belly laugh moves through her as her hands clutch the saddle horn tighter.
“Careful now. Remember, every time you’re riding a horse, you have to be fully focused.” I’ve been teaching her to ride since she was old enough to hold herself up on a horse. She’s still too young to ride alone, at least to me, so whenever we can, we come out, and I walk her so she can become more comfortable and secure on the animal. It helps that Dusty Buckaroo loves her and is gentle with her.
“I know, Daddy,” she says, exasperated.
“What else did you and Grandma do this morning?”
I carefully listen as she describes her morning to me, every detail from their walk around Main Street to running into Sutton and then buying what they needed at the grocery store to make lunch.
“We didn’t get cupcakes, though,” she pouts.
“You know we don’t eat a lot of sweets during the week,” I remind her. This girl of mine could eat sugar straig
ht from a spoon if I let her.
The memory of a pregnant Hadley craving cake slaps me back to the past. A sad wistfulness blankets me as I remember surprising her with desserts from The Mad Batter and watching her bake in our kitchen as her voice carried around the house with each song she sang from the radio.
“Daddy…” Penny looks at me with raised eyebrows.
“What?” I blink the memories away and smile at her. Taking a deep breath, I settle my racing heart and focus on the only person that matters in my life.
“I said, can we go shopping for the sock hop after you finish working?”
“Oh, yeah. We’ll go to Kids Boutique. How does that sound?”
“Awesome!” Her face lights up as if I just offered her a million Christmas presents, and I could do no wrong.
We finish our short ride, and Penny runs inside to see what Sienna and Emily are up to. As I’m closing the pen gate where Dusty Buckaroo is in, my mom calls my name.
I turn and smile. “Hey, Mom. Thanks for lunch. It was great.”
“You’re welcome, sweetie. Did Penny have fun?” My mom stands in front of me, eyeing the horse behind me.
“You know how much she loves riding,” I smile, leaning against the pen.
“I met Sutton today.” A curious gleam sparkles in her eyes.
“Penny told me,” I nod.
“She seems very sweet. Penny likes her a lot.” Her eyes roam my face, reading my emotions. I remain stoic, not giving in to her subtle questioning. Penny has been talking about Sutton since last week when she gifted her the stuffed animal. I’m sure my mom’s curiosity has been bursting, especially after hearing that she had cupcakes with us.
“She does,” I nod once. I cross my arms over my chest and wait for her to say more.
“You know…”
“Mom,” I stop her. “Don’t. She’s friends with Abbie and the rest of them. I’ve seen her on occasion, and Penny likes her. That’s all.”
“You could be friends with her, too.” The way my mom emphasizes friends means anything but actual friends.
“My priority is raising Penny, not dating women.” I move from the pen and remove my hat, wiping my forehead.
“Sweetie, your dad and I have watched you for years be the best father to that girl as you put your life on hold and use fatherhood as an excuse to close yourself up. I know you’re hurting. None of us expected Hadley to leave the way she did. To leave at all. But it’s time you start living your life again. What will you do when Penny’s old enough to go out with friends, leave for college, get married, and have her own kids?” Her lips turn down, and her eyes crinkle. She reaches for my hand and squeezes gently, but I don’t budge.
“I’m not ready.”
Tilting her head, my mom smiles sadly. “Will you ever truly be ready unless you actually make an effort to move on? It’s been five years.”
“I can’t talk about this right now,” I say when I notice Penny heading out of the house with her cousins.
“I want to see you happy.”
“I am happy.”
With pursed lips, my mom places her hand on my cheek. I avoid her eyes until she starts speaking. “The same way Penny will always be your little girl, you’ll always be my little boy. I’d move heaven and earth to make sure you’re happy. Right now, you’re not. You haven’t been truly happy since she left. I want my boy back.”
I take a deep breath and place my hand over hers. “I’m trying, Mom, I’m trying.”
She nods and releases me, kissing my cheek. Nothing else is left to say. Hadley shattered me in the most unexpected way possible. The whole town was shocked when they learned she had left. Most neighbors offered their support and brought diapers and wipes, things I’d need to care for Penny. Some even offered to help babysit if I ever needed it.
It was a rough time. I was lost, confused, and heartbroken. I wouldn’t sleep as I’d replay every single detail of our relationship, from beginning to end to see if at some point Hadley had said something that contradicted the life we were building together. I came up empty. We’d always communicated and been open with each other. She was ecstatic when she found out she was pregnant, even if unplanned and earlier than we originally wanted.
No matter how many nights I’d take myself down the same rabbit hole of memories, when dawn broke, I’d come back with the same conclusion: she didn’t love us enough.
If she had, she would’ve fought to stay. She would’ve talked to me, made a plan, and worked on having everything we both wanted without running away. Instead, all I got was an, I’m sorry, a bullshit explanation that having a child wasn’t what she imagined, and the ghost of a kiss on the cheek that still haunts me.
I couldn’t stop her no matter how much I begged. No matter how much I held Penny toward her. Her mind had been made up, and the one thing I learned about Hadley early on was that when she made up her mind, there was nothing in the world that could change it.
I was left a broken man at the age of twenty-four with a six-month-old daughter and no cure for the pain in my soul. I couldn’t neglect Penny, though. Since the day she was born, she was my world. Since before then, but when the doctor placed her in my arms, I felt a new kind of love. One that helped me show up each day for her after her mom left and that could triumph anything. Now, according to my mom, that love was holding me back from living.
Clenching my jaw, I shake my head and get back to work. I’ve had enough emotions today to last me a while.
When I get home, I see Abbie’s car parked in our driveway. I hear Penny’s voice from the front door and chuckle. She must be talking Abbie’s ear off.
“Hey,” I say as I walk into the living room.
“Hi,” Abbie smiles. “Penny invited me to go shopping today?” She lifts her eyebrows.
I chuckle and nod. She clearly wanted company. “She wants to find something to wear for the sock hop,” I explain.
“So I hear. She was telling me how excited she is for it, isn’t that right?” Penny bursts into laughter as Abbie tickles her ribs.
“Yes!” she squeals, trying to fight Abbie off.
“Let me shower, and we’ll go,” I tell them, running up the stairs and getting ready.
Penny is something else. She was hell-bent on having someone come with us when we shopped for her outfit, and if Sutton wouldn’t be it, Abbie would. It’ll be good to spend time with Abbie, though.
What my mom told me earlier has stuck to my mind, and maybe Abbie can help clear it up. She’s the closest person I have, growing up like siblings. If anyone knows me well enough, it’s her.
After showering and riding into town, Penny rushes us to Kids Boutique and begins sorting through the different dresses and poodle skirts they have available for the sock hop.
“I love that they always bring in costumes for the kids. It helps keep the spirit alive with the younger generation,” Abbie says as she picks out a dress and shows Penny, who furiously shakes her head.
“Well, I wish they had it in my size,” Abbie says, looking at the pink and white dress.
“I love this one.” Penny points to a dress on the rack, and I help bring it down, my mind preoccupied.
When she’s in the dressing room, I look at Abbie. “Do you think I use Penny as an excuse to hide behind?”
Her pursed lips are response enough, but that doesn’t stop her from using her words. “Honestly? Yeah. I get it, though. You have to fill two roles in her life—Mom and Dad—and no offense, you aren’t girly.”
“Thank fuck for that,” I sigh, running a hand through my hair.
Abbie laughs and nods. “I can’t imagine what you must’ve felt when Hadley left,” she whispers. “But, I do think you use staying home with her as an excuse to not do the things you used to love, like going out with friends.”
I scratch my beard and stare straight ahead.
“Why?” Abbie’s worried voice catches my attention.
“My mom said something to me earlier, and it
struck a chord.”
Abbie places her hand on my arm. “Gav, we all just want what’s best for you.”
“Look!” Penny jumps out of the dressing room, interrupting us. The pink top of the dress has a black and white polka dot collar, and then it flares into a sky blue skirt with a poodle on it and a matching black and white polka dot sash around her waist. She twirls, so the skirt floats around her.
“I love it,” Abbie praises.
“Daddy?” Penny smiles up at me with those big brown eyes.
“You look beautiful, sweetheart.” I kneel in front of her and smile.
“Yippee!” She jumps up and down and then hugs me.
“Go change so we can buy it,” I tell her.
Running into her stall, she expresses how excited she is.
“She’s a great girl, Gavin. You’ve done an amazing job. Maybe it is time to do more of what you love. Take time for yourself.” Abbie’s suggestion isn’t the first I hear.
“Maybe.” Deep down, I know she and my mom are right. However, Penny’s the only link I have left to Hadley, and she’ll always be a permanent link. In a way, holding on to her is like holding on to her mom.
Sutton
This past week I recorded my first music video, and it was such a neat experience to see everything that happens behind the scenes to create the videos I love binge-watching. That gives a deeper meaning to the songs I love. The week flew by between working on the video and writing the songs we need for the movie we are working on. Knox and I will have the majority of the soundtrack with a few other artists participating, including Rebel Desire, a country music band that has also served as inspiration for me.
Although I only saw Gavin that one time I ran into him and Lia at Cup-O-Joe, that didn’t stop me from daydreaming about him. It’s hopeless. I need to ride out this crush and wait until I get over the butterflies that flutter in my stomach every time I see him. Eventually, they’ll get tired of flapping their wings. I hope. Maybe spending this week in Nashville will give me space to think. About what, I’m not sure.
Then I Met You: A single dad romance (Love in Everton Book 6) Page 6