TWO
After the angels had gone she sat with her mother in the kitchen, drinking hot chocolate. Neither of them saying a word at first. Her mother probably out of guilt and Lillian because she just didn’t know where to begin with all the questions she was suddenly forced to ask. The silence was thick around them, until both of them faced each other and started talking at the same time, which ended with the both of them flashing a brief, shaky smile before catching themselves.
Her mother cleared her throat and demanded, “Let me start. Just…listen.”
At first the conversation was slow and awkward, both of them feeling unsure and uncomfortable around the person they thought they knew so well, but it quickly vanished when it became clear that this issue was just too important to be watchful of hurt toes. Then like an unstoppable flood of words everything poured out of her mother and Lillian realized how wrong she had been to condemn her mother with hasty assumptions. Of course she had presumed an affair behind her father’s back. But she couldn’t have been farther from the truth.
Her parents had tried to have a child for some years without success when a stranger had come promising to make their wish come true. At first both of them had thought him to be insane - until he had revealed his wings. However, it had soon become clear that his offer didn’t come without some strings attached – what in life ever really did? They could have the child they so desperately wanted to love, but once eighteen years passed they had to give it up.
Her mother shrugged, looking at her through the glittering veil of tears. “Eighteen years. It seemed so far away. We couldn’t have been more wrong. Time flies, that much I know now.” She took Lillian’s hand across the table, squeezing it. “But we don’t regret a single moment. Because we had those moments. We had you in our lives. Our decisions might seem selfish to you now…” her voice trailed of and her eyes seemed to plead with Lillian, as if searching for absolution.
Lillian’s mind and heart were racing. Had her parents done anything wrong? Her heart said, ‘No’. Had they been selfish? No…well. Maybe, she admitted, acknowledging for the first time that small flame of anger licking inside of her ever since the angels had dropped the truth on her. Her parents had gotten the child they always wanted, and she? No one had asked her how she would feel about having to give up the life she had always known for something so unbelievable as fighting demons or something. Why give her the delusion of choosing a nice college and classes, of preparing a future they had known she wouldn’t be able to live anyway? God, everything inside of her felt as if being ripped apart.
Without saying a word and too confused to offer what her mother needed she stood and moved to look out the window. Not seeing anything.
Her father came home then and after one look at them he knew. He said nothing, just took Lillian into his arms and locked them tight around her as if she might vanish at any moment.
At that instance, as her nose filled with his familiar scent of soap and that one cigarette he allowed himself thinking nobody noticed, Lillian came to realize one thing. It didn’t matter who fathered her. She only had one father and that was the modest man standing in front of her. The man who was so calm in the middle of the storm that had blown into their lives. Her Dad was the one she would always remember, who had kissed her bruised knees when she’d been a child, who shared her love for words, who listened to her joys and doubts, who was there. He was her father, and not some winged stranger.
At night Lillian lay in her bed, exhausted from the day’s revelations and emotions but not able to sleep, and sighed. Besides the shock something else mattered and needed to be dealt with - the feeling of betrayal inside of her. She felt betrayed and robbed of the future they had let her believe in.
Lillian rolled onto her side and looked out her window. Under the cover of darkness lay a garden sweetened by summer and she could see softly flickering light coming from the neighbor’s house as they watched TV.
She had planned to go to college, had loved talking and dreaming about all the possibilities like the rest of her friends. Even though she had no clear idea of what to study exactly, she had wanted to learn, to try psychology or even archeology or even journalism. Everything and anything. Get a job, maybe a house and family one day. The usual.
But now, it all meant nothing.
Now she had not much of an idea how her life would look like. Training, fighting they had said. But what did it mean? Guarding holes to hell, she suddenly remembered Amber saying. Was that true, or just some kind of saying among angels?
There she was, the daughter of an angel, about to be trained as an Ivory guard or some such, and Lillian didn’t even know whether she believed in God. It almost made her laugh. Or cry. She wasn’t really sure which would burst out first.
In the blink of an eye her world had changed from one where she knew most of the answers into one full of questions. A situation she really wasn’t comfortable with and needed to get control of.
Starting now.
Sitting up in her bed she whispered, so as not to alert her parents, “Amber?”
For a heartbeat she didn’t know what she would do if the angel didn’t turn up. What she would think. She couldn’t even say whether she wished for it or not. But then the air around her seemed to move with a soft breeze and then Amber stood in the middle of her room. This time without the wings and gloriole, what made her look even more human. Well, that and the flips flops she was wearing now.
“Is everything alright?” She grimaced. “Well, as much as it can be, given the circumstances I mean.”
“Yeah. I just couldn’t sleep. Too many questions in my head. I thought maybe you could help me find the answers to some of them.”
“Sure.” The blonde angel moved to the edge of the bed. “Do you mind?”
“Not at all.”
Amber sat down, putting one foot under her and relaxed against the headboard beside Lillian. “So, what do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
“Then you probably should talk to Raz. With me you need to narrow it down a bit.” When Lillian frowned, the angel laughed and explained. “Raz, his real name is Raziel. He’s the angel of mysteries. Secrets, universal knowledge and all that stuff.”
“Ah.” The angel of mysteries. No wonder he seemed so dark in contrast to Amber. “Well, that’s a start. So you two work together?”
“At the moment, yes. It changes constantly so we don’t get bored you could say, but for the time being we both are on Ivory Duty.”
“Which means?”
“Automatically we tune in on the Ivorys we’re assigned to protect. The moment you guys turn eighteen, you’re on our radar, so to speak. We locate you, watch you for awhile, making sure you finish school and then we wait for the moment to show ourselves. Then we bring you in and start your training. Two months ago you rang our bell. We’ve been watching you ever since.”
“Why wait until I finish school and I’m eighteen? Why not keep me and simply train me right from the start?”
“I knew you would ask that one.” She sighed, looking up as if searching for words before finally facing Lillian. “We wait because you need to know what you’re fighting for. If we had trained you from childhood on, you might not put your whole heart into saving the world and your loved ones from the evil that can walk the earth as you would now.”
Lillian snorted, more than a little appalled. “Sorry, but that seems rather harsh and calculated.”
“Yeah probably…but given the choice what would you rather, to grow up with or without your parents? Isn’t it better to know their love and the life they have given you even if you have to leave them than not knowing it at all?”
That was what it came down to, wasn’t it? So what if she felt cheated. She loved her parents. Sure they could be a pain in the ass but that was part of the job description. Lillian suspected she would have chosen a life with her parents no matter how a life among angels might have looked like.
As
if reading her mind Amber added, “Living and training among angels would have been hard. Not bad, but hard. Let’s say it wouldn’t have been as colorful as the life you have known. We’re more black and white.”
After a moment of silence Lillian asked, “So what will happen to me when I go with you?”
“We’ll bring you to a safe house and start with the training. Ivorys are strong beings, believe me, and demons will do anything to get to you before we do.”
Her eyes were serious and honest and she really didn’t need to elaborate on the last bit. Demons wanted her dead before she learned how to off them. Figured. Basic food chain. When Lillian realized with what an ease she started to think about demons she rubbed a hand over her face.
“And then, after the training, my life will be just…fighting demons? For the rest of my life? For the good of the world?”
“Yes. But you won’t be alone. You will have a team. I have seen teams connect with each other and fight for each other….” She shook her head. “They’ve been a family. And we’ll be there too. Checking on you guys.”
“I’ll come with you, but… I just wanted to know…do I even have a choice here?”
“You do have a choice. But I can tell you that those who didn’t go with us didn’t live the life they’ve dreamed of before. Once you turn eighteen there’s like a switch going off in you. Angel blood flows through your veins and with it the need to do…good stuff.” She grimaced and shrugged, “It’s your calling, your purpose, whatever you want to call it. And an Ivory will feel incomplete with time if not fulfilling it.”
Lillian absorbed that for a few moments, surprised how the words rang true inside of her. It was a weird sensation of apprehension of some sort. Making her decision, she looked back at the angel.
“Can you do me a favor?”
“What?”
“Pick me up in an hour.”
Amber’s green eyes smiled sadly with understanding before she got up off the bed. “Sure.” The blonde angel seemed hesitant and turned to look at Lillian. “For what it’s worth, I always hate this part. Ripping you guys away, as you said.”
Lillian nodded, one corner of her mouth lifting in a small smile. “It’s okay. Not your fault.”
“See you.”
Soundlessly the angel disappeared and silence settled over the room.
After a few more minutes of staring off into the darkness Lillian got up as well. Moving silently, she pulled a bag out of a corner of her closet and began filling it. Clothes, her journal. She hesitated when her hand went for her MP3 player and e-book reader. Would she be able to use them? Where did Ivorys go? Heaven? Damn it. Stuffing them inside she cursed herself for not having thought of asking where exactly they would take her.
Going into her adjoining bathroom she combed and braided her hair and got ready, dropping one item after another into her bag before zipping it shut and throwing it onto her bed. Then she dressed in tight black jeans and a gray top before pulling on a light sweater against the cool night breeze.
Now it was time for the really hard part. Expelling a deep breath she walked over to her desk and sat down on the chair in front of it. One she had sat so often in, leaning over her books. Lillian got out a pen and sheet of paper and stared down at it. The written word had always been her favored means for communicating her emotions. She kept a diary for God’s sake. But then there were other times when she wondered how as small a thing as a piece of paper could possibly hold, much less convey, the churning turmoil within her. This was one of those times.
This wasn’t just a teary but natural ‘Goodbye and I’ll come back whenever I need my laundry done’. She guessed it was more likely that she would never see her parents again.
THREE
Raz looked out the window over green fields that dropped into a black, storm-whipped sea. Nothing was more fascinating or beautiful to him than that small part of the earth the humans called Ireland. Especially during a storm. He loved seeing the wild energy - fueled by human fear, awe and feeling of foreboding - unleashed. But also cherished the peaceful quiet on less rainy days. That’s why he had chosen it as his home for whenever he wasn’t in the mood for heaven.
He felt the sudden breeze in the air a moment before Amber materialized in his living room. Turning he faced her.
The blonde angel looked around her, a smile spreading across her face. “Wow, nothing’s changed. Well, except for those,” she amended, motioning towards the stereo and flat screen. “How do you do that? I have to change apartments or at least the interior design every decade or so or else I go crazy.”
They had worked on an assignment together a few centuries back and Raz remembered her having taken the same interest in his furniture like she did today. He didn’t know why. The house was simple. Some walls were bare, revealing gray stone, others were covered with wooden bookshelves. The furniture he had was old, but still good and comfortable, so why the hell would he replace it? His opinion on, and non-existent interest in, the matter must have shown on his face though, and Amber cut to the chase.
“Change of plans.”
His interest piqued now, Raz arched a brow. “How so?”
Amber slumped down in one of his leather arm chairs. “Lillian called me. She wants us to pick her up in an hour.”
Raz was surprised. Though the girl had seemed to accept what they had revealed to her earlier in the day, he had picked her to be the kind that would fight her fate tooth and nail, wanting back the cover of blissful ignorance. The bookworm showed more guts than he had thought her capable of. Raz wondered how long that would be the case.
“Good. The sooner we get her to a safe house and start training, the better.”
“I agree, but still…I never get used to having to be the one that rips the blinders off.” She sighed. “Now I remember why I don’t like Ivory duty.”
He snorted. “You mean besides the babysitting?”
She frowned up at him. “Do you really think of it that way? We’re talking about kids here. Kids that have dreamed up a long and fulfilled future and have to trade it against a much shorter life without even really knowing what they got themselves into.”
Now it was Raz’s turn to frown. He hadn’t seen Amber in a while but remembered her as a woman full of light and hope, the absolute angel cliché. The woman in front of him had clouds shadowing her. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. It’s…” Another exasperated sigh and frown. “I don’t know.”
“Come on, Ambriel, you’re the angel of communication and the touchy-feely stuff. You can do better than that.” Raz moved away from the window and crossed to the mini-bar that wasn’t mini at all and got out a bottle of whiskey, filling two glasses. Handing her one he sat down in the armchair across from her.
“Thanks.” Amber looked at the glass in her hand, swirling the golden liquid. Suddenly she shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Just a bad day, I guess. Plus I haven’t done this in a while, Ivory duty I mean. I talked to Lillian after she called me.” Throwing her head back and laughing she added, “Full of questions that one. But who can blame her. She got to me. She’s a good girl, Raz, and has a strong mind. Maybe seeing that mind trying to figure out the shit we dumped on her made me…sad. But on the other hand I like her and I’m kinda looking forward to training her, seeing her become an Ivory. You know what I mean? I always like that part, watching them discover themselves. And so I… I’m feeling guilty, Raz.”
For both their sakes he hoped she was talking about feelings on an angel scale not a human one. “Okay, so it’s hard for them leaving behind what they know. No one claimed otherwise. But you know as well as I do that Ivorys are meant to fight, born for it. She wouldn’t feel right in her skin continuing her life like any other mortal.”
“I know.” After another pause she said, “My last Ivory died three weeks after I left.”
Trying to lighten up the mood Raz smirked, “Ah, so that’s why they wanted me to work with you
. Increased life expectancy.”
It worked, even if only for a brief moment. He had seen the flash of white teeth before she threw a cushion at him and that was all that mattered.
“Ha ha. Like I said, just a bad day.” With that she downed the whiskey in one gulp, grimacing as the fire burned her throat and hit her stomach. “Nothing more.”
Raz still wasn’t so sure about that as he looked at her, taking in the smile that didn’t reach her green eyes, but before he could get more out of his partner a warm tingling of a sound vibrated through him. Amber didn’t so much as hear but sensed it as well.
“You in trouble?” she asked glancing curiously at him.
He snorted. “Who knows.”
“Tell him about the change in plans while you’re up there, will you?”
“Sure.” Raz stood, putting his empty whiskey glass on the table between them and motioning towards hers. “You can stay and have more of that if you want to.”
“Thanks. I might do just that.”
After a nod of good bye Raz spread his wings and disappeared out of the room.
While hell was a shoot-first-and-ask-questions-later kind of organization, heaven was running in circles in their bureaucratic machinery. As a result it seemed only fitting that the heaven he knew was an office.
Depending on Micah’s mood the walls and furniture could be blinding like soft, white clouds under a summer sun or boiling in all shades of gray as if a storm was brewing. Today it was somewhere in between, the walls where mostly white but the desk and chairs in front of it where flashing from light gray to bluish white, their surface a living swirl of intertwining nuances.
The angel of the divine plan stood up from his leather chair radiating the power of his office. Raz didn’t like him. The man could have come straight out of one of those glossy human magazines; his dark skin was covered in a black suit and white button down that only added to his already regal poise, and the too friendly smile pasted on his lips never quite reached his dark eyes.
Ivory Guard Page 2