“About time. We need them.”
“We’ll be in Alabama, near Mobile, just so you know.”
When Maion was about to leave again Lillian hurried to say, “Tell the others I said Hi.”
“Will do.”
Silence reigned after Maion disappeared. Neither of them wanting to talk about what had transpired before the angel had interrupted them, although both their minds couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Raz was the first to snap out of it. “You must be hungry. After the fight and all. How about I make us some dinner?”
“You’ve learned to cook?”
Looking rather sheepish he admitted, “Well. No, but…”
Shaking her head mockingly, she rolled her eyes. “Then I’m gonna make dinner. Might help me relax anyway.”
And she needed it, since her head was still reeling from finding out that he had believed her from the start.
If Raz hadn’t been absolutely certain how much Lillian needed it, he would have insisted on throwing something together for them. As it was he knew that Lillian craved the calm that came over her while cooking so she could come to terms with everything that had happened in the last couple of hours. The revelations, emotions and the battle. He knew that the play of tastes, scents and familiar routine offered her a retreat from where she could look at everything from a broader angle, and brought her a peace of mind like nothing else could.
Knowing all that didn’t keep him from pouring them a glass of whiskey to help along the way however, before sitting down to simply enjoy the view. Their conversation from earlier had raised a lot of questions and doubts. It was like a slap to the face to wake him up. While they ate he also couldn’t stop remembering what Maion had said about the system needing the change. Would it end with killing Micah? Could it end there? He wasn’t so sure anymore. But whatever happened, he would do what needed to be done to protect Lillian.
A yawn from Lillian pulled him out of his dark thoughts and made him realize how exhausted she must be from the day they had had.
“Time to call it a night.” Raz got up and started loading the dish washer. Dinner had been nothing fancy given his rather sparse supplies but delicious none the less.
He looked up when she didn’t answer to see her frowning at the dish washer. Guessing her thoughts he smirked, “I’m an angel, not a sorcerer.”
Lillian wanted to smile but it turned promptly into another yawn which she tried to hide behind her hand but didn’t succeed.
“Come on.” Stifling a grin Raz led her to his bedroom.
He only had one bedroom and had never seen any use in having more since he never had any guests staying over. As a matter of fact Lillian was the first to stay the night.
“The bed’s yours. I’m gonna take the couch,” he said as he walked over to the adjoining bathroom, switching on the light.
When he turned around he felt as if punched. She was bathed in the warm light and breathtakingly beautiful – tired, strong and beautiful.
Having her here, in a room no woman had ever set foot into and so close to his bed, was causing him…to think thoughts better kept un-thought.
Lillian sat down on the bed and then shrugged lazily, her voice low and her words a little slow with fatigue and sexy as hell. “I don’t mind sharing. If memory serves being vertical seems to be more dangerous for us than being horizontal.”
Oh fuck him. Raz swallowed. “How about we don’t test that theory of yours.” Grabbing a blanket from his closet, he fled the room as fast as possible. “Night.”
Closing the door behind him he had to fight the urge to fall back against it with relief, and padded over to get comfortable on his couch instead.
Fuck…just seeing her here. Just the thought of her in his bed, her dark hair spread on his pillow. Yeah, now he was pretty sure he wouldn’t get any sleep at all tonight. And probably the nights to come. Groaning he rubbed a hand over his face. The next days were going to be hell.
Lillian awoke the next morning to gray but soft early morning light filtering in through the windows. Snuggling deep into the covers, she turned onto her back with a smile on her lips. God, she felt wonderfully rested. For one ridiculous moment she wondered whether it was thanks to being cocooned in his scent clinging to the gray sheets. Dark and fresh, like the scent of rain on a cold night.
Shaking those dreamy thoughts out of her head before they kept her from functioning properly today, she decided it was due to sleeping in a simple but big bed for a change, and then she swung her legs over the side of the bed and got up to get ready and dressed.
Fifteen minutes later she walked into the kitchen, already dressed in sweatpants and tank, to find Raz leaning against the counter with a coffee mug in one hand and looking out the windows which offered a breath-taking view of a golden and rose-colored early morning sky.
“Morning.”
When his gaze swept around and over her, it lost some of its softness, his gaze even subtly darkening with the hint of a frown for which Lillian had no explanation. “Morning. Coffee?”
“Please.”
She walked over while he poured her a mug and even added the right amount of sugar. It did funny things to her heart that he hadn’t forgotten how she drank her coffee. Such a small and ordinary piece of knowledge, but still a piece of her.
“How did you sleep?”
“Very good.” Since it sounded it a bit too happy to her own ears, she added, “I was so wiped out, I slept like the dead. No wonder really what with the day we had. And you?”
“Yeah. Same.”
“You know, I’m kinda surprised we’re having coffee now and not after the usual five mile run.”
“Well, I needed coffee so we’re having coffee. Besides, I thought you’d be in good shape seeing how you regularly train with your guard and all, but…you’re right, this is not the time to ease up on those things.” He placed his mug in the sink and nodded towards hers. “We’ll head out when you finish yours.”
Dammit. What the hell had she done? Oh, why did she have to go and remind him of heavenly boot camp?
When she stared at him in dismay, a wicked smile sparked in his eyes. Great, apparently she just made his day. “What’s up Stargazer, afraid you can’t handle it?”
That was all the challenge she needed. Her spine straightened and her muscles tensed, ready for some action. Oh, she would show him just how good in shape she was.
After downing the rest of the coffee, she almost slammed her mug on the counter top. “Not at all. Let’s go.”
The training began. Since her running shoes hadn’t been in the bag that Maion had brought she had to make do with her sneakers and yet they didn’t keep her from acing her personal time on the five mile run. Yes!
However, Raz being Raz there was not much time to celebrate. Training quickly turned into a battle, of what she had no real idea – that was until she realized that Raz wasn’t touching her and was trying very hard to only ever look into her eyes. Quite exemplary actually, if he weren’t failing so miserably. It did a whole lot of good to her heart and funny things to her stomach, knowing that she had such an effect on him. It also cranked up the heat between them by a couple of dozen degrees.
They were in his back yard, basically a slope of green hill as far as the eye could see until it tumbled right off the edge of the cliff. “Let me see your wings and show me what you can do.”
Lillian summoned her ivory wings as he had asked and then shrugged. “I haven’t tried flying yet. It happened just that once while I was fighting the angel. Well, and yesterday.”
“Okay.”
Lillian was pretty sure she saw his jaw tense before he stepped behind her, but then every thought fled her mind when she could feel his hands on her wings. Goose bumps broke out all over her back and spread to her arms. Her wings had become far more sensitive in the last couple of months, without her thinking much of it.
“Spread them.”
She almost moaned as she obliged.
That deep voice of his was sooo not helping right now.
He touched her back, right between the roots. “How does it feel here? Any strain?”
His warm breath tickled her neck in the softest of caresses and all of her body, every cell, wanted to lean back, to lean closer. Reminding herself to concentrate she answered, “No, not at all.” Did her voice sound strangled?
“Good. Now move them as if you wanted to fly. Just move them. Out of instinct.”
Whenever she had used her wings in a fight, she had basically just flapped them once or twice in a very quick motion to boost a jump or put some more power behind an attack. Now she did the same, but in a slower motion. Raising and then moving them in a slow but still sharp curled-and-downward motion.
Her feet left the ground.
But not for long. She squeaked in surprise and dropped right back to earth.
“Easy.” Raz’s hands shot out to steady her. “Not bad.”
Was she just imagining it, or was there a smile in his voice?
After her first taste of – freaky – freedom, Raz got down to business, which meant theory. Lots and lots of theory, teaching her about a wing’s anatomy, weather and air, pressure and currents. Flying really wasn’t as easy as it always looked, and neither was landing she found out pretty quickly after two more moments above ground – even if just a couple of feet.
At the end of the day she felt totally exhausted but in an accomplished sort of way. Her back hurt when she hit the covers and yet it felt good. Even if every muscle ached, she still felt good simply because of being able to finally use her body for something it apparently was born to do.
However, as exhausted as she was and despite the wonderful feeling of flying or the simple prospect of it, it didn’t stop her from worrying and wondering whether learning how to fly would be enough. Or would it simply give heaven all the more reason to kill her? Raz had successfully avoided answering that particular question so far.
TWENTY-FOUR
Raz lay on his couch and grinned up at his ceiling, probably looking like a fool, as he rubbed a hand over his face. God, this day had been torture.
They tip-toed around each other always watching, never touching. At least he tried to avoid the touching, and yet at times his body would betray him, reaching out for her as if out of its own accord, being at ease in each other’s company without wanting to be and even falling back into their old routine filled with orders and witty comebacks. It was quite the dance really. One he had missed and come to secretly enjoy again. Yeah, apparently he really liked torturing himself.
When he heard a noise he stilled and listened into the silent darkness. There it was again. A…whimper?
When he realized it was coming from the bedroom indescribable panic gripped his heart while he threw his blanket off him and jumped up. In the next blink he was by her side, leaning over her and caressing her face. Calling out her name, softly at first and then sharper when she didn’t snap out of the nightmare she was caught in.
“Lillian. Wake up!”
That voice, that familiar voice kept the fires at bay.
“Lillian!”
She awoke with a start, breathing too fast and harsh and blinking her eyes rapidly as she kept seeing devouring flames and bloody wings. Justadream, justadream, just a dream. The words repeated itself over and over again in her head until she finally calmed down.
In her lost state she hadn’t realized that Raz had slipped onto the bed, holding her in his strong arms as he leaned against the headboard. His upper body was bare and so warm beneath her.
“Tell me something,” she pleaded. “Tell me…tell me how come you didn’t know that about me?”
Her rattled mind surprised her by coming up with something she’d been dying to know but had forgotten to ask him what with all that had transpired.
“Know what?”
She lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him. “Me not being fully Ivory. I mean your specialty are mysteries and secrets…wouldn’t that qualify as such.”
“That’s not how it works.” His voice was calm and deep, her anchor in the quiet, in the here and now.
“Then explain it to me.”
He frowned. “It’s difficult to explain. Never had to do it actually. Anyway, yes, I do know secrets and mysteries, but on a grand scale of things. I know the big secrets but not personal one since knowing those would involve violating a person’s privacy and their free will. The secrets and mysteries I know are of a more general kind. Like…” He sighed, struggling for words, before he grinned at her. “Santa Claus. Hate to break it to you, Stargazer, but the guy doesn’t exist.”
Lillian had to chuckle. “Nice one. But I get it.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. It reminds me of Amber. She was the angel of communication and emotion and was very good at what she did. But Amber never influenced me or my emotions in any way, she only talked to me to help me handle it all. Like a therapist, I guess.”
“Exactly. Amber’s and my specialty are considered minor compared to others and they can be reborn, which means they can manifest in other angels once we die. But there are specialties, like Micah’s, that are unique. That’s why they work in higher positions and spend most of their time in heaven. Though that doesn’t mean he’s weak, not at all. What I’m saying is that there will always be secrets but there’s only one divine plan. I’m replaceable, Micah is not.”
“Not to me, you are not.” The words were whispered and yet they carried all her heart’s conviction, silencing every other sound.
Raz cleared his throat in a way that told her she wasn’t the only one to suddenly realize that although she was fine now she was still in his arms, in his bare arms, while she was wearing nothing but a loose shirt. It was as if something inside her body snapped. A charge and her senses were reaching out, her body straining for…him.
As he carefully, and yet quickly, untangled himself and got up, Lillian let him. “So. How you feeling? Your back alright?”
She almost smiled but bit her lip to hide it. Seeing Raz - big, dark, scary and grumpy Raz - very nearly fidgeting was a rare thing to behold, and sensing that she was the reason for it, made another wave of heat pulse through her veins fueling her courage. Daring her. She wanted him. Wanted to touch this man that made everything in her life…more intense. But there wasn’t much she could to do about it. Or was there?
An idea took form in her mind that made her heart thump even more wildly in her chest then it already had.
“A little sore but nothing to worry about.”
“Good. Well, I’ll let you get back to sleep.”
When he was about to open the door, Lillian called out. “Raz?”
He turned slightly. “Yeah?”
Lillian got up off the bed, aware that her shirt hit mid-thigh and taking it as a good sign that his gaze followed the movement, and then walked up to him.
Her voice was low, almost husky, with emotion. “Show me your wings.”
“What?” At first his eyes only held surprise, but then she saw a glint of fear in them. “Why?”
“Just do it, Raz.”
Ever since he had showed up she had never seen them. He had never summoned them, not in battle and not even once during the training.
He nodded subtly as if he knew what was going on inside her head. The smallest hint of a breeze and rustle of feathers and there they were. Gone was the dove gray she knew them to be. They were every possible shade of gray, from the deepest hue at the roots to the purest white at the tips. As undecided and torn as he was.
Closing the small space that was left between them, Lillian reached under his arm and around him to brush her hand over the soft silk of a wing. His warm breath tickled her temple, and she knew that if she just moved her head the tiniest bit, their lips would meet. Swallowing, her heart and blood like thunder in her ears, she placed her other hand at his bare waist and slowly lifted her head.
His eyes were closed, his voice deep
and low. “Lillian, don’t.” It wasn’t his words, but the painful longing in his voice that stopped her.
“Why?”
“You damn well know why. Our souls.”
Something’s seriously wrong with our world if that’s true. Remembering Abby’s words, she whispered as sadness swamped her, “How can love make you fall?”
“There is a kind of love that allows for our souls to stay intact. But I’m certain I can speak for us both, when I say that we don’t exactly have the purest love in mind.”
The way he said it, tugged a chuckle out of her. “You got that right. Just to be sure, you aren’t allowed to be with angels, Fallen, Ivorys or humans, right?”
His gaze dropped, almost wary. “Yeah.”
“But I’m neither, Raz. I’m all of it and yet none of it. Doesn’t that count as a loophole or something?”
She felt his chuckle vibrate through him. “I honestly don’t know.” One hand reached up to cup her cheek as his fierce eyes roamed over her face. “Besides, it’s not my soul I’m worried about. It’s yours, Lillian. You might not care about it but I do. And I won’t let you damn your soul to hell just to be with me.”
This was it. Now or never. “And I told you, you don’t have the right to make such a decision for me.”
Her hands continued their exploration, moving up his chest and around his neck, and as his arms wound around her waist seemingly out of their own accord given the darkening of his eyes, she had to stop herself from sighing with relief.
She was only a breath away from his mouth and looked into those fierce gray eyes of his with all her heart and determination. “I’m not going to stop. Only if you tell me, honestly and convincingly, that you don’t want this. Not because of my soul but because of yours.”
“Lillian.” He bumped his forehead against hers as he tried to breathe calmly, as he tried to resist. The problem was his heart wasn’t calm at all. Lillian could feel it beating a tattoo against his ribs. “I’ve already lost my soul. And heart. To you. The moment you grew your wings for the first time and called me a bastard.” He shook his head, oblivious to the bomb that had just gone off inside her heart. Who needed three little words that wouldn’t even come close to what he had just admitted. “You have no idea what you’re doing. Heaven…”
Ivory Guard Page 21