by Ally Forbes
She moved off him and lay back on the pillow, pulling the blankets around her.
Lying on his side facing her, he traced a finger down her arm.
‘I want to know everything about you Rachel. I‘ve told you that.’
‘We’re both people who have ....let’s say....complicated pasts. Maybe we should keep things...simple... for the moment.’ She smiled at him apologetically.
‘I’ve had enough of keeping things simple over these last few years. I know when it’s different. I know that this..... us... are different.’ His voice raised slightly in frustration.‘Don’t you feel it? Please tell me you feel it too?’
She turned her back on him to hide the expression on her face. She was struggling to hold back her tears. She knew instinctively that Eric was someone special, someone who she thought could be right for her but her trust in men was shattered and she couldn’t bring herself to lower her defences.
Eric gently kissed her shoulder.
‘It’s OK Rachel. You don’t have to say anything.’
Her tears ran down her face and she turned to face him again, throwing her arms round his neck and burying her face in his strong warm shoulder.
He stroked her hair as he held her, asking nothing from her, giving her the comfort she needed.
When she felt more in control of her emotions, she lay back on the pillow again and smiled at him, ‘Let’s get some breakfast Eric. It might make it easier to talk over a cup of hot coffee.’
She swung herself off the bed and pulled on her robe.
Eric sighed as he watched her.
‘You are a truly beautiful woman.’
Rachel turned sharply, picked up a pillow and threw it at him, smiling.
‘Eric Harkett, you are a smooth one.’
She turned and headed down the ladder and put the kettle on the stove. She threw a few logs onto the firebox of both the AGA and the stove and opened up the curtains and blinds around the house, letting the sunlight flood her little cottage. The day outside was clear and still. She made a mental list of the things she needed to get done for the day. She briefly pondered how long Eric would stay; she had had a wonderful start to the day but had a backlog of work and domestic chores to get through.
The kettle had started to whistle and as she pulled it off the hot ring Eric snaked his arms around her waist and buried his head in her hair.
She turned to face him and kissed him.
‘Are you heading back to the surgery soon?’ she asked him, trying to get a feel for how long he intended to stay with her.
‘I’m here all day Rachel. I took the day off – arranged for a locum to come in. I’ve got to be back at the school for 3:30 but until then....I’m all yours.’
‘How’s Esme today?’
‘She’s real good today. Much more back to her normal self, although I had to tell her that I was going in to work today....she’d be upset that I was coming here without her.’
Rachel smiled, ‘You’ve got a special one there Eric.’
‘Yeah. She’s a great kid.....taken a real shine to you.’
‘Well the feeling’s mutual.’
Rachel stretched to pour the hot water into the coffee pot and slipped a couple of slices of toast in the toaster. She poured a couple of mugs of the hot black liquid and sat at the table.
Taking a small sip she sighed, ‘God that tastes great.’
Eric took the toast to the table and sat beside her and buttered a couple of slices.
‘I had breakfast before I came here but great sex gives you an enormous appetite.’ He winked at her and she smiled back at him.
‘So Rachel. Do you want to tell me a bit about yourself or would you like me to shut up and leave your past life alone?’ His tone was casual but she could hear the underlying burning curiosity.
Rachel sighed.
‘Well, I’m from a small island up the West coast....you can maybe tell by my accent...’ she smiled at him, ‘and I guess you could say I had an idyllic upbringing. I’ve got three brothers, who all work in various places around the world. My parents let us have all the freedom kids should have to grow up healthy and strong.’ She paused finding it difficult to say the words she felt she had to say, the truth she had to tell, ‘.......but when I was in America...well..... my parents died within months of each other.’ In fact she had only found out about their deaths when she accidentally came upon mail that Tom had hidden from her. When she had confronted him he had professed he had only kept the letters from her so she wouldn’t be upset. That he couldn’t bear to see her unhappy.
‘Did something happen to you over there Rachel?’ His voice was soft.
She ignored his question and carried on.
‘I went to university, got my degree and then my first job, a dream job on Mull. And it was there that I met Tom Sullivan....and it was then that.....well..... my troubles started.’
She took another fortifying sip of coffee and closed her eyes.
‘I met him on the beach. I was about to go out to sample the water in the bay. He was in a yacht, beaching for a picnic. To cut a long story short, he was charming, handsome and very wealthy and he would stop at nothing to get what he wanted......... I was the girl he wanted.’
‘I was naive, young, inexperienced and he swept me off my feet. He took me all over the world, dressed me in expensive clothes, gave me whatever I wished but he took away everything that was me......’ She drew a deep breath.
‘If this is too painful Rachel please....’
She stopped him by placing her hand on his.
‘I think I need to tell you the story if you’re to understand the reasons that I find it hard to trust.
‘He made me give up my job, gradually cut my contact with friends, took me to his home in Connecticut. He monitored my phone calls, where I went, what I did, chose my clothes. He wanted to marry me and........he didn’t take no for an answer. I left him the night before we were to be married, took a flight to Sweden and hid out in the hills for months, making end meet by tutoring English. I knew he would look for me......he doesn’t give up Eric.’
‘Jesus Rachel.’ Eric shook his head, shocked.
‘I stayed in Sweden until I thought it was safe to return here. I keep reassuring myself that he will have moved on.......telling myself all the reasons why he won’t come after me.’
She kept taking small sips from her coffee as if its essence gave her the strength to carry on.
‘>But I’m just not sure Eric. He controlled every part of my life in the end and his jealousy was ....well.....it scared me.’
She sighed deeply again and held his hand, feeling the strength of him
‘We went to a charity dinner two weeks before I left him. We had seats at different parts of the same table and one of the guests was paying me more attention than I guess was ...comfortable.’
She paused, ‘This is harder than I thought it might be..’
‘You don’t have to...’
‘But I do Eric. I do.....’
She took another sip.
‘He got hold of me when I left the room. His fury scared me. He hauled me out of there and took me back to his house. When we were home he dragged me through to the restroom, took my birth control pills from the cabinet and threw them down the sink. He told me that I was to have his child as soon as possible. In his fury, he.....he.....raped me Eric.’
Her voice was calm now that she had put it into words.
She had never said it out loud, had choked back the words many times. Tom had been so angry he had lifted her through to the bedroom, thrown her on the bed, ripped her clothes from her and ....
She remembered her bewilderment and her protests. Tom turned into a crazed madman. She had tried to push him from her but he had taken her swiftly, possessing her body more as an act of ownership than of love. He lay with her after, her ruined clothes around them, pronouncing his love for her, covering her body to keep her warm. Kissing her, holding her close. All as if nothi
ng had happened, the fury gone. She knew as she lay there that she had to leave him as soon as she could but it was only the night before her wedding that she found an opportunity to escape his watch. She had cried that night, silently into her pillow, as he lay sleeping beside her.
Eric pulled her gently to her feet and wrapped his arms round her and she welcomed his comforting touch.
‘You’re safe here with me Rachel. You’re safe with me,’ he whispered in her ear. And she believed him.
A feeling of calm blanketed her as she stood, held in his strong arms, perhaps the first time she had truly felt at peace since she had arrived back in Scotland.
She jumped when the phone rang.
‘I’d better get that....’
She walked over to pick up the phone, hesitated and then picked up the receiver.
‘Hello?........Hello?.....’
She placed the phone down in its cradle again, a worried frown on her face.
‘I keep getting these damn silent calls. Probably sales...’
‘Probably Rachel but I’d like it if you came back and stayed with Esme and me. Just to be safe.’
‘Thanks for the offer but..... I have to stand on my own two feet. I can’t keep running and hiding and ........well.. I keep telling myself that ... he’s a handsome man, a very wealthy man. Women were brazen about making an approach to him even when I was with him,’ she laughed, and added, ‘I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t spend much time going without, if you know what I mean. And anyway, it’s been such a long time I’ve been out of his life... over a year now. I hope that part of my life is over now.’
But she wasn’t convinced. Not quite yet.
She sat down at the table again and re-filled her cup, taking a deep breath.
Eric rubbed her shoulders and kissed her neck.
‘I’m still scared I guess......but it’s getting a little better every day.
‘I’m here for you Rachel. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe.’
His voice was soft but his face was cold fury. He sat on the table beside her.
‘I’ll never let him come near you again. I make you that promise Rachel.’ His eyes were fiery, his black eyes deep and fathomless. In that moment Rachel could see the man inside the veneer of the gentle doctor; a strong man, fierce and determined. It scared her but also reassured her. She knew Eric was a man very capable of looking after himself and his family.
She could see him turning her revelation over in his mind. His jaw clenched, the tension in his body visible.
‘Let me get changed and I’ll take you out to Ersay....let you see what a marine biologist does to make a living.’ She smiled encouragingly at him, trying to lighten the atmosphere.
‘Sure.....OK.’ He was brooding, deep in thought.
She left him and went to her bedroom. Sitting on the bed she realised that she felt lighter in step and in heart than she had done for as long as she could remember. The cloud that had been hanging over her had lifted and she could see a way ahead. She had been looking back, living in the past and in fear, but as of now she decided that she was going to try to look forward. What point was there dwelling on the past? She had to move on. For her own sanity she had to move on with her life.
She pulled on a pair of jeans and black roll neck sweater. She sat at the small mirror, pulled a brush through her long dark hair and put on some light make-up.
When she got downstairs, Eric was standing at the window gazing out to sea.
Rachel decided to leave him to his thoughts and tidy up the breakfast dishes and make some lunch to take with them. It was a lot to take in she thought to herself. She had had many, many months to come to terms with what had happened to her but she understood that to hear this for the first time must be something of a shock.
She glanced at him as she worked and worried. She had only known him a few days and his reaction was ....well....unexpectedly strong.
She went to him and stood beside him, holding his arm.
‘Come on Eric. Let’s make tracks. We’re going to miss the tide if we wait any longer.’
He smiled at her and took her bags.
‘I’m looking forward to this.’
They made their way out the door and Rachel took them to a garage at the back of the cottage. She had an old 4 x 4 which she reversed into the garage and hooked up the boat trailer to. There was a small dinghy on the back and Rachel felt the excitement she always felt at a trip to sea. This feeling had never shown any signs of abating despite the years she had been doing this.
‘There’s a small slipway at the other side of the bay I use. We’re heading out to Ersay......should only take fifteen minutes to get there and the sea’s flat calm.....couldn’t be more perfect,’ she smiled at him, ‘I’m doing an intertidal survey and it would be great to have an extra set of hands......and after all my stories this morning, you can maybe tell me more about yourself .’ She winked at him.
She could tell that the anger in him was abating but he was still pre-occupied. They climbed in the big car and Rachel drove off carefully down the unmade track.
‘Rachel, I’m sorry to keep speaking about this when I’m sure you’d rather put it to bed but could you tell me more about this man....I’d like to know who I’m dealing with.’
Rachel’s heart sped up, more than slightly alarmed.
‘Eric. It’s not your problem now. I’m sure I won’t see or hear from this man again..... after all this time has passed. It’s water under the bridge and not your problem.’
‘I want to be prepared ....just in case...’
‘Please Eric. We’ve only just met..... and I don’t want to let my past intrude on my future any more. Don’t let what happened to me cloud things any more than it has already.’
They rounded the hill at the other side of the bay from Rachel’s cottage and descended towards a small beach and a small concrete slipway.
She added in a whisper, ‘I only felt I needed to tell you this because the experience has.....left its scars.’
She pulled the car and the boat up beside the slipway and opened her window, reversing the boat trailer carefully down towards the sea. When the boat was in position she cut the car’s engine.
Eric grabbed her and kissed her again. She responded to his need, delighting in the ferocity of his kiss.
‘I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone before Rachel.....the thought of what that man did to you chews me up inside......’
She kissed him again, his confession of his feelings sending tingles of desire and hope through her. She had thought that after Tom she would never want a relationship again, that she had lost her need for intimacy and love. In the few short days, she had known Eric, a small flame had lit inside her and she now found herself nurturing it, willing it to grow.
‘Eric...I..’
He put his finger to her lips. ‘My turn now.’
‘I met Sarah, my wife, at university. We had a brief relationship, split and six months later she reappeared, pregnant. I married her and we tried to give it a go for the sake of Esme.’
Rachel held his hand. She had the feeling that this was the first time Eric had spoken openly about his relationship with Sarah to anyone. His words appeared to take a lot of effort and be emotionally draining for him.
‘Of course it didn’t work. We stayed together for Esme but I think now that that maybe wasn’t right for either of us. We were both desperately unhappy. It was easy for me to work long hours at the hospital, to stay away.....Sarah...well...she started to drink. I didn’t notice what was going on until it was too late and.....Esme had seen too much.’
She held his hand, ‘She’s a wonderful kid Eric. Whatever’s happened, she’s come through it OK.’
‘She misses her mother, despite....everything.’
‘I think a girl of Esme’s age needs a mom. I’m sure Esme must miss Sarah very much......’
He looked at the floor, not able to make eye contact with her.
�
�I had a lot of women after Sarah. They were.......distractions.... and I have to admit that I used them for what I .....needed.’
‘Claire too?’
He looked at her and nodded.
She ran her hand through his dark hair and sighed,
‘We do what we have to do to get by sometimes........Come on Eric. Help me get the boat into the water. We’re going to miss the tide.’
They left the car, Rachel grateful for the distraction. She watched him work with her, admiring his strength and physique. His dark hair was ruffled in the slight breeze and when he caught her eye he smiled, an open beautiful smile that Rachel couldn’t help respond to.
As they worked, a lone figure on the skyline watched them intently.
5.
After securing the dinghy and parking the boat and trailer further up the beach, they set off. The small boat bounced gently over the breakers, the final remnants of cloud gone from the sky.
Rachel was in her element, never feeling freer than when she was near the sea. She loved the small motorised dinghy that played such an important part her job and she guided it safely and expertly to the small island that was where just now she spent as many of her working days as she could. They travelled in silence, the salty wind in their hair and the sound of the waves against the boat as they cut through the gentle swell.
Rachel could feel him watch her, his eyes playing over her and she deliberately avoided his gaze. She felt oddly self-conscious. The journey was short and smooth and she throttled the engine back gradually, pulling the boat up on to waDthe sandy shore of the small deserted island.
Eric jumped easily out of the boat and held his arms out for her to jump into. She stepped off the boat and into his arms and he held her close, kissing the top of her head.
‘You’re quite the expert sea woman Rachel.’
She smiled and winked, ‘I’ve many talents.’
He pressed her close to him, almost painfully so and bent to kiss her neck.
She chastised him gently, ‘I’ve brought you here to assist me Doctor,’ and pushed him away from her gently, ‘Go get the bags from the boat.’