by Susan Stoker
But oh, how she wanted to be able to be there. To stand next to Cade and Penelope and the others who worked at Station 7 would be amazing. She made the decision then and there to make it her goal. She might not ever achieve it, it’d probably be too much for her to be in the middle of a large crowd that would certainly be present at an event like that, but she’d try to work her way up to it.
Being around Cade was already making her want to do things she never would’ve considered even a week ago. That had to be a good thing. At least she hoped so.
Turning back to her keyboard, Beth forced herself to concentrate on finding the weakness in the code she was looking at. There were few companies who could make an airtight code, and she’d learned over the last couple of years to keep at it…eventually she’d find a way through. It was a challenge and she always felt proud of herself when she made her way inside.
If she was a bad guy, she could’ve made off with millions of dollars, and even billions of social security numbers, birthdates, credit card numbers and more, but it was the challenge of getting in that floated her boat. Not stealing. She’d done harmless, albeit still illegal hacks, like upgrading her mom and dad to first class one of the few times they’d flown out to see her, or putting her brother on every bride-to-be mailing list so he’d receive junk mail from bridal companies for the rest of his life when he’d teased her about being a computer geek (which made him totally take it back).
“Gotcha,” Beth mumbled under her breath as the entire purchasing history of a large well-known retailer popped up on her screen. It’d only taken her an hour to make her way through the twists and turns in the firewalls to hack into their customer database.
“What’d you get?”
Beth nearly shrieked in surprise as Cade spoke the words in her ear from right next to her.
“Jeez, Cade. You scared the life out of me.”
He chuckled, and Beth shivered as his breath washed over her neck.
“Sorry, sweetheart. Who’d you hack now?”
“No one.”
“Come on, who?”
“PayPal.”
When he didn’t say anything, Beth peeked up at him. His mouth was literally hanging open in surprise.
“I didn’t do anything. I just wanted to see if I could get in.”
“Jesus, honey. I know I keep saying this, but seriously, I have to introduce you to Dax or Cruz. Your talents are totally wasted in customer service. They’d kill to have you on their payrolls. Now come on, get your cute ass out of their website. It’s late. You need to get to sleep.”
“I don’t sleep much, I told you that.”
“Why not?”
Beth shrugged, even though she knew exactly why. “I’ll lie down in a couple of hours.”
Cade eyed her, but didn’t protest or try to convince her to try harder. His next words were much more surprising. “Can I stay?”
“Stay?”
“I know I’m pushing my luck, but I’m beat. My place is across the city and it would take around twenty minutes or so to get there this time of night. I’ll be good, I’m perfectly happy staying right here on your couch. I’ve got to go to work at ten tomorrow…well, today, and I want to replace that chicken we had to throw away before I go in.”
“There’s no need to go shopping for me. I can get it later. But, yes, you can stay.”
“I can go if it makes you uncomfortable.”
“It doesn’t. As long as you aren’t going to pull a Hannibal Lector on me, you’re good.”
Cade grinned at her serial killer comment, but didn’t otherwise say anything about it. “Okay, I’ll just stretch out here. I sleep through anything, so don’t worry about me.”
“I have a guest room.”
Cade yawned and settled back on the couch. “This is perfect.”
“I’ll just move over to the—” She was going to say “chair,” when Cade interrupted her.
“Stay. I like you next to me.”
She couldn’t argue with that logic. “Okay, but the couch pulls out into a recliner on that side. You’d probably be more comfortable that way.”
“Oh man, now you’ve done it.” Cade groaned in ecstasy as he found the lever and stretched out until he was almost lying flat. “You’ll never get rid of me now. My butt will meld with this cushion and you’ll have to get a crane to pull me out.”
Beth giggled. “You’ll get sick of being here soon enough.”
“I wouldn’t bet on it, sweetheart.”
His words were light, but Beth swallowed hard at the serious tone of his voice. “Good night, Cade. Thanks for everything today.”
“Good night. And you’re welcome.”
It took a while, but Beth finally pulled her attention away from the gorgeous man sleeping soundly next to her and back to her computer screen. There was one other firewall she wanted to see if she could get around tonight, and she needed to concentrate. She’d heard Cade before when he’d voiced his concerns over her illegal online activities…but the rush she got when she achieved her goal of hacking into a system that was supposed to be hack-proof was hard to give up. It was one of the few things in her life that made her feel proud of herself.
The government frowned when people hacked into their databases—but it was part of the reason she wanted to see if she could do it.
CHAPTER 7
Cade stood at Beth’s front door and waited for her to look up at him. He honestly hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but was thrilled she’d let him stay. He’d woken up around three in the morning and been alone in the living room. He saw Beth’s laptop sitting on the table next to her side of the couch and figured she’d finally wandered off to bed.
He didn’t like that she didn’t sleep well, and as much as he wanted to do something about it, Cade figured it was probably more because her brain wouldn’t shut off and she remembered too much of the crap that had happened to her, rather than the fact that she didn’t need the sleep.
He was awake when she wandered into the room around seven. She’d made a pot of coffee and he’d left to go pick up some chicken for her. After he’d returned from the store, they’d had a leisurely breakfast together.
It was now time for him to get to work but his heart was beating hard in his chest. He’d been thinking about this moment since last night, and he hoped like hell she was on the same page.
“Thanks for everything. Breakfast, the place to crash, all of it.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Do you think you know enough about me now to let me give you a good-morning-I’ll-see-you-later kiss?”
Cade watched her blush, then nod shyly.
Telling himself not to fall on her like a starving, wild mongrel, he took a step toward her, getting up into her personal space. He put one hand on her bicep and the other on her waist, trying not to make her feel trapped. Her hair was down around her shoulders and chest, untamed and messy…and absolutely beautiful.
He leaned in close, as he had the night before, but hesitated, his lips hovering over hers. He wanted to take her. He wanted nothing more than to lean down, capture her lips with his own and take possession of her. She might be sorting through some shit in her head, but she was a good person. Funny, smart, sarcastic, and down-right entertaining. Cade wanted her, but first he was going to start out with a kiss.
He wanted her to want it as much as he did though. He felt like he was pushing Beth, but Cade needed to know she wanted this kiss and wasn’t just going along with it because he’d helped her yesterday or because he was Penelope’s brother.
Holding his breath, but not losing eye contact, Cade waited a beat. Finally, she moved the inch it took to bring their lips together and he sighed. Every muscle in his body sagged in relief. Thank God.
Without giving her time to give him a small peck and pull away, Cade took what she offered. He fused his lips to hers and licked lightly at the seam. When she gasped, he took advantage and surged inside. She tasted like coffee…and sunshine.
Shit, he was being philosophical, but damn, she was amazing.
It was obvious she wasn’t an expert at kissing, but her eagerness and innocence shone through. She turned her head to one side, trying to get closer, and Cade pulled her into him until they were touching from hips to chest, and it still didn’t feel close enough. He pulled back momentarily to make sure she was all right, and when she moaned and stood on tiptoes to get closer to him, he took her mouth again.
This time he showed her what to do. His tongue played with hers then retreated, encouraging her to follow him. She did. At the first tentative touch of her tongue against his lips, he groaned deep in his throat. The small sound must’ve broken her concentration because Beth pulled back, blushing.
Cade put his forehead on hers and closed his eyes, giving her the mental space he knew she needed, but not the physical space. He ran one hand over the side of her head, then curled his hand around her ear, smoothing her hair back at the same time. “Mmmmm, that was the perfect ending to a wonderful date.”
He felt her smile and opened his eyes and pulled back. He wanted to see it for himself. Yup, it was small and tentative, but it was there. “Thank you, sweetheart. That’ll keep me going until I can see you again.”
Beth pushed a lock of her hair behind her other ear and he could tell it took some effort, but she said, “I’m looking forward to it.”
Cade leaned down, brushed a quick kiss over her now swollen lips and stepped back. He wanted more, but he was patient. She needed to know that he wasn’t going to rush her into anything she might not be ready for. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her. “I’ll message you later. I have three days on and two days off this week, so I won’t have a lot of free time to see you, but I’ll touch base electronically…all right?”
“Yeah. That sounds good.”
“If you need anything, though, let me know and I’ll take care of it.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“I know you will. Do me a favor?”
“What’s that?”
“Try not to hack into the President’s email until I can get you on the FBI’s payroll, okay? Courting you while you’re in prison would cramp my style.”
Beth laughed, as he’d meant her to. “Can’t promise, but I’ll see what I can do.”
“I’d appreciate that. Have a good day, sweetheart. I’ll be in touch soon.”
“Bye, Cade.”
“Bye.”
* * *
The next few days went by fairly quickly for Beth. She chatted with both Penelope and Cade when they had some down time at the station, and got back into the swing of dealing with questions from customers for her day job.
She’d even made time to call her brother, David, as well. Living up in Philadelphia, he was in the marketing department for a large accounting firm. He’d always said that it was very interesting to be a creative type of person working with a bunch of mathematicians.
“Hey, Beth, how are you?”
“I’m as good as I can be, I guess.”
“I received a subscription to a magazine called Girls and Corpses last week…you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”
“Nope, but you might like to know for your birthday, you may or may not be receiving Teddy Bear Times magazine as well.”
David laughed. “It’s been too long since I’ve talked to ya, sis. Now…seriously, how are you?”
“I’m better.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really. I’ve had a few setbacks, but nothing that wasn’t expected.”
“Oh, Beth.”
Ignoring the sorrow in her brother’s voice, she continued quickly, “I met a guy.”
The silence on the line was almost deafening.
“A guy.” David didn’t say it as a question, but Beth had no doubt it was.
“Yeah. He’s Penelope’s brother. Penelope being the firefighter I told you about who’s in my therapy group. Her brother’s also a firefighter.”
“How’d you meet him?”
“Hummm, yeah, well, I was trying to make Mom’s fried chicken.”
“You didn’t.”
“I did. I almost burned the place down and the fire department showed up to save my bacon. He was there, then he came back and helped me clean up.”
“So you’re dating now? Does he know about your agoraphobia?”
Beth sighed in exasperation. “Yeah, I think we’re dating. But I’m taking things slowly, so you don’t have to get the shotgun out yet.”
“You think you’re dating?”
“Yeah.”
“And the other?”
“Yes, I told him about the panic attacks. He’s Pen’s brother, she told him about what happened to me.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“Surprisingly, yes. I’d rather she tell him than have to rehash it all myself. David, I like him.”
“I have some time saved up, I want to come and visit.”
“I’d love that! As long as you’re not planning on scaring Cade away.”
“His name’s Cade?”
“Yeah. Cade Turner. When are you coming?”
“Not for a while. I’m just letting you know it’s on my to-do list.”
“How are you? Anyone special in your life?”
“There’s a new accountant here I have my eye on. He’s kinda nerdy and straightlaced but I’ve glimpsed a wicked sense of humor under his stern countenance.”
Beth had never given a crap about her brother’s sexual orientation; he was just her older brother. “Well, good luck with that.”
“It was good talking to you. Take it slow with this guy, okay, sis? I worry about you. I don’t want him taking you somewhere and then not thinking it’s a big deal, abandoning you or something.”
“He’d never do that. Ever.”
“Okay. Call me more often, would ya? I miss you.”
“I will. I love you.”
“Love you too, Beth. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Beth had hung up the phone and smiled. She loved David and was thrilled he was at least trying to get into the dating scene. She wanted to see him happy as much as he wanted to see her happy and healthy.
* * *
It wasn’t until the third night after Cade had slept over, when she was bored with the Dark Web and looking for something to do, that she really thought about the minivan that had been on fire. She hadn’t reflected on what had happened because she’d been dealing with the aftereffects of being with Cade, the panic attack…and his kiss.
But now, sitting in her dark apartment, she had an epiphany.
While she’d been sitting in Cade’s truck watching the flames shoot up toward the sky, she hadn’t been scared until the fire had been snuffed out. Was it a fluke?
It gave her an idea.
Beth put her laptop aside and headed into the kitchen. She rummaged through two drawers before finding what she wanted. She went back into her living room and sat on the edge of her couch, pulling the coffee table closer.
She struck one of the matches. It lit and Beth held it up in front of her as it burned down. Before the flame hit her fingers, she blew it out, watching as the smoke rose lazily in the air.
She dropped the burnt stick to the table and reached for another.
The flame caught with the first strike and Beth felt her eyes go blurry as she watched this one burn. Again, with one gust of air, the flame was extinguished and disappeared with a puff of smoke.
She did it again. And again. Until the entire pack lay in burnt sticks on the table in front of her.
Beth felt her heart beating strongly in her chest. It wasn’t pounding, but it was steady. She felt steady. The control she had over that flame was heady. She knew it was only a match, but she decided when it would burn and when it would die.
There wasn’t much else she felt like she had control over in her life.
She wasn’t in charge of her body when she had to venture o
utside her four walls. She’d had no control over Hurst when he’d been hurting her. She even felt out of control, albeit in a good way, when Cade had kissed her.
But this. This was different somehow.
She stood up abruptly and went back to the kitchen. After ten minutes of searching, Beth went back to her couch in defeat. She didn’t have any more matches in the house, not even one of those propane lighter clicky things.
Ignoring the blackened stubs of wood scattered around her coffee table, she sat back and powered up her laptop, feeling excited.
She might not have them right now, but she could have as many as she wanted tomorrow. Thank God for overnight shipping.
CHAPTER 8
A week later, Beth relaxed on the couch with Penelope and Cade. Cade had called from the firehouse the day before and asked if she might like to hang out and watch a movie with him. She’d told him she would’ve loved to, but she already had plans with his sister.
He’d told her to hang on and she’d listened as he yelled for his sister across the fire station.
“Yo, sis!”
“What?” Penelope’s voice was faint and muffled.
“What time are you heading over to Beth’s place tomorrow?”
“Six. Why?”
“Mind if I come too?”
“No.”
He’d come back on the line and Beth swore she could hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
Of course she’d agreed. She’d looked forward to seeing them both again. They made her feel normal, and that in itself was amazing.
It’d been a while since she’d remoted into one of the group therapy sessions she and Pen attended, and Beth knew her friend would be on her case about it tonight. She kept meaning to, but hadn’t been able to get up the nerve.