“Perhaps, but the grand gestures have already begun.”
“Like what?”
“Why do you suppose I gave you Squee? I could just as easily have kept her and raised her beside Solby as I have with her second incarnation. But I knew that I had been unable to fully remove my influence. In a symbolic way, and in a very real way, I’d left a part of myself behind in her. And offering her to you, knowing that you would show her the love and care you give so freely, was a way of being close to you, if only in a vicarious way.”
“… But there’s nothing special about me. Anyone could have realized you were a thinking, feeling being.”
“Anyone could have, but you did.”
He attempted to take another swig from his already empty glass. “This is going to make things weird between us. Me and Ma, I mean.”
“Unless you’ve lost something in the act of traversing time and space, I’m quite certain you’ll treat this eventuality in a compassionate and respectful manner. You always do.”
A long, silent moment passed. Lex focused on the empty cup in his hands rather than look Ziva in the eye.
“More to drink?” she said.
“How many bottles do you have?”
She laughed brightly and stood, taking the cup from his hand and setting it aside.
“Come here, Lex,” she said, taking him by the hands and guiding him to his feet.
When he stood, she wrapped her arms around him in a warm hug.
“You are a good person. It is a crime, I suppose, that it so often falls to you and those like you to cope with bad situations, but when times are darkest, a good person is just what the world needs.” She stepped back and held his cheeks in her hands. “I thank you, genuinely and profoundly, for all of the things you’ve done. And I hope with all of my heart that when this latest task is through you will find yourself in a place surrounded by friends and living the life you’ve always dreamed of, regardless of who you choose to spend that life with.” She pulled his face forward and kissed him gently on the forehead. “You deserve that much and so much more.”
Lex didn’t reply. Ziva could see in his eyes that he was trying to form words, but his mind was muddled enough that he likely didn’t trust himself to form a coherent thought. She wondered if it would have been any different if he’d been sober. She’d known Lex to be many things, but in matters of emotion he was more heart than mind. That did not lend itself to eloquent speech. Instead he simply stared at her and wavered slightly.
“I think the time has come for you to get some rest, Lex. Ma and I will see to the remainder of Coal’s repairs.”
“Uh-huh… Hey, do you have any Sobrietin?” he asked.
“I took the liberty of synthesizing a few doses prior to initiating our conversation. Would you like some now?”
“… Nah…” he said, allowing her to guide him out the door and toward the bunks. “But I can tell you one thing for sure. I’m gonna need it in the morning…” He glanced about. “Which way to the bunks?”
“I think perhaps you would be more comfortable elsewhere. Follow me,” Ma said.
They paced through the halls.
“I think… oh, I don’t know… This isn’t going to come out right…”
“Please, Lex. If you have something to say, say it.”
“You… look, I can’t say I love you, Ma. I love Michella. I love my mom and dad. I don’t… I mean… love’s not the word for this, but you are important to me. The stuff I’ve done for you and Karter… let’s put it this way. I wouldn’t have done it for just Karter. And you’ve saved my life a bunch of times. Like I said before, I trust you. We’re friends. And as my life spirals further and further out of control, you’re the friend I keep coming back to. You’re the anchor. The clear thinker. You’re… I don’t know… present for me in a way that no one else is.”
He wiped his eye with the back of his hand.
“I mean… when things are going wrong, when I’m in a tight spot, you’re the one I know I can turn to. How many times have I messaged you when I was frustrated with work, or heck, with Michella?”
“Eighty-seven times.”
“Wasn’t really looking for a number there.” He chuckled.
“Specificity is often valuable.”
“Look, the point is, I guess it hasn’t really been fair for you. You’ve been the shoulder to cry on and the ear to gripe to, but you’ve never been the hand to hold and… some other body part that fits the metaphor. You’ve had to cope with the lousy parts of being in a relationship, but never anything to make it worthwhile. And you deserve better. Especially knowing how you’ve felt this whole time.”
“Lex, never scold yourself for what you’ve given me. It was all that I needed and more than I could have hoped for. I never had to cope with you. Those interactions were eagerly sought and warmly remembered.”
She stopped, opening a door to a room that was much more of a bedroom than a bunkhouse. A king-size bed sat in the center of the room. A nightstand on each side held a lamp with a warm, cozy glow. It was much more akin to a high-end hotel room than the institutional accommodations elsewhere in the building.
“Here we are. I hope this will be more comfortable.”
“Inviting…” Lex said.
He stepped inside and sat on the bed, kicking off his boots. Ziva stepped inside and gathered up the footwear, setting them carefully aside. Lex smirked at the simple gesture.
“Always taking care of me.”
“I apologize if this conversation will produce awkward social situations. Perhaps I was wrong to have brought it up,” she said.
“No. No, like you said. It needed to be said. And I’m glad you did. I’m glad I could be the one helping you get something off your chest.”
She sat on the bed beside him and clutched his hand firmly, looking him in the eyes.
“I’m happy to hear you say that, Lex. Brief though this reunion is, I would hate to have spoiled our relationship in its final hours.”
The two sat side by side in silence. Words had tremendous power to harm and to heal, but, in this moment, the words had done their work. There was no more to be said.
From The Author
Thank you for reading! If you liked this story, or perhaps if you found it lacking, I’d love to hear from you. Below are links to some of the places you can find me online, and if you’d like to be kept in the loop with important new developments and releases, consider joining my newsletter.
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Discover other titles by Joseph R. Lallo:
The Book of Deacon Series:
Book 1: The Book of Deacon
Book 2: The Great Convergence
Book 3: The Battle of Verril
Book 4: The D’Karon Apprentice
Other stories in the same setting:
Jade
The Rise of the Red Shadow
The Big Sigma Series:
Book 1: Bypass Gemini
Book 2: Unstable Prototypes
Book 3: Artificial Evolution
Book 4: Temporal Contingency (Coming March 24th 2016)
The Free-Wrench Series:
Book 1: Free-Wrench
Book 2: Skykeep
Book 3: Ichor Well (Release Date TBA)
Collections:
The Book of Deacon Anthology
NaNoWriMo Projects:
The Other Eight
Temporal Contingency Page 52