“I feel the same way.” She kissed my cheek, pulling away slowly when she felt my tears. Looking me in the eye, she brushed her palms over my cheeks. “Please don’t cry. You’ll make me cry.” Even as she said it, tears slipped down her cheeks. “I’m afraid if I start, I may never be able to stop.”
Funny, I felt exactly the same way. For the first time in a long time, we were totally in sync.
Chapter One
Mackenzie
“I don’t know why the hell I let you talk me into this,” I said, smoothing my palm over my stomach to settle the butterflies. “I’m not ready to date. It’s too soon.”
My best friend since our freshman year of high school, Molly, rolled her eyes at me in the full-length mirror. “Ryker moved out six months ago. You’ve been working your butt off, literally, since then. It’s time for you to get out there and show it off, girl.”
My friend was right. I had been working hard at the gym. Every day. Tirelessly. I’d had to hire a trainer since I had no idea how to lift weights, and he’d patiently helped me develop a routine that banished the bingo wings that had always made me too self-conscious to wear tank tops.
“How much weight have you lost now?” she asked, filing her nails. “Twenty-five, thirty pounds?”
“Twenty-eight, last time I checked.” Which had been yesterday. I had a love-hate relationship with the scale. I tried to keep it in the bathroom cabinet in the basement, but that didn’t prevent me from running downstairs buck naked every other day to check my progress.
“That dress is a size freakin’ four,” Molly said, clapping. “I’m so proud of you. You’ve never looked hotter.”
She was my best friend; she had to say that. But I had to admit, I did feel better about myself than I had in a really long time.
“Um, Mac, I have to tell you something, and I’m not sure how you’re going to take it.”
I swung around to face her, knowing the news she was about to impart would be bad. I could always tell by the tone of her voice. “What is it?”
“I saw Ryker out for dinner with another woman last weekend.” She held her breath, waiting for me to say something. When I didn’t, she rushed on. “That’s why I was on you about going out with this guy I work with. Why the hell should your ex be out with some blond bombshell while you’re sitting at home, wasting the best years of your life?”
“Blond bombshell?” I whispered, touching my freshly highlighted hair. I thought the hairdresser went a little heavy on the light-blond highlights “to freshen up my look,” she said. Now I suspected she’d made the right call. Ryker always said he didn’t think my ash-blond hair made me look mousy, but now I had to wonder if he’d been trying to spare my feelings.
“Did they look close?” I could barely get the words out of my dry throat.
“Who knows?” Molly picked an invisible piece of lint off her black jeans. “You know Ryker. He’s not into public displays of affection. But she was definitely into him.”
“Was she…?” I knew I shouldn’t torture myself this way. My life coach, who’d become like a surrogate mother to me since I split from Ryker, told me I had to focus less on his life and more on mine. But that was easier said than done since our lives had been intertwined for so many years. “Gorgeous?”
Molly wrinkled her nose, a clear sign she didn’t want to answer. “Depends on your definition of gorgeous, I guess. Personally, I thought she was too made up, definitely trying too hard to impress him.”
I groaned at my own reflection in the mirror. “What the hell do you call this?” I asked, gesturing to my tight black dress and sky-high heels.
“That is sexy, classy. There’s definitely a difference.” Pointing at my reflection in the mirror, she said, “Look at the way that smoky shadow makes your blue eyes pop and that pale pink lip gloss practically screams kiss me.”
“What if I don’t want him to kiss me?” I asked, sucking in my stomach as I turned to the side. I didn’t have a paunch left, but old habits were hard to break.
“Trust me, you’ll want him to kiss you.” Molly winked. “He’s hot.”
“If he’s so hot, why aren’t you going out with him?”
Molly was recently divorced with no kids and nothing to keep her out of the dating pool, except for the fact she was too picky, claiming most men our age had to be retrained and were often more trouble than they were worth.
I consulted my watch when the doorbell rang. “Kyle’s not due for another fifteen minutes. That must be Ryker picking up the kids.”
“Go and answer it,” Molly said in a stage whisper. “Let him see how hot you look.”
“No! I don’t want him to know I’m dating.”
“Why the hell not?” Molly demanded. “He’s dating.”
She had a point. Before I could decide for myself, Zane stuck his head in the half-open door. “Holy shit, where are you going dressed like that?”
Feeling even more self-conscious, I frowned. “Language,” I muttered, knowing that was a lost cause. “What’s wrong? You don’t like it?”
Molly giggled. “No teenager likes it when their mom looks hot.”
“She’s right,” Zane muttered. “Uh, Dad wants to talk to you before he leaves. Something about next weekend.”
“Tell him I’ll be right there.” I knew I had to show my face now, but I needed a minute to steel my courage first. “Oh God,” I said, turning to face Molly. “I really don’t want to do this. He’s going to ask why I’m all dressed up, and I’m going to have to admit I’m dating again.”
“Good.” Molly grinned. “Let him know he’s not the only one out having a good time.”
The thought of Ryker out having a good time with some hot blonde propelled me forward. “Let’s get this over with. I may need a glass of wine before Kyle gets here.”
***
Ryker
“What the hell?”
They were Cole’s words, but I echoed the sentiment. “Uh, you look great, Mac. Special occasion?”
“She has a date,” Molly said in a sing-song voice. “Doesn’t she look amazing, Ryker?”
A date? My gut clenched as I gripped the doorknob behind me. My wife was going out with another man and I was supposed to be fine with it? Hell no. “Guys, why don’t you throw your stuff in the car?” I said, gesturing to their backpacks. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Bye, guys,” Mac said, leaning in to hug them both. “Have fun with your dad this weekend.”
I caught a whiff of her perfume, something flowery and unfamiliar. I hated it. It reminded me how much she’d changed in the past six months. She’d become someone I didn’t even recognize. I couldn’t deny she was smokin’ hot, but the fact that she’d made all these changes to lure in another man made me feel nauseated.
“Bye, Mom,” Zane said. “Have fun tonight.”
“Yeah,” Cole said, eyeing her dress and high heels. “But, uh, not too much fun, okay?”
Mac laughed, impressing the hard-on I’d been sporting since I caught sight of her. Thankfully the light was dim in the foyer and I was wearing black jeans, so hopefully it wouldn’t be obvious.
“You have a date?” I said, clenching my teeth as my eyes travelled over her toned body.
I’d seen her in leggings and tunics every time I came to pick up the boys, so even though Zane mentioned she’d been working out with a trainer and had lost some weight, I had no idea she’d been hiding this body. She hadn’t even been this tiny, this taut, when we met.
“I do,” she said, smoothing a hand over her hip. “You think I look okay? This dress isn’t too much, is it? I mean, you know, from a guy’s perspective.”
I curled my lip, practically growling as I spit out, “I’d say if anything, it’s too little.”
Molly giggled. “Somebody’s jealous.”
I glared at my wife’s best friend. “A little privacy would be nice.”
“I’ll open that bottle of wine, Mac,” she said, grinning at me. “Ky
le should be here soon.”
“Kyle?” I asked, closing my fists at my sides. “Who the hell is Kyle?”
“He’s a friend of Molly’s,” she said, running a hand through her freshly styled hair.
God, she looked gorgeous. This Kyle was going to be tripping all over himself trying to get close to her. And I was completely helpless to stop it. Which I hated. I’d been trying to give her space to find herself, and I had to admit she did seem happier, but I didn’t want some other guy to be the reason.
“A friend of Molly’s?” I repeated. “That’s supposed to make me feel better?” Molly was a bit of a wild child, always looking to lead Mac astray.
“Ryker, we’re separated, remember? We have been for six months. We’re both free to date other people.”
I should have known Molly would have told her about the blonde I’d been out with last week. One of my brothers fixed us up and it was a train wreck from start to finish, mainly because I didn’t want to be there and she could tell.
Before I could argue the point, the doorbell rang. I turned to see some dude with dark-blond hair wearing a black suit and carrying a bouquet of flowers. Flowers? Seriously? How much worse could this get?
“Oh, that must be my date,” Mac said, pushing past me. “God, he’s early. Ryker, shouldn’t you be going? The kids are waiting for you in the car.”
“I’m not going anywhere until I meet him.” I didn’t know why I was torturing myself. Maybe I was hoping he’d be intimidated and back the hell off.
Mac cursed softly, glaring at me over her shoulder, before she opened the screen door and forced a smile. “You must be Kyle. It’s so nice to meet you.”
“Oh wow,” he said. “Molly said you were pretty, but I didn’t expect you to be so… incredible.”
I was going to kill this little bastard.
Mac laughed lightly, taking the flowers he offered. “Thank you. Um, Kyle, this is my ex—”
“Her husband,” I said, thrusting out my hand. “Ryker Steele.”
“Your husband?” he asked, shooting a glance at Mac.
“We’re separated,” Mac said, glaring at me. “He’s just here to pick up our kids for the weekend.”
“Oh.” He seemed relieved until I gripped his hand hard enough to make him wince. He withdrew his hand, flexing it at his side. “If you guys need a few more minutes, I can wait in the car. I know I’m early.”
“Good idea,” I said.
At the same time, Mac said, “That’s not necessary. Ryker was just leaving.”
“I need to talk to you about next weekend.”
“We can talk about it when you drop the kids off Sunday afternoon,” she said, touching my forearm with a warning smile. “Okay?”
Before I could respond, Molly came out of the kitchen, wine glass in hand. “Oh hey, Kyle. I didn’t know you were here.” She walked up to him, lifting her cheek for a kiss. “Nice to see you.”
“I didn’t know you’d be here,” Kyle said. “Had I known, I would have brought you flowers for setting me up with…” He cleared his throat when he caught my eye.
“Why are you here?” I asked Molly. “Shouldn’t you be home, grading papers or something?” Molly was a first grade teacher, not that you’d know it to look at her. There was nothing demure about her.
“It’s Friday night,” she said, rolling her eyes at me. “I have all weekend to work. Besides, I teach first grade. It’s not like I have to grade algebra tests.”
“Doesn’t answer my question,” I said. “Why are you here?”
“Why is it any of your business?” she asked, taking a sip of her wine. “You don’t live here anymore, Ryker.”
I’d always had that kind of relationship with Molly. Antagonistic. She thought I was trying to stifle Mac, and I thought she was trying to corrupt her. Push and pull. Push and pull. Only it seemed Molly had come out the winner in the tug of war because her relationship with Mac hadn’t changed while mine most definitely had.
“You look familiar,” Kyle said, tipping his head as he looked at me. “Where have I seen you before?”
“Probably on TV,” Molly supplied. “He has a bunch of clients with reality shows. Sometimes he makes guest appearances to deliver their bikes.”
“That’s right,” he said, snapping his fingers. “Ryker Steele. Steele Custom Choppers, right?”
“Give the man a gold star.” I saw Mac shooting dirty looks at me, but I didn’t care.
“Ryker,” Mac said finally, grabbing the sleeve of my leather jacket. “You’re leaving now. Good night.”
She ushered me outside and was about to slam the door in my face when I tugged on her hand, pulling her hard against my chest. “You look amazing, but it’ll be wasted on him. You should be going out with me instead.”
“Ryker,” she said, tipping her head back, “don’t do this. Please.”
I know she thought I was playing a game, trying to lure her in just because I didn’t want someone else to have her. But that couldn’t have been further from the truth. I’d never stopped wanting her, and I knew if I didn’t find a way to prove it to her soon, she’d find someone else and make our separation legal and permanent.
I closed the door, giving us some privacy. Fortunately, we were shielded from my Escalade in the driveway, so the boys wouldn’t witness our exchange and start asking questions I couldn’t answer.
“This is killing me,” I whispered, grazing Mac’s cheek with mine. “Watching you go out with someone else. It’s wrong.” I gripped her waist. “Can’t you see that, Mac? We belong together.”
“If you believed that, you wouldn’t have been out with another woman.”
Damn it. I knew that would come back to bite me. I was going to kill Nex when I saw him. “That was a one-time thing. I don’t plan to see her again. Ever.”
“Well maybe I won’t be seeing Kyle again,” she said, her voice soft, her back to the door. “I don’t know. What I do know is that I need to figure things out for myself. Since we split, I’ve changed. And I like who I’m becoming.”
“Do you think I would try to prevent you from changing or growing?” I asked, my frustration mounting. This was the first time since I’d left that we’d talked about our relationship. We’d kept it cordial, always about the boys, never about us. “I want you to be happy. I’d do anything to make you happy.”
She hugged me for the first time in forever, and I never wanted to let her go.
“I know you do, but I don’t know if we can make each other happy anymore. Maybe we’ve just grown too far apart, lost too much ground.”
“I don’t believe that.” The irony wasn’t lost on me. The reason our marriage had ended was because we’d lost the intimacy. Now I wanted nothing more than to drag her into our bedroom and make love to her until she never wanted me to leave. That’s when it hit me, nearly bringing me to my knees. “You can’t sleep with another man in our bed.” I held her face in my hands. “Promise me you won’t.” Now that she had the weekends to herself and was back in the dating game, anything was possible.
She wrapped her hands around mine, trying to tug them away. “It’s not our bed, it’s mine, and you don’t have the right to tell me what to do anymore.”
“What the hell are you saying?” I asked, feeling my panic collide with rage. “That you’d let another man screw you in the bed you shared with me?”
“This isn’t fair,” she said, her voice breaking as she stepped back. “I’m trying to move on with my life, and you won’t let me.”
“Because I don’t want you to!”
Cole must have heard me shouting because he opened the door and said, “Come on, Dad. We’re gonna miss the game.”
“Just go,” Mac said, gesturing toward the truck. “Go. Have fun with your sons. Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.”
I wanted to grab her, haul her against my chest, wrap my arms around her, and refuse to let go until she admitted she was still in love with me, but I knew
this wasn’t the time or place, so I said, “About next weekend…”
“What about it?” she asked, turning to face me with her hand on the door.
“Zane has his belt ceremony next weekend. I know he’d like us both to be there.”
“Of course I’ll be there,” Mac said, looking affronted. “I’m his mother.”
“I thought it would be nice if we could go out for dinner to celebrate, you know, as a family. I think it would mean a lot to him.” To me too.
“Um…” She looked uncertain but finally said, “Sure, that would be nice. We can talk more about it when you drop the boys off. Have a nice weekend.”
I didn’t tell her to enjoy her evening because I was hoping she wouldn’t. I knew it was petty, but I wanted her to have such a miserable time she wouldn’t even want to consider dating again.
When I got in the truck, Cole was in the front seat, playing games on his iPad, and Zane was in the back, listening to his iPod with earbuds.
“So that’s the guy she’s going out with?” Cole asked. “Looked like a douche. I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Dad.”
I snickered at my son’s description of Mac’s date. She would have reprimanded him for using foul language, but I thought his description was appropriate under the circumstances. “I’m not worried,” I said, buckling my seatbelt.
“You’re not worried because you know he’s not a threat or you don’t care that Mom’s dating again?” Cole asked.
I hadn’t talked to the boys about where things stood since I moved out. Mainly because there was no good news to report, but I wanted them to know I wasn’t giving up on putting our family back together again.
“I care,” I said, backing out of the driveway as I rolled my eyes at the late-model Ford Focus parked beside me. “I’ll always care about your mother. You know that.”
“That’s not what I mean.” Cole flipped his iPad over, stretching his long legs out in front of him. “I mean, does it bother you that she’s out with some other dude tonight?”
Ryker (Steele Brothers #1) Page 2