by CM Doporto
“What?” I leaned forward, trying to catch his gaze, but he refused to look at me.
“Lexi, I… I really like you. I do.” His head lowered and my heart sank.
Even though I had a feeling he was going to tell me he didn’t want to see me anymore, I had hoped I was wrong. I took a deep breath and in one breath, said, “Let me guess. You don’t want to see me anymore.” My chest squeezed and my stomach did a somersault. I had said it, even though I didn’t want to.
“I’m not good for you, Lexi.” He slowly turned his head in my direction.
“Don’t say that. You’re a great person, Raven.” I pressed my lips together and blinked a few times, feeling the onset of tears. Why was I on the verge of crying? I may have liked Raven, but I didn’t love him. Or did I?
“It’s the truth and you know it. You deserve to be with a guy that has his shit together and isn’t a total screw up like me.” He set his helmet on the bleacher.
I knew at that moment that my intuition was completely on target. What had sparked the change in the way he was acting toward me had everything to do with what his mother had said the other day.
“But you’re not a screw up Raven. Can’t you see that?” I pivoted my body and grabbed his arms, turning him to face me. “You’re a great guy and an awesome football player, with a great future ahead of you.”
“Lexi, my family isn’t like your family. We’re all effed up.” His eyes darted to the side and then back at me, pain circling around them. I knew this was hurting him, just as much as it was hurting me.
“I’m not here to judge you, Raven. I know you’ve had it rough and you deserve to have someone that will be there for you. Encourage you. Support you.” I wrapped my hands around his. “I want to be that person.”
He pulled back, forcing me to let go of his hands. “I wish you could be, but it’s better that you aren’t. You’re too good for me.”
My body slumped forward, but I straightened, forcing myself to get through to him. “I’m sorry that you think that I’m Miss Goody Two-Shoes, but I’ve got news for you. I’m not as innocent as you think.”
“Oh, come on.” Raven shot me a disdaining look. “Who are we kidding? You had never drank a beer or took a shot of liquor until you met me.”
“That was my choice. I didn’t have to drink the things you offered me, but I did because I wanted to,” I assured him.
He cupped his hands around my face and I relaxed into them. It took all my effort to keep my eyes from closing. It was so easy to get lost in his trap. The trap I loved being a prisoner to. “I’ll destroy you, Lexi. Trust me.”
I titled my head back. “No, you won’t. Because I won’t let that happen to either of us.”
“Lexi, my problems stem deeper than you can imagine. All of the forces of nature couldn’t keep me from doing some of things I know I’m not supposed to do. I’ll just pull you down with me and I can’t do that to you.” He stared deep into my eyes and I waited eagerly to see if the connection we once had would take over and make all of this better somehow. But, it didn’t.
I felt my heart breaking all over again. How had I fallen for him so quickly?
“Please, Lexi.” His forehead rested against mine and his hands drifted away from my face. “Don’t make this harder for us. Just go back to your fiancé.”
“What?” I jerked my head away and sucked in a deep breath, pissed that he had the nerve to tell me to go back to a guy that he knew nothing about.
“You heard me, Collin is waiting for you.”
“How do you know that?” I pressed him hard for an answer but he didn’t say anything. “What exactly did Delaney tell you?”
“Not much... really. But I know who Collin is—”
“You know Collin Norris? Personally?” I snapped. Every word he spoke reminded me of something my parents would have said. The last thing I needed was another person telling me what to do.
“Well, not personally, but I know of him.” His forehead creased and his eyes narrowed. This might have been hard for him, but he hadn’t even considered what it was doing to me. He had assumed he knew what was best for me. Why was he making this so hard on both of us when he didn’t have to? “He’s a good guy. His dad’s a preacher and he’s the one you should be with, not me.”
I shot up. “Oh my God! You know nothing about him, yet you’re ready to dump me at his doorstep. I guess you really don’t care about me or what makes me happy because it sure isn’t Collin.”
“Lexi, please.” Raven took my hand and urged me to sit. “Calm down.”
My eyes watered and I quickly wiped away the tears. Didn’t he know I wanted to be with him, not Collin? Pushing all fear aside, I placed my hand on his cheek. I had to tell him.
“It’s you who makes me happy. It’s you who makes my heart beat wildly. It’s you who has showed me more affection than Collin ever had in the four years we were together. You’ve given me more attention than anyone ever has. Attention that I need and want. Raven, I want to be with you. Is that such a bad thing?”
“It is when you’re a guy like me.” His eyes closed for a moment and he inhaled deeply. “I’m sorry, Lexi, but I can’t see you anymore.” He picked up his helmet. “You’re better off without me.” Without saying anything else, he stood and stepped off the bleachers. I watched as he walked through the small gate and onto the field.
I didn’t know what to think about what had just happened, except that I had to prove that I wasn’t the same Lexi Thompson he had met that day in the writing lab. I refused to be the innocent and sweet Lexi. If all the tramps in the university had a chance, then I sure as hell did. All I had to do was show him.
Σ
Chapter 7
“Get up, it’s already eight.” I nudged Delaney and she moaned.
“I’m tired… go away.” She covered her head with a pillow and turned in the opposite direction, facing the wall.
“You owe me.” I pulled the pillow away from her and she tried to stop me, but I yanked it from her limp hands.
She continued mumbling incoherent words so I flipped on the light. “Lex, turn that damn light off.”
“Not until you get up.” I swirled the drink in my hand close to her ear. “Can you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
“The sound of paradise calling your name.”
She slowly turned her head and blinked a few times, trying to focus on the cup in my hand. “What are you drinking?”
I took a sip and smiled. “Something called a Tropical Dream.” I stared at the pale blue drink, determined not to let what had happened between Raven and me turn my mood sour. “I hope you don’t mind, I took your Malibu Rum and Blue Curacao.”
“Let me taste it.” Delaney eased up from the bed and took the cup from my hand. “Damn, that’s good. Where did you get the recipe?”
“Google.” I winked and took the cup from her. “You want me to make you one?” Grabbing the remote to her small portable speaker, I turned it on and hit her ‘favorites’ playlist. A fast beat played and I started gyrating to the music.
“I hadn’t planned on drinking tonight. In fact, I was going to pack so I could go home tomorrow.” She picked up her phone from the bedside table and started scrolling through it.
I lowered the music a little and then opened her closet door. “You can pack later. Tonight you’re going to a party with me.”
“A party?” She sounded surprised, as if parties were news to her. “What party?”
Skimming through her clothes, I pulled out a short black mini skirt and held it up to my waist. It was shorter than what I typically wore and I knew it would attract lots of attention. But, did I want that kind of attention? “There’s a big end of the semester party at the Sigma Chi house and we’re going.” I shoved the micro skirt back into her closet.
“Whoa. Wait a minute. How did you find out about that party?” She threw off the covers.
“I was snooping around on Facebook and saw a pos
t,” I said, matter of fact.
“I don’t know, Lexi. Things got pretty crazy the last time I went to their end of year party in the spring. I don’t think it’s a good idea if I go.”
I turned around, ignoring her pitiful excuse. “Since when did that stop you?”
Springing from her bed, she said, “Since I made a complete ass of myself and since your brother asked me to stop partying so hard.”
Dying to know what she did, I asked the obvious. “What the hell did you do?”
“You don’t want to know.” She shouldered past me. “Your brother will be pissed if I go.”
“Don’t tell him.” I reached in her closet and pulled an off-the-shoulder blue sweater. “Can I borrow this? It will look great with my black skinny jeans.”
“Um, yeah. I guess.” She ran her hands through her long, matted hair. “Wait a minute, you want me to lie to your brother?”
I shrugged. “I didn’t say lie. I just said not to tell him.”
She cocked a brow. “What did you do with my roommate?”
I laughed and did a little dance move. “Meet the new Lexi Thompson.”
She rolled her eyes at me. “Don’t tell me you want to go just to get Raven’s attention.”
I had spent the last few days trying to convince myself to move on and that I’d have one less problem without him. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
I needed him.
I wanted him in my life.
Everything he told me was one-hundred percent true. I was better off with Collin. But he wasn’t the one for me. Raven was the one I wanted. And the one I couldn’t have.
“Come on, Laney. You said we needed to make the most of this year since we’re seniors.” I crossed my arms and pouted. “What happened to my roommate?”
She took another drink from my cup. “His name is Luke Thompson and I’m totally obsessed with him.”
“Okay, whatever.” I sighed. “But this one time, I need you. I can’t go to that party by myself and I don’t have anyone to go with me.”
“Call Shelby, I’m sure she’s going with Josh.”
I shook my head. “Bad idea. I don’t want Raven to know that I’m going.”
Delaney opened her dresser draw and rummaged through it, pulling out a thong and bra. “What’s your plan?”
“Plan?”
“Yeah, your trap to get him back?” She swung her panties around her finger. “Because you’re going to have to work it, girl.”
“I don’t know.” I pulled half my hair up and gave her a sexy pose. “Seduce him?”
Laughing, she shook her head. “You and every other girl will be doing the same thing. Trust me, I’ve seen it.”
“Okay, then tell me what I need to do.”
With her head hanging down, she shuffled to the bathroom. “But I don’t want to go.”
“Laney, please,” I begged.
It took several more tries to finally convince her to go to the party with me. I was determined to do what I had set out to do. Enjoy my senior year, with or without Raven. My plan would be to show him that I wasn’t the sweet, innocent Lexi that he knew. I honestly had no idea if he would even be at this party, but I had to take the chance.
***
We arrived to the party around nine-thirty and my head felt light as every muscle relaxed. Delaney and I had already had a few Tropical Dreams and I was ready for a shot or two. I didn’t want to get stupid drunk like Delaney had the last time we went out, but I wanted the college experience that was promised to me when I entered my freshman year. I had been waiting four years to have a good time.
I nearly tripped as I walked up the stairs but managed to catch myself before face planting.
“Damn, are you already drunk?” Delaney grabbed my elbow and helped me steady my balance.
“No, it’s these stupid heels you told me to wear.”
“Shit. I guess I should have given you lessons first.”
I pulled down my skirt and focused on placing one foot in front of the other. We walked up the steps and entered into the loudest and wildest party I’d ever seen. The house reeked of beer, liquor, and cigarettes. Several people stood in a circle with their mouths wrapped around a tube attached to a huge funnel, fed by a guy that was pouring pitcher after picture of beer. They guzzled it down like they were dying from thirst. A girl motioned for us to join them in the race, but I shook my head no and urged Delaney forward.
In the living room, there was a DJ with his computer and disco ball that flashed a rainbow of colors around the room. The music was loud and people were pressed up against each other, grinding and humping. Two girls were sprawled on the couch, going at it like they were the only ones in the room. Sweat, funk, and body fluids floated in the air and it made me want to puke.
“Okay, this is pretty crazy.”
“Told ya.” Delaney rolled her eyes and I could see the regret laying within them.
We walked through the kitchen to the backyard where there was a huge kiddie pool filled with blue Jell-O. Two topless girls were smearing it all over each other like sun-tanning lotion. A group of guys cheered them on as one girl rubbed it all over the other girl’s nipple and sucked it off. As we walked past them, the girl licking and suckling winked at me and ran her tongue over her lips. I froze. What she trying to hit on me? Never had I seen anything like this. I was appalled, to say the least.
“Oh my God.” I pulled Delaney back and whispered in her ear. “Did you see what that chick just did to me?”
“No, what happened?”
“I think she likes me.”
Delaney burst out in laughter. “Everyone here will like you. Trust me.”
“Let’s go inside. I’m freezing.” I shuddered and wrapped my arms around myself. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into wearing this.” I straightened the off-the-shoulder purple dress I had on. Delaney wouldn’t let me wear the sweater I wanted to borrow from her. She said that I’d look like a prude in it. Noting all the girls dressed in micro mini skirts and dresses, she was right. They were dressed for a mid-summer party, minus the pool.
“Oh shit.” Delaney scurried behind me. “Hide me.”
“Why?”
“Matt is here. I don’t want him to see me.”
I put my hands on my hips in an attempt to block her behind me. She pushed me, moving us through the hordes of people. “If I fall, it’s totally you’re fault.” My ankles wobbled as I tried to balance myself on the three-inch platforms. I made a mental note to practice walking in heels more often.
“Stop griping. They make your legs look sexy.”
We stopped in the kitchen where a guy was pouring liquor into the mouths of all those that had lined up. Everyone was yelling and shouting that they wanted to be next. And so did I.
“Come on, I want what he’s giving out.” I pulled on Delaney’s arm, making her stand.
“Are you sure?”
I wiped the sweat from my palm and sucked in a deep breath. “Yes.”
“Are you sure you won’t be regretting it tomorrow?”
Winking, I eased behind a group of girls. “No regrets.” With an accidental bump, one of the girls turned around. “Oh, sorry.”
“Hey, you’re, um…”
“Lexi. And you’re Amber, right?”
“Yep.” She adjusted the tight bun on her head. “Hey, Delaney, didn’t see you.”
“Hey, Amber. Where’s Shelby.”
“Somebody say my name?” Shelby danced her way toward us.
“Hey, girl, let’s do a shot.” She flung her arms around me and breathed her tainted breath all over my face. “Whoa. Are you sure you need another one?”
She flashed a lopsided smile. “I’m just getting started.”
“Where’s Josh?” I looked around. If he was here, so was Raven.
“He’s over there somewhere.” She motioned with hand. “Where’s Raven?”
Delaney looked at me and then back at h
er. Maybe Raven wasn’t with Josh after all. “Um… I don’t know.”
She pouted. “Don’t tell me he already dumped you.”
Her comment hit me square in the chest and I tried to ignore the wrenching pain tugging at my heart. “Well, umm—”
“Who wants one?” A guy sat on the bar, yelling as he held a bottle in each hand. “Line up girls!” He motioned for Amber, Shelby, Delaney, and me to sit. I eagerly approached the square bar chair and sat, pressing my back against the edge.
Another guy handed me a lemon and then sprinkled a heap of salt between the webbing of my thumb and index finger.
“What’s this for?” I looked at Shelby and she smiled.
“First you lick the salt.” Shelby’s long, pink tongue scraped the salt off her hand and I copied her movements with my own.
“Heads back, girls,” the guy with the bottles instructed as he kept one thumb on the spout of the liquor bottles.
“Woo hoo!” Shelby yelled and wiggled in her chair.
“Let’s do this!” I screamed and relaxed my head against the cold marble. The guy moved down the line, pouring a shot full of liquor into each of our mouths. Cold liquid filled my mouth and I raised my head, swallowing it in one gulp. The feeling of fire shot down my esophagus and I yelled, “What the hell was that?”
“Lemon. Suck on your lemon.” Shelby shoved the slice of fruit in her mouth. I followed, sucking on the tart and sour lemon, trying to mask the horrible taste that filled my mouth.
“Otro! Otro!” a group of Hispanic guys started chanting and I shook my head.
“Hell no. If I take another one, I’ll probably vomit.” I turned away from the guy ready to fill my mouth again.
“Only one?” A cute guy with thick, brown hair that swept to the side stood in front of me. He studied me purposefully, allowing his eyes to travel from my head to my toes and I felt a slight tingle all over.
“Yes, just one.” I pulled on the hem of my dress, hoping I hadn’t flashed him.