“You think he planned on wrecking Harrison?” Bex asks. “You think that he was just looking for an excuse to try and hurt him?”
“I have no idea,” I say, “I think in the state he was in, Enzo could have been capable of anything at all.”
“Do you think those pictures went to anyone else?” Bex presses. “Do you think the rest of the world might be about to find out about your secret?”
“They were on his phone,” I tell her, “Someone wanted him to know, specifically. It’s not like they’re plastered across the internet. Have you seen any tabloid covers starring yours truly today?”
“Not yet, anyway,” Bex says.
“Shit,” I mutter, rising shakily to my feet, “Shit, shit...”
“Now’s your moment, Siena,” Bex says, taking my hands in hers, “Your dad’s in Enzo’s room now. Your brother was knocked out for a spell, but he’s awake now. He’s a little battered, a concussion but he’s going to be just fine. Go in there and come clean to them, before anything else happens. It’s the only move you've got left. Tell them exactly what’s been happening between you and Harrison, the whole truth. It’s not perfect timing, but it’s what you’ve got to work with. It’s now or never, baby girl.”
“OK,” I tell her, “I’m going. Shit, I guess I’m really going to do this.”
“Don’t let them shout you down,” Bex tells me, as I hurry out of the room, “Stand up for yourself, Siena. Stand up for you and Harrison.”
“Harrison,” I say, turning back, “He’s—?”
“Still out cold, I think,” she says quietly, “Banged up, but not broken. But let the doctors worry about him for now. Go and see your family. Make things right as best you can.”
I nod once and tear off through the hospital, in search of my dad and brother. My hands are trembling terribly as I search through the labyrinthine hospital. Raised voices and charging feet seem to careen all around me as I make my way along. I finally manage to corner a doctor and get set in the right direction. I arrive at my brother’s hospital room and peer through the narrow window set into the door.
Enzo is sitting up in bed, a huge bruise blossoming across one side of his face. His back in hunched, but he’s upright and alert. He’s speaking adamantly to my father, who listens with rapt attention. Whatever they’re talking about, neither of them looks comfortable or happy in the least. It certainly doesn’t seem like the ideal moment to intrude, but I must. Without knocking, I push open the hospital room door and step over the threshold.
Their eyes snap toward me as I straighten up, suspended in the doorway. The expressions on my father’s and brother’s faces are almost identical. They look angry, and hurt, and none-too-happy to see me.
“So. You’ve already told him,” I say to Enzo.
“Showed me, actually,” Dad says.
He’s holding Enzo’s phone is his hand. And through the spiderweb of cracks in its screen, I can spot Harrison’s smiling face beside my own. For a long moment, not one of us can speak. I came here to be honest, to finally let my family in on this secret I’ve been keeping for so long. But now that the moment has arrived, I have no idea how to relate the last couple of months to them. How can I tell them how much I care about Harrison without breaking their hearts?
“Have you come to try and explain yourself?” Enzo asks, his eyes boring into me. “Because I can assure you, neither or us is interested in your excuses.”
“I’ve come to explain the situation,” I correct him. “If you’d just let me—”
“It seems pretty cut and dry to me,” Enzo says, fury boiling in his every word. “Pictures speak a thousand words, Siena. And with all these photos, I think we’ve already got a goddamn novel on our hands.”
“I was going to tell you about us,” I say, “Really, I was. I wanted to. I was trying to find the perfect moment—”
“To tell us that you’ve been fucking Harrison Davies behind our backs?” Enzo demands.
“Enzo!” Dad rasps, “Don’t speak about your sister that way. She’s made a mistake, but that doesn’t mean you can—”
“It’s the truth, isn’t it?” Enzo goes on, “Are you or are you not sleeping with Davies, Siena? Tell the truth, for once.”
“Why bother asking questions that you know the answers to?” I say softly. Enzo’s mouth falls open at my blunt answer, and I press forward. “It’s not as simple as all that, Enzo.”
A cruel laugh escapes my brother’s throat. “I’m sure it’s not, Siena,” he says, “I’m sure you have some wonderful justification for your behavior. You’re a professional spin artist, after all. But I’m telling you right now, there’s nothing you can say that will make this OK. What the hell were you thinking, getting involved with him?”
“I was thinking that I’d met someone I enjoyed spending time with. Someone who could understand me—”
“He’s the enemy,” Enzo spits.
“He’s the competition,” I correct him heatedly, “You made him the enemy because you were afraid he’d steal the championship you decided was rightfully yours. You have been picking fights with him since he showed up on the track. You were the one who caused the wreck this afternoon and almost got yourself and Harrison killed. So don’t sit there and lecture me about justification and spin, Enzo. You’re not in the right here, brother. Not by any means.”
“Enough, both of you,” Dad says, pulling himself to standing. “How the hell did the two of you get to be such stubborn, immovable hot heads?”
“Well, we are your kids,” I remind him.
“Siena, I think your brother and I do deserve an explanation here,” he says, ignoring my jibe, “I’m trying very hard to be rational about all this. If this gets out, we’re all going to get dragged into it. All of our careers are going to be impacted. So please, give us a story that we can actually work with, here.”
“You’re not just going to disown me on the spot?” I say, only half kidding.
“Tell us what happened,” Dad insists, “Please, Siena. You owe us that much.”
I look back and forth between my brother and father, wishing there was an easy way to have this conversation. But no one ever said that the truth is supposed to be easy.
“It started in Barcelona,” I begin.
“Yeah. We know that much from the pictures,” Enzo scoffs.
“Are you going to let me do this, Enzo, or just keep raining scorn down on me?”
He holds up his hands, gesturing for me to continue. I take a deep breath and carry on.
“Charlie and I were out at this open air nightclub, and Harrison came over to introduce himself. Offered to buy me a drink. Charlie got huffy and left, but I stayed. I met Harrison’s friends, some other McClain people. This was before Naughton’s crash, so Harrison hadn’t had his big debut yet. I figured that he was just some McClain pit guy. He told me he worked for McClain, but never what his job was. I mentioned that I worked for Ferrelli, but I never told them in what capacity. I never even told them my last name. I thought it would just be one night of hanging out with their group, a couple of drinks, but Harrison and I really hit it off, before we even really knew who the other was.”
“But surely, Davies would have known your face,” Dad says, “He would have been studying his competition, even if we was just a backup driver. He must have known exactly who you were, before you even introduced yourself. He could have seen you walk into the bar and known right on the spot.”
“Maybe,” I allow, remembering that Harrison admitted to knowing who I was even from that first night. But I don’t like Dad’s insinuating tone, here.
“Don’t you think it’s possible he sought you out to mess with me?” Enzo asks harshly. “I mean, why else would he have approached you out of nowhere? That’s not how normal people behave, Siena.”
“And I suppose he tampered with Naughton’s car and caused his crash to become McClain’s main driver, right?” I shoot back angrily, “I guess that his interest in me was based
solely on the fact that I’m your sister, and couldn’t possibly have to do with the fact that we make a good match. Grow up, Enzo. Not everything’s about you.”
“I just think you’re giving Davies a whole lot of credit where it’s not due,” Enzo says.
“And you’re not giving him any,” I say, “You don’t even know him, Enzo.”
“OK, so the first night you didn’t know that Harrison was a driver. But then, you must have figured out who he really was pretty quickly once he did move up the McClain food chain, yes?” Dad prompts.
“Yeah, it became apparent pretty quickly after Naughton crashed,” I say.
“You realized who he was, but you continued to see him?” Dad asks.
“Well, yeah,” I say, “We were enjoying each other’s company, and I didn’t think there was some ironclad rule about not hanging out with other teams and drivers. Enzo flirts and sleeps with other teams' members and groupies all the time. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is not an unprecedented thing, me and Harrison. At first, I thought this would just be a little season-long fling, a couple of dates under the radar, no big deal. I didn’t think it was worth making a big deal of, back when I thought it would just be a casual little thing.”
“But then the spat between Davies and your brother happened,” Dad goes on.
“Exactly,” I say, averting my eyes from Enzo.
“And you still didn’t break it off with him,” my brother says, “Even after you saw that there was bad blood between us. Even when you knew that I couldn’t stand the guy, that he was a good-for-nothing son of a bitch. That was weeks ago, Siena. And you’ve been carrying on with him all this time, doing god knows what—”
“Why not?” I cry, “Why should I have broken it off with Harrison after your little playground squabble with him? Why should my life be dictated by your every whim, Enzo? That’s how we’ve done things since we were kids. The entire family’s always revolved around you. My life has always revolved around you. Excuse me for putting my own wishes before yours. Excuse me for following my heart, just this once.”
“Can you even hear yourself?” Enzo laughs meanly, “Following your heart? Please tell me you’re joking. He’s using you, Siena! He’s using you to get to me, to boost his own reputation. Stealing away a Lazio from Team Ferrelli would make him look like the biggest badass to ever hit F1. He’s not your knight in shining armor, he’s not your soul mate, he’s a dirt bag. I thought you were smarter than this, Siena. I never thought you were the kind of girl who’d be so fooled by a pretty face. You’re lucky that someone sent me those pictures so you can finally understand what’s at stake if you don’t back off.”
“I know full well what’s at stake,” I tell him, my entire body vibrating with anger, “I saw those pictures long before they arrived on your phone.”
A moment of silence falls heavily upon the hospital room.
“You...knew that someone had those photos? Since when?” Dad asks quietly.
“Since Budapest,” I tell him, “An unknown number sent them to me after Harrison won there. I—”
“You didn’t say anything. Even then?” Dad asks.
“No,” I tell him, “Because at that point, I was honestly considering calling it off with Harrison to protect us. All of us.”
“But instead, you’ve put all our reputations, all of our careers in jeopardy,” Enzo says, “You think anyone will be able to take you seriously if this comes out? You’ll just be another one of Harrison Davies' girls.”
“I don’t see it that way,” I say crisply.
“Bullshit,” Enzo says, “I call bullshit, Siena. You know that everyone will think of you as just another F1 slut if they find out you’ve been sleeping with—”
An agonized cry rips out of Enzo’s throat as the back of my hand collides with his bruised cheek. I stare down at him where he sits on the hospital bed, clutching the side of his face and looking up at me in surprise.
“Don’t you dare speak to me like that,” I say, my voice full of fire, “I’m not your employee, Enzo. I’m not some sniveling, know-nothing little girl. I’m your sister. I don’t need you to look out for me, I don’t need you to tell me how to live my life. I don’t even need your approval. I wanted to tell you about this so that we could figure out how to get past it as a family. Clearly, you’re not capable of thinking about this like an adult. Your little stunt—”
“There is no getting past this,” Enzo tells me, standing to tower over me, “You kept this from us. From your own flesh and blood. You knew that your fling with Harrison Davies would hurt us, and you kept it up behind our backs. With everything that’s going on with the tour, everything Dad’s going through? How could you be so selfish?”
“I kept trying to tell you, wanting to tell you” I insist, “But how could I bring this up, after we found out that Dad...that Dad’s...”
“Dying,” my father finishes my sentence, “You can say it out loud, Siena. You’re going to have to learn how to soon enough.”
His frank words cause Enzo and I to fall silent, retreat to our own corners of the argument once again. For a moment, the three of us sit without speaking, struggling to find light in this dark hour. Suddenly, our close knit family seems so far apart. This is the first time in my entire life that I fear I’ve isolated them forever. No spat or disagreement has ever been too huge for us to overcome together, but this...?
“You and Davies have both been suspended from the next race,” my dad finally says to Enzo, “Word came while you were still coming to. That kind of behavior has never been permitted on the track. And you know that full well.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Enzo says, shaking his head, “It was Davies who instigated—”
“Don’t you dare,” I mutter.
“Might as well hunt down a silver lining if we can. This will give us some time to come up with a statement about my condition. That has to come out eventually, after all,” Dad goes on, “We can say that you were upset about the news, Enzo, and that’s why you lost your cool today. Distract from the real issue at hand. No need to go public about Siena’s indiscretions.”
“Indiscretions?” I say, incredulously, “Dad, is that really what you think?”
“It is, Siena,” he tells me sadly, “I don’t know a better word for your actions. You’re not some naive little waif. You knew that this could ruin us.”
“But why does it have to be like that?” I plead, “We’re just people, at the end of the day, all of us. Don’t you think it’s ridiculous to let this sport control our lives like this? Why do you two have to hold onto some insane grudge against Harrison? He’s really a good person, and he cares about me. That should be enough for you.
“Unless you’re in love with this person,” Dad interrupts, “I don’t see how you could even think of...” but he trails off, seeing the look on my face that I’m trying so desperately to hide. “Siena...No,” he says.
“You can’t possibly have fallen in love with Harrison Davies,” Enzo says, his anger giving way to bafflement, “That’s absolutely impossible. He’s the furthest thing from your type in the world.”
“I don’t know what else to say,” I tell them, “I just wish I could make you understand. I’m not trying to hurt you, or betray your trust, or double cross the team. Ferrelli has been my family my entire life, and I love you both and Mom more than anything in the world. But I...I love Harrison too. Completely. I don’t think that I can bear to say goodbye to him. That is the truth I’ve been keeping from you. That’s what I need you to know, above all. And ultimately, that’s what I need you to accept. Because if you can’t understand that, and be happy for me...Well. I just don’t know what I’d do.”
My dad crosses the room and takes my hands in his. His eyes soften, and he suddenly looks about ten years older. There’s a stirring of hope in my heart, an almost imperceptible flutter. Is he about to give me his blessing, and end this nightmare once and for all?
“Thank you for being
honest with us,” he says, “I do appreciate it, Siena. Even if it’s far too late.”
“What do you mean, too late?” I ask softly.
“I know you think you love this person,” Dad goes on, “But he almost got your brother killed today. He’s not a good man, Siena. I could never condone your being with him. That’s my truth. If you insist on carrying on with him, against my clear wishes...I don’t know how I could accept that. Forgive you for that. I’m not sure how we could even go on working for the same team, if you were to betray us like this. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but—”
I don’t stick around to hear anything else. Before either of them can stop me, I tear out of the hospital room, back into the maze of the floor. I will my tears to retreat back into my eyes, refusing to cry over my family’s stubborn unwillingness to respect me—to respect that love that I’ve managed to find in this world. It’s not worth it. I should have known better than to think that they’d suddenly think enough of me to let me make my own choices. To them, I’ve never been anything but a little girl. A helpless little girl. But that’s not me, anymore. And they just have to accept that.
Instead of turning back toward the room I woke up in, where Bex is probably still waiting for me, I set off deeper into the mess of rooms and hallways that make up the hospital. Despite my family’s warnings and criticisms, there’s only one person I want to see right now. One person who can remind me of who I really am.
“Excuse me?” I say to a passing hospital employee, “Can you tell me where Harrison Davies’ room is?”
The orderly jabs his thumb to the right, and I take off down the nearest hallway. A door at the end of the linoleum stretch is open just a hair, letting out a thin sliver of bright light. I all but sprint down the corridor, stopping to peer through the crack in the door. Sure enough, Harrison is lying in his bed, attended only by his best friend, Andy. The sight of Harrison lying there catches me like a blow right below the ribs, knocking the wind out of me. A deep gash runs across his eyebrow, just barely missing his eye. He looks to be sleeping, more or less in one piece. But seeing that dynamic, powerful body so still and spent is almost too difficult to bear.
Take Me Series (COMPLETE BOX SET) Page 27