by Julia Sykes
Trust him, I reminded myself. It didn’t matter what Javier planned to get out of his alliance with Jonas. If it meant I would be free of him soon, I didn’t care about his endgame. Then I could escape the disconcerting heat of his strong arms.
The pang of regret that struck my heart at the thought was more than a little disturbing.
Chapter 12
His lips were hot on mine, his tongue delving into my mouth in a fierce, primal rhythm. It made me ache deep inside. His hand snaked between our sweat-slicked, naked bodies, his fingers trailing down my abdomen to tease at the upper edge of my soft curls. I thrust my hips up against him with a low whine. His other hand came up to encircle my throat, squeezing lightly and reminding me just who was in charge. I melted beneath him, and his forefinger brushed across my clit in reward. He caught my low moan on his tongue, tasting my need. Two fingers drove into me abruptly, stretching me. The sensation of being filled was only vaguely familiar, and my inner muscles rippled around him as I grew accustomed to the invasion. His grip on my neck tightened ever so slightly. Somehow, the pressure helped calm me. His control was reassuring. I trusted him completely. He wouldn’t hurt me. My sex relaxed, and his fingers began to pump in and out of me in a rhythm that matched his thrusting tongue. I shuddered as bliss began to build at my core. This was so different than anything I had ever experienced at a man’s hands. There was no pain, no fear. Only ecstasy.
His fingers found a secret spot inside me, and my need spiked. I was so close to something I barely even understood. I had never felt this sweetest pleasure in my life. Any second now, my body would fly apart. Surely it couldn’t survive the blast of ecstasy that was cresting inside me…
I awoke with a start, blinking in confusion.
“You’re going to be late for class, sleepyhead.” Javier knocked on the bedroom door again.
I buried my face in my pillow and groaned. My sex was wet and tingling. Even in my dreams, my craving for the man was strong enough to bring me to the edge of orgasm. A week had passed since he wrapped his hand around my throat during the meeting at Decadence, and the act had sparked more nighttime fantasies than was healthy. That mix of strength and tenderness tapped into something deep within me that I had never before known existed.
I ached between my legs, and I pressed my palm against myself to help ease the throbbing. The contact only made my clit pulse. I removed my hand with a frustrated moan, twisting against the sheets.
“Charlotte? Are you okay?” His deep voice floated through the closed door.
Crap. The last thing I wanted was for Javier to realize I was touching myself. That was far too embarrassing.
Although, a small part of me almost wished he would sense my need, barge in, and hold me down while he fulfilled my fantasies. The worst part was, I knew he wanted me too. But his moral code wouldn’t allow him to act on his desires. He had promised he wouldn’t violate me, and he was keeping to his word.
But was it violation when I wanted it so desperately?
I did my best to shake off my lustful thoughts. Javier was waiting for me to answer.
“I’m good.” My voice was a touch shakier than I would have liked. I cleared my throat. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
Mechanically, I got ready to face my day at school. I put on more makeup than usual and wore one of my cutest dresses in an effort to pull on my college-girl persona. It was becoming more and more difficult every day. It was so much more comfortable lounging around the apartment with Javier.
Only, things weren’t so comfortable that particular morning. I was going crazy around the impossibly sexy man, and the curious looks he shot me over breakfast told me he suspected what I had been up to in bed that morning. I was mortified by the very idea he might know. Even worse, I found that embarrassment arousing. By the time I finally darted out the door, my sex was tingling again.
I was so confused about who I was becoming. I craved the touch of a Latin King. Who also happened to be my freaking husband. When I was with him, it seemed so natural, but when I returned to my life at college it became shockingly clear just how twisted my world had become. I needed to remind myself of who I truly was. If I even knew her anymore.
I gave my head a little shake. In a few months, I was going to be able to end my sham of a marriage and return to my life as a co-ed. I needed to prepare myself for that. And that meant not falling under Javier’s spell every time I was near him.
By the time I arrived at Bio Lab, I had never been more relieved to see Rachel.
“Want to skip?” I asked quickly, before we walked into the classroom. “I could use some girl time.”
The slant of her eyes was somewhat resentful. “Are you sure now is a convenient time for you? Didn’t you miss like two weeks when you had the flu?”
My stomach sank. My bestie was hurting more than she had let on. And it was my fault for all but abandoning her for Javier. I must seem like the worst friend ever for ditching her for my supposed boyfriend.
“Hey,” I said softly. “I’m really sorry about how things have been lately, Rach. Let me buy you coffee to make it up to you?”
It only took a few seconds for her frostiness to melt. “Oh, you owe me so much more than one coffee.” She looped her arm through mine with a small smile. “Where the hell have you been, girl? I mean, it’s kind of nice having the room to myself, but I miss you like whoa.”
I shot her a playful grin. “You like having the room to yourself, huh? Does this mean you’ve been having sleepovers with Chris?”
“Maybe,” she said with a smirk.
“Uh-huh. I know what that means. Are you guys official, then?”
“Oh, we are totes officsh. For like, a week now.”
“Wow,” I said with exaggerated surprise. “That’s so long-term.”
She elbowed me in the side. “Hey, skank,” she accused playfully. “You’ve only been shacked up with your man-candy for two months.” She gave me a little pout. “But you sure have gotten serious fast. I never see you anymore. Who am I supposed to go to SA keggers with?”
“You have your own man now. You don’t need to go boyfriend-hunting at frat parties anymore.”
“It’s not the same,” she huffed. “I need girl time. Besides, we have to stay visible on the Greek life scene if we’re going to rush Tri Alpha.”
Oh, right. Tri Alpha. I had almost forgotten about my aspirations to be a sorority girl. I shifted uncomfortably as we stepped into Starbucks, and I extricated my arm from Rachel’s. “Why don’t you find us a table. I’ll get the coffee.”
“I’ll have a Venti Americano, black. No extra sugar for me.” She eyed me critically. “You’d better get a tea or something.”
Was she seriously judging me for putting on weight? “I’m getting a Frappuccino,” I told her, my voice holding a cold edge.
She shrugged. “I’m just looking out for you, girl. Rush is only a month away.”
“There are more important things than pledging Tri Alpha, Rachel,” I declared snappily.
Her eyes widened in shock. “What the hell is going on with you? Since when do you not care about Greek life? We’ve been planning on rushing together for a year now. Are you just going to abandon everything for that sketchy guy?”
Anger bubbled up in me. “That sketchy guy is named Javier. And he’s really sweet. You just don’t like him because he’s not a popular frat boy.”
Rachel glared. “I don’t like him because he’s taken over your life. And he’s totally sketchy. What are you even doing with a guy like that?”
My own eyes narrowed. “Like what, Rachel?”
“You know. Like, some big, scary Latino guy.”
I took a step back from her. “Wow, Rach. Just wow. Judgmental, much?”
“Whatevs. Everyone’s thinking it,” she shot at me. “People saw you with him at the apartment block that day. Why can’t you just date a nice boy like Craig? What the hell is going on with you? It’s like you’re this totally differen
t person these days. I don’t even know you anymore.”
That hit too close to home. Being with Rachel was supposed to help remind me of who I was, not make me realize just how far I had fallen. People were talking about me?
I was suddenly mortified. And more than a little hurt. My eyes brimmed with tears, and I turned away from my former best friend.
“I’m going home,” I murmured.
“You mean back to his place,” she said bitterly.
I stiffened, but I didn’t look back at her, and I didn’t respond. Yes, I had meant Javier’s apartment. Our apartment.
Home.
What the hell was wrong with me?
I gave myself the rest of the afternoon to sulk before I managed to pull up my big girl panties and call Ana Lucia. We hadn’t talked much since the wedding, but she had given me her number and told me to call anytime if I needed her.
Well, I needed her now. If anyone could understand what I was going through, it was Ana. I wondered if she had ever felt attracted to her husband like I was to Javier. She didn’t seem happy in her marriage, so I doubted it. But she obviously thought highly of Javier, so I suspected she might sympathize with my conflicted feelings about him. I was going to burst from sexual frustration unless I was able to talk this out with someone.
Also, a girls’ night out seemed like a great idea. With drinks. Drinks should definitely happen.
But absolutely no tequila.
Ana picked up the phone on the second ring. “Charlotte!” She said my name happily. “I’m so glad to hear from you.” She really did sound genuinely pleased. Yes, I could definitely trust Ana with my feelings.
“Hi, Ana!” I said in as bright a voice as I could manage.
“What’s wrong, chiquita?” She asked, immediately seeing through my false bravado.
“Um, I could really use a girls’ night,” I admitted. “Are you free now?”
“For you, of course. Just give me an hour. Where do you want to meet?”
“Do you know The Copper Penny?” I gave her the name of one of the chillest bars I knew. The Copper Penny was frequented by a lot of Hudson students, but it would be quiet enough in the early evening that we could have an actual conversation.
“Perfecto,” she declared. “I’ll see you in an hour.”
It only took me thirty minutes to fix my tear-streaked makeup and slip into my slinky beaded black dress. It hugged my curves more than it had a few months before, but looking in the mirror, I decided I looked pretty damn good. No matter what Rachel thought, I liked my new shape. My boobs were certainly bigger than they had been. I was almost a C-cup now, and my cleavage was way more impressive than before.
For a moment, I wished Javier was there to see me before I went out. I was sure he would give me one of those lingering glances that warmed my insides.
God, I really needed to talk to Ana about my messed-up desires. With a final swipe of lip gloss, I left the apartment and headed for the East Village.
Unsurprisingly, Ana Lucia looked gorgeous. It was easy to find her when I walked into The Copper Penny; I just followed the direction of the appreciative male gazes until I found her at the bar. The woman was short, with curves in all the right places, and her blood-red dress and matching heels offset her tanned skin perfectly. But it was more than just physical beauty that drew eyes toward her. She practically glowed with happiness. Despite her unfortunate circumstances, Ana Lucia managed to find joy in life. I needed to learn how to do that, or at the very least pretend to do that.
“Charlotte,” she beamed at me and placed a light kiss on my cheek. I stood there awkwardly, unfamiliar with the intimate greeting. When she pulled back from me, her brilliant smile was still perfectly in place. I barely knew her, but she greeted me like an old friend. Her vibrant energy set me at ease.
“Can I get you a drink?” I asked, automatically returning her grin. “What’s your poison? And don’t say tequila.”
Even her laugh was effervescent. “I’ll have a screwdriver. But the first round’s on me. You look like you need a drink.”
I shook my head, but I couldn’t seem to stop smiling. “Is it that obvious?”
Her hand covered mine where it rested on the bar. “No, chiquita. I can just tell these things.”
She turned her attention to the bartender and ordered screwdrivers for both of us. We clinked glasses together in a toast, and then I drained half my cocktail in one go.
“That bad, huh?” Ana asked. “Tell me about it.”
I held up one finger to forestall her, took a breath, and downed the rest of my drink. A pleasant buzz loosened my muscles, and I decided I was ready to talk. Ana was already signaling the bartender for another. I loved that she didn’t judge me for needing a stiff drink sometimes. Unlike Javier, who wouldn’t approve of my getting tipsy.
Just the thought of him got me hot as I remembered the last time I had been drunk around him. The night we had kissed.
“What’s bothering you, Charlotte?” Ana prompted, reading me easily.
“Javier,” I admitted on a sigh.
A small frown touched her full lips. “Is he being unkind to you? That’s not like him.”
“No.” I took a gulp of my fresh drink. “Just the opposite. He’s too nice.”
Light creases appeared on Ana’s brow. “I don’t understand.” Then her eyes sparked. “You like him.”
I shrugged and glanced away. “I mean, sure. I like him.”
“You know what I mean,” Ana’s tone was a touch admonishing.
I sighed. “Okay, yes. I like him more than I should.”
“What’s wrong with liking Javier?”
“He’s everything I hate. I’ve spent the last two years trying to build a life for myself outside his world. But you were right," I said, a bit miserably. “He’s a good man. And now I don’t know how to be in my nice, normal world. I had a big fight with my best friend today. She doesn’t like that I’m with him. And honestly, I shouldn’t like that I’m with him.”
“Why not?” Ana challenged. “You just said he was a good man. What’s wrong with being with him?”
“I’m not supposed to be with someone like him. I’m supposed to join the best sorority at Hudson and end up with some clean-cut frat boy with a Business major.” As I said it out loud, I realized how shallow and ugly that reasoning was.
“We can’t help who we fall for,” Ana said gently. How could she be so kind to me when I had just proved how petty I was? I was no better than Rachel, judging Javier for what he was on the surface.
I took another long drink. “Crap. I am falling for him.” It was the first time I had admitted it aloud. “But I don’t want to. I shouldn’t want to.”
She gave me a sly smile. “I don’t blame you.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s really hot.”
I blew out a long breath. “Too hot for my own good.”
Ana laughed. “Don’t fight it. Why not be with him? He’s your husband.”
I didn’t tell her it was a temporary arrangement. I had a feeling that was meant to be a secret between Javier and me. She thought I was in it for life. Of course it made sense to her that I have sex with him if I was attracted to him.
“I don’t think he wants to,” I said glumly.
Her brows rose. “I doubt that. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He most definitely wants you.”
“I mean, I think he wants to, but he won’t. He thinks it’s wrong to take advantage of me. He… He kissed me once. Like, a month ago. He seemed to really regret it afterward, and he hasn’t made a move since.”
“You should be honest with him about what you want. If he thinks he’s taking advantage, it’ll be hard to make him bend. Javier isn’t a man who bends. But I think he will for you. You just have to convince him.” She winked at me.
I shifted on my barstool. “I’m not sure if I want to. I don’t think I’ll be able to go back after that.”
“Go back to what
? Your life at school? Javier isn’t going to stop you from going to college if you have sex with him.”
“No. I mean…” I struggled to express myself without giving away the fact that I wouldn’t be with Javier in a few months’ time. “I’ll never be able to have the life I wanted. You know, with the sorority and everything.”
Ana’s easy humor melted, giving way to something more incisive. “Is that really what you want, Charlotte? It seems to me that you think you should want that. But what you really want is Javier.”
I squirmed under her scrutiny. I was worried she was right. “What I want is another drink.”
She smiled at me, releasing me from her intense brown stare. “Okay. We can do that. You wanted a girls’ night. We should go dancing, have some fun. You seem far too tense.”
I shot her a relieved grin. “That sounds amazing. Can we go to Chevalier? It’s my favorite club.”
“Sure.” She touched her glass to mine, and we both downed what was left of our cocktails. By the time I set my empty glass down on the bar, my buzz had increased to full-on tipsiness. My smile turned a bit silly.
“Let’s do this.” I looped my arm through Ana’s and led her out of the bar. We splurged on a taxi, and ten minutes later we arrived at Chevalier. A line was already forming outside the club, but one brilliant smile from Ana earned us immediate admission.
“Girl, you have skills,” I declared loudly to be heard over the pulsing music.
“I’m pretty sure your dress got us in,” she said. “If you’re wearing that when you get home to Javier, there’s no way he’ll say no to you.”
The compliment sent a shot of hope through my slightly fuzzy brain. My talk with Ana and the warmth of the alcohol in my system were coming together to convince me that making a move on Javier was a very good idea.
I led Ana to the bar, where we slammed back a couple of lemon drop shots. After the second round, she grabbed my hand and tugged me onto the dance floor. The flashing lights made her skin glow, and it didn’t take long for a guy to come up behind her and start grinding without permission. I shot him a territorial glare and pulled my friend away. We weren’t here to flirt. This was girls’ night.