Edge of Chaos (Love on the Edge #1)

by Molly E. Lee

“Are you serious?” I asked.

  He sighed. “I’m sorry we couldn’t get you your own room. You know the videos only pay so much.”

  “It’s all right. I understand. You take the bed.”

  “No, I want you to be comfortable.”

  Paul groaned from across the room. “Ugh. Grow up. Both of you sleep in it and shut up.”

  Dash rolled his eyes.

  We stared at each other for a few moments. Dash shrugged and slid underneath the covers. I stood up but hesitated at my side of the bed.

  How could I climb in there and not touch him? I sighed, the battle raging inside me was beyond ridiculous. A week ago the idea of Dash’s skin on mine was a super-secret-locked-up fantasy that only entered my mind in the lonely hours late at night. After knowing what he tasted like, though, it was all I could think about, despite the logical reasons not to.

  I contemplated sleeping on the floor, but I was beyond exhausted now that the adrenaline from the chase had left my system. My muscles ached from the tension I’d held during the storm and clung to since we got back. Sleeping anywhere but the bed was just dumb.

  “I’m not going to bite you,” he whispered and then lifted the covers on my side of the bed.

  And with that, all my nerves and worries and doubts slipped away. I climbed under those covers and forced myself to relax. The mattress was horrible, hard and thin, but for some reason I’d never been more comfortable. I fell into a deep sleep listening to the sound of Dash’s even breathing.

  Justin’s arm slipped over my hip and pulled me across the bed. He pressed his chest against my back, spooning me. My eyes were heavy with sleep, but I could feel the heat from his body as it radiated onto mine. I sighed as his hand trailed under my shirt and touched the soft skin beneath my ribs. Tingles erupted and raced up and down my body, causing a deep yearning in the pit of my stomach.

  I rolled over and hooked my leg around his hip and tugged him closer. His fingers clutched my back and he squeezed me tighter. I took a deep breath, loving the way he touched me, like he savored me as opposed to rushing things like usual. His desire was evident through the thin cover of his shorts, and for the first time in a long time, I wanted him too. I nuzzled his neck, still trying to pry open my eyes. He smelled like rain.

  Dash’s smell.

  Strong enough to remind me Justin and I were no longer together.

  Well, if I was dreaming I may as well go with it.

  His warm hand slid down my side and gently clutched my hip, pulling me tighter against him. The ache between my legs roared with his agonizing, leisurely movements, but it was more than a want. I needed him. My hands moved on their own, reaching down to explore what I desperately wanted inside of me. Every inch of my skin flushed with heat. Either this dream broadcasted on high-def or . . .

  My eyes popped open and I jolted. The motion fully woke Dash, who I happened to have my leg wrapped around, my hand resting between our nearly joined hips. His mouth dropped as he took in our tangled mess of a position.

  His eyes hooded, mirroring my own in sheer lust factor. He raised an eyebrow, gauging my reaction before pressing his lips to mine. The kiss was gentle, until I relented, and then it escalated to a powerful need. I opened my mouth, letting him in, relishing his taste.

  He shifted, encasing me in his strong arms. Still gripping him, I moved my fingers in a come hither motion, loving the groan that tore from his throat.

  His breath was ragged as I moved my fingers underneath his shirt, trailing them down his perfect abs. God, I’d never felt muscles like this before, or craved someone so much. Dash slid his hand down my side and pulled his lips away from mine just enough to catch my eyes as he moved lower. He must’ve found the answer he wanted because he slowly slipped his hand inside my sweats.

  He covered my moan with his mouth as he rubbed his fingers against me in a slow circle, drawing out a delicious tingling tension.

  “God, Blake.” He sighed and slid a finger inside me with perfect ease.

  He stroked me with a gentleness I wasn’t used to, and the aching within me climbed to an almost unbearable level. Every inch of my insides coiled and pulsed, begging for release. My toes curled as he expertly moved his fingers around my warmth, like he was made to touch me, and I was on the brink of what I knew would be the sweetest release imaginable.

  A cell phone from across the room blared Imagine Dragons’ “Radioactive” yanking me out the moment.

  John grabbed the phone and shut off his alarm. Seconds later he and Paul groaned awake.

  Reality crashed over us both. We were so not alone in the motel, and we so shouldn’t be doing this.

  “I’m sorry!” I whispered, drawing away from him. I covered my face with my hands to try and hide the heat coating my skin.

  “It’s all right,” Dash’s voice was coated in early morning husk. He glanced down and quickly yanked the covers up higher.

  A new wave of heat rushed over me, and I shoved my face in my hands again.

  Dash chuckled, which made me want to punch him.

  “This is so not funny!” I glared at him.

  He continued to laugh. “It’s pretty hilarious if you ask me.”

  A fierce hungry ache pulsed in the pit of my stomach. I hadn’t felt something like this . . . well, since the first time Dash kissed me.

  He finally stopped laughing and raked his hands through his hair. He sighed and his eyes turned on me with the serious look he got right before he said something important.

  “Blake . . .” He whispered my name, and damn if my heart didn’t stutter.

  “Whose turn is it to get coffee?” Paul arched his back and stretched his arms.

  Dash closed his mouth and swung his feet off the bed. He slipped on a pair of sweats over his basketball shorts before he stood up.

  “Mine.” I ran to the bathroom to brush my teeth and then bolted out the door. I couldn’t be in that room anymore. I needed to get the scent of Dash out of my nose and the sensation of his body against mine out of my system.

  The local coffee shop was empty, so they made our drinks entirely too fast. I decided to grab a dozen donuts from the gas station near the motel just to take up more time. Despite dragging my feet, I couldn’t make sense of the emotions boiling within me, and as I lugged my haul into the room I assumed I never would.

  John grabbed two donuts and his drink. “I like having you around,” he said, taking a chomp out of a donut. “These two never think about breakfast.” He motioned to where Dash and Paul sat on the edge of the bed, a laptop perched on each of their knees.

  Radar filled one screen and Dash’s site took up the other.

  “How many hits we get?” John asked around his coffee cup.

  Dash turned around and startled when he saw me, as if he hadn’t heard me come in. He quickly glanced away. “Twenty-four-hundred.”

  “That’s amazing,” I said and handed him and Paul their drinks. Dash took his from me timidly, like I could snap at him any second.

  My shoulders sank. I didn’t want him to feel awkward around me. The constant state of confusion finally hit a breaking point and I gave up my resolve.

  “Can I talk to you for a second?” I asked him. He swallowed a gulp of coffee before nodding.

  I walked outside the motel room and leaned against the building. Dash followed me a moment later.

  “What’s up?” he asked, a grin shaping his slightly swollen lips. Had I done that?

  “I’m sorry about this morning. Seriously, I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

  Dash shook his head. “Always apologizing. What have I told you about that?”

  “Well, I think the situation definitely calls for it.”

  “No it doesn’t. I told you how I felt that night.”

  “You . . . you still feel that way?”

  “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Because you’ve had time to process everything. Realize that we’re best friends—”

  “That only makes
me want you more. Blake, we’re a match—”

  “Stop, please, Dash. I can’t. I just got out of the worst and only relationship I’ve ever known. Even if I was willing to risk our friendship, I have to figure out who I am before I can give myself to anyone else.”

  His eyes filled with heat. “You were pretty close to letting me have all of you this morning.” He took a step closer, entwining his fingers in my hair.

  My lips parted, betraying my brain’s plea to not want him. “I swear I’m not trying to lead you on.”

  Dash shook his head. “I want more from you than that, Blake. I want every piece of you, because I know who you are, and I’ve never loved anyone as intensely as I do you. But I also understand you need time. Take it. Just know I’ll be here waiting.”

  I shook my head, still unable to believe he could care for me like that. He was too good for me, and way more than I deserved.

  Dash moved to go back inside but glanced back at me. “It might be hard to take time for yourself if we keep ending up in each other’s arms. Not that I’m complaining, but like I said that night, I want you to choose me when you’re completely free. And that means waiting until you’ve figured out who you are and what you want.” He smiled and turned into the room.

  I stood outside, shell-shocked, and with an ache pulsing lower than I’d like to admit. My heart threatened to fly out of my chest and present itself to Dash, but I slapped the bitch down, reminding her it was still broken.

  “BLAKE, GET TO the truck, now!” Dash screamed, the roaring wind threatening to steal his voice.

  “Not without you!” I yelled back, fighting with my hair. It whipped back and forth vigorously, slapping me in the face.

  The tornado had touched down faster and closer than we’d calculated. John and Paul luckily hadn’t made it to the site when we did and were able to spot it farther away. They’d booked it in the opposite direction and had most likely stopped in a safer spot to catch the massive beast on film.

  It wasn’t any bigger than the one yesterday, but the muddy brown swirling mass screeched with the sound of a train derailing, and it ripped up the trees beneath it like they were made of matchsticks. A huge branch crunched off the tree trunk, spinning in the tornado’s outer flanks and soared over our heads. It landed with a loud crash next to the truck, only missing it by inches.

  Dash held his camera steady, the same fiery passion in his eyes as yesterday. He was completely mad. As much as I loved watching storms and experiencing them up close, I wasn’t prepared to die for it. And death felt much more real today, like I could reach out and touch it. One wrong move, one shift in course, and . . . lights out.

  My heart pounded against my chest and my hands trembled. I should’ve left like he’d told me, but the need for Dash safely at my side overpowered all of my survival instincts.

  Anger flared in my stomach as he cracked a wild grin. I yanked on his arm. “This isn’t worth your life!”

  He tilted his head, like the thought had never occurred to him. A sharp gust blasted a bunch of leaves at us, their tips nicking the skin on our necks and arms. He held his position for a few moments longer and aimed the video recorder at the monster perfectly. He could’ve been filming a babbling brook for how effortless he made the job look.

  Tiny pebble-sized hail pelted the road around us and the little bastards stung something fierce when they made connection. I flinched but held my ground. The tornado shifted course, thankfully, in the opposite direction. The motion was beautiful, a sky-high twist of brown that swayed back and forth like it was swinging its hips. A calm stole over me with its retreat, and once again the certainty of my place filled me.

  Sheer terror leading to pure amazement. Clearly loving the chaos as much as Dash did made me as out of my mind as him.

  The tail of the tornado roped out after another two minutes and the rest kind of folded in on itself and drew upward into the afternoon sky. Another few minutes and all the evidence of the beast that was left was the trees ripped up by the roots scattered across the wide opening of land. Dash’s shoes crunched on the tiny pieces of hail coating the road as he made his way over to me, his eyebrows drawn.

  “What did I tell you about listening to me?” He pointed at me. “I told you to go. You should’ve gone!” He turned on his heel and stomped toward the truck. He set the camera in its bag and placed it behind the driver’s seat.

  “You asshole!” Steam could’ve come out my ears I was so pissed. I shoved him once he turned around. He stumbled back against his truck.

  He righted himself. “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me!” I pushed him again, but this time he was ready and it barely phased him. “You told me to run? And you expected me to just leave you here? You could’ve gotten hurt or killed! Why? To get the shot for your site? Are you serious?”

  “That’s the job, Blake! You know it is. Capturing what occurs at the tornado’s base where the most damage happens is what we desperately need in order to predict them better. Understanding what happens within that fifty to a hundred-foot range will help us increase warning times. That way people aren’t blindsided like we were when I was a kid.” He took a deep breath. “We lost so much that day. We were lucky to get away with our lives. Preventing that from happening to others is worth everything.”

  My stomach shrank, picturing an eight-year-old Dash going through the destroyed remnants of what was once his home. “I want that, too, but it’s not worth your life.”

  “I was fine. I always am. The guys never freak out this much. They just leave me to it.”

  “They don’t care about you the way I do.” I blurted out the words and then swallowed the rock in my throat.

  Dash locked eyes with me. I could tell he wanted to say something because his lips were tense, but he fought it. Most likely he wanted to tell me to make up my damn mind or to let me know he’d rethought his decision to add me to this group.

  Tears threatened at the thought. Why did I have to ruin everything? Why couldn’t I just stand quietly by while Dash faced down a tornado like it was a simple dust storm?

  “Blake . . .” he whispered, and again my heart stuttered.

  “Forget it,” I said. I couldn’t take hearing the words. Couldn’t face the idea of never chasing again because I’d been too emotional or because Dash and I had an undeniable heat coursing between us. I stomped toward the truck, prepared to climb in and not say another word.

  Dash grabbed my arm and spun me around. “Blake, stop. What did you mean by that?”

  His eyes held me more than his fingers gently clasping my arm. My breath caught in my throat, the truth stuck somewhere between my heartbeat and the last rumblings of the storm above us.

  Dash inched closer, his lips only centimeters away from my own. I froze, unable to meet him despite the aching hunger begging me to. He registered my hesitance and sighed. He drew back and shook his head.

  “All that asshole did was emotionally drain you until you were blind to what an incredible, strong woman you are.”

  Tears welled in my eyes.

  He reached out for me, and I fell into his arms, wrapping my own around his waist.

  “He ripped you apart, Blake. And I know this sounds horribly . . . guy of me, but let me help put you back together.” He pushed away to look down at me.

  I pulled out of his embrace. “I can’t do that. Then you’d define me. I need to figure this out on my own. I’m sorry.”

  Dash only drove ten miles over the speed limit on the highway that took us home the following day. I kept my eyes planted on the passing expanses of red dirt, pastures, and small towns. I couldn’t look at him, because every time I did a huge bubble of awkward rose in my chest and threatened to burst all over the cab of his truck.

  Even though Dash and I had slept in the same bed again last night, we’d hugged the edges like our lives depended on it, and I found the small space between us on the mattress more vast and painful than I’d ever experienced before. I’d
barely slept, and I couldn’t deny the fierce desire that pulsed within me all night, begging me to cross that line and touch him again. “Dash,” I said, still not taking my eyes from the window.

  “Yeah?” He sounded hopeful.

  “I’m—”

  “If the word sorry follows that, I swear, woman, I will leave you on the side of the road.” He checked his rearview mirror before changing lanes. I gazed at him, finally, and even though it’d only been an hour, hearing his voice refreshed me like a glass of ice water on a hot summer day.

  “I wasn’t going to say that,” I said, though it was a lie.

  “Oh really? Then please do go on.” He chuckled, which let some air out of the awkward bubble in my chest.

  “I was going to say, before you interrupted me that I’m . . .” There were a million things I wanted to say, but my mouth wouldn’t form the words. “I’m really glad you brought me.” At least that was the absolute truth.

  Dash glanced at me for a moment before returning his eyes to the road. He pressed his lips together in a poor reflection of his normal infectious smile.

  The truck fell silent for longer than I could stand, not a comfortable silence but one filled with all the things we weren’t saying, and it was enough to construct a wall between us.

  Hail’s butt was extra wiggly when I walked into my apartment. I dropped to my knees, instantly giving in to her more-than-warm welcome. After several good licks from her and more than enough butt pats from me, I stood up and let out a heavy breath. The events of the chase plus what happened with Dash had exhausted me. While I was elated to realize that I could and would chase storms the rest of my life, I was equally disappointed in my heart. Latching onto Dash before I’d even had time to adjust to being out of a relationship wasn’t right, but of course, I couldn’t stop the feelings I had for him.

  Time.

  He’d promised me time. And once I figured out who I was outside of the hellish life I’d lived the last eight years, then I’d know what to do with Dash.

  I stood up, looking for any kind of distraction for my mind.