by E. L. Todd
“Thank you for being there for me,” I said. “I really appreciate it.”
She moved her hands up my chest then massaged my shoulders. “I’ll always be here for you, Troy. That’s what friends do.”
My hands moved to her curvy hips. “You aren’t my friend.”
“Then what am I?” she asked. She stared at my chest as she felt it, running up and down my sternum.
The idea of having a girlfriend terrified me. I still didn’t want to do it. If Harper pulled the same shit as Alexia, I wouldn’t be able to function. I’d probably become gay and swear off women indefinitely. But if I didn’t give Harper what she wanted, I would lose her.
She caught the unease in my eyes. “What are you thinking?”
“A lot of things…”
“Just talk to me, Troy. You know you can tell me anything.”
I tried to form my thoughts without sounding like a dick. “I know I feel something for you, a lot more than friendship. There’s never been any doubt of that. When I look backward on our relationship, it’s obvious, even from the very beginning, that something was between us. I can’t stand the idea of you being with anyone else, and just watching Cato call you baby made me want to snap his neck. Rhett seems to think my heart beats for you, and you think the same thing. And I think…I might feel that way too.”
Her hands moved down my hips where she lightly touched the area.
“But…I’m still terrified. I’m still not ready, Harper. I don’t know when I’ll be ready but it’s not now. Perhaps I’ll deny the deepest and darkest feelings in my heart because I know once I acknowledge them, I’ll be lost…”
“Where does that leave us?” she asked. “Because you know how I feel about you.”
I knew I felt the same way. I just couldn’t admit it. “Harper, you’re so much better than me. Why you waste your time with me is beyond my understanding. But I suspect you’re here because…you really love me.”
She nodded but didn’t say the words out loud.
“I want us to be together…as we are. And one day when I’m ready, I’ll give you everything you want. I just need you to be patient. It’s a lot to ask, I know. But please give that to me.”
“So, you’re going to try?”
“Yes.”
She kissed my chest. “That’s enough for me.”
“It is?” I asked, feeling hopeful for the first time in days.
“It’s hard for me to find a man I genuinely care about. It’s unheard of, actually. You’re the first guy I’ve wanted to stick around the next morning, the first guy I’ve wanted to spend all my time with, and the first guy I’ve been able to sleep with. If there’s any chance for us, I want us to try.”
I cupped her face and looked down into her exquisite beauty. “I will do the best I can. Because I really want this. I really want you.”
12
Harper
Planning weddings were already bad enough as it was. The cake had to be perfect, the right flowers had to be in season, there was the huge choice between a band and a DJ, and then, of course, the dress.
But the fact we were planning this in a goddamn month was just ludicrous.
Kara was blowing up my phone with jobs for me to do. I had to run down to the bakery while she was at work and tried to explain the floral arrangement on top for the fifth time in a row. Then I had to order the flowers for her, which cost a fortune, and then I had to sample the food without her because she was too busy getting her dress fitted. She was relying on my opinion for everything, and the pressure was going to make me crack.
And don’t even get me started on the bridesmaid dresses. They were bright pastel blue, like the color of an Easter egg, and they were covered in puffy ruffles. I looked like a sheepherder wearing the damn thing. It was like she was purposely trying to make me and her other bridesmaids as hideous as possible.
Mission accomplished.
I stood in the dressing room and stared at my appearance. Even Troy wouldn’t find me attractive wearing this.
“Let me see!” Kara said from outside the dressing room.
No, there are people out there.
“How long does it take to put on a dress?”
A normal dress? A minute. A blimp? Twenty minutes. I stepped out and tried to keep my dignity as much as possible.
“It’s such a nice color,” Kara said. “I love it.”
“Yeah…” I tried not to cringe.
Kara caught the look. “You hate it, don’t you?”
“No…”
“Harper?”
“Hey, it’s your wedding. I’ll wear whatever you want.”
Kara crossed her arms over her chest. “If you really hate it, you don’t have to wear it.”
Was this a trap?
“What would you rather wear?”
“I’m not answering that.”
Kara went to the rack and picked up a few. “I really like this one.” It was deep purple and simple.
My eyes practically fell out of my head. “That looks nice…”
“Do you like it?” she asked. “Try this one instead.”
That sounds too good to be true. “I’ll just see how it looks…” In actuality, I was dying to put it on. I really wanted to look somewhat attractive at this wedding, especially since Troy would be coming with me. I wanted him to fall in love with me and trust me, and that wasn’t going to happen if I looked absolutely hideous.
I walked into the dressing room and changed. Once the dress was on, I fell in love. It fit me just right and it made my breasts look nice without being on display too much. It was long, but not past my knees. And it was the right color for me. I had fair skin and blonde hair, so darker colors tended to look better on me. I stepped out and watched her expression.
“Oh wow, that looks amazing,” Kara said.
“Please let me wear it.” I was practically begging. “I want Troy to look at me and not choke on his own vomit.”
She rolled her eyes. “He loves you. He doesn’t care how you look one night out of the year.”
“I beg to differ.”
“You can wear it,” she said. “It’s a little more expensive—”
“That’s fine,” I said. I’d pay for it myself as long as I got to wear it.
I packed my things the night before and put the suitcases near the door. I was only bringing two suitcases since I was just there for the weekend, and I had to restrict myself on the amount of outfits I brought. As long as I had a bikini and sunscreen, I would be good for the rest of the trip.
Troy came to my door and knocked when he arrived.
“Come in,” I said.
He stepped inside with one bag over his shoulder. He stopped when he saw my two orange suitcases. “You’re bringing a lot of stuff…”
“And you aren’t bringing anything…” I cocked an eyebrow.
“Well, I got my suit, a few changes of clothes, and my swim trunks. The rest of the time, I suspect we’ll be naked.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me.
I hoped we would be naked the whole time. “Well, if you forget something we aren’t flying back.”
“Even if I did forget something, I’ll survive.”
“We have a room booked at the hotel so everything is ready.”
“I’ll pay for it,” he said. “How much?”
“You aren’t paying for anything.”
“Well, you aren’t,” he argued.
“My parents are paying for everything.”
“What?” he demanded. “Your dad isn’t paying for my room. And they really paid for a room for both of us?”
I shrugged. “I’m sure my parents want you to knock me up at this point. How else will I keep you around?” I rolled my eyes because my words weren’t far from the truth.
“At least we’ll be together for the whole trip. It’s like a free vacation.”
“Full of drama and gossip.”
“But none of that gossip will be directed at you,” he said. “Bec
ause you’re taking a sexy stud along.”
“Sexy stud?” I asked.
“Yep.”
“That doesn’t suit you at all.”
“Fine, a hot guy. Whatever.”
I shook my head. “You know what’s really attractive on a guy?”
“What?” he asked.
“Humility.”
“Humility?” he asked. “I don’t even know what that is.”
I believed him—without a doubt. “Of course you don’t.”
“Hey, you know I’m teasing.” He wrapped his arms around me then moved his face into my neck. “You’re the one who has something to be conceited about. You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen in my life.”
“I doubt that,” I said honestly.
“You shouldn’t.” He gave me a meaningful look. “I don’t lie. Remember?”
“Have you heard of Carmen Electra?”
A shadow of a grin stretched on his face. “You think a brunette with titties that are totally un-proportional to her body is attractive?”
“You don’t?” I asked seriously.
“No.”
“Are you telling me you’re gay? It would explain a lot.”
He nudged me in the side but it was clear he was trying not to laugh. “I like real women—like you.”
“You’re so cheesy…”
“I’m honest,” he said firmly. “If I see a girl I’m attracted to, I’ll let you know. But so far, I haven’t noticed anyone but you. Well, your mom is pretty hot…”
I slapped his arm. “Don’t be gross.”
He laughed. “You wanted the truth, baby.”
“My mom is old.”
“I wouldn’t mind if you looked like her when we became that age…”
When he said things like this, that we would be together in the future, it made me happy but it also made me sad. Was that a realistic possibility for us? Troy said he would try, but how far would we get? He said and did everything that implied that our romance was important to him. And I knew he cared about me as much as I cared about him. Perhaps he just needed to realize it in his own way. “Let’s get to bed. Our flight leaves early in the morning.”
“Okay. I’ll show you how much I like your average tits.”
“Average?” My head snapped in his direction.
“Average size,” he corrected. “Definitely not average in appearance.” That stupid grin stretched his face and he escorted me to the bedroom. “Let me show you.”
“You’re lucky you have smooth moves.”
He sucked my bottom lip as we moved. “I know.”
The plane ride was uncomfortable and I wish we had first-class seats. I insisted on paying for the flight myself even though my dad offered. But that was why we were stuck in the rear.
I shifted in my chair repeatedly, unable to find a good position.
Troy was reading a book, and he stopped to watch me. “Having trouble there?”
“These seats are unbearable.”
He moved the armrest between us then grabbed a blanket from under the chair. He folded it then placed it in his lap. “Lay down.”
“Then you’ll be uncomfortable the whole time.”
“I’ll be fine. Come here.”
I was so tired that I lay down and got comfortable. My back stopped aching now that the chair wasn’t torturing it.
Troy picked up his book with one hand and moved his fingers through my hair at the same time. His touch was soft like an angel wing, and he glanced down at me every once in a while to make sure I was comfortable. I’d had a few guys in my life, and Troy was the best one, hands down. He claimed he couldn’t have a girlfriend, and he claimed he couldn’t trust anyone, but I felt like he was already doing both things—with me.
“Are you cold or anything?” he asked.
“No. I’m perfect.”
We arrived at the Four Seasons in Maui then retreated into our room. It was the afternoon, and half the day was already gone.
“We should enjoy the beach and surf while we can,” I said. “We won’t have a chance tomorrow, and I doubt we’ll have a chance the day after that.”
He changed into his swim trunks, which hung dangerously low on his hips, and then pulled on a t-shirt. “Excellent idea. Put on that skimpy purple bikini—or don’t wear anything at all.”
“It’s not skimpy.”
“What?” he asked. “The bikini or being in the nude?”
I walked away and didn’t bother answering the question. I changed into my swimsuit and put a light dress over it. Sunscreen was lathered on my face and I was ready to go. I grabbed my bag and sunglasses. “Ready?”
“Yep.”
We headed through the hotel and down to the beach.
“This place is nice,” he said as he took in his surroundings.
“Yeah…Kara only gets the best.” I pressed my lips together and didn’t say anything else.
“You resent your sister a lot.” He said it plainly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“I don’t resent her,” I argued. “I resent my parents for favoring her and not even bothering to be discreet about it.”
“I get the vibe you particularly dislike her sometimes.”
We reached the beach set up, where the workers placed chairs and umbrellas in the sand. We grabbed one then sat down in the shade. “I don’t dislike my sister. I guess I’m a little jealous sometimes. She’s a supermodel and all the girls like her. Every time I liked a guy growing up, they preferred her the moment they laid eyes on her. It gets old.”
Troy leaned back and stared at the ocean. “Your sister is beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t see what the fuss is all about.”
“You’re such a liar,” I mumbled under my breath. “I don’t care if you think she’s hot. Just don’t lie about it.” Okay, I did care but I wouldn’t admit it. Troy was the man I wanted all to myself. I didn’t like the idea of him checking out other women, let alone my relative.
“You really need to stop accusing me of lying.” His tone was controlled but it was clear he was extremely irritated. “Your sister is way too skinny. She’s practically anorexic. I know models are photoshoped before their images are published, and let’s just say that have to do a lot of work on her. Her legs have no muscle and she’s just skin and bone. Some guys are into that but I’m not. Honestly, I find it unattractive. You, on the other hand, actually have muscle and curves. I’m not sure why you’re jealous of her looks. You’re the prettier sister, hands down.”
That was the first time someone ever said that to me, and it made me feel special for the first time in my life.
“So, stop resenting her. She’s very nice and it’s not her fault that your parents are more proud of the fact she takes her clothes off in front of a camera than the fact you run your own business. Take it out on your parents, not her.”
I knew he was right. The best thing about our relationship was the fact we would tell each other the truth, no matter how ugly it was. “I know.”
“I wish you understood just how beautiful I think you are. It’s not a line or a trick.”
“I do know.”
He turned to me and studied my face. He seemed to find sincerity. “Good.” He took off his shirt. “Ready to hit the water? I read online there was a lot of sea turtles here.”
“Sea turtles?” I asked in excitement.
“Let’s go.”
After being at the beach all day, we showered and fooled around before we went to dinner. There were a few restaurants at the hotel, all noteworthy for their exceptional food and wine.
We were led to a table that overlooked the water, and Troy pulled out his chair for me like he usually did before he sat across from me. I stared at him for a long moment, unable to believe he was here with me. He was the most handsome man in the room, and he was spending the evening with me.
“What?” he asked when he noticed my look.
“Nothing,” I said quietly.
The candle on the table glowed, and the night air came through the open window. The sea was too dark to distinguish, but I thought about all the turtles and sea creatures down below.
“What are you getting, baby?” He referred to me as such more often, usually in public. I liked the name. It sounded normal, like something couples would say when they were madly in love. In my heart, I knew Troy and I could be a couple like that—if he just tried.
“Probably the sirloin.”
“We’re at the beach,” he said. “You aren’t going to get seafood?”
“I don’t want to risk getting sick before tomorrow.”
“Red meat is just as dangerous,” he noted.
“I suppose.” I looked at the menu again. “I’ll probably get something vegetarian then.”
Troy put the menu down. “Are you nervous for tomorrow?”
“Not really. The hotel is setting everything up and I don’t need to worry about anything. I just have to keep Kara calm and breathing. That’s pretty much my only job.”
“Let me know if you need help with anything.”
“I might need someone to vent to—that’s about it.”
He chuckled. “I’m here for you. And if you need a nice massage, I can help with that.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
After our food was ordered and the wine was poured, we looked at each other silently.
“Thank you for coming with me,” I whispered.
“My pleasure.”
“You’ve been really helpful for the past two months. It’s hard to imagine my life without you.”
His eyes softened when he looked at me, and the emotion was evident.
“That week we were apart…I was lost—to say the least.”
“I was lost too.”
“I wanted to call you, and there were so many times I almost did…”
“Me too.”
“I know this is going to sound crazy but…I really don’t want to go through that again.”
“I understand the feeling.”
How could he agree with me but not tell me he loved me? How could he be in a beautiful and romantic place but not feel what I felt? How could he be so numb? How did one woman have the power to break him so deeply? I really hated that woman.